Product Endorsements

In the hopes that companies will start sending me free stuff:

No Pudge Brownies
Yummy yummy! Two thumbs up! Four, if you count Jason's thumbs. I made the original ones last night and they are gooey and fudgey and so good. You just add yogurt to the mix and pop it in the oven. Very simple. I really want to try the Mint now.

Amy's Mexican Casserole Bowl
I ate the lower sodium version. Very tasty. The spices in the enchilada sauce are a good mix and for 370 pretty filling calories, I got some Mexican food. Probably far fewer calories than the carne asada burro from Los Betos back in Tucson.

Today is my high calorie day. This morning I exercycled for 45 minutes (the bike told me I rode 10 1/2 miles, which is more reasonable than that 21 mile nonsense it was spouting the other day) and then I walked the 1.8 miles to work, which entails walking up one side of a hill and down the other side. The trip to work isn't as bad as the trip home. The side facing downtown is very steep and I feel like an asthmatic weakling by the time I reach the top, like yesterday evening, for instance. I will conquer the hill! Later, I'll be walking to the movie theater to meet Jason and our friend Dr. K.

Anyway, the point is, I've worked out and I have a lot of calories to eat today. I've already entered all the food I planned into SparkPeople and I'm still 600 calories short. I was thinking about indulging and getting a soft pretzel at the mall, but I think the whole idea of calorie cycling is to eat a lot of healthy calories.

Darn.

That sure would be an easy way to kill 300 calories, though. I'm mulling it over.

This Has Already Been One of Those Days and It's Only Half Over

I woke up with my alarm and then promptly rolled over and fell back to sleep. It didn't help that after some feeble attempts at meowing at me to feed him, the cat gave up and curled up under the covers next to me in a warm, purry ball.

So no gym this morning.

Then the whole time I was getting ready I felt like I was making good time, when in reality it was always later than I thought.

I walked out my back door at 8:22 to see the 8:25 bus go flying by. OK, then, I'll walk to work. Oh wait, I'm going to court with one of the other attorneys today and I'm in my suit and I really don't want to sweat off all my make-up.

Guess when the 8:43 bus showed up? 8:53. I barely made it to work in time to meet the attorney and head out to the courthouse.

Since I was running late, I didn't really prepare a lunch, but grabbed a couple of snacks and figured I would get take out. I need to remember that downtown Providence is not so much about the health food. I eventually got a salad at a Greek place, but before I could stop the guy he dumped a ton of dressing on it. I didn't want to ask him to make me another salad, so I came back to work and picked off the top layer of veggies. I still got WAY more dressing that I would have liked, and feel kind of greasy now

I am planning on walking home from work today so that will be some exercise. Even though I didn't really feel it on the exercise bike on Saturday, my bum and thighs started aching a bit yesterday and today they are full on sore. So I guess the bike is getting it done after all.

Let's hope the rest of the day is a little more relaxed.

Exercycling

I rode the exercise bike for an hour this morning. Then I came home and did some leg-focused strength exercises. If this shoulder thing keeps up, my legs are going to be awesomely toned, while my arms are going to lose any definition they might have had.

When I was in college I used to ride the exercise bike periodically and I liked it because I could do homework at the same time. The elliptical bounces around too much for me to read while doing it, and of course I can't read in the pool. This could be a good way to get in some sorely-needed reading time. I hardly read anymore, and I miss it.

According to the bike, I rode 21.23 miles. Apparently I'm a biking superstar and didn't even know it. Or the bike is REALLY overestimating the distance thing. I'm going with the latter.

One question: is there any way to keep your bum from going numb?

I Heart Endorphins

Yesterday I walked 1.8 miles to work and 1.8 miles home from work to try to get SOME sort of exercise in. Surprisingly, my calves are sore today. I guess that's the whole point of cross-training: you use different muscles with the different activities.

I think I should get some bonus points for my walk because Providence has a couple of big hills and I work at the bottom of one of them and live at the very top. Why can I swim 110 laps and elliptical for 45 minutes, but a stupid hill knocks the wind right out of me? I'm going to start at least walking home from work* on the days I work in Providence so maybe by the end of the summer I will have conquered the hill.

I took my backpack to work yesterday thinking that would be the best way to carry my stuff on my walks without putting too much weight on one shoulder. Apparently it was still too much for my sore shoulder. I had hoped to get back in the pool today, but instead last night and today my shoulder is hurting all over again. Grrr.

Last night I had a flash of brilliance as I realized that I could work out on the exercise bike and not wrench my arm in any way, unlike the elliptical with its swinging arm things. So I may be exercycling all next week, waiting for my shoulder to heal.

This whole no activity thing is driving me nuts - thus the walk to work yesterday. Today I worked in Massachusetts so I had to drive. The lack of endorphins is making me depressed and moody. After only 3 days without a big surge of morning exercise happiness, I'm completely dragging. And I want to eat EVERYthing. I really want a big cookie. Maybe one with peanut butter or toffee chips. Instead, I'm having an apple, which, you know, is good, but it's no giant cookie.


* It's never good to arrive at work sweaty and disshelveled.

Shocker

I'm starting to pull together things to hang on the wall of my office, including my diplomas, which I have never had framed. My boss and secretary have been getting on my case about the lack of decoration and saying things like I must not be planning to stay long. So I'm trying to establish myself here as a fixture to say, yes, I do want you to hire me full-time. See how cool I am with my higher education and neat-o pictures and plants?

A couple of days ago I dug out my diplomas to put them in my work bag. I opened up the box holding my Masters diploma and out fell a print out of a picture my dad took of me when I received the diploma in the mail (I didn't walk at graduation).

Oh. My. Gosh.

I showed it to Jason and he said, "That doesn't even look like you."

I think I weighed about 40 pounds more than I do now and my face in the picture is just as round as can be. I had forgotten completely about that picture and it was kind of a shock.

Even when I weighed a lot more, I don't think I really felt like I weighed that much. I knew I needed to lose weight and that I wasn't really happy with my body, but I don't think I realized how large I really was. When I went to the doctor for migraines and he told me how much I weighed and expressed concern, I was shocked. Well, I was wearing a size 20, so I was kind of large.

It's weird how my mind seemed to trick me into thinking I really hadn't gained THAT much weight. In the 3 years I lived in Chicago, I put on 35-45 pounds, but I really didn't feel that much bigger than when I graduated from college. One day I noticed this giant pink stretch mark across my lower stomach. Now, my bum and thighs had always been large, but I generally had a pretty flat stomach. Seeing that stretch mark was kind of a shock, but still I didn't really think I was THAT heavy.

I had sort of a reverse negative body image. I didn't feel good about myself, but all in all I didn't think I was doing too bad. Turns out, as that visit to the doctor's office showed me, the weight was getting out of control.

*******

I've been wanting to try Almond Breeze for awhile because it just sounded yummy to me. It's a fairly low-calorie milk substitute made of almonds. I'm a big almond fan, but I was a little concerned that it might have the same texture as soy milk, which feels like Maalox to me and makes me gag a little.

I bought some Almond Breeze yesterday and yum! I had it on some cereal and loved it. Sweet and nutty. I just bought the plain original, but I want to try the vanilla and chocolate now. I bet the chocolate would go great in a chocolate shake. Or a mocha shake with some coffee ice cream/frozen yogurt. Mmmm, I'm getting hungry...

Shoulder Update

I talked Jason into going for a long walk with me this morning at 7 AM since I couldn't swim. He's so supportive. He usually wakes up around 9 so the fact that he agreed to get up at 7 is a miracle and very sweet.

However, I didn't get up. My alarm went off and I just couldn't do it. I was so sore and my body just wanted to stay in bed. This morning I listened to it.

I think my shoulder is better today. The pain migrated down to just under my right shoulder blade, but it's not as sore. I spent last night lying on my heating pad and watching TV and I think that did me some good. I'm really bad about letting myself rest if I'm hurt or sick. Depending on how I feel, I'm going to try swimming on Friday, but I may just have to call this week a wash and start again Monday.

Ow

I wish I could tell the difference between the times when I don't feel like going to the gym because it's rainy and I really don't want to leave behind a snuggly husband and kitty in my nice warm bed, or because my body actually needs a breather. Today I think my body was trying to tell me to stay in bed because it wanted a break.

Around lap 60 I pulled something in my shoulder. I managed to do 20 more laps, but was really hurting by the time I was done. I took some ibuprofen and the warm water in the shower made it feel a bit better. In fact, it feels better now than it did when I got out of the pool. This just makes me feel old and decrepit.

Oh well, I guess I have been pushing it pretty hard, going from no swimming to swimming 4-5 times a week. Hopefully tomorrow it will feel even better. Now that I'm in my swimming groove, I don't really want to go back to the elliptical.

He's So Helpful

This morning, in between my sets of crunches, Tiny decided that I was the perfect resting place.

Jason said Tiny just provided more resistance for me.

Almost Made It

1500 in 27:45

I still didn't hit 27:30, but I got pretty darn close. I shaved 1:30 off my time from yesterday and I'm happy about that.

