Just Sayin'

Yesterday I had to spend part of my morning at the DMV and didn't plan my food well.  I wound up grabbing a breakfast sandwich on my way into work because my breakfast options are limited downtown.  The better choice would probably have been the Greek yogurt with honey, but I was starving and egg and sausage sounded good.  I should have taken them off the whole wheat English muffin they came on. In the middle of the afternoon I was hungry (and lazy) and ate a granola bar from the office kitchenette instead of the raw nuts I keep in my desk drawer.

Guess who had a headache last night? 

It's kind of uncanny.  I don't eat wheat for a bit and as soon as I eat some I get my first headache in weeks.

The workouts are still on hold.  It still hurts my face to bend over - sinus pressure be gone!  But I have been walking most days and we've had company so there have been massive cleanings in the evenings, which in hot and muggy weather means I'm sweating, at least.

Getting Better

I'm still coughing a little and I'm still a bit stuffed up and I still feel a lot of pressure on the front of my face when I bend over, but I feel worlds better than I did last week.  Last Thursday I felt like death, so I stayed home from work.  And I didn't even work, like I usually do when I stay home.  I just lay in bed upstairs in the air conditioning (last Thursday was really hot and we have AC on the 2nd floor) and watched old episodes of Medium.

Friday I went back to work, Saturday was busy, Sunday was busy, but I felt so much better on those days than I did on Thursday that a runny nose and a bit of a cough wasn't going to stop me.  I haven't worked out yet this week, but I'm getting really antsy to do something.  Fingers crossed that I'll feel up to swimming tomorrow.  I'm going to go on a walk today at lunch, I know that much.

Work has been really slow this week, which feels bizarre after the last year of go go go!  It's been almost exactly a year since we started the huge project that has been consuming my life.  My part of the project is basically over, except for a few odds and ends to tie up before closing next month.  I've been trying to get all my ducks in a row so that when it's time to finish, I'll be ready to go. 

I've been getting home early (like around 5:45 or 6) and have been able to putter around the house a bit, do laundry, cook.  It all feels so decadent after the last year.  I know the work will pick up again, so I'm just enjoying this Summer lull for the moment.

My eating has been stellar this week.  I started Monday, feeling dedicated to just eat the way that makes me feel the best, darn it. So far, so good.

I Swam (Again)

Yesterday I got back in the pool for the first time in a few weeks.  We have a new Masters coach so I signed up and went yesterday morning.  It's amazing how paying for those extra sessions is really good motivation to get out of bed early.

The new coach is tough.  Where the old coach focused a lot on drills and technique during our Tuesday morning sessions, the new coach actually wants us to swim.  A lot.  After just a few weeks out of the pool, I feel like a super slow slug, and I was having kind of a rough time yesterday.

But I know I'll get my endurance and speed back. 

Despite my poor performance yesterday, the coach sent out lane assignments and she put me in a lane with 3 of the super fast people.  Um, what?  I think she must have me confused with someone else...  Well, we'll see how long that lasts.  I hate getting lapped, but I have a feeling that's what I have to look forward to in the next few Tuesdays.

I planned to go to strength training this morning, but last night my throat started hurting and one nostril got clogged.  Darn it!  Jason came back from vacation with his family a few weeks ago with a wicked cold that had made it's way through the entire family.  I thought I had survived the incubation period, but maybe not.  Or maybe this is something completely different. 

Either way, I feel yucky, but a conference call later today means I'm in the office.  Also, it's freaking hot outside and my office has AC.  If only I could have come to work in my pajamas...

I'm hoping this cold dabbles with me and moves on and I can work out again in a couple of days.  It stinks that just as my motivation comes back, I get sidetracked.

Feeling Tired of My Excuses

I honestly can't tell you where my motivation has gone.  Maybe it's just that I've been busy at work and I don't having the energy and concentration for anything else.  Well, work has slowed down a little so really, if I'm honest, I DO have the energy and the concentration to focus on being healthy.  But I can't get motivated.  I'm not really sure why, but in addition to not working out for the 2nd week in a row, the Whole30 has gone by the wayside.

