Write to Proctor & Gamble

OK, first, go read this.

Here's what I just sent to P&G (with a little language taken from one of Kate Harding's very helpful commenters):

I was recently alerted to a troubling article on the beinggirl.com website (http://beinggirl.com/en_US/articledetail.jsp?ContentId=ART61). In this article, the author gives "tips" to young girls about how to avoid becoming obese. I am appalled by the tips in the article and see them as nothing more than a recipe for an eating disorder and other disordered behaviors amongst your audience. I wanted to bring this article and its inherent issues to your attention so you can address it immediately.

While encouraging people to examine the issues affecting their food choices is admirable, it must be noted that the site’s demographic consists of young, impressionable girls who are not emotionally or psychologically prepared to handle such problems without guidance. The site suggests professional help only as an afterthought, and nowhere does it encourage girls to talk to a parent or trusted adult.

Moreover, the tips encourage girls to criticize their growing and changing bodies, to ignore the perfectly natural signals their bodies give them regarding hunger, and to basically regard food and eating as bad.

Here is one “tip” from the article:

1. At the moment you grab for something to eat, tell yourself you can have it if you still want it but you have to wait 30 minutes. The craving may pass, you might get distracted, you might become wise enough in that half hour to find a more life affirming way of getting rid of that creepy stress.

The girls who this site targets are still growing. Ignoring their bodies’ needs could lead to malnutrition, health problems, and possibly an eating disorder. Playing such mind games can go too far for a girl who is insecure about her body and her weight: Well, I waited a half hour, so I can wait an hour. Then 2 hours. Then half a day. And so on.

With the proliferation of websites that glamorize anorexia and bulimia, I would hope that you would use your opportunity to reach out to young girls with better ideals in mind. Instead of jumping on the 9/11 bandwagon and using scare tactics to tell girls that the only reason they want to eat is because of stress, I think this entire article should be removed from your website and replaced by articles teaching girls about how their bodies change as they grow up, and telling them real facts about nutrition and exercise with a focus on a healthy lifestyle, not on losing weight.

If you took a few minutes to read the comments to this article, you would see how it simply perpetuates the negative messages young girls receive every day about how they are not skinny enough or pretty enough. I realize that Proctor & Gamble cannot change every girl’s negative self-perception, and you should not be responsible for that, but you are responsible for your articles that perpetuate the type of negative thinking about food and eating that leads directly to eating disorders.

I hope you will seriously consider the potential ramifications such an article poses for your young demographic and that Tampax and beinggirl.com will remove this article and exercise caution and oversight in the future to see that these kinds of harmful messages are not published on your site.

Thank you.

Kellyim, Esq

(Oh yeah, I love throwing in the lawyer thing. Hee.)

I forgot to say something about how I bet there's no comparable article directed at the boys, so feel free to copy my letter and add that in.

Sigh

I've been working out regularly for a few weeks now, keeping track of what I'm eating, drinking lots of water and I haven't had a diet soda (or any soda) in 2 weeks. I stepped on the scale this morning and I've gained three pounds.

OK, so I'm trying to be positive here and remember a few things. First, I feel more toned. My arms look better and my legs feel stronger. Second, muscle weighs more than fat. In the past when I have started getting healthy I've always experienced weight gain at first, which I chalk up to the whole muscle thing. I'm gaining muscle and the fat hasn't quite started coming off yet, so I gain. I would so fail on The Biggest Loser. I would be the first person voted off.

It's still frustrating, though. It makes it harder to talk myself into going to the gym when I just don't feel like the whole thing is working.

There's also the exercise element. The only time I've seriously lost weight in the past (ie, 20 pounds in 2001/2002, 20 pounds in 2005, and 22 pounds in 2007) is when I've been swimming. Even though I work my butt off on the elliptical, I usually don't lose a lot of weight. The elliptical might take off a pound or two, and it definitely gets me more toned, but generally I maintain my weight. Swimming seems to be the thing that really gets my metabolism going.

Does that make any sense, or am I just making this up? Are there certain exercises that resonate with individuals' bodies more than others?

