I'm pleased that on the day I returned to strength training class after a very, very long absence, the teacher decided to tailor it just for me. Seriously, today was my ideal class. Lots of abs, some triceps and biceps, some quads and glutes. I am a rock star when it comes to ab exercises, for which I credit swimming for many years. Except for plank, that is. We did 3, 1 minute 20 second planks and I couldn't hold them for very long. However, I blame the slippery floor (toes sliding out from under me) and my weak elbows for that, rather than my core. I assume as I lose weight, it won't hurt my elbows quite so much to hold plank.
Hopefully I won't be too sore and can elliptical tomorrow. I should probably elliptical anyway since I'm sure it will help work out some of the muscle soreness. My plan is to elliptical 3 times this week and go back for more strength class on Friday.
On Saturday I had a planned diet deviation and I really suffered for it. We went up to Cambridge for a music festival all day Saturday and it's tradition every year to go to a Mexican place there with friends. My entrée was ok on the carbs, but I planned to, and I did, indulge in the chips and salsa. I've always said that I don't react strongly to corn, but I think I might have been overly optimistic.
By the time we left the restaurant, I was starting to feel bloated. We went to the festival's closing concert and two hours later when we left for home, I felt like my whole body had puffed up to double its size. Not only that, but an hour into the closing concert I suddenly felt insanely tired. Even with all the noise, I could have fallen asleep right there. The next morning it was so hard to get up.
I know I've written about these experiences before, but I keep writing them down in the hopes that they will sink in, and also act as evidence to myself that I really do have extreme reactions to grains.
Yesterday was a stellar food day and today is on track so far as well. I just feel so much better eating this way!
Monday, January 13, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
Day 7 - Back to the Gym
That's right, I finally made it to the gym this morning, only 4 days after I originally planned. Not only that, but when I walked outside I realized it was snowing pretty hard. The snow had just started so the road was fairly slick, but by the time I finished my workout, there was about an inch and a half of snow on the ground and not a plow to be seen. That was a tricky drive home...
I think I should get extra points for that.
I ellipticaled for 30 minutes, which isn't much, but it's a start. I sweated a little and breathed heavily and realized I have a long way to go to get back in shape.
The bad part about becoming a regular at the Y is that if you disappear for a few months, they notice. I felt kind of sheepish when the women at the front desk greeted me with a cheery, "Welcome back!"
I'm determined not to disappear again!
I think I should get extra points for that.
I ellipticaled for 30 minutes, which isn't much, but it's a start. I sweated a little and breathed heavily and realized I have a long way to go to get back in shape.
The bad part about becoming a regular at the Y is that if you disappear for a few months, they notice. I felt kind of sheepish when the women at the front desk greeted me with a cheery, "Welcome back!"
I'm determined not to disappear again!
Thursday, January 09, 2014
Eggs!
I love eggs. Sometimes I get tired of them, but generally speaking I eat them pretty reliably for breakfast almost every day. Just this morning I had 2 eggs scrambled in some butter with a couple ounces of leftover chicken breast and a bit of feta cheese on top. Delicious!
Now that we get eggs in our weekly farm share, I enjoy them even more. Fresh eggs are fantastic.
A couple of years ago when I went to a nutritionist to try to figure out why I wasn't losing any weight (Spoiler: she didn't help) she looked horrified that I might eat 3-4 eggs per morning when I was swimming 2500-3000 yards before breakfast. I never could quite figure out why, other than a lingering fear that dietary cholesterol has anything to do with blood cholesterol. (She had other ideas that didn't quite add up in my mind.)
Well, I have news for that nutritionist. I had some blood work done recently and despite the whole needing to lose weight thing, all of my numbers are pretty great. Cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar - all good. If anyone has eaten enough eggs to impact cholesterol, it would be me over the last couple of years. So after my own unofficial n=1 experiment, I feel pretty safe in continuing to eat my eggs.
Now that we get eggs in our weekly farm share, I enjoy them even more. Fresh eggs are fantastic.
