Tuesday, May 11, 2010

What I Should Have Been

As of tomorrow it will be a week since I got back from Hawaii and I have to confess, I haven't been to the gym once. I had great intentions to go at least 3 times over the past 5 mornings, but it just hasn't happened. Part of the reason is because it took me a lot longer to get over jetlag than I thought it would. Hawaii is 6 hours behind us. When we traveled there, I was basically awake for 24 hours and easily got adjusted to the time. I thought I had managed to trick my body the same way when I came back since I was able to fall asleep at 11 PM on Wednesday night (5 PM Hawaii time), but the next few nights I had an awful time getting to sleep. Saturday morning I slept in until 11, which I never do.

Last night I was FINALLY able to get to sleep at a regularish time, but I was still exhausted when my alarm went off for the gym this morning and I just shut it off. Maybe tomorrow.

Also, I think I'm suffering from a minor depression based solely on not being in Hawaii anymore.

The older I get, the more I realize what I should have done with my life. For one, I should NOT have a desk job. My continually restless leg all day long as I sit at my desk should have told me that. I absolutely adored being out and about every day, being active and soaking in the sun. Two, I should have followed my gut when I was 19 years old and been a marine biologist. I said that to Jason last night and he said, "I don't think it's as exciting as you think it is..." I told him I don't think it's some exciting glamorous job or something. But when I think about what I truly love and could probably study the intricacies of all day long and find it fascinating, it's the ocean and ocean life. During my sophomore year of college I took an environmental biology class and was absolutely enthralled when we studied the ocean ecosystems.

Oh well.

When I have these life crises, I promise myself that I will somehow teach my children to figure out what they love and to pursue that in life.


Donna said...

I think everyone has those moments of "Oh crap...why didn't I follow my heart?" when it come to their jobs.

Strangely enough (and sad to say), I accomplished my career goal from HS (technical writing). That being said, I have been dreaming lately of doing something else. And even at my advanced age, I am hopeful that it's not too late.

You still have time on your side, Kelly--if you want to do something else, go for it! You have the smarts & the drive--I know you can accomplish anything you truly desire.

Kelly said...

Donna, it's a nice thought, and even though I'm not old, I do have a lot of law school debt. Plus, we want to have a kid or two at some point so no big career changes right now. Maybe later.

Do you have any ideas about what you want to do next?

Amazon Alanna said...

I agree with Donna- even if you don't go to school to become a marine biologist now, do it later after you've had kids. You'll be happier and you'll teach your kids that it's never to late to pursue your dreams, and that learning never stops.

And Donna, if you've come back to read, it's not too late!

Personally, I might go to medical school after I retire from teaching. Or I might become a nutritionist. I'm not sure, but I'm going back to school for something when I'm in my late 50s...it'll be my second adulthood. :)

Anonymous said...

As my wise old grandma says, "If anyone ever gives you the chance to do your favorite thing everyday for the rest of your life, say no!" It's up there with the "never work in your favorite restaurant" rule. Sometimes it's better just to visit your passions. Plus, you and I both know a statistically improbable number of biologists... and THEY're disappointed that they work indoors so much. It's nothing like they thought it would be, and even old passions can become balls-and-chains. (Witness: I'd rather do just about anything besides go to an art museum on vacation.)
Plus, I've known you long enough to know that you also wanted to be a doctor/writer - and I don't know what comes closer to that than a health lawyer! I hear what you're saying, but a person as kick-arse as you should NEVER have regrets!
Mpls Jenn