Feeling Strong

Not only did I leave work a little early to go to the gym last night, but I woke up this morning and went again. The endorphins flooding through me this morning on my drive to work made me really really I did something that involved manual labor. Like construction. Or gymnastics.

Next week I think I'm going to start swimming again and maybe mix things up with alternating swimming and elliptical days. A few years ago, I bought this really cute Speedo on sale, but when it arrived at my house I realized it was a bit small. Specificlaly, the fabric covering the bum was a bit small. But I held onto it because it was cute and on sale and I was going to lose the weight anyway, right? They tell you to never buy clothes that are too small for you, but I actually don't think it's a bad thing to have one or two items that are a little snug for motivation.

This morning I tried on the suit to determine if I needed to order a new one or if that one would do. The bum fits great and actually the entire suit fits me like a glove and looks pretty darn good. We're going to ignore the cellulite on the thighs, because that's just a lost cause, but my workout efforts have gotten rid of all but a half roll of back flab and have shaped up my arms rather nicely. Dare I say, I wasn't horrified by the image in the mirror of myself in a swimsuit. That's progress.

Swimming

I'm getting antsy to get back in the pool. Spring Fever has taken hold of me and I want warmth and sun and lighter-colored bed linens. Yes, I have seasonal bed linens. Don't mock.

I wanted to get my calves a little smaller, though. As I have lamented before, I have never been able to wear boots, even extended shaft boots, because my calves are perpetually pumped. I've been swimming since I was 6 and consequently have big calf muscles. However, with the elliptical workouts I've been doing for the past couple of months, my calves have magically shrunk. Actually my legs in general have gotten smaller, which is awesome since my legs have always been big and muscular (with a layer of fat on top for the past several years, but I'm not talking about that).

So instead of 18 inch calves that won't budge, I now have almost-17 inch calves. Amazing! It makes me start wondering if the extended shaft boots will fit now.

My thought was that before I started swimming again, I would try to elliptical away another inch or so and get myself definitely fitting into boots. Then when I start swimming, my calves may bulk up some again, but they probably won't get back to 18 inches. Right? Well, it's a theory anyway.

However, I don't know how much longer I can hold out against the siren call of the pool. There's just something in me that loves the water and any hint of warmth after a cold New England winter (warmth like we had last week) makes me want to hop back in the pool.

I H8 Headaches

Didn't get to the gym this morning because of a stupid headache. I still have it, despite a few Excedrin and a Coke Slurpee. Something about the frozen Coke usually helps my headaches. And the associated nausea. Today it's not really helping. I think I waited too long. The headache actually started before I went to sleep last night and I didn't do anything about it until this morning.

It's a slow day at work so I'm contemplating heading home if my boss doesn't have anything for me to do when he gets off the phone. I would rather stick it out, but if I feel like I'm going to keel over and really just want to lay my head down on the cool, cool laminate desk, isn't that a sign?

I have had a theory for some time about falling barometric pressure causing my headaches. My headaches seemed to come hand in hand with storm systems, at least since I started noticing several months ago. Last time I had a headache it was a cloudy yucky day heading up to a storm and the pressure was falling like crazy. However, today is beautiful and sunny and I figured this headache must be something else entirely. I just checked the weather and sure enough, the pressure is falling and we're supposed to get snow tonight. Get me, the human barometer.

Turns out I'm not crazy.

Also, it figures that my headaches/migraines only started in earnest once I moved to Chicago from Arizona. Guess what one of the cures is for people who suffer from weather-related headaches? Move to Arizona.

Well, I don't want to live in Arizona again. I like seasons. I just need to figure out a way to head my headaches off at the pass because honestly they kind of suck.

The Cat Ate My Muffin!

I know it's my own fault. Our cat is an eating machine and we have rubbermaids on our kitchen shelves to hold cereal, oatmeal, crackers, rice, basically anything containing carbohydrates. Kitty loves the carbs. I have left food in my purse before, but I make sure that it is covered.