A couple of years ago when I went to a nutritionist to try to figure out why I wasn't losing any weight (Spoiler: she didn't help) she looked horrified that I might eat 3-4 eggs per morning when I was swimming 2500-3000 yards before breakfast. I never could quite figure out why, other than a lingering fear that dietary cholesterol has anything to do with blood cholesterol. (She had other ideas that didn't quite add up in my mind.)
Well, I have news for that nutritionist. I had some blood work done recently and despite the whole needing to lose weight thing, all of my numbers are pretty great. Cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar - all good. If anyone has eaten enough eggs to impact cholesterol, it would be me over the last couple of years. So after my own unofficial n=1 experiment, I feel pretty safe in continuing to eat my eggs.
Tuesday, January 07, 2014
Day 4 - How It's Going
It's going pretty okay actually. Not perfect. Yesterday I had a meeting after work that happens every month and sometimes lasts until past 9 PM and is usually very, very dull. So I ordered a Diet Coke as soon as I got there. I also ate some mashed potatoes and berries because that's what we were served (and chicken and broccoli. I did not eat the roll. Victory!).
My sugar/grain/caffeine withdrawal has not been as extreme as in the past. I chalk that up to me eating pretty healthy during the fall. It's amazing how thinking there's another person depending on the nutrients in your body makes you clean up your dietary act pretty quickly. As of the end of November, though, all bets were off and I descended into a caffeine and sugar-fueled spree. Still, having only a month to detox from versus several months or a year has made this pretty painless. I had a brief headache Saturday evening and just wanted to fall asleep by about 6 PM, and I've felt pretty drowsy for the past 3 days, but today I've reached the magical Day 4.
Day 4 is always my day for feeling great when I do one of these detoxes.
Exercise is not going so well. The past 2 nights I have diligently prepared my bag so that I could get ready for work at the gym, laid out my workout clothes so I could grab them in the dark, and set everything I would need for the day by the front door, ready to go. And the past 2 mornings I haven't made it to the gym. Yesterday, I woke up at 4 AM, stayed awake for an hour and a half, and then fell back to sleep just in time for my 5:45 alarm to go off. Then I realized it was pouring rain outside. Never mind, it's only Monday. I still have 5 more days in this week.
This morning I woke up just before my alarm and it was 9 degrees out, with a wind chill of -5. I could hear the wind whistling around the house. It was still pitch black out. Yeah, no. I still have 4 more days in this week.
When I woke up for real I remembered I have an early meeting in Boston on Friday, so really only 3 days left in the week. Still, I can walk the mile from the train station to the office in Boston, right? That will count for something.
So I'm basically to the point where tomorrow it is mandatory that I go to the gym. I think it's supposed to be a bit warmer tomorrow morning (though still pitch black), which will help a little.
My sugar/grain/caffeine withdrawal has not been as extreme as in the past. I chalk that up to me eating pretty healthy during the fall. It's amazing how thinking there's another person depending on the nutrients in your body makes you clean up your dietary act pretty quickly. As of the end of November, though, all bets were off and I descended into a caffeine and sugar-fueled spree. Still, having only a month to detox from versus several months or a year has made this pretty painless. I had a brief headache Saturday evening and just wanted to fall asleep by about 6 PM, and I've felt pretty drowsy for the past 3 days, but today I've reached the magical Day 4.
Day 4 is always my day for feeling great when I do one of these detoxes.
Exercise is not going so well. The past 2 nights I have diligently prepared my bag so that I could get ready for work at the gym, laid out my workout clothes so I could grab them in the dark, and set everything I would need for the day by the front door, ready to go. And the past 2 mornings I haven't made it to the gym. Yesterday, I woke up at 4 AM, stayed awake for an hour and a half, and then fell back to sleep just in time for my 5:45 alarm to go off. Then I realized it was pouring rain outside. Never mind, it's only Monday. I still have 5 more days in this week.
This morning I woke up just before my alarm and it was 9 degrees out, with a wind chill of -5. I could hear the wind whistling around the house. It was still pitch black out. Yeah, no. I still have 4 more days in this week.
