I am feeling utterly defeated.
I spend a lot of my spare time learning about health and nutrition. I find it fascinating. I think it is so interesting to learn the science and apply it to my life and my way of eating and exercising and living. I look for different and interesting ways to cook vegetables so that we don't get bored with the same old thing and so that I can cook healthy for us. I meticulously watch my carbs and try to eat healthy. I log my food and try to be smart about what I put in my body. I pack in a bag of meals and snacks to work every day. I lift weights and do HIIT.
I have gained 4 pounds in the last 2 weeks.
I've documented my lapses here. Last Sunday with the poor planning and the breakfast and lunch of pumpkin bread. Thursday with the high calories (though, like I said, in low carb calories aren't supposed to matter quite so much. You CAN overeat, of course, but 2100 calories isn't egregious, especially since by BMR is 1600 calories anyway).
Oh, and lest you say, well it's not really the scale that counts, I'm doing all over measurements as well. In the last 2 weeks I have lost half an inch off my bust. That's the only loss, and frankly, I'm none too pleased about it. Everything else is the same.
I had a long discussion with Jason last night, just venting my frustrations. I weighed myself yesterday morning and had a good idea what the news would be for my official weigh-in this morning. I talked about how frustrated I get when I read articles about people who lost weight who say things like, "Well, I realized I needed to stop eating that pint of Ben and Jerry's every night" or "I quit eating a dozen donuts every Saturday".
I find those types of comments so incredibly unhelpful because I DON'T eat like that. Jason even said last night, "No, you eat salmon and broccoli every night." That's an exaggeration, but his point is, I eat some protein and a big pile of vegetables every night. Then I might have a glass of milk or a tablespoon of peanut butter or a small smoothie for a snack. Maybe. Often it's just dinner and then I'm done.
I have 30 pounds to lose and I wonder if people look at me and think, "Pssh, just stop eating that ice cream every night!" People make comments like that on article and blogs about obesity. I can guarantee I'm not the only person with weight to lose who doesn't eat piles of candy and pastries every day.
Jason, however, has lost 10 pounds in the last couple of weeks. I am so pleased for him, of course, and so proud that he is making an effort.
His secret? When he goes to lab functions, he only eats 1 cookie instead of 10. He still eats his footlong from Subway every day. He eats whatever I cook for dinner (some sort of protein and vegetables generally). He went jogging a couple times this week.
In the past, low-carb has been my magic bullet. I lost 5 pounds in one week. This time...
I am at a loss and I am sad and I may have cried a little.
I feel like giving up. I'm supposed to go to the gym this morning and do weights and swim. I don't want to. I want to sit here and be depressed and just think about how futile it all is.