It feels different this time, this whole losing weight thing. The last time I got healthy, I had a very specific goal: get through the Bar exam. I swam so that I wouldn't feel completely overwhelmed by the stress. And it showed. The closer the Bar got, the faster I got. I liked keeping track of what I was eating and feeling good about the food I put into my body because it gave me a sense of control at a time when I really had no control over my future. All I could do was study, study study. Would it be enough? It never felt like it would be enough.
After the Bar, all bets were off. I went to California for 2 weeks to visit friends, determined to get back in gear once I got back. But it was too easy to not do anything about staying healthy. I started a long-distance relationship and spent time shuttling between DC and Boston. I was depressed because I couldn't find work. The weight kept coming off for another few weeks because my metabolism was still flying, so I thought I would be ok.
Then it started coming back on. I gained it all back and then some, which is what usually happens.
I didn't really think it would take me 1 year and 5 months to get back on the ball. Now that I am, I feel really good about myself and confident that this time, finally, I will get back to a normal weight. The weight where my a** isn't so huge that the only place I can buy pants without them tugging into those oh-so-attractive whiskers at my upper thigh is Lane Bryant.
This time my goal isn't to make it to an event with a distinct date. My goal is to lose 37 pounds (35.8 now) and live more healthy in general. I've set my next birthday in October as a date to shoot for, but, you know, if the weight was gone before then, I wouldn't complain.
Already I feel better about myself in general. The weight is coming off slowly (which I realize is healthy), but just knowing I'm doing this right, and feeling so energized gives me a more positive outlook. I can do this.
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