When I woke up for real I remembered I have an early meeting in Boston on Friday, so really only 3 days left in the week. Still, I can walk the mile from the train station to the office in Boston, right? That will count for something.
So I'm basically to the point where tomorrow it is mandatory that I go to the gym. I think it's supposed to be a bit warmer tomorrow morning (though still pitch black), which will help a little.
Friday, January 03, 2014
Obligatory Resolutions Post
Like everyone else in the world, I'm making some resolutions for the new year. I'm usually pretty good with sticking to resolutions and challenges, at least in the short term. It helps to have goals and end points and rewards here and there so that I have a defined structure, rather than this vague idea of "This is how I'm living my life forever starting today!!!!" Which is all well and good, but for me winds up being an unrealistic way to frame things in my head.
These past few months have been a bit of a roller coaster, emotionally and physically. For those who didn't see my last couple of posts, I had a miscarriage at the beginning of December. I had just passed 12 weeks, but we had known since 9 1/2 weeks that the pregnancy wasn't viable. I had grand plans to keep being active and at least go for a walk most days during the first trimester, but the nausea and fatigue quickly made that just a pipe dream. Then I was sad and just didn't feel like doing much while I healed. I still feel sad at times, but it's getting better. Now, a month later, I finally feel relatively normal again.
So I'm ready to set some goals and get going. I'm really frustrated with how I look (double chin) and feel (uncomfortable in my own skin) right now. I've never been a picture avoider, but while we were in Utah with the in-laws for Christmas, I realized that I really don't want any documentation of how I look right now. Sad, right? I've gained back all the weight I lost several years ago, plus about 10 more pounds for good measure. I have truly accepted that because of my build, I'll never be skinny, but I don't want to be obese either. I love when I feel strong, and have defined muscles in my arms and legs and back. I want to get back to feeling sort of like an athlete again.
So here's the plan.
Food
Step 1 - Sugar detox. I am so over-sugared right now, thanks to the holidays. One good side effect of the nausea/pregnancy hormones was that I had zero sweet tooth. It was kind of remarkable. Jason and I went apple picking and he made a few apple pies over the next few weeks and then wound up eating most of them himself because I just didn't want more than a piece here or there. At the same time, I could not get enough salt. Like, I probably would have been happy if Jason had bought me a salt lick. Anyway, last month my sweet tooth came back with a vengeance. Coupled with crazy hormones, a tiny bit of depression and the holiday free for all, I'm pretty sure my pants are tighter now than they were a month ago.
So starting tomorrow (Saturday), I'm cutting out the carbs - no sugar, no grains. If we get invited to someone's house for dinner, I'm not going to turn up my nose at something they make, but my goal is to eat protein, fat and vegetables. I'm going to do the first 2 weeks as a super low carb start, like Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet, which I've done several times before. Saturday is a good day to start in case I have withdrawal headaches or just generally feel yucky.
Step 2 - Maintain Paleo/Primal diet. After the first 2 weeks, I'll work some sweet potatoes and other root vegetables back in. It is winter, after all, and we'll have a winter farm share starting up soon that will be giving us lots of roots (and probably some greenhouse greens). I haven't noticed a dairy sensitivity, so I'll keep dairy in my diet. However, if I find I don't lose weight (which has been a problem for the last few years), I'll experiment with cutting out dairy.
Step 3 - Institute a once a month Cheat Day. Many people have opined on the Cheat Day and whether it's a good practice or not. All I know is that when I know there's a Cheat Day coming, it's much easier for me to forego a treat when it's staring me in the face. I say to myself, "I won't eat it now, but when Cheat Day comes, I can have it." As the months pass, not only does it become easier for me to not eat the crap, but I find I want much less of it on Cheat Day. For instance, in the past, I have devoured a pint of Ben and Jerry's on my first Cheat Day, but by month 5, I couldn't eat more than half a pint without feeling ill. It's totally a crutch, and I embrace that.
Exercise
(At this point, I've been so inactive for so long that I'm a little scared about how much it's going to hurt when I start exercising again. But it's a good pain, right?)