I'm trying to figure out what's going on with me mentally because I swear I USED to be able to challenge myself and actually follow through.  Remember last Summer and last Fall when I set challenges for myself and actually completed them?  Yeah, those were good times.

You know what's good for motivation, though?  Going shopping for formal wear.  I'm really, really good with finding super cute knit and rayon dresses at Ann Taylor and Kohl's and Dress Barn that are flattering and comfy and suitable for my business casual office.

However, it seems like the size inflation that is rampant in all other clothing* hasn't hit the formal wear section at Macy's yet.  I have to go to fancy events sometimes for work (including one tomorrow night) and I've worn my current cocktail dresses into the ground.  So today on my lunch hour I went looking for something new.

I found a dress, but it's pretty frumpy and I don't love it.  I did love 2 other dresses I tried on that right now are too small, but that would have fit me a couple of years ago.  I didn't buy them because I already have enough aspirational clothing in my closet (aka, those clothes I could wear a couple of years ago). 

Sad.

The moral of the story is, Stop making excuses!!!  Get up and go work out in the mornings!  No more fudging the Whole30!  Because if you fudge enough, then, guess what, it's not a Whole30 anymore.

Tomorrow, Day 1 (again): swimming in the morning and eating right for the rest of the day.


*Because I am a realist, and I know I am NOT a Medium anymore.

Exercise Fail

I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with me, but I just cannot seem to get up to exercise.  On Monday I really had no excuse, since I woke up before my alarm went off, but then managed to talk myself out of going to strength training.

I went to bed on Monday night bound and determined to wake up on Tuesday and go swimming.  I even said as much to the friends we had over for dinner.  Well, when my alarm went off yesterday morning, I was about as far away from awake as possible.  I felt immensely tired so I just flipped off the alarm and slept for another hour and a half.

Today, though.  Today was the day.  I would get up and go to strength training!  My alarm went off and I hit snooze a couple of times (as you do), all the while thinking, yay, I'm getting up soon to go to class!  Just a few more minutes.

But apparently I fell back asleep after the last snooze.  I woke up 10 minutes after class started. 

On the upside, I've managed to get in long walks both Monday and Tuesday, but I really want to get back into the strength training.  I guess my body is more interested in sleep.  Yeah, that's nice and all, but at some point, I need to work out.

I've been waking up naturally at around 6:30 or 7.  I wish I didn't have to work normal office hours, because if I could go to the gym at 7:30, I have a feeling it would happen a lot more often than when I have to go at 6:30.  Or maybe I would just go to bed an hour later.

Maybe the moral of this story is that I need to go to bed an hour earlier.  Because I'm an old lady.

Whole30 Day 4

Starting a Whole30 on day 1 of a 30-day month is really handy when it comes to keeping track of what day I'm on.

The weekend went pretty well, except for lunch yesterday.  We had a fundraiser at church to pay for the Young Women (teenage girls) to go to a week-long camp in a couple of months.  It was Fast Sunday (we all fast the first Sunday of every month), so I hadn't eaten anything that morning.  Plus, I had picked Jason up at the Boston airport very late the night before and was exhausted.  After running around for an hour, getting everything coordinated and set up, we were all really hungry.* 

So I ate what was there.  A couple brownies, a couple bites of lasagna, some enchiladas, and something one of my Counselors made called "frog eye salad", which is apparently very big in Utah and I think was just Cool Whip, canned oranges and pineapple tidbits, and tapioca pearls.

Nothing was Whole30 approved, really.  But I got back on the ball when I made our dinner several hours later, and I intend to stick to the plan this week.  For instance, I have a work meeting tonight, where we'll be getting dinner.  I already know I won't be eating the rolls or the dessert.

Rather than proclaim "I FAILED!" and go have a donut, I prefer to be more philosophical and make a note that I should be more prepared in future situations like yesterday, but not beat myself up about it.


