I had an encounter yesterday that seriously called into question my self perception, as well as reminded me of the type of comments I hope I never hear myself making.
I was offsite at a client’s office and had to be let in by the secretary. The elevator door opened to let us on and out walked 3 heavyset women with large containers of food they had just gotten from the cafeteria one floor below.
After we got in and the doors shut behind us, the secretary turned to me and said, “I know this is awful of me to say, but every morning when I see those big women with their big food containers all I can think is, ‘You can’t walk up one flight of stairs?’”
And, ok, the women were large and they did have a lot of food, but as someone who has bounced around the 200 mark for awhile I know that simply eating less and walking up a flight of stairs occasionally probably aren’t the only issues there.
I just kind of murmured, “Uh-huh” without elaborating. This was the client after all. It’s not like I could really whip out my In Defense of the Overweight Treatise.
It was weird to suddenly feel like I was part of the in crowd. The thin crowd. The ones who talk about the fat people. The fat people were the “other”, there to be judged.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered if people around me were thinking that I really didn’t need to be ordering that brownie or that scoop of full fat, full sugar ice cream. Maybe they were.
I still feel like the fat girl. I feel like I look pretty good now, but I know I still have 20 pounds to lose. More if I wanted to look like someone on TV, which I don’t.
Just an odd moment all around. Uncomfortable because of the comment being made to me, assuming I would agree. Strange to realize that I suppose I don’t come across as the fat girl anymore. At least not to this secretary.