Step 1 - I am declaring for all the world that exercise begins Monday with a gradual cardio increase. Yeah, it's freaking cold outside (although it's supposed to be warmer on Sunday), but this is the time that I need to start getting in shape for beach/kayak/open water swim times in the Summer. So I'm hitting the elliptical next week. I'm going to shoot for 4 days of ellipticaling next week. Long-term I will aim for 3-4 days of cardio per week.
Step 2 - Strength training. Time to go back to the MWF strength training class at the Y, starting Monday after next (the 13th). Long-term I will aim for at least 2 days of strength training per week.
Step 3 - Swimming. To be implemented in February when it will still be freaking cold but maybe won't be quite so freaking dark in the mornings. I'm still having pain in my right shoulder, which is baffling considering how little it has been doing lately. I have to confess that I'm a bit terrified that it's a chronic issue and is going to seriously inhibit how much I can swim for the rest of my life. My mom has severe rheumatoid arthritis and I would be lying if I said that the idea of this pain being the beginning of something like that hasn't crossed my mind. So I will elliptical and I will strength train and if the shoulder still hurts by the end of January, I will go to the doctor and try to figure out what's going on.
Step 4 - Walking. I joined a 10,000 steps per day challenge several months ago and until I got sidelined by an illness, it was amazing the machinations I went through to ensure I got 10,000 steps per day. One night I got home from a meeting and was still severely short, so I went for a 3 mile walk at 9 PM. I'd like to challenge myself like that again in the next couple of months, but it's difficult when there's snow and ice on the ground to get it done reliably. I'll save the challenge for, say, March, but in the meantime, I'll take advantage of the warmer Winter days and head outside for a walk as much as possible.
All of my goals are perfectly reasonable and doable. I'm trying to not be too crazy and just work on getting myself more healthy and gradually losing weight. Let's do this!
These past few months have been a bit of a roller coaster, emotionally and physically. For those who didn't see my last couple of posts, I had a miscarriage at the beginning of December. I had just passed 12 weeks, but we had known since 9 1/2 weeks that the pregnancy wasn't viable. I had grand plans to keep being active and at least go for a walk most days during the first trimester, but the nausea and fatigue quickly made that just a pipe dream. Then I was sad and just didn't feel like doing much while I healed. I still feel sad at times, but it's getting better. Now, a month later, I finally feel relatively normal again.
So I'm ready to set some goals and get going. I'm really frustrated with how I look (double chin) and feel (uncomfortable in my own skin) right now. I've never been a picture avoider, but while we were in Utah with the in-laws for Christmas, I realized that I really don't want any documentation of how I look right now. Sad, right? I've gained back all the weight I lost several years ago, plus about 10 more pounds for good measure. I have truly accepted that because of my build, I'll never be skinny, but I don't want to be obese either. I love when I feel strong, and have defined muscles in my arms and legs and back. I want to get back to feeling sort of like an athlete again.
So here's the plan.
Food
Step 1 - Sugar detox. I am so over-sugared right now, thanks to the holidays. One good side effect of the nausea/pregnancy hormones was that I had zero sweet tooth. It was kind of remarkable. Jason and I went apple picking and he made a few apple pies over the next few weeks and then wound up eating most of them himself because I just didn't want more than a piece here or there. At the same time, I could not get enough salt. Like, I probably would have been happy if Jason had bought me a salt lick. Anyway, last month my sweet tooth came back with a vengeance. Coupled with crazy hormones, a tiny bit of depression and the holiday free for all, I'm pretty sure my pants are tighter now than they were a month ago.
So starting tomorrow (Saturday), I'm cutting out the carbs - no sugar, no grains. If we get invited to someone's house for dinner, I'm not going to turn up my nose at something they make, but my goal is to eat protein, fat and vegetables. I'm going to do the first 2 weeks as a super low carb start, like Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet, which I've done several times before. Saturday is a good day to start in case I have withdrawal headaches or just generally feel yucky.