Yesterday I bought a Morning Glory muffin at Whole Foods because they were on sale and figured I would have it for part of my breakfast today. I left it in my purse last night, but covered it with some papers and another bag. This morning I came out of the bedroom and discovered that not only had Tiny found the muffin, but he had eaten about half of the top.

And still he was yelling at me to feed him. The nerve!

I told him that if he was going to eat my muffin, he could have at least done me the courtesy of finishing it and not left 2/3 of it staring at me, making me wonder if I could just eat around the areas he had nibbled.

Sigh. So instead of my yummy Whole Foods muffin I ran out of the apartment, in a hurry as always to catch my bus, and stopped at Starbucks on my way to work from the bus station for a yogurt parfait. I really wish I could find the nutritional information for the granola separate from the yogurt. I know the granola is a big part of the 320 calories and 4 grams of fat and I would have no problem replacing it with a sprinkle from the little stash of All Bran I have in my desk. But the nutritional information is for the whole shebang.

I really need to go grocery shopping.

Day 1 of the Diet Coke Detox

I keep reading more and more about things I already knew: Diet Coke is full of chemicals and not good for you and aspartame may cause cancer or just make you really, really unwell. Plus, my teeth are getting more yellow and I have a feeling my daily Diet Coke may have something to do with that. I've just been in denial about everything.

However, since our supply of Diet Coke is running low, it's the perfect time to stop drinking so much of it. I mean, I only drink 1 or 2 cans a day, but still.

Today I'm not drinking any at all. I was actually supposed to start on Saturday and I didn't have any soda all day. Then we went out for a late dinner after a concert and without thinking, I ordered a Diet Coke. It wasn't until I had the drink in my hands that I realized what I had done. Oh well. So today is Day 1.

Observation #1: I'm getting really sleepy as mid-afternoon creeps up on me. I have a pear, but I'm trying to hold out until 3 PM for the natural sugar high.

Observation #2: I'm less hungry. I don't know if this is a side effect that will stick around, but seriously, I'm just not that hungry today. Usually I need at least 300 calories for breakfast and then I'm hungry again by 11 AM. Today I had 212 calories for breakfast and didn't eat the other thing I brought with me to work. Around 12:30 I figured I should go get some lunch, but I wasn't starving by a long shot. Of course I don't know that it has anything to do with the Diet Coke, but here's hoping.

Exercising

I'm back into the groove - well, this week at least.

After having a good run with the evening workouts, I have determined that the only way the exercising is going to get done consistently is if I go in the mornings. Sigh. I planned to go to the gym Monday night, but had a surprise meeting at work that was supposed to be done by 6, but was really done by 7 and by that time I was famished and could only think about going home and getting some food. I did manage to do crunches and some upper body weight exercises and some lunges.

Lunges are the exercise of the devil.

So Tuesday morning I got up bright and early and did the elliptical for 40 minutes. Tuesday night I did my crunches and weights routine. Yesterday morning I ellipticalled again. Last night we had plans and we got home late so no workout this morning, but tonight I will do the crunches/weights thing and tomorrow I'll go elliptical.

The big problem, well two big problems, with morning workouts are: A) I am SO not a morning person, and B) Now my schedule is basically diametrically opposed to Jason's. It was bad enough before when I got up about an hour before he did and wanted to fall asleep two hours before he did. Now it's even more skewed, and when I want to go to sleep at 11 because, hi, I woke up at 6:30 this morning and worked out and I'm tired, he still doesn't want to go to sleep until 2.

I can't really do anything about my schedule since I have one of those crazy job things that requires me to come to work at a certain designated time. Jason works in a lab and can show up pretty much whenever, but he's stubborn and a night owl and I know he's not going to shift his schedule. Another thing is since he goes in late, he works late, so we might see each other for an hour, maybe two, before I start getting sleepy. It just makes me kind of sad because I feel like I go to sleep alone and then I wake up alone (because he's not awake yet and only wakes up for about 30 seconds to say good-bye to me). I guess it's just not what I envisioned when I thought about married life. I know a lot of couples don't see each other a lot, it's just kind of a bummer.