110 laps this morning (I love Saturdays when I don't have to be anywhere afterwards). I did a little butterfly after the 1500, although by about the 3rd lap, my arms were yelling at me. Then I came home and did some weight exercises and some crunches and such. Today is my high calorie day and I thought I should earn it.

1500

Part of my workout today was to swim a 1500 (ie, 60 laps) in 27:30. Honestly, I don't know if I've ever swam 60 laps in a row in my life. I used to swim 32 and 40 laps pretty regularly and time myself, but this seemed like a whole new ball game.

Turns out, not so much.

I was kind of intimidated, but I gave it a shot and I did it! 60 laps. In a row. Go me.

My time was pretty dismal, though - 29:15. I think I'm going to try it again tomorrow morning and push myself a little harder. I definitely think I could have swum harder, although I did pick up the pace for the last 400. If I had kept that pace the whole way, I'm sure I could have made it in 27:30.

Still Heading Down

And I'm down another half pound today. Awesome.

I think as my metabolism speeds up it's making me hotter. I mean, as in physically hot. I mean, temperature-wise. I suppose it's making me hotter in the other way too.

I have my own personal thermostat in my office at work and on Tuesday I could not make it cold enough. Usually I've got the heat pumping so much that my boss refuses to come in and we hold all meetings in his office. Also, every little movement when I'm getting ready in the morning makes me all sweaty. Also, I'm roasting at night and kick the covers off, while Jason is huddled under the down comforter.

I asked some people in one of my SparkPeople teams about whether they had experienced this. Turns out, a bunch of them had, but they thought they were weird so didn't mention it to anyone else. A couple of them have been through menopause and said this heat was completely different from hot flashes. The good news: they said once their bodies adjusted, their temperatures regulated again. So I won't be sweaty forever! I'm sure everyone around me is happy to hear that.

A friend's personal trainer once told her that as her metabolism sped up, she might notice a lot more sweating during her workouts. Anyone else ever experience the additional sweating or the extra heat thing?

I guess I'm reacting well to the swimming and the calorie cycling. My newest pair of Lane Bryant pants, in the smallest size they carry, are almost officially too big for me to wear anymore. As it is, the waist is definitely too big and pokes out weirdly when I wear clingy shirts. Very attractive.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Apparently all I need to do to lose weight is complain about it enough. Today I'm down 2.2 pounds from yesterday! Crazy.

In reality I think my body is finally catching up with what I've been doing to it, which is exercising a lot and eating enough calories to keep my metabolism going. So now I'm back to where I was when I started calorie cycling and I hope that it just keeps going down.

However, if my first assessment is correct, I would just like to say that I'm really sick and tired of Ed McMahon not coming to my house with balloons and a giant check. Sick and tired.

90 Laps Today

My Swim Plan workout was very simple today. Warm up, 12 100's on 2:00, cool down. I did the first 100 in 1:40 and did all the others at 1:45. Actually, the last few, I was back toward 1:40, which made me happy because it means I can keep a steady pace even when I'm tired and I can even push it and make myself go faster at the end. Now I just need to get faster all around.

In other news, I'm not losing weight. In fact, I've gained a couple of pounds. However, my measurements are holding steady and my waist even decreased a little over the past couple of weeks. Swimming is good for the abs.

So I'm chalking this up to starting swimming again and using muscles I wasn't with the elliptical. Also, I'm calorie cycling again and my body is getting used to that. Meaning it's getting used to a lot more calories than I was feeding it. My BMR is 1600-1800 calories and then I'm swimming 4-5 times a week. I was only eating around 1500 calories and I've just increased that a whole bunch and I think my body is a little freaked out. Hopefully this will be the week I get it figured out.

I'm just trying to come up with reasons here. Do you think mine make sense?

I also had a piece of chocolate cake Friday and Saturday (half on Friday, half on Saturday). I could not get it out of my head. I figure I can have a piece of chocolate cake occasionally, darn it. Other than that, my eating has been pretty stellar.

Sometimes I wonder if my body just has a set point around 180-185 and I'm going to be stuck here forever.

Let the Swimming Whining Begin!

100 laps today.

I like swimming on Saturday mornings because I'm not constrained by time and I don't have to get out and go to work. I was going to do 86 laps and then I tacked on 10 more and then I just thought, why not make it an even 100? So here I am and despite taking a shower I feel like I smell faintly of chlorine.

What I do not like about swimming on Saturdays is that the pool is only open certain hours for lap swimming, beginning with an early morning chunk from 5:30-8:30 AM.* Since it's Saturday, I figured I would show up at 7:30 and take advantage of that last hour. So did everyone else apparently. Another woman and I were waiting on the side of the pool to see if anyone was close to getting out. I've seen her at the pool almost every day this week and she recognized me too. She came over and said, "It's a beautiful day. Why are all these people here, inside?" I said, "Yeah, go for a run, people!"

I had to circle swim for the first 20 minutes, which I despise. Circle swimming is when there are three or more people in a lane, so you swim up the right side of the black line and back down the other side. When you're on a team you usually do this with at least 4 other people. However, unlike when you circle swim during team practice with lots of people who know what they're doing, the odds of you winding up in a lane with people who swim the same pace as you and/or know what they're doing are not so high.

Both of the guys I was sharing with decided to do breaststroke up and freestyle back. A) I kind of hate sharing a lane with someone who insists on doing breaststroke because I feel like every time I go by them I'm dodging flailing feet and arms. I've been kicked in the gut and the thigh a couple of times by wayward breaststrokers and it's not really something I want to repeat. B) Unless you really know how to do it, breaststroke is sloooooow. Heck, I know how to swim and I can't do a 50 of breaststroke in under a minute to save my life. Since I was swimming freestyle, I would go to pass one guy, and the other guy would be coming down the other side of the lane and I would have to stop in the middle of the pool and wait.

It's just annoying. Thankfully, most of the time I only had to share with one person.

So I swam 5 times this week and according the the SparkPeople fitness calculator I burned about 4000 calories. I think the calculator is probably a little off. I'm going to say it was more like 2000-2500. Unlike the elliptical, I do not get bored of swimming, especially with fancy SwimPlan workouts to keep me motivated. It definitely keeps me going to the gym.

* Anyone else feel really sorry for the lifeguard who has to be there at 5:30 on a Saturday?

No More Apples

I bought this big thing of Empire apples at Costco last week and have been happily plucking out one apple per morning to eat before my workout. Yesterday, I ate an apple and one tablespoon of peanut butter (thanks for the suggestion!) and it seemed to be the perfect combination pre-90 laps. Today, I grabbed out an apple, only to find that one side was smushy and brown. OK. Next apple. It had a hole in one side and one end appeared to be rotting.

Hi apples, you're in the fridge. You're supposed to keep a loooong time in the fridge, or so I've been told.

So I have no more apples. This morning pre-workout, I ate a tablespoon of peanut butter. I was running late and am not much of a morning person and couldn't be creative enough at that moment to come up with another idea. So I sucked down a big spoon of peanut butter.

I was running so late that I only got in 60 laps before I had to get out or be REALLY late to work. On either side of me were these super fast guys who were kind of creating big waves every time they went by me. Then I heard them talking about how they're getting ready for a triathlon and one of them did an Iron Man last year. That made me feel not so bad about the fact that they were consistently lapping me.

No gym tomorrow because I have to catch an early train up to Boston. Saturday I'm going and then I will have been 5 times this week, for which I'm going to give myself a little pat on the back.

Swim

90 laps today. Because I am a rock star.

Pre-Workout Snack

80 laps this morning. I did a slightly modified version of a Swim Plan workout, which totally kicked my butt. In a good way. I will definitely be using those workouts since they push me hard.

I think I need to eat more before my workouts. An apple was holding me for the elliptical, but for swimming I need something more substantial. By the time I got to work (where I eat my breakfast) I was feeling light-headed. Swimming definitely burns more calories than the elliptical. I seriously don't know how people work out on a completely empty stomach. I would pass out.

Any suggestions for a pre-workout snack that has more calories than an apple (about 80 calories), but is quick?

Bad Food! Bad!

I swam 70 laps this morning and felt amazing! Getting back into the pool this time is a lot less difficult than it has been in the past because I'm not starting from scratch. I've been ellipticaling regularly for a little while and apparently that has primed my body for swimming. I swam 60 laps one day last week and did 70 today. Tomorrow I'm shooting for 80. Usually, I have to do 60 for a week or so, then 70 for a week or so, and so on.

Someone referred me to Swim Plan, where you can enter in some information about yourself and they give you a workout routine. I'm going to try the first one tomorrow. According to their gradation of skill based on times, I am "Quite Good". The scale goes Beginner, Slow, Average, Above Average, Quite Good (squad swimmer), Good (competitive swimmer), Very Good, Strong and Advanced. Well, I know I'm not at competitive level right now, but it's nice to know I'm only one level below that.

I totally killed my buzz with lunch. I brought in a healthy lunch of chicken breasts, tomatoes and an apple, but at about 11:30 my boss asked if another attorney and I wanted to head out to lunch. Of course you say yes to lunch with the boss. He took us to a Cuban place. The food was amazingly good and amazingly bad for me. The menu didn't allow for a lot of healthy fudging, so I resigned myself to an unhealthy lunch. It tasted so good.