Step 2 - Maintain Paleo/Primal diet. After the first 2 weeks, I'll work some sweet potatoes and other root vegetables back in. It is winter, after all, and we'll have a winter farm share starting up soon that will be giving us lots of roots (and probably some greenhouse greens). I haven't noticed a dairy sensitivity, so I'll keep dairy in my diet. However, if I find I don't lose weight (which has been a problem for the last few years), I'll experiment with cutting out dairy.
Step 3 - Institute a once a month Cheat Day. Many people have opined on the Cheat Day and whether it's a good practice or not. All I know is that when I know there's a Cheat Day coming, it's much easier for me to forego a treat when it's staring me in the face. I say to myself, "I won't eat it now, but when Cheat Day comes, I can have it." As the months pass, not only does it become easier for me to not eat the crap, but I find I want much less of it on Cheat Day. For instance, in the past, I have devoured a pint of Ben and Jerry's on my first Cheat Day, but by month 5, I couldn't eat more than half a pint without feeling ill. It's totally a crutch, and I embrace that.
Exercise
(At this point, I've been so inactive for so long that I'm a little scared about how much it's going to hurt when I start exercising again. But it's a good pain, right?)
Step 1 - I am declaring for all the world that exercise begins Monday with a gradual cardio increase. Yeah, it's freaking cold outside (although it's supposed to be warmer on Sunday), but this is the time that I need to start getting in shape for beach/kayak/open water swim times in the Summer. So I'm hitting the elliptical next week. I'm going to shoot for 4 days of ellipticaling next week. Long-term I will aim for 3-4 days of cardio per week.
Step 2 - Strength training. Time to go back to the MWF strength training class at the Y, starting Monday after next (the 13th). Long-term I will aim for at least 2 days of strength training per week.
Step 3 - Swimming. To be implemented in February when it will still be freaking cold but maybe won't be quite so freaking dark in the mornings. I'm still having pain in my right shoulder, which is baffling considering how little it has been doing lately. I have to confess that I'm a bit terrified that it's a chronic issue and is going to seriously inhibit how much I can swim for the rest of my life. My mom has severe rheumatoid arthritis and I would be lying if I said that the idea of this pain being the beginning of something like that hasn't crossed my mind. So I will elliptical and I will strength train and if the shoulder still hurts by the end of January, I will go to the doctor and try to figure out what's going on.
Step 4 - Walking. I joined a 10,000 steps per day challenge several months ago and until I got sidelined by an illness, it was amazing the machinations I went through to ensure I got 10,000 steps per day. One night I got home from a meeting and was still severely short, so I went for a 3 mile walk at 9 PM. I'd like to challenge myself like that again in the next couple of months, but it's difficult when there's snow and ice on the ground to get it done reliably. I'll save the challenge for, say, March, but in the meantime, I'll take advantage of the warmer Winter days and head outside for a walk as much as possible.
All of my goals are perfectly reasonable and doable. I'm trying to not be too crazy and just work on getting myself more healthy and gradually losing weight. Let's do this!
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Feeling Better
I wrote a blog post about the miscarriage, but I don't think I'm going to post it. It was good for me to write it out, an exercise I've done since I was a little girl. I wrote about it, and now the story is out of me, and I feel ready to move forward a little bit more every day.
I will say that it was much more dramatic than I had expected. When I miscarried at around 5 weeks, it just felt like a slightly heavier, slightly crampier period. Miscarrying at 12 weeks is a whole different animal. After being in severe pain all day, pain that a Percoset prescription didn't touch, Jason took me to the ER, where I praised the staff who got me in and hooked me up to a Dilaudid IV within 20 minutes. A miracle. I even wrote the hospital administration an email telling them how great everyone was.
I think the experience scared Jason pretty badly - I couldn't talk, I couldn't do anything except moan. It's made me rethink whether I'm really going to have a hippie no medication birth after all.
It feels monumentally unfair that I went through the first trimester and essentially experienced labor, and in the end we're left with nothing.