*As a side note, sometimes it's kind of a drag being in charge.  I'm the YW President, so the other leaders and the girls ultimately look to me for tasks when we're setting up this sort of party.  When I was younger, I was a total bossypants and was perfectly happy to tell everyone what to do.  Now, while I still like to organize things, there are times when I just don't want to be the lead person anymore.  I like to think that as I'm getting older and maturing, I'm becoming less Type A and more laid-back.  That sounds better than lazy.

Whole30 Day 1! Migraine!

So, my head hurts.  Actually, I'm sitting in my darkened office with my AC turned down really low, and it's finally feeling a little better.  It's not like I even have a withdrawal headache.  Nope, this headache is a direct result of eating too much crap the last couple of days, plain and simple.  So I may still have a withdrawal headache to go through in a few days.

I'll tell you what, though.  This is awesome motivation for not eating grains and refined sugar in mass quantities any time soon.

Basically, I had a last hurrah last night and got some Ben and Jerry's.  This was after I had a Starbuck's scone for breakfast AND some pasta salad from the cafe next door for lunch.

(Side note: the pasta salad next door is AMAZING!  Pasta shells, olive oil, minced garlic, sundried tomatoes and fresh spinach.  So.  Good.  Really, the pasta is my least favorite part.  I should just get the rest of the ingredients and make my own sans pasta.)

Remember when I mentioned that I think wheat might be a migraine trigger for me?  I think that's been confirmed.

Basically, I kind of feel like an idiot.  Why do I do these things to myself?  I think I'm going to leave work a bit early after posting this and walk home.  It's a lovely day outside and I think the fresh air will help.

Let's Do This!

Alright, I'm sick of half-a**ing this.  I'm biting the bullet and doing a Paleo Whole30, starting tomorrow.  (See, 'cause there are 30 days in June).

I just got back from a short, relaxing trip to Florida to visit family.  And to eat mango key lime pie, apparently. (Never had mango key lime pie before this trip, but it was AWESOME.)  I got in late Tuesday night, and despite being tired all day yesterday, I had a hard time falling asleep last night.  This morning I felt all hungover from carbs, since I ate a bunch of them yesterday.

I went shopping at the outlets while I was in Florida and got a bunch of cute clothes, but I also got a couple of nice work dresses that don't quite fit.  The store didn't have the next size up, but my aunt encouraged me to get the dresses anyway, assuring me they look really cute.  Well, maybe they do, but they're a little tight for my comfort. 

I know I've said this many times, but I'm tired of being this size and I'm tired of feeling so lethargic.  I want to look like the swimmer I am.  I don't want anyone to discount what I can do because of my size.  I also don't want to be held back anymore because of my size.  I've reached that point where I don't want pictures taken of me, and I feel self-conscious all the time.  I hate this.

For some reason, it's been a lot harder to stick to my more extreme diet challenges in the 4 1/2 years since I got married.  Before I got married, I used to cut out sugar and soda pretty regularly.  I used to eat no unhealthy foods except for one splurge day per month. 

Somehow, it's a lot harder to stick to when I'm cooking for more than myself, and when Jason's over there downing the Diet Cokes with lime.  I'm not in any way blaming him!  Don't think that.  I know I have the will power to get over the cravings hump, and I know how much better I feel when I do.  But it's easier to justify eating the crap when someone else isn't trying not to eat it.

What it comes down to is that I'm basically sick of feeling like I do right now.  Kind of tired.  Kind of headachey.  Kind of lame for not getting up to swim this morning. 

Tomorrow is a new month AND it's a 30-day month.  Perfect!  June will be my time to shine.

Choosing Sleep

This week I have been choosing sleep over working out.  All this really means is I need to get to bed earlier.  Which means in bed by 10, asleep by 10:30.  It doesn't help that Jason is a night owl and I kind of feel lame going to bed so early.  But I have to if I'm going to work out regularly.

I didn't go to strength training yesterday and I didn't swim this morning.  However, today is the first day in a long time that I haven't felt like I could lay my head down on my desk and fall right to sleep.  So maybe I've finally caught up with my sleep deprivation.  Tomorrow I can go to strength training and get back on a good schedule for me and my exercising.