Progress Pics

This weight loss journey has been going on for some time, but I've never really taken progress pictures. In April of 2006 when I had gained back some weight that I lost, I started exercising again and eating well so I took some front, side and back pictures with the thought that I would start taking monthly progress pictures. But that didn't happen. So tonight I pulled together some pictures to give an idea of where I've been.

December 2001

Earlier in 2001 I hit 235, my highest weight ever. I went to the doctor for migraines and for the very first time a doctor looked at me, concerned, and asked if I had thought about exercising. It was awful. I started working out twice a day, swimming laps in the morning and lifting weights on my lunch hour. I managed to lose a little weight and I think I got down to around 220 or 225, which is where I was in this picture.

August 2002

Taken about a week before I started law school. I had lost some of my workout momentum, my boyfriend went on a mission at the beginning of 2002, and I was neck-deep in depression (which I wouldn't admit for another year and a half). So I was still around 220 to 225.

Christmas 2003
This holiday was a doozy. I wasn't really in the mood to weigh myself, so for all I know I was back up to 230. The boyfriend and I had broken up and I was still so very sad and hopeless about it all. A few months later, I hit bottom, admitted that I was not really in control, and I started taking anti-depressants. Completely changed my world.

May 2004
At my roommate's graduation. I was probably about 210 or 215 here, having started dropping weight as soon as I started on the meds and felt like doing something besides sitting on my butt all day watching TV. I mostly see the loss in my face. I feel like that girl with the round face wasn't really me.

November 2004
Still working out and trying to eat well. I was definitely about 205. The weight wasn't falling off like I wished it would, but I felt strong and healthy and happy.

July 2005
Right after taking the Bar Exam, following a summer of super-healthy eating and swimming laps almost every day. This was my lowest weight at that time, about 185. I felt awesome! I fit into a dress I hadn't worn in 5 years. I had this moment of realization one day when I was standing in front of my mirror getting ready for something. I glanced over at a picture on my dresser of a friend and me at her bridal shower in the Spring of 2001 and I realized I didn't recognize myself. My face was very round, and my eyes... My eyes looked sad and searching and not like me. I looked at myself in the mirror again. I looked at my body that I had made fit and strong and I started crying. I felt sad for that girl who I was, and so very happy with who I had become.

Then follows an up and down period. See, I moved to DC, didn't have health insurance, went off the meds, couldn't find work, was trying to figure out if a brand new relationship was going anywhere. I felt the need to eat Chicken McNuggets from the McDonald's down the street often. In the Spring and Summer of 2006, I joined a nice gym and worked out a lot. I went from 199 down to around 190. By January of 2007, I had moved back to Boston, but I wasn't taking care of myself and I was back up to 207.

A friend and I decided to do something about our lack of activity and our weight gain. It's always good to have a buddy. I started swimming laps again, keeping track of what I was eating, and also, and this is probably pretty key, I got back on anti-depressants. By August I had lost 27 pounds.

October 2007

The key in all of this, if you haven't noticed, is that I have to eat right and work out regularly. Otherwise the weight just comes back.

December 2007
I gained back some weight. I think I was about 190 at this point. Following a holiday season of eating a lot of really yummy and really bad for me food, I was back up to 194.

January 2008
Two weeks before we left for India, I started eating healthy again and went to the gym almost every day. Then I spent two weeks in India eating extremely healthy and walking a lot. A lot. A week after we got back, I weighed in at 185. I'll take it.

And that's where I am now. I'm working out again, I'm trying to eat well (which I find to be easier when I'm on my own for an evening and don't have my husband around being a bad influence. Yes, that's what I'm all about. Passing the buck.) I'm also gearing myself up for a sugar detox - just as soon as I finish the last of my Valentine's dark chocolate.

Fat and Image and Money

I just read a post on Big Fat Deal that got me thinking. In the article they quote the writer says:

You know that whole thing about how being superskinny is an ideal originated by the fashion industry and perpetuated by female competitiveness and like, totally NOT AT ALL what men are interested in etc. etc.? Well that’s bullshit, says a story in the March Elle by Amanda Fortini, a 5′6 woman who dropped to 100 pounds a few years back.