Now, though, I feel awful. The buzz from the simple carbs in the sandwich bread has left my system and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. I feel drained and just blah. Eating healthy feels so much better, that's for sure.

This weekend I came up with a new smoothie and it's my favorite now since I was getting a little tired of the all berries, all the time smoothies.

Pineapple-Orange-Strawberry Smoothie

6 ice cubes
6 strawberries
3/4 C. Dole chunk pineapple (no sugar added)
3/4 C. orange juice
1/2 C. plain yogurt (Greek or otherwise)
(I usually add 1/2 T. flax meal as well and 1/2 a packet of Stevia)

Blend and enjoy! So citrusy. So good.

Musica

Over the past several weeks, I've been compiling a list of the songs that keep me pumped on the elliptical. Most of them have a driving bass and keep me going around 5 1/2 to 6 1/2 mph. The thing is, I love my music and I don't want to get completely sick of it. Anyone got some pumping tunes ideas?

Here they are, exemplifying my schizophrenic taste in music:

Workout:
Shut Up and Drive - Rihanna
Aria - Delerium
Whine Up - Kat DeLuna
Stutter - Elastica
Into the Night - Santana feat. Chad Kroeger of Nickelback
You Wreck Me - Tom Petty
Heart - Pet Shop Boys
Sorry (Live) - Madonna
Shh - Frou Frou
Must be Dreaming - Imogen Heap
Star 69 - REM
SOS - Rihanna
Song 2 - Blur
Trompe le Monde - Pixies
Daylight Robbery - Imogen Heap
Lift Me Up - Moby
Ray of Light - Madonna
The Boxer - Carbon Leaf
Voodoo People - The Prodigy
Cowgirl - Underworld
Calling You - Aqua
Control - Traci Lords
The Promise - When in Rome
Local God - Everclear
Blue Orchid - The White Stripes
Buddy Holly - Weezer
Here It Goes Again - OK Go
The Walk - Imogen Heap
Seether - Veruca Salt
Pump It - Black Eyed Peas (Awesome for short intervals. Slow down a bit during the verses and ramp it up during the chorus. Lift Me Up by Moby is also good for this)
Hate to Say I Told You So - The Hives
Ya Mama - Fatboy Slim


Warm Up/Cool Down:
Yummy - Gwen Stefani
Hella Good - No Doubt
Don't You Want Me - Human League
Praise You - Fatboy Slim
Stronger - Kanye West
E-Pro - Beck
Camel Walk - Southern Culture on the Skids

Uno's is Healthy? Does Smoking Cure Cancer Now?

I know the news that Health magazine named Uno's Chicago Grill the healthiest chain restaurant is kind of old, but I just read an article about the article that made me laugh. Some friends and I were thinking about going to Uno's today and one of them mentioned the Health article. I checked out the Uno's menu and Health magazine must have been smoking crack.

They have a couple of okay-sounding salads, as long as you remove the tortilla chips and have the dressing on the side. Almost every dressing is something creamy so you may just want to have a dry salad.

They have a couple of okay-sounding sandwiches, as long as you remove the fatty spreads and at least one of the cheeses* and the bacon.

Other than that it's your standard burgers, ribs and, lest we forget, deep dish Chicago-style pizza. Have you guys eaten Chicago-style pizza? Having lived in Chicago for 3 years I have had my fair share of Chicago-style pizza, every single piece oozing with at least half a pound of cheese. And I think that's probably only a slight exaggeration. Yummy? Yes. Healthy? No way.

"In addition to healthful dining options, the restaurants offer discounts on salads when ordered with entrees because, as the menus state, 'We want you to get some greens in your diet.' Health called that 'a blue-ribbon commitment to health.'"

Seriously? So you can order the huge deep dish pizza or the giant burger and fries, but as long as you throw some lettuce on top of that, the restaurant earns "a blue-ribbon commitment to health." Um, no.

I suppose I have to look at the context: chain restaurants. Not a lot of healthy there, though one of my favorite places is The Cheesecake Factory because of their huge salads. OK, yes, dressing on the side, no tortilla chips or wonton strips, ease up on the cheese. But you still start with a giant pile of lettuce and veggies, which is a good thing.

You just have to know how to order at these places and I think that's the problem. Most people will order whatever sounds good, and, let's face it, deep fried and cheesey fatty mcfat fat always sounds good. I am shocked just talking with friends how things that are so obvious to me (don't order breaded things, always get the dressing on the side or your salad will be swimming) aren't common knowledge. I have made an effort to educate myself because it interests me, but it's too bad that basic nutrition education isn't, well, basic.

I'm not talking about the ever-changing food pyramid, I'm just talking about how NOT to eat as many saturated fats and pounds of sugar as you can cram into your mouth in one day, which seems to be the modus operandi of most people I know. And me when I'm not paying attention.

To sum up, Uno's is not healthy. Go home and bake yourself some chicken.

*******

My ellipticaling self is back. 40 minutes and 4.03 miles today.


* Is it necessary to have mozzarella AND feta on one sandwich? Really?

Sometimes I Even Scare Myself

I had a flash of brilliance yesterday that was so completely obvious that now I feel kind of dumb to have not realized it before.

I like beans, right? Black beans and garbanzo beans in particular. What I do not like is how jam packed with sodium the canned beans are. I'm trying to keep my sodium low. For 4 of the past 6 days I've managed to keep my sodium below 1000 mg. (Thank you, SparkPeople, for allowing me to be completely OCD with your calorie and nutrient monitor).

So yesterday I was thinking of what I could do to eat more beans and still keep my sodium low when like a flash of lightning it hit me. Duh, Kelly, buy dry beans. Let me say it again. Duh.

After work I needed to buy some broccoli so I also hit the bean aisle and stocked up on several different kinds. I know this will take more effort, but with my commitment to eat more healthy,
eating in general is taking more effort. And that's fine.

I started adding non fat Greek yogurt to my berry smoothies and wow, does that taste good. I put in anywhere from a half cup to a cup of plain yogurt, depending on what I want the calories to add up to, and add a half packet of Stevia for additional sweetness. The yogurt gives a slightly sour tang to the sweetness of the berries and the juice and I love it. I also love Sour Patch Kids. It's not quite that tart, but maybe I could market the Sour Patch Kids smoothie.

I ellipticaled for 30 minutes this morning and thought I was going to die. I just couldn't make it to 40 minutes. I felt nauseated and my second wind never kicked in. Usually I get an endorphin push at around 20 minutes, but this morning, nothing. Here's hoping tomorrow is better.

Getting Your Water

Did you know that there is really no basis for that whole "get 8 glasses of water a day" advice? I always assumed there must be something out there supporting it. I have tried to get Jason to up his water intake and he's always asked me what study shows that you need lots of water. He's always asking me what study proves such and such an idea. Kind of annoying.*

I feel like I experience benefits of drinking lots of water. I mean, other than peeing at least once an hour.

- After I work out, I LOVE chugging the water. It makes me feel so refreshed and rehydrates me.
- Ice cold water is honestly one of the things that helps me when I have a bad headache. No idea why, but there it is.
- I think it helps get sodium out of my body. That may just be an effect of dilution, according to the article, but diluted sodium is better than chunky, non-diluted sodium, right? I have no basis for that. It's my very unscientific analysis.

As to whether it makes my skin better, I don't know since my water increase usually coincides with eating better and working out, which does make my skin look more fresh. Maybe all of my good feelings about water are all in my head, but I'm ok with that. I still think drinking water all day is better than drinking soda and I'll stick by that.**


* Are you getting a sense of the clashes that go on in our home between the attorney and the biologist?
** To which Jason always says, "Chemicals in soda? There's chemicals in everything. What does it matter what source it comes from?" Infuriating.

Fast Report

I was a little ornery and really tired by the end of the day, but other than that, the fast went fine. I woke up on Sunday morning down another 1.2 pounds, which I knew wouldn't stick once I started back on solid foods. Sure enough, today I'm back up half a pound. However, that's not much at all and I'm pleased with my results.

Since Sunday 3/31 I lost 4.2 pounds, 3/4 inch off of both my hips and waist and a little bit on my legs and arms. Considering I feel like I've been at a plateau for forever now, I'm really happy because I feel like I've finally got the weight loss going.

Today is Day 10 of 11 of the detox so tomorrow is the last day. I do admit to trying a dessert at the reception following Jason's choral Evensong last night. I grabbed the tiniest piece of a corn syrupy pecan pie looking thing. I took one bite and gave the rest to Jason. Too greasy! Like last year, I'm hyper-aware of heavy fats now that I've been off them for over a week. I plan to keep up these good eating habits (adding in some carbs and dairy of course) and stay aware of what feels bad to my body as long as possible.

The Fast

Today is fast day, meaning I alternate drinking 1 C. of "Miracle Juice" and 1 C. of water every hour. The Miracle Juice is a blend of 100% cranberry juice, water, orange juice and lemon juice, spiced with some ginger, nutmeg and cinnamon and sweetened with a little Stevia. It's okay, but a little tart for me to drink just for refreshment. Jason LOVES it so I made him his own pitcher this year.

