In A Funk

I am really having a hard time busting out of my discouragement mindset. It's hard to convince myself to get up out of my cozy bed when there's a voice in my head saying, "What's the point? You're never going to lose weight again." I know I should throttle that voice, but the motivation to do so just isn't there.

In the meantime, I feel round and puffy and like none of my clothes fit and that my pretty clothes from last summer when my hips were a few inches smaller are never going to see the light of day this summer and that's just depressing. I'm so tired of my clothes that do fit. I had a plan to give myself a little spree when I lost 10 pounds or so to get some newer stuff that doesn't look so raggedy, but I haven't lost any weight. So my clothes are old and raggedy and I'm still 190.

I know I shouldn't focus so much on the weight and I should love myself as I am and all that. Generally, I'm fine with me and I'm comfortable in my skin, but this feeling of wanting to lose weight and not knowing what in the world to do about it, when I feel like I USED to know what to do about it and whether or not I lost weight was MY choice, is discouraging.

I had 5 whole days of exercise planned this week and so far I've done 2. Tonight we're having a going away party for some friends and then I have to get ready for our trip to DC this weekend. We're leaving at about 1 PM tomorrow so I need to have my bag packed and in the car before I leave for work in the morning. So no shredding after work, and probably no swimming tomorrow morning because I'll be too tired and, let's face it, probably still doing laundry and throwing stuff in a bag.

The problem with not working out in the early AM is that I then wind up staying up too late that night because I'm not quite tired at my normal 11 PM bedtime. Last night I got to sleep at 12:30 and just couldn't get up to get to the gym at 6. It's becoming a vicious circle.

Physically, I'm really feeling the lack of exercise. I am dragging and a little cloudy today, and it's not just because the weather is crappy - again. Maybe the weather is playing a part in all of this, but if I'm having a hard time with some gray clouds in the morning, I'm never going to able to get up in January when it's pitch black and below zero.