Tuesday, May 24, 2011


I've never actually engaged in disordered eating behavior, but that doesn't mean that my mind has never flirted with the idea. I've been known to think about ways I could severely restrict food and speed up my weight loss, even though in the smart part of my brain I know that's not how it really works. I would make a plan like, OK, tomorrow, I'm just going to eat this little bit and that's IT. Or, tomorrow, I'm not going to eat all day, and then just have a little dinner.

Then I would forget all about it and never do it. Which is obviously for the best.

Yesterday afternoon, I found myself thinking this way again. With as much knowledge as I have gleaned about how metabolism works and knowing that I don't want to completely shut mine down, I think, well maybe if I just really didn't eat hardly anything, eventually I would HAVE to lose weight.

I know it's messed up and while I wish I could just be this pillar of strength and right thinking all the time, this stall in my weight loss has really, REALLY got me down. I don't want to be skinny, I just want to be normal. And not even normal on the BMI, but normal for me (which is still well into "overweight" for BMI, but I don't believe in BMI). I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and not feel like a sausage in my jeans (that were kind of loose at one point!). I want to look at pictures of myself again and not cringe.

I've talked with 2 medical professionals about this in the past couple of weeks, not as my main reason for seeing them, but as a side note. I got my thyroid checked and that's not the problem. Both of them asked if I want to see a nutritionist.

First, I know the nutritionist will spout the standard low-fat, whole grains things, which I don't believe in anyway. The only time I've managed to lose weight over the past couple of years is when I've limited carbs. Plus, I just feel better without all the carbs. On Friday I went to a work lunch and the ONLY thing they had was sandwiches. Not even a side salad. I ate some of a roll, but pulled the meat out of the rest of it. Just that part of a roll had me completely falling asleep at my desk a little while later. I haven't experienced the mid-afternoon crash like that in ages.

Second, I just have to laugh because nutrition has kind of become my hobby and I've read all different viewpoints ad nauseum. Maybe they don't believe me because to them I am just this overweight (nay, obese, says the almighty BMI) girl and so I OBVIOUSLY don't know what I'm doing at all.

Third, I record my food and my exercise pretty religiously because I like numbers. I've been doing this fairly consistently for a few years now. I know how many calories I eat. I know how many calories I expend. So do Sparkpeople and Fitbit. That's not the problem.

When I told Jason that my thyroid was normal he said "Well, that's good." Yeah, it's good I don't have a medical problem. But it just means that right now I don't have an answer either.


Valerie @ City|Life|Eats said...

Hey Kelly - I know I have not commented in like forever ,but have you ever been tested for Celiacs and/or gluten sensitivity? I have one of the two, but I was given bad information by several doctors, and removed gluten from my diet completely first, prior to testing. By the time I found a doctor competent at this, I just could not eat enough gluten to make the testing reliable (I had been off gluten for the better part of 8 months by the time I found said doctor). Just a few days of eating gluten had me lethargic, depressed, much more bloated than usual, with joint pain, my sinuses killing me again - the works.

I go back and forth on which one (celiacs versus gluten sensitivity) I have, but the fact of the matter is, as long as I don't consume gluten, I don't get afternoon slumps, brain fog, lack of concentration, or awful carb cravings (not to mention all the other health problems I used to live with). I do eat some non-gluten grains, but have found that eating grain-free the majority of my meals also helps with blood sugar stability. That said, that is not make or break for me the way eating gluten is.

Anyways - I know gluten-free is a huge trend, but I tried it out of sheer desperation before it became this big trend, and it has helped with my energy and overall sense of well-being. I have done other things specific to other health problems (ie cutting out dairy really helped with my sinuses), but in terms of afternoon slump and depression and fatigue, I really think i twas going gluten-free that made the difference. Things are by no means perfect, I still have digestive issues and bloating, but my life is really much improved.

Sorry to leave such a long comment. I have been reading both your blogs on and off for years
and can really identify with so much that you have written about. Also, before I forget, I always did better on a lower carb diet before trying gluten-free, but could never stick to it because of various cravings - in hindsight, at leas tin my case, it was not the carbs, but the gluten grains that were the issue.

Kelly said...

Hi Valerie!

My main problem is just that I can't seem to lose weight. I very rarely eat grains at all - the roll on Friday was an exception and, as I mentioned, made me completely crash later in the afternoon. I'm not generally lethargic as long as I keep the carbs low. I don't get joint pain. Franly, I didn't really think there was anything wrong with my thyroid since my only symptom was not losing weight.

My diet generally consists of protein, vegetables, fats, some fruit and a little dark chocolate now and again. I very rarely eat processed foods.

I may very well have some sort of gluten sensitivity, though, and that might be one reason I do so well on low carb and feel so yucky when I do eat carbs. I don't think I eat enough grains now (and haven't for awhile) for that to prevent me from losing weight (or cause me to bloat so much that it seems like I'm not losing weight).

Valerie @ City|Life|Eats said...

Hey Kelly - I was not implying you had all these other symptoms :) I just wanted to share my experience. Weight loss is so different for everyone, as are food sensitivities - for some people, they go together, but less for others, It just depends. I know I have struggled with weight my entire life. Getting below 190 lbs (I'm 5'9) used to required an incredibly small amount of calories and I was still bloated all the time, so I did not even look like I had lost weight. It sucked, a lot. I remember telling my husband that no matter how healthfully I ate, the weight just kept piling on and on (I was 234 at my highest, and several nutritionists and doctors kept saying my diet and food journals showed a healthy diet within a normal range of calories). It was crazy-making. I got to 194 after a lot of effort, but two years ago started working with a gluten-free diet as well as other things specific to my health problems (I was very deficient in magnesium and vit d too), and am now at 164. Going gluten-free was not all of it, but it was definitely a part of it for me. I just wish I had known to get tested for it all at the beginning, you know? Anyways, I just wanted to mention it to you.

Kelly said...

Hi Valerie, I definitely appreciate your input. I've heard other people talk about gluten sensitivities, but kind of ruled that out for myself based on my diet.

That's so awesome that you're down to 164! I'm so glad you found out what your issues were and that the knowledge has made you healthier.

Amazon Alanna said...

I'm only just cathcing up with the blogs that I read.

I'm so sorry that you are struggling- with the world and it's constant carbs-in-your-face attitude, that the medical field can't figure out how your body metabolizes and why things are so difficult despite everything, and that (evil) BMI is just terrible. (Truth be told, I'm in the "obese" category, too and it's wreaking havoc on me in a million different ways)

Even if I don't comment all the time, I'm here. You'll sort this out in time, and if you need extra support...I'm here. You have my email from our failed "email me your day" adventure. You need something, you got it.