I had to endure ruthless teasing from Jason and his friend Matt last night. They went to the website of the nutritionist who created the detox and I will admit, the website is super cheesy. The book is pretty peppy as well. But it is created by a nutritionist and I did some further looking into detoxes and discovered that most of the foods in this detox are generally accepted as detox foods.

Jason and Matt were all, "What are you detoxing from? You have toxic things in your system? Oh my gosh! Toxins!" all said with heavy sarcasm. They're not so much into anything smacking of new agey natural remedies. Scientists.

I am well aware that any benefits I experience may just be a result of the placebo effect. But I have been eating very well this past week and have felt cleansed of all the sugar and processed foods I've been eating for the past several months. I wanted to stop eating all the crap and it took something kind of extreme for me to get started.

This week I've lost 3.6 pounds and 2 inches, and this was all while working out and getting in about 1300-1400 calories a day. I figure I did something right to get my metabolism going.

I'll check in tomorrow to let you know the results of the fast day.

I'm the Biggest Dork in the World

Didn't get to the gym this morning because, um, I fell down the stairs. There are 7 HARD, concrete stairs outside the back door and I missed the first step and fell the whole way.

It was all in slow motion. The first second I thought, what's going on? I'm falling? The next couple of seconds I thought, Surely I can't fall the whole way. Let me just grab the railing and stop myself. Finally I realized I would not be stopping and yes, I was falling all the way down the stairs.

I have two huge bruises on each leg, one near the ankle and one at the knee. I hit my right knee so hard that it drew blood and ripped my great waterproof warm up pants, which makes me sad. I also have a big bruise on the tip of my middle finger where I grabbed the railing really hard in a desperate effort to stop.

I limped back upstairs and crawled into bed next to Jason, whining, "I fell down the stairs."

He woke up immediately and said, "What? Oh my goodness." Then he cuddled me and helped me feel better. Husbands are nice when you fall down the stairs.

There was a reason I fell besides just being a giant klutz. One of my contacts ripped, but I can't workout with my glasses on, so I only had one contact in, which screws up my depth perception. I didn't realize how much I depended on that to walk down a flight of stairs I've walked down hundreds of times before.

So yeah, no gym. I was really looking forward to a nice swim too! I think it's a good sign that I get bummed out and feel like something is missing when I don't make a workout. Maybe this is actually finally becoming a habit for me. I'm not supposed to work out tomorrow because I'm doing the "fast" part of the detox, but I think I may go for a quick half hour swim. I can't go four whole days without exercising (yesterday, today, tomorrow and Sunday because we're heading up to Boston kind of early). I'm into the groove now and I don't want to lose it.

Weight Down Again

Another .4 lbs today. That's almost 3 pounds lost since Sunday. I figure this may keep up, or my body will adjust in another day or two and I'll just gain the weight back. I'm hoping it keeps up, although I will try not to be too disappointed if it doesn't.

My friend who is doing the detox with me hasn't lost any weight and is bummed about it, but I told her I didn't really lose any the first time either. However, I do think it was a good kick in the pants for my metabolism.

I'm getting kind of tired of chicken breasts with diced tomatoes, I will say that. It's been my basic lunch for the past 5 days. On days 1-3 I thought it was so, so yummy! Day 4 I was sort of not as enthusiastic, but I ate it. Today, I know I need to eat my lunch, but chicken and tomatoes AGAIN just isn't appealing to me. It's my own fault for not making sure I was stocked up on salmon before I started. Then at least I could alternate between salmon and chicken. Tomorrow I'm going to go shopping to get some final supplies for the rest of the detox and salmon will definitely be on the list.

I have impressed Jason no end with my smoothie-making abilities. He told me my smoothies taste just like the store ones and asked me, in awe, how I learned to make them. I think I really impressed him when I told him I just made it up. When I'm figuring out his half of the groceries*, I don't charge him for the stuff I know only I'm going to eat such as berries and juice for the smoothies, so he told me he would pay me 50 cents a smoothie. We're very egalitarian in our marriage.

Smoothies for the Fast Track Detox**
2 C. frozen or fresh berries
.75 C. orange juice
.25 cup Trader Joe's triple berry juice***
1/2 packet Stevia (optional, depending on how sweet your berries are. Sometimes the frozen ones can be a little sour)
6-8 ice cubes
1/2 scoop vanilla whey powder (I find a whole scoop changes the flavor significantly. And not for the better. Also, I include this because it's part of the detox. I leave it out of Jason's smoothies.)

Put it all in the blender and blend. Ta-dah!

No gym today. I've been 3 times this week, and I'll go tomorrow. My legs were really feeling tired yesterday and we stayed up late watching a movie so when the alarm went off at 6, I just reset it for 7. And then got up at 7:30. Because that's how I roll.

*Because we haven't gotten around to creating a joint bank account yet for our common expenses.
** When I'm not detoxing, I'll often add a banana or a little plain, vanilla or berry yogurt to change things up.
***Or whatever other juices you think sounds good.

Another Half Pound

I got on the scale this morning and thought, "Okay that 2 pound thing was probably just a momentary fluke and I'm not going to scream/cry/pout if my weight has gone up." Imagine my surprise when the scale said my weight was down another half pound. That's 2 1/2 pounds since Sunday. Nice.

I think a HUGE part of this is my sodium intake. Last year my blood pressure was verging on high-normal so I started really watching my sodium and by September it was well within normal ranges. I used to have low blood pressure and would totally crave salt (I have a theory about the linkage between low bp and salt cravings), but now I find that I can do fine without it. Especially when I use good spice mixes.

However, the past several weeks have been high sodium party time. I've been eating a LOT of sushi, soup and take out. Realtively healthy take out choices, but still take out, which I know is chock full of sodium.

Since starting the detox my sodium intake has been well below the RDA of 2300 mg per day and unless I do something really dramatic with the salt shaker in the next 12 hours, today's intake should be under 1000 mg. I think my body is just decompressing from all the sodium. And totally digging the healthy foods.

I swam this morning: 60 laps. And I'm being reminded of new muscles that I forgot about.

Feeling the Detox

As of today I'm down 2 pounds since Sunday. Woot!

However, I'm also really, really tired. I ellipticaled this morning and felt every single second. And I'm still feeling it in my thighs. Which doesn't make much sense since I've done the elliptical many times over the past couple of weeks without sore muscles hours after the fact. I believe muscle aches are a side effect of detoxing. That's right, body, flush out those toxins.

At least I don't have a killer headache like last year. I just kind of want to lay my head down on my desk and have a little nap. Maybe I'll have some applesauce. Fruit always perks me up.

Progress!

Well, something's working. I weighed and measured yesterday and in just one week I've lost 1 pound and 2.75 inches! I'm thrilled about the inches.

I also ellipticaled 4 miles in 40 minutes on Friday morning and again this morning.

All in all, I think things are going well.

The detox is in full swing. Unlike last time, I think I'm eating enough this time. It's really hard to get my calories high, but at least I'm not starving. I brought a giant bag of food with me to work today and laughed at myself when I realized that the huge bag was just for today.

Today I've had:
Pre-Workout - Apple

Breakfast - 2 eggs, 3 egg whites, 3 mushrooms and 1/2 C. diced tomatoes all scrambled together in 1/2 T. olive oil; small cup of all-natural applesauce

Lunch - Salad of 1 C. green leaf lettuce, 1/2 C. spinach, 1/2 C. chopped celery, 1 chopped pear and a dressing I made up of olive oil, oregano, garlic and lime juice; 2 chicken breasts with 1 C. diced tomatoes.

Snack - 2 small cups of all-natural applesauce.

I still have a chopped cucumber, an apple and a pear in my big bag o' food.

Detox

2 detox notes.

Detox Note #1:
As of Friday, I have gone 25 days without a soda. More specifically, that's 25 days without a Diet Coke with Lime. I used to drink 2 cans a day usually, and I would praise my beloved DCL to the skies as the best and my favorite and so much better than regular Diet Coke. I don't know if I've ever gone this long without a diet soda. Other times when I've detoxed, I've just done it for a week or so and then started up again, or made a deal with myself that I wouldn't drink soda during the week, but the weekend was a free for all.

Friday afternoon I decided to give myself a little treat and popped open a can of DCL, poured it over some sparkling ice cubes, and took a sip.

Um, I don't know if you know this, but Diet Coke (with or without lime) is disgusting! So fake tasting. The aftertaste was just foul.

So on the one hand, I'm kind of glad that I think it's gross because now I won't really be tempted and will spare myself that particular cup of chemicals and carcinogens. However, I now no longer have a bubbly, calorie-free treat to give myself every so often. Sigh.

Detox Note #2:
I'm doing a detox with a girl at work. It's the same one I did last year. The whole thing didn't thrill me last year, but I figured it might be good to kickstart my system. I've been on a plateau and I've been feeling all excited about Spring and renewal and doing some sort of body cleansing seemed appropriate. Plus, a friend of mine wanted to do something like this and I figured I've done this particular detox before, might as well do it again.

Basically, there are several categories of foods that you have to get in every day, plus drink lots of water. In reality it's eat all the fruits and vegetables and lean protein you want. You do that for 7 days, and then do a "fast" where you drink a cranberry spice drink* alternating with water for a day, and then you do 3 days of the food plan, with a couple of added things.