Then she goes on to remark on how many men hit on her. As the commenters to the post point out, she was in a niche group of people - wealthy New Yorkers - during her experience. Generally, though, I think it's safe to say that many, many men will find the skinnier woman in the room attractive. Many, many white men at least (and this includes my husband).*

But I wonder how much of this is a chicken and the egg type of thing. Sure, most guys seem to like the thin girls, but is that because of a natural inclination, or because for the past 40+ years we've had images of super skinny women slammed in our collective face as the ideal, and look at how beautiful she is and don't we want to be just like her with our hips and collarbones poking out like they could cut us? If you look at movies or art from much of the time before that, the ideal beautiful woman was shapely and curvy. Sometimes flat out fat. I often think of a movie I saw several years ago that was filmed in the late 1950's The main character's boss was having an affair with his secretary, the office bombshell. She was pretty outrageous looking even for the 50's and had very large hips, very large breasts, a huge a** and a tiny waist (well, compared to her hips at least). The boss was sleeping with her and all of the men salivated as she walked by. Today that actress would just be cast as the funny fat friend.

So I do think that media plays a role in determining what is "attractive" and I don't think an anecdotal story about how a woman who lot of weight right now got hit on a lot proves anything about men's natural inclinations because of course she got hit on a lot, she lost a lot of weight in 2008, following years of everyone being told that skinny, dangerously super skinny, is where it's at. Would everyone have had feathered hair if not for Farrah Fawcett? Probably not.

However, there's a lot more at play here than the media, in my opinion, although I do think the media perpetuates the ideal. Maybe it has more to do with thinness being a sign of social status nowadays. Fat people are seen by some as dirty, slovenly and often poor. It's a fact: veggies cost more than processed food. Being super skinny proves that you can eat super healthy and/or work out with a trainer several hours a day. Who has time to do that but independently wealthy people? Not so in, say, the 17th century, when plump, nay, fat was beautiful and ideal because it meant you had a lot of money to spend on food and didn't waste it all away by working in the fields or cleaning houses or the like. The term "Rubenesque" comes from paintings like this one, after all


"The Three Graces" painted by Peter Paul Rubens in the 1630's.

So maybe the obsession with thin says more about materialism than we might think. Another post I read earlier (Can't remember where, sorry) discusses how during a conversation about the ideal trophy wife or husband, the men agreed that the trophy wife would be a Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition cover model, while the women agreed the trophy husband would be someone like the creator of Google. The point of that post was that the trophy woman was all about looks while the trophy man was all about money. I would argue they're both about money, just in different ways.

Anyway, just thinking...

*I hope this doesn't come across as racist in any way, but in my 20 or so years of being bootylicious, I always got many more appreciative looks from black and Hispanic men. I always thought I wouldn't wind up with a white man because when I was younger they never really appreciated my curves (kind of like I never thought I would actually manage to marry a Mormon with my liberal views. Go figure).

Mornings = Bleh

Looks like the evening workout is the winner because I don't know if you know this, but morning is really early.

Let's Get Physical

I'm trying to decide if I should be offended that my husband asked me the other night, "So...are you going to go back to the gym...?" He assured me it wasn't because I'm looking rounder, but because he's actually been going 3 times a week since we got back from India and he said if he has to suffer, then so should I. Never mind those 8 months last year when I went to the gym and he sat on his bum while asking me to pass the potato chips.

But this is the same guy who hadn't been to a gym in 15 years and I am so proud. And as a bonus, his arms are getting stronger. Maybe I'm weird, but seriously I think one of the most sexy things in the world is guy arms. Not overly muscular, just firm so that you can feel the strength. Yummy. This morning I noticed Jason's arms are getting harder and I made him flex for me a few times.

So anyway, yeah, tomorrow I'm getting back to the gym. I always seem to lose whatever momentum I've built up when I start a new job. But this marks the third week of my new job (which is great, btw) and I need to figure out my gym routine. I'm trying to decide whether to go in the mornings or the evenings. Mornings means getting up an hour earlier than I currently am, which I hate so, SO much. However, at least then I'm done and I know nothing will keep me from getting to the gym later.