Still, we're moving forward. It's put a bit of a damper on the holidays. I've been moody, as Jason will tell you. Tears are right under the surface for the entirety of my days. Not just sad tears, though. As we move toward Christmas, every hokey attempt at sentimentalism that in past years I might have been able to ignore has been making me well up and think, "That's just so lovely!"
So if you see me crying, it's not necessarily a bad thing.
We got a Christmas tree and decorated it, and that helped. Jason filled the house with poinsettias like he does every year, and I pulled out my stuffed snowmen and teddy bears dressed in Victorian Christmas garb (they're adorable!), and that helped. A couple of days ago, I felt like myself for the first time in ages.
We're moving forward and we'll keep trying, because it would be nice to have a child or two to share this life with.
I will say that it was much more dramatic than I had expected. When I miscarried at around 5 weeks, it just felt like a slightly heavier, slightly crampier period. Miscarrying at 12 weeks is a whole different animal. After being in severe pain all day, pain that a Percoset prescription didn't touch, Jason took me to the ER, where I praised the staff who got me in and hooked me up to a Dilaudid IV within 20 minutes. A miracle. I even wrote the hospital administration an email telling them how great everyone was.
I think the experience scared Jason pretty badly - I couldn't talk, I couldn't do anything except moan. It's made me rethink whether I'm really going to have a hippie no medication birth after all.
It feels monumentally unfair that I went through the first trimester and essentially experienced labor, and in the end we're left with nothing.
Still, we're moving forward. It's put a bit of a damper on the holidays. I've been moody, as Jason will tell you. Tears are right under the surface for the entirety of my days. Not just sad tears, though. As we move toward Christmas, every hokey attempt at sentimentalism that in past years I might have been able to ignore has been making me well up and think, "That's just so lovely!"
So if you see me crying, it's not necessarily a bad thing.
We got a Christmas tree and decorated it, and that helped. Jason filled the house with poinsettias like he does every year, and I pulled out my stuffed snowmen and teddy bears dressed in Victorian Christmas garb (they're adorable!), and that helped. A couple of days ago, I felt like myself for the first time in ages.
We're moving forward and we'll keep trying, because it would be nice to have a child or two to share this life with.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Where I've Been
I haven't written anything very substantive on my blogs for a little while now because I've been preoccupied. I've been waiting until an appropriate time to share some news here, and in the meantime I've been drafting posts about what's been going on to post once I could talk about it.
But now there's nothing really to share except this: I'm waiting to have a miscarriage.
I've written a bit about our struggles to have a baby. As of next January, we will have been trying for 3 years. We've been to doctors and the problem has been figured out and essentially fixed, so we've only been really trying with everything working well for about 8 months or so.
In September we planned to do an IUI at the fertility clinic, only it seemed like I never ovulated, which is weird since I'm like clockwork. Imagine my surprise a few weeks later when I got two positive pregnancy tests. After all of the doctors and appointments and everything, we had done it on our own!
For the last month I've been experiencing pregnancy symptoms - all-day nausea, bloating, gas, sore boobs. These things were irritating on one hand, and exciting on the other, because it meant I was growing a baby.
Only, no.
Thursday night, Jason and I went to the hospital for my first ultrasound. I was 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, so we expected to see our teeny baby for the first time and to hopefully hear its heartbeat. Instead, there was nothing. A yolk sac, indicating that things had started out well, but no baby. The fetus never grew.
The technician couldn't tell us what it meant, because that's not her place, but it was clear from her face, and painfully obvious that there was just no baby.
We left the hospital devastated. At 9 1/2 weeks, I had already imagined telling family and friends in a few weeks. I was so excited to be able to share this right before Christmas. Based on the conception date, baby would have arrived around June 15, which meant having the summer to spend together. I envisioned possibly, once I got coordinated enough, taking baby to sit on the beach with me. We have had a dramatic shift in how we envisioned the next 8 months (and after) since Thursday night.
As much as I would like to close the chapter and have it end immediately, I'm just going to let nature take its course, which could take a couple of weeks. I spoke to my doctor on Friday afternoon and she was so kind. She even gave me her cell phone number in case I need to talk. I feel good about choosing her as my OB even though we've only interacted a couple of times.