The lessons I learned last year will hopefully get me through until the end. The number one lesson is that I need a LOT of food to be full. Fruits, vegetables and lean protein don't have a lot of calories. Tonight for dinner I had fish and a giant pile of cooked veggies. Then a little while later I had some applesauce and half a chicken breast. I have eaten a big pile of food today, but my total calories for the day are still on the low side.

I already know that I will have to cheat tomorrow night. After spending all day today in detox mode, some friends invited us over for dinner tomorrow and I can pretty much guarantee the meal won't be detox-friendly. I don't want Jason to suffer because I happen to be doing this weird thing for the next 11 days, so we're going over. Maybe they'll have a salad I can fill up on.

* Jason LOVES the cranberry spice drink. He tasted it last year and thought it was great and I have promised him that this time I'll make him his very own pitcher.

Pants

Did you know that the Au Bon Pain roast beef has less sodium and cholesterol than their "all natural" chicken breast. Roast beef: 300 mg sodium, 55 mg cholesterol. Chicken breast: 440 mg sodium, 70 mg cholesterol. That's my new fun fact for the day, which influenced my decision to get a roast beef sandwich for lunch.

Which I ate with my new favorite lunch side - an entire cucumber chopped and mixed with 1/8 cup feta and 1 tablespoon of 365 (the Whole Foods brand) balsamic vinaigrette. I've been all about the cucumbers lately.

I am also all about calorie cycling again. I did it for a bit last year and while I'm not sure if it helped with the 22 pound loss, I will try most anything to get off this stinkin' plateau. I think one of my problems may be I wasn't eating enough. I went to the calorie cycling site and put in my stats and clicked "7-day calorie cycling". Lo and behold, my minimum should be 1512 calories. Considering I've been eating like my minimum was 1250, I think my body may be just holding on to all of those calories.

Now to the post subject. On Monday I had some Ann Taylor Loft coupons to use so I went to the mall. And bought my first pair of regular-size, regular store (ie, not Lane Bryant) pants in, oh, I don't know, SEVEN YEARS! I've been buying regular skirts for ages, but because of how I'm proportioned I've always had an insanely difficult time finding pants that fit me correctly. Even when I was a size 7. At least being bigger has allowed me to shop at LB where some of their pants are styled for women with the ample hips and the small waist.

I have bought Ann Taylor Loft pants in their highest size once before, but this time was different because it wasn't the biggest size in the store. I guess even though the scale isn't moving, SOMEthing positive is happening and I'm getting a little more toned. Good news.

I Am A Rock Star

I worked out 5 times last week! I'm sure some of you are like, pfft, whatever, I work out every day. But I haven't worked out 5 times in one week in a long time. So I'm pretty pleased with myself.

I also ellipticaled 3.97 miles on Friday morning. SO close to 4. Then on Saturday I was tired, but still managed 3.85. I would love to get up to 4. Considering a couple of weeks ago I was only getting a little less than 3.5 miles in the same amount of time, I think that's good progress as well.

This morning I could NOT get out of bed, so the gym didn't happen. Tomorrow, though. I'll be back tomorrow.

3.82 Miles, Suckahs!

There are some mornings when I wake up and do NOT want to get out of bed to go to the gym. In fact, I'd like to sleep for a couple more hours and maybe be late for work too. This morning was one of those mornings. But I did what I needed to do and went to the gym.

And had a total kick-a** workout!

I always forget how the days I'm feeling the most tired and the most like I don't want to go to the gym are also the days when I have the best workouts. I go further and do it faster than I have before. What's that about?

I spent most of my ellipticaling time going well above 6 mph, which is not my usual at all. When I started, my muscles felt sore (lingering swimming aches), but I eventually worked those kinks out. I came home and announced to Jason, "3.82 miles!"

He replied, not really awake, "That'sss great Kelly..."

I Swam. I Have Swum.

I just ate a whole cucumber! With some feta and balsamic vinaigrette. It was awesome.

I also went swimming this morning. Even though it was hard and my stroke is weak and girly, I managed 50 laps. That was awesome too. I got to work completely flowing with endorphins. What is it about me and swimming?

I'm ready for Spring and refuse to wear dark clothes anymore. In the Fall and Winter I love the deep rich reds and browns and greens of my winter wardrobe. They feel so warm and cozy.

Today I am wearing an aqua sweater over a white shirt because I just couldn't handle any more dark colors. On Easter, even though I will probably be shivering a bit, I'm wearing a cute little dress with a white cardigan. Take that, Winter.

Write to Proctor & Gamble

OK, first, go read this.

Here's what I just sent to P&G (with a little language taken from one of Kate Harding's very helpful commenters):

I was recently alerted to a troubling article on the beinggirl.com website (http://beinggirl.com/en_US/articledetail.jsp?ContentId=ART61). In this article, the author gives "tips" to young girls about how to avoid becoming obese. I am appalled by the tips in the article and see them as nothing more than a recipe for an eating disorder and other disordered behaviors amongst your audience. I wanted to bring this article and its inherent issues to your attention so you can address it immediately.

While encouraging people to examine the issues affecting their food choices is admirable, it must be noted that the site’s demographic consists of young, impressionable girls who are not emotionally or psychologically prepared to handle such problems without guidance. The site suggests professional help only as an afterthought, and nowhere does it encourage girls to talk to a parent or trusted adult.

Moreover, the tips encourage girls to criticize their growing and changing bodies, to ignore the perfectly natural signals their bodies give them regarding hunger, and to basically regard food and eating as bad.

Here is one “tip” from the article:

1. At the moment you grab for something to eat, tell yourself you can have it if you still want it but you have to wait 30 minutes. The craving may pass, you might get distracted, you might become wise enough in that half hour to find a more life affirming way of getting rid of that creepy stress.

The girls who this site targets are still growing. Ignoring their bodies’ needs could lead to malnutrition, health problems, and possibly an eating disorder. Playing such mind games can go too far for a girl who is insecure about her body and her weight: Well, I waited a half hour, so I can wait an hour. Then 2 hours. Then half a day. And so on.

With the proliferation of websites that glamorize anorexia and bulimia, I would hope that you would use your opportunity to reach out to young girls with better ideals in mind. Instead of jumping on the 9/11 bandwagon and using scare tactics to tell girls that the only reason they want to eat is because of stress, I think this entire article should be removed from your website and replaced by articles teaching girls about how their bodies change as they grow up, and telling them real facts about nutrition and exercise with a focus on a healthy lifestyle, not on losing weight.

If you took a few minutes to read the comments to this article, you would see how it simply perpetuates the negative messages young girls receive every day about how they are not skinny enough or pretty enough. I realize that Proctor & Gamble cannot change every girl’s negative self-perception, and you should not be responsible for that, but you are responsible for your articles that perpetuate the type of negative thinking about food and eating that leads directly to eating disorders.

I hope you will seriously consider the potential ramifications such an article poses for your young demographic and that Tampax and beinggirl.com will remove this article and exercise caution and oversight in the future to see that these kinds of harmful messages are not published on your site.

Thank you.

Kellyim, Esq

(Oh yeah, I love throwing in the lawyer thing. Hee.)

I forgot to say something about how I bet there's no comparable article directed at the boys, so feel free to copy my letter and add that in.

Sigh

I've been working out regularly for a few weeks now, keeping track of what I'm eating, drinking lots of water and I haven't had a diet soda (or any soda) in 2 weeks. I stepped on the scale this morning and I've gained three pounds.

OK, so I'm trying to be positive here and remember a few things. First, I feel more toned. My arms look better and my legs feel stronger. Second, muscle weighs more than fat. In the past when I have started getting healthy I've always experienced weight gain at first, which I chalk up to the whole muscle thing. I'm gaining muscle and the fat hasn't quite started coming off yet, so I gain. I would so fail on The Biggest Loser. I would be the first person voted off.

It's still frustrating, though. It makes it harder to talk myself into going to the gym when I just don't feel like the whole thing is working.

There's also the exercise element. The only time I've seriously lost weight in the past (ie, 20 pounds in 2001/2002, 20 pounds in 2005, and 22 pounds in 2007) is when I've been swimming. Even though I work my butt off on the elliptical, I usually don't lose a lot of weight. The elliptical might take off a pound or two, and it definitely gets me more toned, but generally I maintain my weight. Swimming seems to be the thing that really gets my metabolism going.

Does that make any sense, or am I just making this up? Are there certain exercises that resonate with individuals' bodies more than others?

Feeling Strong

Not only did I leave work a little early to go to the gym last night, but I woke up this morning and went again. The endorphins flooding through me this morning on my drive to work made me really really I did something that involved manual labor. Like construction. Or gymnastics.

Next week I think I'm going to start swimming again and maybe mix things up with alternating swimming and elliptical days. A few years ago, I bought this really cute Speedo on sale, but when it arrived at my house I realized it was a bit small. Specificlaly, the fabric covering the bum was a bit small. But I held onto it because it was cute and on sale and I was going to lose the weight anyway, right? They tell you to never buy clothes that are too small for you, but I actually don't think it's a bad thing to have one or two items that are a little snug for motivation.