I do like working out better in the evenings, but it's not like I get out of work exceptionally early and then I'm always starving. Maybe I'll stock up on some pre-workout Luna bars. Tomorrow is the big day so I have to figure it out by the time I set my alarm tonight.

The good thing is, my workout plan of walking all over southern India and Paris and my eating plan of "everything in sight because I'm starving from all the walking" is still keeping my weight down. I know the last couple of weeks of sitting in an office again are going to catch up with me, though. I did manage to lose 9 pounds in the last month and a half. I think a big part of that is the non-processed, all-natural, mostly vegetarian fare that I ate while we were in India. It was all amazingly good. If I were going to be vegetarian, I think I would need to move to India. Or adopt an Indian mom to cook for me. Because, seriously, they know how to do vegetarian.

Progress Is A Beautiful Thing

After a week of working out, two weeks of walking a lot in India and Paris, and a week of doing nothing much except eating right, I'm down 7 pounds since the end of December. Yay! I'm only 6 pounds away from my low weight of 180.6 that I hit last June. However, my waist is 2 inches larger so I think I need to be doing some ab work.

Next week it's back to the gym.

Walking

One of the great things about my new job is that it's only a couple of miles from my house. When I worked in downtown Boston and lived in Cambridge, I used to walk the 3 miles home some nights. It was a great way to get outside after a long day of being cooped up in the office in front of the computer. Hopefully I'll be able to walk home most days from this job, I just need to find a safe way home. There are patches of seediness in between work and home, although I really think some of the wide-eyed warnings are from people who aren't familiar with cities. I've never felt unsafe in my neighborhood, but then I don't seek out the park where all the drugs deals go down because I'm not stupid.

4 days in a row now I've made it to the gym! This morning when I woke up, the cat was snuggled up on one side of me and Jason was snuggled up on the other side and it was just really hard to pull myself away from that. However, Jason and I are traveling to India next week and I have promised myself that I will work out every day (except Sunday) until we leave. So far, so good.

I Win!

Another 35 minutes on the elliptical today. The Y I go to has no TV's with closed captioned text like every other gym I've ever gone to and I realized yesterday that without TV's to stare at, my music gets boring. Apparently I need two multimedia distractions to get through a workout. Hello, Generation ADD!

So I downloaded a ton of Dr. Fitness and the Fat Guy podcasts last night, which I read about on Pasta Queen's blog. So far I like them ok and they're making the workout go pretty fast. Just like with my massive commute, for me listening to people talk makes time go more quickly than listening to music.

I would also like to note with much acclaim and fanfare that my husband Jason went to the gym last night! He hasn't been to a gym since 1994*. However, with me getting back into the groove and one of his close friends being an insane runner he's finally getting peer-pressured into it. I think he's also intrigued by the fact that his friend can eat ANYthing and he never gains weight because he works out so much.

Not only that, but I've signed Jason up for a SparkPeople account and I'm keeping track of everything for him. He said, and I quote, "Just tell me what to do." Well, for starters, eat 1700-2100 calories a day instead of the 6000 he usually eats.

If any of you knew Jason you would all know what a coup this is on my part. I'm thrilled.


*And that time I think he probably just showed up for an orientation and a free T-shirt.

Possibly TMI

I went to the gym this morning. Aren’t you proud of me? I’m proud of me. It only took 35 minutes on the elliptical and my body is flowing with endorphins. I always forget how much I actually like exercising – or rather, how much I like the results of exercising.

This weekend I had a thought that I wanted to get people’s opinions on: could I be gaining weight from my birth control pill?

Let me lay this out for you. I readily acknowledge that I haven’t been eating great since I stopped my regular program 7 months ago. However, the last time I put some weight back on it took me about 15 months to gain 18 pounds, and this is with regular excursions to McDonald’s to feed my disgusting McNugget addiction (yes, I realize it’s gross, but there it is).

From June through October of 2007, I gained between 3-5 pounds. I started on the pill in September. I have gained 10 pounds in the past 2 ½ months. And 5 of those have been in the past few weeks.