Jason was emailing with a friend on Friday, and it must have been on his mind because she's expecting a baby, and so he told her. It turns out the same thing happened to her and her husband. She went in for the ultrasound at 9 weeks, and nothing was there. I honestly didn't know this was even a possibility. I thought if there was something wrong like that, surely you miscarried much sooner than almost 10 weeks. I can't say that I'm glad it happened to her too, because it's terrible, but it's nice to feel not so alone.
Which is really why I am writing about this. The more I talk about fertility issues, the more I realize we have lots of friends who have also struggled with having a baby. And the more we discuss miscarriage, the more friends we realize have also dealt with this. No one talks about these things, because they are personal and the hurt is deep, but it's nice to know we're not alone. Knowing there's a friend I can email when I am sad or if things get hard over the next couple of weeks who knows what I am feeling, is really a comfort to me.
I'm supposed to be 10 weeks today, but I'm just waiting for it to end. We're going to try again, of course, but today we are sad.
But now there's nothing really to share except this: I'm waiting to have a miscarriage.
I've written a bit about our struggles to have a baby. As of next January, we will have been trying for 3 years. We've been to doctors and the problem has been figured out and essentially fixed, so we've only been really trying with everything working well for about 8 months or so.
In September we planned to do an IUI at the fertility clinic, only it seemed like I never ovulated, which is weird since I'm like clockwork. Imagine my surprise a few weeks later when I got two positive pregnancy tests. After all of the doctors and appointments and everything, we had done it on our own!
For the last month I've been experiencing pregnancy symptoms - all-day nausea, bloating, gas, sore boobs. These things were irritating on one hand, and exciting on the other, because it meant I was growing a baby.
Only, no.
Thursday night, Jason and I went to the hospital for my first ultrasound. I was 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, so we expected to see our teeny baby for the first time and to hopefully hear its heartbeat. Instead, there was nothing. A yolk sac, indicating that things had started out well, but no baby. The fetus never grew.
The technician couldn't tell us what it meant, because that's not her place, but it was clear from her face, and painfully obvious that there was just no baby.
We left the hospital devastated. At 9 1/2 weeks, I had already imagined telling family and friends in a few weeks. I was so excited to be able to share this right before Christmas. Based on the conception date, baby would have arrived around June 15, which meant having the summer to spend together. I envisioned possibly, once I got coordinated enough, taking baby to sit on the beach with me. We have had a dramatic shift in how we envisioned the next 8 months (and after) since Thursday night.
As much as I would like to close the chapter and have it end immediately, I'm just going to let nature take its course, which could take a couple of weeks. I spoke to my doctor on Friday afternoon and she was so kind. She even gave me her cell phone number in case I need to talk. I feel good about choosing her as my OB even though we've only interacted a couple of times.
Jason was emailing with a friend on Friday, and it must have been on his mind because she's expecting a baby, and so he told her. It turns out the same thing happened to her and her husband. She went in for the ultrasound at 9 weeks, and nothing was there. I honestly didn't know this was even a possibility. I thought if there was something wrong like that, surely you miscarried much sooner than almost 10 weeks. I can't say that I'm glad it happened to her too, because it's terrible, but it's nice to feel not so alone.
Which is really why I am writing about this. The more I talk about fertility issues, the more I realize we have lots of friends who have also struggled with having a baby. And the more we discuss miscarriage, the more friends we realize have also dealt with this. No one talks about these things, because they are personal and the hurt is deep, but it's nice to know we're not alone. Knowing there's a friend I can email when I am sad or if things get hard over the next couple of weeks who knows what I am feeling, is really a comfort to me.
I'm supposed to be 10 weeks today, but I'm just waiting for it to end. We're going to try again, of course, but today we are sad.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Size Deflation
I have a bone to pick with Target. A few years ago I discovered their black tights in a roll, which gave me cheap, comfortable tights to wear in the winter with a waist band that landed somewhere near my belly button (versus right under my chest like most tights).