This morning I tried on the suit to determine if I needed to order a new one or if that one would do. The bum fits great and actually the entire suit fits me like a glove and looks pretty darn good. We're going to ignore the cellulite on the thighs, because that's just a lost cause, but my workout efforts have gotten rid of all but a half roll of back flab and have shaped up my arms rather nicely. Dare I say, I wasn't horrified by the image in the mirror of myself in a swimsuit. That's progress.

Swimming

I'm getting antsy to get back in the pool. Spring Fever has taken hold of me and I want warmth and sun and lighter-colored bed linens. Yes, I have seasonal bed linens. Don't mock.

I wanted to get my calves a little smaller, though. As I have lamented before, I have never been able to wear boots, even extended shaft boots, because my calves are perpetually pumped. I've been swimming since I was 6 and consequently have big calf muscles. However, with the elliptical workouts I've been doing for the past couple of months, my calves have magically shrunk. Actually my legs in general have gotten smaller, which is awesome since my legs have always been big and muscular (with a layer of fat on top for the past several years, but I'm not talking about that).

So instead of 18 inch calves that won't budge, I now have almost-17 inch calves. Amazing! It makes me start wondering if the extended shaft boots will fit now.

My thought was that before I started swimming again, I would try to elliptical away another inch or so and get myself definitely fitting into boots. Then when I start swimming, my calves may bulk up some again, but they probably won't get back to 18 inches. Right? Well, it's a theory anyway.

However, I don't know how much longer I can hold out against the siren call of the pool. There's just something in me that loves the water and any hint of warmth after a cold New England winter (warmth like we had last week) makes me want to hop back in the pool.

I H8 Headaches

Didn't get to the gym this morning because of a stupid headache. I still have it, despite a few Excedrin and a Coke Slurpee. Something about the frozen Coke usually helps my headaches. And the associated nausea. Today it's not really helping. I think I waited too long. The headache actually started before I went to sleep last night and I didn't do anything about it until this morning.

It's a slow day at work so I'm contemplating heading home if my boss doesn't have anything for me to do when he gets off the phone. I would rather stick it out, but if I feel like I'm going to keel over and really just want to lay my head down on the cool, cool laminate desk, isn't that a sign?

I have had a theory for some time about falling barometric pressure causing my headaches. My headaches seemed to come hand in hand with storm systems, at least since I started noticing several months ago. Last time I had a headache it was a cloudy yucky day heading up to a storm and the pressure was falling like crazy. However, today is beautiful and sunny and I figured this headache must be something else entirely. I just checked the weather and sure enough, the pressure is falling and we're supposed to get snow tonight. Get me, the human barometer.

Turns out I'm not crazy.

Also, it figures that my headaches/migraines only started in earnest once I moved to Chicago from Arizona. Guess what one of the cures is for people who suffer from weather-related headaches? Move to Arizona.

Well, I don't want to live in Arizona again. I like seasons. I just need to figure out a way to head my headaches off at the pass because honestly they kind of suck.

The Cat Ate My Muffin!

I know it's my own fault. Our cat is an eating machine and we have rubbermaids on our kitchen shelves to hold cereal, oatmeal, crackers, rice, basically anything containing carbohydrates. Kitty loves the carbs. I have left food in my purse before, but I make sure that it is covered.

Yesterday I bought a Morning Glory muffin at Whole Foods because they were on sale and figured I would have it for part of my breakfast today. I left it in my purse last night, but covered it with some papers and another bag. This morning I came out of the bedroom and discovered that not only had Tiny found the muffin, but he had eaten about half of the top.

And still he was yelling at me to feed him. The nerve!

I told him that if he was going to eat my muffin, he could have at least done me the courtesy of finishing it and not left 2/3 of it staring at me, making me wonder if I could just eat around the areas he had nibbled.

Sigh. So instead of my yummy Whole Foods muffin I ran out of the apartment, in a hurry as always to catch my bus, and stopped at Starbucks on my way to work from the bus station for a yogurt parfait. I really wish I could find the nutritional information for the granola separate from the yogurt. I know the granola is a big part of the 320 calories and 4 grams of fat and I would have no problem replacing it with a sprinkle from the little stash of All Bran I have in my desk. But the nutritional information is for the whole shebang.

I really need to go grocery shopping.

Day 1 of the Diet Coke Detox

I keep reading more and more about things I already knew: Diet Coke is full of chemicals and not good for you and aspartame may cause cancer or just make you really, really unwell. Plus, my teeth are getting more yellow and I have a feeling my daily Diet Coke may have something to do with that. I've just been in denial about everything.

However, since our supply of Diet Coke is running low, it's the perfect time to stop drinking so much of it. I mean, I only drink 1 or 2 cans a day, but still.

Today I'm not drinking any at all. I was actually supposed to start on Saturday and I didn't have any soda all day. Then we went out for a late dinner after a concert and without thinking, I ordered a Diet Coke. It wasn't until I had the drink in my hands that I realized what I had done. Oh well. So today is Day 1.

Observation #1: I'm getting really sleepy as mid-afternoon creeps up on me. I have a pear, but I'm trying to hold out until 3 PM for the natural sugar high.

Observation #2: I'm less hungry. I don't know if this is a side effect that will stick around, but seriously, I'm just not that hungry today. Usually I need at least 300 calories for breakfast and then I'm hungry again by 11 AM. Today I had 212 calories for breakfast and didn't eat the other thing I brought with me to work. Around 12:30 I figured I should go get some lunch, but I wasn't starving by a long shot. Of course I don't know that it has anything to do with the Diet Coke, but here's hoping.

Exercising

I'm back into the groove - well, this week at least.

After having a good run with the evening workouts, I have determined that the only way the exercising is going to get done consistently is if I go in the mornings. Sigh. I planned to go to the gym Monday night, but had a surprise meeting at work that was supposed to be done by 6, but was really done by 7 and by that time I was famished and could only think about going home and getting some food. I did manage to do crunches and some upper body weight exercises and some lunges.

Lunges are the exercise of the devil.

So Tuesday morning I got up bright and early and did the elliptical for 40 minutes. Tuesday night I did my crunches and weights routine. Yesterday morning I ellipticalled again. Last night we had plans and we got home late so no workout this morning, but tonight I will do the crunches/weights thing and tomorrow I'll go elliptical.

The big problem, well two big problems, with morning workouts are: A) I am SO not a morning person, and B) Now my schedule is basically diametrically opposed to Jason's. It was bad enough before when I got up about an hour before he did and wanted to fall asleep two hours before he did. Now it's even more skewed, and when I want to go to sleep at 11 because, hi, I woke up at 6:30 this morning and worked out and I'm tired, he still doesn't want to go to sleep until 2.

I can't really do anything about my schedule since I have one of those crazy job things that requires me to come to work at a certain designated time. Jason works in a lab and can show up pretty much whenever, but he's stubborn and a night owl and I know he's not going to shift his schedule. Another thing is since he goes in late, he works late, so we might see each other for an hour, maybe two, before I start getting sleepy. It just makes me kind of sad because I feel like I go to sleep alone and then I wake up alone (because he's not awake yet and only wakes up for about 30 seconds to say good-bye to me). I guess it's just not what I envisioned when I thought about married life. I know a lot of couples don't see each other a lot, it's just kind of a bummer.

Progress Pics

This weight loss journey has been going on for some time, but I've never really taken progress pictures. In April of 2006 when I had gained back some weight that I lost, I started exercising again and eating well so I took some front, side and back pictures with the thought that I would start taking monthly progress pictures. But that didn't happen. So tonight I pulled together some pictures to give an idea of where I've been.

December 2001

Earlier in 2001 I hit 235, my highest weight ever. I went to the doctor for migraines and for the very first time a doctor looked at me, concerned, and asked if I had thought about exercising. It was awful. I started working out twice a day, swimming laps in the morning and lifting weights on my lunch hour. I managed to lose a little weight and I think I got down to around 220 or 225, which is where I was in this picture.

August 2002

Taken about a week before I started law school. I had lost some of my workout momentum, my boyfriend went on a mission at the beginning of 2002, and I was neck-deep in depression (which I wouldn't admit for another year and a half). So I was still around 220 to 225.

Christmas 2003
This holiday was a doozy. I wasn't really in the mood to weigh myself, so for all I know I was back up to 230. The boyfriend and I had broken up and I was still so very sad and hopeless about it all. A few months later, I hit bottom, admitted that I was not really in control, and I started taking anti-depressants. Completely changed my world.

May 2004
At my roommate's graduation. I was probably about 210 or 215 here, having started dropping weight as soon as I started on the meds and felt like doing something besides sitting on my butt all day watching TV. I mostly see the loss in my face. I feel like that girl with the round face wasn't really me.

November 2004
Still working out and trying to eat well. I was definitely about 205. The weight wasn't falling off like I wished it would, but I felt strong and healthy and happy.

