This morning I got out of bed at 5:45 to feed the cat. Then I went back to bed with vague thoughts of swimming, then, oops too late for swimming, I'll shred. Then, oops, too late for anything except getting ready for work.
What I also thought while debating whether or not to just put on my swimsuit already is, what's the point? OK, yes, I do like the way I feel when I'm working out. I generally have more energy, I feel stronger and better about myself. However, ultimately, I have about 30 pounds I want to lose and this year, when I've dedicated myself to not being a scrub in the fall and winter and falling off the healthy living horse is the first year in the last couple when I haven't been able to drop 15 pounds by this point. This point meaning about 3-4 months into the healthy living thing.
I had a discussion with Rachel, my personal nutrition guru, about it on Sunday and we determined that with my BMR, I'm still not eating enough. Probably. I mean that might be the problem. At this point I feel like it's a big huge mystery and somehow this time I just don't have the keys to figure out how to make my body lose weight anymore.
My average weight for the past, oh, 3 months, is 190. This is despite swimming regularly, walking to work regularly, and occasionally throwing in some Pilates and shredding. I've been eating relatively well, and even when I have a treat, I factor it into my daily calories religiously. All of these things have worked before, but not this time.
A couple of weeks ago, I seriously almost started crying while I was swimming laps because I felt so frustrated. Now my frustration is compounded by the fact that we haven't seen the freakin' sun for the entire month of June and I'm into full-fledged discouragement. Also, my plants are dying because of the no sun. I'm a failure at everything!
Well, except work. Work is going pretty well so far. (Knock on wood)
So I'm trying to pull together the motivation to make my way to the pool tomorrow and Saturday and at least get in a couple of days of exercise. I'm still eating well (today so far I've had Greek yogurt with pineapple and a touch of honey, whole wheat bread with a bit of butter and a Greek salad (apparently I'm feeling Greek today)) Tonight I'll go home and fix some sort of healthy meal for Jason and me to eat. To give you an idea of our dinners, last night Jason commented that we sure do eat a LOT of vegetables.
I just feel beaten, somehow, and am not really sure how to get out of it.