I know I need to get enough sleep.  Just yesterday, I was listening to another report about how lack of sleep raises cortisol levels.  Cortisol is the stress hormone that in primitive times was a signal to our bodies about external stressors.  For example, famine.  Or saber-toothed tigers.

Too much cortisol prevents weight loss and will even cause you to gain weight, as your body tries to prepare for whatever stressful situation it might face, since obviously something's wrong, or you wouldn't be producing so much cortisol. 

What this tells me is I can eat well and wake up early to get to the gym, but if I'm not going to sleep early enough, I'm fighting a losing battle.  Sigh.  It's so hard to get everyone right.

Fashion Motivation

Seriously, I need to lose weight.  Just look at this coat!  It is beautiful and I need a new wool coat for work in the worst way.  The one I've used for the last several winters is literally falling apart.  In fact, I planned to get a new one before the most recent winter, but decided my coat could make it through one more year.

Because of the styling of this lovely coat, it might fit me if I bought it in an XL.  But the largest size is an L.  If I was, say, 30 pounds lighter (or several inches narrower), I'm sure an L would be fine.

Sigh.  I want to be able to wear the pretty clothes...

Motivational Poster

A couple of ladies who read my blog over on SparkPeople said they really liked my comment "It's always better to show up at the pool."  One of them suggested we put it into a cross stitch sampler.  So of course in between projects today, I Googled cross stitch sampler design sites. 

Well, I didn't find one, but I did find a motivational poster design site.  Then I found a picture of a lap pool.  I specifically looked for a picture from the viewpoint of when you're about to dive in and start swimming. 

Then I made this:

Usually I don't like those motivational posters, but this is one I can get behind.

Learning Lessons

This morning my alarm went off and I was well aware that I had only had about 6 1/2 hours of fitful sleep.  I drank some Diet Coke in the evening to get me through a late work meeting, but I think it made my sleep too light.

I argued with myself for awhile about why it would be better to sleep than to get up for Masters swimming.  Plus, I wouldn't have to deal with Weird Guy if I didn't swim.  Ultimately, I talked myself into getting up.  I reminded myself that usually I feel better as soon as I get up.  Plus, there are only a few more Masters sessions left before our coach moves away, and I want to get in as many coached sessions as I can.

So I dragged myself out of bed, and even though I wasn't feeling any more awake by the time I walked from the locker room to the pool, I was there, and that's what counts.  I figured if I was slow today, I could always go last, right?

As soon as I got in the water and started my warm up, I felt a million times better.  Plus, Weird Guy didn't show today!  I wound up swimming with the two women who my pace is closest to and we all had a great workout.  We're very good at pushing one another.

Today I was able to remind myself that it's ALWAYS better to show up at the pool.

In the Trash With You!

Stupidest reason ever to cut a lunch walk short: my tights gradually sliding over my bum and down my legs.

That's it, these are going in the trash as soon as I get home.  This is the 3rd time I've worn them, and the 3rd time I've almost had a wardrobe malfunction.

I planned to walk for an hour, but halfway in, I realized that the tights would soon be around my knees and I should probably head back to the office.  There is no casual way to yank up tights in public.  If I could remember where I bought this particular pair, I would never buy them again.

Recent Treats

I've been on a quest for yummy treats with a Paleo angle and have found a couple I thought I would share.

Spiced Carrot Cake: This is so good!  I don't know if Jason liked it as much, but I thought it was just sweet enough without being too cloying.  I'm not even a big carrot cake fan, but I liked this recipe a lot.  I tried making the coconut cream too, but it didn't work for some reason.  It didn't come together nicely like in the recipe.

Also, I learned the hard way that a really good way to clog the kitchen sink is to pour the failed coconut cream down the drain.  Coconut oil clogs pipes.  And good.  Oops.

Anyway, I made a little glaze out of powdered sugar and water.  Not paleo with the powdered sugar, but it was a light glaze.  Maybe I could experiment next time with maple syrup-sweetened whipped cream...