July 2005
Right after taking the Bar Exam, following a summer of super-healthy eating and swimming laps almost every day. This was my lowest weight at that time, about 185. I felt awesome! I fit into a dress I hadn't worn in 5 years. I had this moment of realization one day when I was standing in front of my mirror getting ready for something. I glanced over at a picture on my dresser of a friend and me at her bridal shower in the Spring of 2001 and I realized I didn't recognize myself. My face was very round, and my eyes... My eyes looked sad and searching and not like me. I looked at myself in the mirror again. I looked at my body that I had made fit and strong and I started crying. I felt sad for that girl who I was, and so very happy with who I had become.

Then follows an up and down period. See, I moved to DC, didn't have health insurance, went off the meds, couldn't find work, was trying to figure out if a brand new relationship was going anywhere. I felt the need to eat Chicken McNuggets from the McDonald's down the street often. In the Spring and Summer of 2006, I joined a nice gym and worked out a lot. I went from 199 down to around 190. By January of 2007, I had moved back to Boston, but I wasn't taking care of myself and I was back up to 207.

A friend and I decided to do something about our lack of activity and our weight gain. It's always good to have a buddy. I started swimming laps again, keeping track of what I was eating, and also, and this is probably pretty key, I got back on anti-depressants. By August I had lost 27 pounds.

October 2007

The key in all of this, if you haven't noticed, is that I have to eat right and work out regularly. Otherwise the weight just comes back.

December 2007
I gained back some weight. I think I was about 190 at this point. Following a holiday season of eating a lot of really yummy and really bad for me food, I was back up to 194.

January 2008
Two weeks before we left for India, I started eating healthy again and went to the gym almost every day. Then I spent two weeks in India eating extremely healthy and walking a lot. A lot. A week after we got back, I weighed in at 185. I'll take it.

And that's where I am now. I'm working out again, I'm trying to eat well (which I find to be easier when I'm on my own for an evening and don't have my husband around being a bad influence. Yes, that's what I'm all about. Passing the buck.) I'm also gearing myself up for a sugar detox - just as soon as I finish the last of my Valentine's dark chocolate.

Fat and Image and Money

I just read a post on Big Fat Deal that got me thinking. In the article they quote the writer says:

You know that whole thing about how being superskinny is an ideal originated by the fashion industry and perpetuated by female competitiveness and like, totally NOT AT ALL what men are interested in etc. etc.? Well that’s bullshit, says a story in the March Elle by Amanda Fortini, a 5′6 woman who dropped to 100 pounds a few years back.

Then she goes on to remark on how many men hit on her. As the commenters to the post point out, she was in a niche group of people - wealthy New Yorkers - during her experience. Generally, though, I think it's safe to say that many, many men will find the skinnier woman in the room attractive. Many, many white men at least (and this includes my husband).*

But I wonder how much of this is a chicken and the egg type of thing. Sure, most guys seem to like the thin girls, but is that because of a natural inclination, or because for the past 40+ years we've had images of super skinny women slammed in our collective face as the ideal, and look at how beautiful she is and don't we want to be just like her with our hips and collarbones poking out like they could cut us? If you look at movies or art from much of the time before that, the ideal beautiful woman was shapely and curvy. Sometimes flat out fat. I often think of a movie I saw several years ago that was filmed in the late 1950's The main character's boss was having an affair with his secretary, the office bombshell. She was pretty outrageous looking even for the 50's and had very large hips, very large breasts, a huge a** and a tiny waist (well, compared to her hips at least). The boss was sleeping with her and all of the men salivated as she walked by. Today that actress would just be cast as the funny fat friend.

So I do think that media plays a role in determining what is "attractive" and I don't think an anecdotal story about how a woman who lot of weight right now got hit on a lot proves anything about men's natural inclinations because of course she got hit on a lot, she lost a lot of weight in 2008, following years of everyone being told that skinny, dangerously super skinny, is where it's at. Would everyone have had feathered hair if not for Farrah Fawcett? Probably not.

However, there's a lot more at play here than the media, in my opinion, although I do think the media perpetuates the ideal. Maybe it has more to do with thinness being a sign of social status nowadays. Fat people are seen by some as dirty, slovenly and often poor. It's a fact: veggies cost more than processed food. Being super skinny proves that you can eat super healthy and/or work out with a trainer several hours a day. Who has time to do that but independently wealthy people? Not so in, say, the 17th century, when plump, nay, fat was beautiful and ideal because it meant you had a lot of money to spend on food and didn't waste it all away by working in the fields or cleaning houses or the like. The term "Rubenesque" comes from paintings like this one, after all


"The Three Graces" painted by Peter Paul Rubens in the 1630's.

So maybe the obsession with thin says more about materialism than we might think. Another post I read earlier (Can't remember where, sorry) discusses how during a conversation about the ideal trophy wife or husband, the men agreed that the trophy wife would be a Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition cover model, while the women agreed the trophy husband would be someone like the creator of Google. The point of that post was that the trophy woman was all about looks while the trophy man was all about money. I would argue they're both about money, just in different ways.

Anyway, just thinking...

*I hope this doesn't come across as racist in any way, but in my 20 or so years of being bootylicious, I always got many more appreciative looks from black and Hispanic men. I always thought I wouldn't wind up with a white man because when I was younger they never really appreciated my curves (kind of like I never thought I would actually manage to marry a Mormon with my liberal views. Go figure).

Mornings = Bleh

Looks like the evening workout is the winner because I don't know if you know this, but morning is really early.

Let's Get Physical

I'm trying to decide if I should be offended that my husband asked me the other night, "So...are you going to go back to the gym...?" He assured me it wasn't because I'm looking rounder, but because he's actually been going 3 times a week since we got back from India and he said if he has to suffer, then so should I. Never mind those 8 months last year when I went to the gym and he sat on his bum while asking me to pass the potato chips.

But this is the same guy who hadn't been to a gym in 15 years and I am so proud. And as a bonus, his arms are getting stronger. Maybe I'm weird, but seriously I think one of the most sexy things in the world is guy arms. Not overly muscular, just firm so that you can feel the strength. Yummy. This morning I noticed Jason's arms are getting harder and I made him flex for me a few times.

So anyway, yeah, tomorrow I'm getting back to the gym. I always seem to lose whatever momentum I've built up when I start a new job. But this marks the third week of my new job (which is great, btw) and I need to figure out my gym routine. I'm trying to decide whether to go in the mornings or the evenings. Mornings means getting up an hour earlier than I currently am, which I hate so, SO much. However, at least then I'm done and I know nothing will keep me from getting to the gym later.

I do like working out better in the evenings, but it's not like I get out of work exceptionally early and then I'm always starving. Maybe I'll stock up on some pre-workout Luna bars. Tomorrow is the big day so I have to figure it out by the time I set my alarm tonight.

The good thing is, my workout plan of walking all over southern India and Paris and my eating plan of "everything in sight because I'm starving from all the walking" is still keeping my weight down. I know the last couple of weeks of sitting in an office again are going to catch up with me, though. I did manage to lose 9 pounds in the last month and a half. I think a big part of that is the non-processed, all-natural, mostly vegetarian fare that I ate while we were in India. It was all amazingly good. If I were going to be vegetarian, I think I would need to move to India. Or adopt an Indian mom to cook for me. Because, seriously, they know how to do vegetarian.

Progress Is A Beautiful Thing

After a week of working out, two weeks of walking a lot in India and Paris, and a week of doing nothing much except eating right, I'm down 7 pounds since the end of December. Yay! I'm only 6 pounds away from my low weight of 180.6 that I hit last June. However, my waist is 2 inches larger so I think I need to be doing some ab work.

Next week it's back to the gym.

Walking

One of the great things about my new job is that it's only a couple of miles from my house. When I worked in downtown Boston and lived in Cambridge, I used to walk the 3 miles home some nights. It was a great way to get outside after a long day of being cooped up in the office in front of the computer. Hopefully I'll be able to walk home most days from this job, I just need to find a safe way home. There are patches of seediness in between work and home, although I really think some of the wide-eyed warnings are from people who aren't familiar with cities. I've never felt unsafe in my neighborhood, but then I don't seek out the park where all the drugs deals go down because I'm not stupid.

4 days in a row now I've made it to the gym! This morning when I woke up, the cat was snuggled up on one side of me and Jason was snuggled up on the other side and it was just really hard to pull myself away from that. However, Jason and I are traveling to India next week and I have promised myself that I will work out every day (except Sunday) until we leave. So far, so good.

I Win!

Another 35 minutes on the elliptical today. The Y I go to has no TV's with closed captioned text like every other gym I've ever gone to and I realized yesterday that without TV's to stare at, my music gets boring. Apparently I need two multimedia distractions to get through a workout. Hello, Generation ADD!

So I downloaded a ton of Dr. Fitness and the Fat Guy podcasts last night, which I read about on Pasta Queen's blog. So far I like them ok and they're making the workout go pretty fast. Just like with my massive commute, for me listening to people talk makes time go more quickly than listening to music.

I would also like to note with much acclaim and fanfare that my husband Jason went to the gym last night! He hasn't been to a gym since 1994*. However, with me getting back into the groove and one of his close friends being an insane runner he's finally getting peer-pressured into it. I think he's also intrigued by the fact that his friend can eat ANYthing and he never gains weight because he works out so much.