Seriously?

So either I’m completely deluding myself with how much I’m eating (it’s happened before, but I was neck deep in depression at the time), or something has triggered the weight gaining part of my body. Something that wasn’t there before.

Based on the message boards I read last night, it seems like a complete crapshoot as to whether you gain weight on the pill or not. There are many people complaining about having gained weight despite not changing any of their habits and not being able to take it off, even when they increase their exercise. There are a few people who say they haven’t had any problems, but not many. (However, I realize if someone is looking for information on gaining weight from the pill and happen upon those message boards they’re more likely to have experienced weight gain and to post about it. Why would you go searching for such a thread if you’re not gaining weight? The real stats could be 50/50 or maybe 30/70, with 70% not gaining weight, for all I know.)

Some of the people on the boards said things like, “Of course you gain weight on the pill. Your body thinks it’s pregnant.” I don’t know if that’s strictly true, but it does mess with your hormones and prevent you from ovulating.

I have just switched to a new pill because of other issues I was having with the old one, and I’m hoping that maybe if it was the pill, this one will be better. I figure if I work out and eat well and don’t see a change (or worse, gain more!) after 2 months, then I’ll have a little chat with my doctor about it.

Ahem

So, hi. I'm back. After 7 months off the wagon, I'm back. You know it's bad when your brand spanking new husband admits that the regaining of the weights is not as invisible as you had hoped.*

New Year's Resolution: work out, eat well. Simple, right? Never mind the fudge on the table in the office kitchen. Never mind the decadent chocolate bars that my in-laws shoved in my stocking. I need boundaries or I will weigh 200 again in no time.

Here are my plans:

1) Purge my house of bad-for-me food. More difficult now since I am married. However, as I said to him last night, "We have GOT to get this crap out of our home!" I will allow a candy bin, however I will only eat from the candy bin once a week at most (maybe a Sunday treat) and then it will just be a square of dark chocolate or a Peppermint Patty. I have proven in the past that I'm capable of setting those limits when I'm focused.

2) Join the gym. I've lived across the street - ACROSS THE STREET - from the Y for 2 1/2 months now and apparently my legs are broken or something and can't seem to make that big walk of fifty feet to officially sign up.

3) (and this is key) GO to the gym. Should be simpler now that I'll most likely be working 3 days a week in Providence.** I plan 3 days of cardio, alternating with 2 days of weights, with a Saturday thrown in if I make it over there. I got a Nano for Christmas so I am all ready to take that elliptical machine down to the pounding of heavy bass. I will also swim in a few months, but in the middle of winter my swimming urge just isn't there. Hopefully by starting off thinking that I will go every day, it won't be so easy for me to say, "Yes, but even if I don't go this morning, I can still get in 3 workouts this week." Because that's really easy to say when my alarm goes off.

4) Plan my meals. This is also key. I get in trouble when dinner becomes, "I don't know, what do YOU want?" and lunch is whatever I can grab from some fast food place near work.

5) Eat at LEAST one fresh fruit and one fresh vegetable a day.

6) Water water water. My water intake has been way down lately in favor of Diet Coke with Lime or Diet Dr. Pepper (see #7).

7) Cut down my soda intake. Last time I did this, I was drinking one Diet Coke with Lime per week as a Saturday or Sunday treat. Because I don't want to wind up laying on the floor from an incapacitating migraine, I'm gradually weaning myself from the caffeine.*** Today instead of bringing 2 cans of DCL to work, I only brought one. I'm drinking it right now with my lunch. I won't have any more today. Monday I'll start the no soda thing and will only allow one soda per week.

All the details, like what to eat and how much, I already know. I just haven't been putting my knowledge to any use, but have been letting it sit on a shelf all shiny and pretty while I eat lots of cheese and bread and chocolate.


* Before you smack him or tell him he's a horrible, horrible person, this followed a conversation where he said his belly was getting too big and in the way and I said, "Yep." Then I pointedly asked him if he had noticed my regained weight. He hemmed and hawed, but yes, he has.

