This morning I stepped on the scale and I am down 2 pounds. This is down from a high that I've reached in the last few weeks that has me curled up in an emotional fetal position and berating myself for my weakness and slovenly behavior. All of that hard work I did last summer, gone! All gone!
Logically I know there are many things to account for the 2 pounds. That time of the month. Water weight. Normal weight fluctuations from day to day.
But it has had the effect of uncurling me from the fetal position. Today I am sugar-free, caffeine-free, and 2 pounds lighter than I was yesterday morning. Today I feel that my back is straighter and I feel a little more peppy. I think part of it is relief to see the scale going down a little, and relief that what I'm doing is working, even if that's not the reason for the weight change. I feel more encouraged that by watching what I'm eating and by exercising - both weights and aerobic now - I can make this happen.
Last summer when I lost about 15 pounds, it always stunned me when I stepped on the scale and I registered a loss. I didn't feel any different really. I felt like I looked pretty good and knew that my jeans were down a size. But it took seeing the actual numerical change, and being told by friends that I looked good and that my arms looked really toned before I could see a difference in the mirror. In the mirror I always look the same - fat.