Apple Crisp:  We got a bunch of apples in our winter farm share, but they were obviously from last fall's harvest because they were a little mealy.  Good for baking, though!  This was great AND it even had a nice crunchy crust.  I used maple syrup instead of the agave nectar, but I think honey might have been even better for getting a crunchy crust.

And in a not-so-sweet vein, last night I made a crock pot turkey breast for dinner.  This is the third time I've made it, and it's fabulous!  I don't remove the skin and after it's done cooking, I bake it in the oven at 350 for 20-30 minutes, or until the skin browns.  So.  Good.

New Week, New Momentum

Well, last week wound up being kind of a wash.  I just couldn't seem to get up and at 'em at all.  Instead, I slept in every day.  Well, I say "slept in".  Really, I just slept for an extra half hour, then got to work a little early.  So I swam on Tuesday, I walked another day, and that was about it for the week.

Yesterday, though, I finally started feeling some motivation to get moving again.  It was a gorgeous day!  I had church and then came home at 1, made a late lunch for me and Jason, and then went to another meeting for my church responsibilities.  I got home at about 6:00 and decided to go for a walk.  Jason was out, so I took off on my own down the pretty Boulevard path, listening to funny podcasts. 

I texted Jason to let him know I was heading out and he came to find me on his way home, pulling over to the side of the road, asking in a creepy voice, "Want some candy, little girl?"  I didn't really want to stop walking, since it was so nice, but he seemed bummed when I said he could go on home without me, so I got in the car.  Then he and I went for another walk around our neighborhood.  There are so many gorgeous flowers in bloom still, and the air is so fragrant with their scent.

We also wanted to scope out the other houses in the neighborhood that are for sale to size up the competition.

By the way, we close on our house tomorrow!

I've been feeling pretty blase about it up until now, but it's starting to feel real.

I think yesterday's walk helped spark something inside of me to get me back into gear after last week's slothfulness.  I didn't get to sleep until close to midnight last night, but I was still raring to go this morning for my strength training class.  Now I'm sore, but happy.  Tomorrow is Masters swimming!

The Doctor's Visit

I went to my new doctor yesterday, mainly just so I could get my drug hook-up (see previous migraine post).  I also got a physical, prescription for a lab work up, and a vaccination.  Woo hoo.

My doctor was really nice.  I'm to the age where the newer doctors are my peers and I could see going out to lunch with this one sometime.  But of course, the weight topic came up.  She was very nice about it, but I know that my current weight (and BMI, if you're into that sort of thing) sets off all sorts of alarms in the medical professional's mind.

I told her briefly about losing a bunch of weight several years ago and how most of it has crept back on.  I told her about my experience last year seeing the dietician who essentially called me a liar (or delusional).  I told her about my current workout regimen and how I haven't lost any weight, but I have lost 9 inches in the last month and a half.

She had a couple of thoughts, including me joining a research study at a local hospital involving tracking.  Which made me laugh as I told her that I've tracked my food off and on for YEARS.  In the end, we discussed it, and determined that for now, I would continue what I'm doing, since at least in terms of body composition, I am seeing some results.  If I'm concerned about it in a couple of months, she and I can discuss options.

She was very nice, but this is just one of those awkward conversations that I've had before and will probably have again.  No one seems to understand how I could be doing all the right things and still be obese.  Well, it's very, very possible.  Trust me.

The Lost Week - or, At Least A Couple of Days

I feel useless this week.  It started Tuesday when I was nauseous at Masters swimming.  I had a little tiny headache too, but I was mainly feeling completely ill, especially after every flipturn.  By Tuesday afternoon, I definitely had a migraine.  This is the first time that nausea has preceded a migraine.  Usually they show up together, nicely complementing one another.

I took one migraine pill and it dulled the pain for a little bit, but it came roaring back a bit later.  And I was out of migraine pills.  I'm in between doctors and didn't have anyone to call for a prescription.

I couldn't go home because we had a big meeting on Tuesday.  Which didn't go well.  Which didn't help my headache.  But I popped some Excedrin and soldiered through.  I finally left the office around 6:15, and went home to put an icepack on my head and take some more Excedrin.

