Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I Guess I'm Not the Fat Girl Anymore

I had an encounter yesterday that seriously called into question my self perception, as well as reminded me of the type of comments I hope I never hear myself making.

I was offsite at a client’s office and had to be let in by the secretary. The elevator door opened to let us on and out walked 3 heavyset women with large containers of food they had just gotten from the cafeteria one floor below.

After we got in and the doors shut behind us, the secretary turned to me and said, “I know this is awful of me to say, but every morning when I see those big women with their big food containers all I can think is, ‘You can’t walk up one flight of stairs?’”

And, ok, the women were large and they did have a lot of food, but as someone who has bounced around the 200 mark for awhile I know that simply eating less and walking up a flight of stairs occasionally probably aren’t the only issues there.

I just kind of murmured, “Uh-huh” without elaborating. This was the client after all. It’s not like I could really whip out my In Defense of the Overweight Treatise.

It was weird to suddenly feel like I was part of the in crowd. The thin crowd. The ones who talk about the fat people. The fat people were the “other”, there to be judged.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered if people around me were thinking that I really didn’t need to be ordering that brownie or that scoop of full fat, full sugar ice cream. Maybe they were.

I still feel like the fat girl. I feel like I look pretty good now, but I know I still have 20 pounds to lose. More if I wanted to look like someone on TV, which I don’t.

Just an odd moment all around. Uncomfortable because of the comment being made to me, assuming I would agree. Strange to realize that I suppose I don’t come across as the fat girl anymore. At least not to this secretary.

3 comments:

Amazon Alanna said...

Gah! I know what you mean. I'm always wondering if when strangers are looking at me are they trying to figure out how much I weigh? Perhaps thanking the heavens above that they are the chunkiest in the room...I don't know where it comes from! Frightening...

Kim said...

I can't imagine not being, or being seen as the "big girl". I am kind of looking forward to the first time I finally make the cross over. At least, I think I am...

FoxyLady2Be said...

At 210lbs, I swore up and down that I would never make an overweight person feel as lowsy as I did when people would make comments to me or behind my back. I never wanted to be that kind of a person.

At 165, I still don't make those comments... but I have wondered internally a few times about how someone could be satisfied or content remaining at a really high weight. I don't look down at them, I just feel sorry that they haven't had their "ah ha" moments yet. I am not at my ideal weight, and I am still overlooked by men and feel uncomfortable in my body. I've been so far from perfect I need binoculars to locate it.

I know how you feel on this one... although I haven't been accepted into the "thin" crowd yet. I do notice that thin women still won't talk to me about clothing or makeup or exercise, even though I know a bit about all. They probably assume that I am not interested in those things because I am heavy. I don't know where they get that idea.