** Yes! More details on that once I know all the details myself.

***Besides, I'm going to India in a couple of weeks and I don't really know what my access to caffeine will be and I would rather go through withdrawal here with my down comforter and teddy bear.

Gah!

So I was all set to wait until after the holidays and start with a New Year's resolution to get back on the ball, but the scale this morning scared me.

189.4

After I swore to myself I would never hit 190 again. Up until now, I've been around 183-185, but I think getting married and eating out a lot and indulging every little food whim I have has pushed the scale up a lot more quickly than before.

So let's be brutally honest. It's been 6 months since I've been religious with my food journaling on Sparkpeople. It's also been 6 months since I've worked out regularly. I have had a few weeks here and there where I made it to the pool 3 or 4 times, but I haven't been consistent at all.

I live right across the street from the Y and can work out every morning if I just drag my butt out of bed. No more excuses.

Sidelined

Well, I WAS going to start back to the gym this morning, but it wasn't to be. Last night when we were moving a bookshelf, I kicked it with my left big toe and the nail pulled off.

Again.

This is the 4th time this has happened. I'm starting to think this toenail just does not want to be part of my body. So today my poor toe is wrapped in a couple of bandaids and throbbing a bit. I couldn't swim because the bandaids would come off and I've tried to swim with the toenail flapping around, and let me just tell you, it hurts like a mother.

I could elliptical you say. Except for the fact that shoes and pressure on the toe are pretty painful right now. In fact, I tried to put on heels this morning to go to work and after gasping out in pain a few times, Jason told me to just wear comfy shoes. He said, "Look, if you had broken your foot, you would just wear sneakers or boots or whatever, right?" True.

So I'm wearing my Payless bike shoes, with the sassy zig zag strap. The toe still hurts a little, but it's not too bad. I've actually gotten 4 compliments on the shoes today, with no one commenting that they're not very business-y.

On the upside, we still have a LOT of cleaning and unpacking to do and I will be lugging around big boxes of books tonight as I unload them onto my bookshelves. It may be a lame work out, but I'm going to let it count for now.

Oh hi.

So, I got married and stuff. It was super fun.

Today I was talking with a girl at work, both of us bemoaning our lack of weight loss momentum, and it hit me that all of those times I said that I would get back to it after the wedding, well, that's now. The two of us have agreed to be each other's motivators and I even directed her toward SparkPeople.

I was really worried yesterday after I commuted for 3 1/2 hours (and then came home and cried like a hysterical baby because, oh my gosh, all the traffic, and the stopping and the going, and I'm totally going to kill someone) that I would never be able to find the time to work out. However, I arranged with my 3-day a week job today to come in at 10 instead of 9, which means I miss rush hour. Providence, RI to Newton, MA this morning: 50 minutes. That is so, SO much better than the hour and 45 minutes it took yesterday. Let's hear it for flexible bosses!

So that means I can skip across the street to the Y on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, and then throw in a workout on Saturday for good measure. The hard part, I feel, is going to be the food this time around. For one, I have totally given in to my Diet Coke with Lime/Diet Dr. Pepper addiction and have been consuming a lot of caffeine over the past few months. That's going to be a rough habit to break. I want to go back to only letting myself have a soda once a week.

For two, I have been caving into all of the temptations around me. Every Friday one of my jobs has bagels and pastries and such and I was so, SO good at resisting them. Not to mention the cakes and candies and all the other stuff people bring in. I didn't even give them a second thought, just walked on by. Yeah, I don't know what happened, but that amazing resolve I used to have has completely disappeared. I had an asiago cheese bagel this morning with sundried tomato cream cheese (reduced fat). While it was sinfully yummy, I realize that sort of behavior has to stop.

Monday it starts again. I dusted off my SparkPeople profile and redid my stats. Monday morning I'm hitting the gym. Monday I will be eating healthy and drinking massive amounts of water (while most likely staving off a caffeine headache). I have only gained about 4 pounds back, but it was freaking hard to lose those 4 pounds and I refuse to be that girl again who says, yeah, I lost 22 pounds last year. But I gained it all back.