Yesterday morning was supposed to be strength training, but I woke up and the headache seemed to have abated, but within 10 minutes of waking up, it was back.  I managed to keep it at a distance through most of yesterday with lots of Excedrin.  LOTS of Excedrin.

This morning I had swimming on my calendar, but when I woke up and realized my head didn't hurt anymore, but I was still exhausted, I decided to sleep.  Right this second, I can feel a slight achiness tapping on the back of my right eyebrow (that's where the pain parks itself when it shows up), but I'm drinking lots of water and hoping I can keep it at bay.  I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon where I'll be getting a shiny new prescription for my magic headache pills.

I've identified certain migraine triggers, but sometimes they show up without any root cause - other than my normal everyday stressors.  It always shocks me how debilitating they are.

This is SuperFun.

Today's WG moment:

At a pause in the set, Coach says to WG, "Straight and narrow!  Straight and narrow!  Stay between the lane line and the black marker down the center.  THAT's your space!"  In a nice way, but emphatically, because she sees him swimming down the middle-ish of the lane.

WG says, kind of to himself, and I don't think the coach heard, "I'm fiiiiine."  As in, there's NOTHING I need to change.

This is after the coach told him to change something.

I don't think he understands the concept behind Masters swimming.  With a coach.  To help you swim better.

I wound up leaving early because I'm feeling kind of yucky today.  As I was leaving, Coach asked me if the lane dynamics were the reason.  I said no (since that wasn't it), but now I'm wondering if I should have said, "Yes, please. Take him aside and talk to him."

2.25 Again

Well, I'm glad that I'm taking measurements as well as weighing myself, because if I went solely by the scale I would be really, really depressed by now. I still haven't lost any weight. I'm still hovering around those same 2-3 pounds in a range that I don't want to be in AT ALL. However, I'm down another 2.25 inches in the past 2 weeks, including 3/4 of an inch off of my hips. Now THAT's cause to celebrate.

More of the Mean Girls

We weren't really mean yesterday, more catty after the fact. But seriously, you know there's a problem when even the coach comments on it.

So yesterday the Weird Guy (WG) was in my lane again and he was still weird. He continued to swim down the middle of the lane, and continued to not really seem to understand the workouts and to do his own thing part of the time.

The most obnoxious thing, though, was his sprinting through everything so that he was right on top of whoever happened to be in front of him. Yesterday, the swimmers in my lane were me, B, WG and another guy. Other guy went first, B went 2nd, I went 3rd and WG went 4th. Yes, we arranged the order without consulting him and just started the set.

Well, at the end of the first length, I did a flipturn and when I turned around, WG was RIGHT ON TOP OF ME. Ack!

I seriously thought he was going to punch me in the face. Accidentally, of course. It's common courtesy to give the person in front of you a little space, unless you're sure you can pass them. He was swimming as hard as he could, and couldn't pass me outright, but he was bound and determined to swim as close to my feet as possible.

The third time this happened, I stopped and basically asked him to back off. He said he would, but he didn't, so I just let him pass me after the next length, and I swam last.

Then he started doing the same thing to B.

During the next set, I had to stop at one point and wait for him to get ahead because I kept catching up to his feet. While I was stopped, our coach noticed me and asked, "Why don't you just pass him?" I laughed and told her I tried that, but then he would sprint and get right on top of me. She looked out to where he was swimming and observed, "Oh yeah...Now he's doing it to B too..."

See! It's not just us!

She said, "Well, there's always one in every group. I suggest you wait 10-15 seconds after he goes before you start."

I mean, there's only so much she can do when she's coaching adults, right?

In the locker room afterward, B and I were rehashing the workout and she told me that he kept hitting her feet the entire time she was swimming in front of him. The funny thing is, he sprints through the entire workout, which doesn't seem healthy to me. At the end of each set, we would stop and the other 3 of us would be breathing normally pretty quickly, but WG was panting all the time. I don't know if he has something to prove to himself, but for whatever reason he is bound and determined to keep up and to win, even if it means swimming way outside of his comfort zone.

It's so strange. I've never run into this behavior before.