Not only that, but I've signed Jason up for a SparkPeople account and I'm keeping track of everything for him. He said, and I quote, "Just tell me what to do." Well, for starters, eat 1700-2100 calories a day instead of the 6000 he usually eats.

If any of you knew Jason you would all know what a coup this is on my part. I'm thrilled.


*And that time I think he probably just showed up for an orientation and a free T-shirt.

Possibly TMI

I went to the gym this morning. Aren’t you proud of me? I’m proud of me. It only took 35 minutes on the elliptical and my body is flowing with endorphins. I always forget how much I actually like exercising – or rather, how much I like the results of exercising.

This weekend I had a thought that I wanted to get people’s opinions on: could I be gaining weight from my birth control pill?

Let me lay this out for you. I readily acknowledge that I haven’t been eating great since I stopped my regular program 7 months ago. However, the last time I put some weight back on it took me about 15 months to gain 18 pounds, and this is with regular excursions to McDonald’s to feed my disgusting McNugget addiction (yes, I realize it’s gross, but there it is).

From June through October of 2007, I gained between 3-5 pounds. I started on the pill in September. I have gained 10 pounds in the past 2 ½ months. And 5 of those have been in the past few weeks.

Seriously?

So either I’m completely deluding myself with how much I’m eating (it’s happened before, but I was neck deep in depression at the time), or something has triggered the weight gaining part of my body. Something that wasn’t there before.

Based on the message boards I read last night, it seems like a complete crapshoot as to whether you gain weight on the pill or not. There are many people complaining about having gained weight despite not changing any of their habits and not being able to take it off, even when they increase their exercise. There are a few people who say they haven’t had any problems, but not many. (However, I realize if someone is looking for information on gaining weight from the pill and happen upon those message boards they’re more likely to have experienced weight gain and to post about it. Why would you go searching for such a thread if you’re not gaining weight? The real stats could be 50/50 or maybe 30/70, with 70% not gaining weight, for all I know.)

Some of the people on the boards said things like, “Of course you gain weight on the pill. Your body thinks it’s pregnant.” I don’t know if that’s strictly true, but it does mess with your hormones and prevent you from ovulating.

I have just switched to a new pill because of other issues I was having with the old one, and I’m hoping that maybe if it was the pill, this one will be better. I figure if I work out and eat well and don’t see a change (or worse, gain more!) after 2 months, then I’ll have a little chat with my doctor about it.

Ahem

So, hi. I'm back. After 7 months off the wagon, I'm back. You know it's bad when your brand spanking new husband admits that the regaining of the weights is not as invisible as you had hoped.*

New Year's Resolution: work out, eat well. Simple, right? Never mind the fudge on the table in the office kitchen. Never mind the decadent chocolate bars that my in-laws shoved in my stocking. I need boundaries or I will weigh 200 again in no time.

Here are my plans:

1) Purge my house of bad-for-me food. More difficult now since I am married. However, as I said to him last night, "We have GOT to get this crap out of our home!" I will allow a candy bin, however I will only eat from the candy bin once a week at most (maybe a Sunday treat) and then it will just be a square of dark chocolate or a Peppermint Patty. I have proven in the past that I'm capable of setting those limits when I'm focused.

2) Join the gym. I've lived across the street - ACROSS THE STREET - from the Y for 2 1/2 months now and apparently my legs are broken or something and can't seem to make that big walk of fifty feet to officially sign up.

3) (and this is key) GO to the gym. Should be simpler now that I'll most likely be working 3 days a week in Providence.** I plan 3 days of cardio, alternating with 2 days of weights, with a Saturday thrown in if I make it over there. I got a Nano for Christmas so I am all ready to take that elliptical machine down to the pounding of heavy bass. I will also swim in a few months, but in the middle of winter my swimming urge just isn't there. Hopefully by starting off thinking that I will go every day, it won't be so easy for me to say, "Yes, but even if I don't go this morning, I can still get in 3 workouts this week." Because that's really easy to say when my alarm goes off.

4) Plan my meals. This is also key. I get in trouble when dinner becomes, "I don't know, what do YOU want?" and lunch is whatever I can grab from some fast food place near work.

5) Eat at LEAST one fresh fruit and one fresh vegetable a day.

6) Water water water. My water intake has been way down lately in favor of Diet Coke with Lime or Diet Dr. Pepper (see #7).

7) Cut down my soda intake. Last time I did this, I was drinking one Diet Coke with Lime per week as a Saturday or Sunday treat. Because I don't want to wind up laying on the floor from an incapacitating migraine, I'm gradually weaning myself from the caffeine.*** Today instead of bringing 2 cans of DCL to work, I only brought one. I'm drinking it right now with my lunch. I won't have any more today. Monday I'll start the no soda thing and will only allow one soda per week.

All the details, like what to eat and how much, I already know. I just haven't been putting my knowledge to any use, but have been letting it sit on a shelf all shiny and pretty while I eat lots of cheese and bread and chocolate.


* Before you smack him or tell him he's a horrible, horrible person, this followed a conversation where he said his belly was getting too big and in the way and I said, "Yep." Then I pointedly asked him if he had noticed my regained weight. He hemmed and hawed, but yes, he has.

** Yes! More details on that once I know all the details myself.

***Besides, I'm going to India in a couple of weeks and I don't really know what my access to caffeine will be and I would rather go through withdrawal here with my down comforter and teddy bear.

Gah!

So I was all set to wait until after the holidays and start with a New Year's resolution to get back on the ball, but the scale this morning scared me.

189.4

After I swore to myself I would never hit 190 again. Up until now, I've been around 183-185, but I think getting married and eating out a lot and indulging every little food whim I have has pushed the scale up a lot more quickly than before.

So let's be brutally honest. It's been 6 months since I've been religious with my food journaling on Sparkpeople. It's also been 6 months since I've worked out regularly. I have had a few weeks here and there where I made it to the pool 3 or 4 times, but I haven't been consistent at all.

I live right across the street from the Y and can work out every morning if I just drag my butt out of bed. No more excuses.

Sidelined

Well, I WAS going to start back to the gym this morning, but it wasn't to be. Last night when we were moving a bookshelf, I kicked it with my left big toe and the nail pulled off.

Again.

This is the 4th time this has happened. I'm starting to think this toenail just does not want to be part of my body. So today my poor toe is wrapped in a couple of bandaids and throbbing a bit. I couldn't swim because the bandaids would come off and I've tried to swim with the toenail flapping around, and let me just tell you, it hurts like a mother.

I could elliptical you say. Except for the fact that shoes and pressure on the toe are pretty painful right now. In fact, I tried to put on heels this morning to go to work and after gasping out in pain a few times, Jason told me to just wear comfy shoes. He said, "Look, if you had broken your foot, you would just wear sneakers or boots or whatever, right?" True.

So I'm wearing my Payless bike shoes, with the sassy zig zag strap. The toe still hurts a little, but it's not too bad. I've actually gotten 4 compliments on the shoes today, with no one commenting that they're not very business-y.

On the upside, we still have a LOT of cleaning and unpacking to do and I will be lugging around big boxes of books tonight as I unload them onto my bookshelves. It may be a lame work out, but I'm going to let it count for now.

Oh hi.

So, I got married and stuff. It was super fun.

Today I was talking with a girl at work, both of us bemoaning our lack of weight loss momentum, and it hit me that all of those times I said that I would get back to it after the wedding, well, that's now. The two of us have agreed to be each other's motivators and I even directed her toward SparkPeople.

I was really worried yesterday after I commuted for 3 1/2 hours (and then came home and cried like a hysterical baby because, oh my gosh, all the traffic, and the stopping and the going, and I'm totally going to kill someone) that I would never be able to find the time to work out. However, I arranged with my 3-day a week job today to come in at 10 instead of 9, which means I miss rush hour. Providence, RI to Newton, MA this morning: 50 minutes. That is so, SO much better than the hour and 45 minutes it took yesterday. Let's hear it for flexible bosses!

So that means I can skip across the street to the Y on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, and then throw in a workout on Saturday for good measure. The hard part, I feel, is going to be the food this time around. For one, I have totally given in to my Diet Coke with Lime/Diet Dr. Pepper addiction and have been consuming a lot of caffeine over the past few months. That's going to be a rough habit to break. I want to go back to only letting myself have a soda once a week.

For two, I have been caving into all of the temptations around me. Every Friday one of my jobs has bagels and pastries and such and I was so, SO good at resisting them. Not to mention the cakes and candies and all the other stuff people bring in. I didn't even give them a second thought, just walked on by. Yeah, I don't know what happened, but that amazing resolve I used to have has completely disappeared. I had an asiago cheese bagel this morning with sundried tomato cream cheese (reduced fat). While it was sinfully yummy, I realize that sort of behavior has to stop.

Monday it starts again. I dusted off my SparkPeople profile and redid my stats. Monday morning I'm hitting the gym. Monday I will be eating healthy and drinking massive amounts of water (while most likely staving off a caffeine headache). I have only gained about 4 pounds back, but it was freaking hard to lose those 4 pounds and I refuse to be that girl again who says, yeah, I lost 22 pounds last year. But I gained it all back.