Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Obsessed!

Jason informs me that I appear to be unhealthily obsessed with food.

In other news, the sky is blue.

Actually, I took affront to his comments initially, but I realize he's probably right to a degree. Granted, if you just read this blog (which is what he was doing at the time), I come off as thinking and talking and living for food and exercise only. I do have another blog. I do have other things I do. For instance, the other night while Jason worked on a paper, I listened to ghost stories on my ipod and crocheted a couple squares for a baby blanket I'm making.

Really, what I'm trying to do here is figure out what works for my body. What makes me feel the best I can. Thus far, I have discovered that eating a lot of sugar/white flour on a regular basis makes me feel like crap. I have discovered that a higher protein diet gives me more energy and keeps me more full (I mean "diet" in the what I eat every day sense, not the restricting calories for weight loss sense).

This blog has been useful recently to vent my frustrations about not losing weight. But also to celebrate my victories - particularly with regard to what I can accomplish physically. OK, not so much since I got bronchitis, but before that I was having a lot of fun doing new things with my work outs.

The thing is, I come by my food issues naturally. Both of my parents have been obese for as long as I can remember. Their weights have been up and down for years. My grandpa was obese. My grandma was obsessed with her weight and always made sure to comment on whether it looked like I had lost weight or not. In addition to food issues, there are also alcohol and drug issues and other signs that maybe my family hasn't quite figured out how to cope with things yet. For me, my issue is food, and I know that. Maybe it would be alcohol, but I don't drink. I find that when I give myself license to just eat whatever, I do exactly that. Having a sugar restriction helps me keep that under control. I try to limit the sugar in our home. I mean, if I was an alcoholic would I buy big bottles of vodka on a regular basis, just to have around, just in case?

Frankly, judging by the rapid disappearance of a giant bag of Red Vines, I don't think Jason is such a paragon of self control. So I think it's best we just don't bring it into the house.

I'm trying to get to a place where I can eat healthy without thinking about it and not be tempted beyond what I can bear by a tray of mini desserts (like, ahem, on Friday night). I think generally I do pretty well with that, but sometimes I go off the wagon in a big way. So for now, maybe this blog will reflect a bit of an obsession. I'm working on it.

7 comments:

City Girl said...

Hi Kelly - I read and have commented on your Starting Anew blog, but this might be the first time i comment here. I do understand where you are coming from - your post completely echoes with me.

On top of my existing food issues, I have had to go on a restricted diet because of some health problems, which has made me even more obsessed with food, because the diet is a lot of work.

I think the hardest thing about food versus alcohol is that an alcoholic doesnt need to drink to sustain himself in recovery, but anyone with food issues still needs to continue to eat.

Thank you for writing such a thoughtful post.

City Girl said...

Ooops- one more thing - I find it very difficult to cook every day with my schedule as an attorney - I do it because whiel hard it guarantees the quality of what I eat more.

Jeni said...

I definitely think I'm a little obsessed with weight/food etc. but I don't necessarily think its a bad thing. More that it reflects an interest we have, which is our health. So that means we're interested in exercise, nutrition, food, blah blah blah. And honestly, when I'm more obsessed I'm usually more successful. So that's good right? It doesn't mean we don't have other interests. It just means we're REALLY interested in this thing. :)

Kelly said...

CG, I don't know what your food restrictions are, but personally I have found the crock pot to be a lifesaver when it comes to cooking with a busy schedule. Also, it's a big help to plan out meals on the weekends. Not like I do this every week, or even every other week, but the times I've done it, I've realized how nice it is to have a plan in place and it's one more thing I don't have to think about.

Jeni, I have a good friend who is all about food policy and I love it because I can talk about my interest in this area (food, industrialization of food, health) with someone knowledgeable and I always end up learning more.

Andrea@WellnessNotes said...

I think when something is important to you, you are naturally kind of "obsessed" with it. For me my "obsession" has changed a bit recently since I lost some weight and am pretty much okay with the weight I am right now (okay, in the perfect world I would like to lose some more, but in the "real" world, I'm okay with where I'm at as I can maintain this weight while living my life...).

Recently, I have become "obsessed" with buying and eating as much local, organic food as I can. I am seriously rethinking my consumption of meat again, and I'm working on eliminating as many toxic substances from our house as possible (and that's not as easy as it sounds!). I feel very passionately about these things; so yes, one could say I'm obsessed... And I don't think there is anything wrong with being a bit obsessed... ;)

Anonymous said...

It's kind of hard not to be obsessed with food as an American woman. The programming is all about using indulgent foods as a reward for a hard day, and then using "good" foods as some kind of moral vindication. This carrot/stick back-and-forth is pretty devastating to our sense of wholeness. I think sometimes this obsession ends up fueling an unhealthy relationship to food, even when the food we're eating is technically healthy. So that you're constantly thinking about, measuring, and worrying about how many grams of fiber you've gotten before 9am, which might be good for your gut, but isn't always so good for your mind. I have this sneaking suspension that our unhealthy attitudes are far more damaging in the long run than our unhealthy snacking habits. The times I've obsessed most about eating healthy have come with two things: a drop in about 8 lbs and sky-rocketing anxiety and control issues. When I'm all happy in my belly, I might be 8 lbs up, but the stress is way down. I'm lucky to have a fairly health-range metabolism, I guess, and have to make controlling my stress the top priority. We're all different I guess, but maybe Jason was just showing some concern. Y'know, making sure you don't forget to keep perspective on your beautiful, healthy, radiant self.
oops! long comment! interesting post... MplsJenn

City Girl said...

Hey Kelly - I would be all over the crockpot myself, except that I can only eat meat once a week, very lean cuts (which will dry out in the crockpot) and I have trouble justifying the space and money for a crockpot when I would cook beans in it a couple of times a week, tops :( boo. I am glad it works for you though. My restricted diet is mainly veggies, fish, grains like quinoa and brown rice, and beans (in that order, come to think of it LOL).