Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I am going to the gym. Now that I'm feeling well enough (not well enough to climb a mountain apparently, but well enough), I'm starting to feel antsy with the not working out. I think my body is done fighting the illness and now it needs something else to do. I feel sluggish and blah.

Also, there are a couple really unflattering pictures of me from this weekend in Vermont. One in which my jeans are pulled TIGHTLY across my upper thighs.

Also, I saw another picture of me taken in July at a church function that just depressed me. Another one in which I thought I looked pretty cute in my jeans, but I kind of didn't. They look too small.

I think I have a reverse body image problem in which I think I look thinner than I actually do. Those pictures are a harsh dose of reality. I blame the mirror in the guest room. I think it elongates me when I stand in front of it.

When I'm working out, even if I'm not losing weight, at least I feel better overall. I know I've said this before, but I'm having a really hard time believing that I'll ever lose weight again. So I'll just eat healthy and exercise and I know I will feel better, if frustrated by the lack of movement on the scale.

It doesn't help that I was confronted this past weekend with the comments of someone who clearly doesn't understand that you can eat well and work out and still be overweight. His comments were general and not directed at me in any way, but I'm sure he looks at me and thinks, as so many probably do, that I just lack the self-control to lose those 30 pounds. He's a cretin and he's offensive and he's just kind of ignorant about these things (and about reading social cues), but sometimes it's hard to know that those sentiments are out there.

Wow, I do need to get back to the gym to pull myself out of this funk.

2 comments:

Jeni said...

Wow I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I see a picture of myself and I can't believe how big I look, how puffy my face looks, all of that. It's hard feeling that way. I do think working out will help de-stress you though and make you feel better about your body, though.

As far as the guy goes, that sucks. That is exactly the reason why I'm hesitant to talk about my workouts in front of people I don't know, because you never know what kind of ignorant jerk you're going to meet. It's easy to tell you just to ignore him, but I know it's not always that easy. Good luck - hope you get out of your funk soon.

Andrea@WellnessNotes said...

Sorry about the ignorant comments...

I hope you'll have a good workout! :)