Only, the last time I bought a pair, the size I bought before (and still wear) suddenly was WAY too small. OK, fine, I've gained some weight. I can go up a size. Last night I bought 2 pairs of the next size up, only to discover this morning that they are both too small. Well, one I could yank on after some effort, but there is no way the other pair is going to fit unless I lose about 40 pounds. This is the size that's supposed to fit up to 5'11" and 230 pounds. I call major shenanigans!
If I didn't still have a couple of pairs from past years that fit perfectly fine, in the smaller size, I would probably be really depressed and bemoaning my state of fatness. Instead I'm just irritated at Target. I thought everyone was complaining about size inflation lately, but Target seems to be going to other way, at least in its tights.
Now I have to find a new source for a winter staple. Sigh.
Only, the last time I bought a pair, the size I bought before (and still wear) suddenly was WAY too small. OK, fine, I've gained some weight. I can go up a size. Last night I bought 2 pairs of the next size up, only to discover this morning that they are both too small. Well, one I could yank on after some effort, but there is no way the other pair is going to fit unless I lose about 40 pounds. This is the size that's supposed to fit up to 5'11" and 230 pounds. I call major shenanigans!
If I didn't still have a couple of pairs from past years that fit perfectly fine, in the smaller size, I would probably be really depressed and bemoaning my state of fatness. Instead I'm just irritated at Target. I thought everyone was complaining about size inflation lately, but Target seems to be going to other way, at least in its tights.
Now I have to find a new source for a winter staple. Sigh.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Obsessive Much?
I don't know what it is, but lately I am obsessed with knitting. Maybe it's the change in the weather. Or the knowledge that I have a bunch of big things I want to get done for Christmas presents and, oh my gosh, it's almost the end of September!
Also, sigh, I seem to have really tweaked my shoulder, which has put the kibosh on my swimming challenge. We've gone kayaking twice this month, and that, plus the yardage I have managed to get done, plus my feeble attempts at the Cross Fit-esque workouts for my OTHER challenge have seemed to have really done a number on my right shoulder. Basically whenever I do anything requiring shoulder movement, it hurts. I figure I'll give it another week and then I'll go to the doctor.
Anyway, in lieu of challenge updates, I will post pictures of my knitting works in progress because that's what I've been doing this month.
A couple of gift sweaters I'm working on using Techniques! (multi-colored knitting and cables, specifically):
And here's the hat I'm making with my new Yarnbox yarn, with a lovely cabled brim, since I lost my winter hat last year and need a new one anyway:
Also, sigh, I seem to have really tweaked my shoulder, which has put the kibosh on my swimming challenge. We've gone kayaking twice this month, and that, plus the yardage I have managed to get done, plus my feeble attempts at the Cross Fit-esque workouts for my OTHER challenge have seemed to have really done a number on my right shoulder. Basically whenever I do anything requiring shoulder movement, it hurts. I figure I'll give it another week and then I'll go to the doctor.
Anyway, in lieu of challenge updates, I will post pictures of my knitting works in progress because that's what I've been doing this month.
A couple of gift sweaters I'm working on using Techniques! (multi-colored knitting and cables, specifically):
And here's the hat I'm making with my new Yarnbox yarn, with a lovely cabled brim, since I lost my winter hat last year and need a new one anyway:
I'm also going to make a cowl to match the hat.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
September Update
I've been feeling down on myself because I haven't done as much as I wanted to with regard to my September challenges, but I think I need to cut myself a little slack. So I still have 19,200 yards to swim this month. On the other hand, I swam 5 miles last week, including a 3000 yard workout on Saturday.
I haven't been keeping up with ALL of the prescribed workouts with my challenge group and I'm in last place, but I have done a few of the workouts and challenges and I've also been kayaking and boogie boarding the last couple of weekends.
The point is, I'm not meeting all of the goals I set this month, but all told I'm still being pretty active.
This is also taking into consideration that since last Saturday my right shoulder has been really aching. My arms and chest are no longer sore from the boogie boarding, but the shoulder pain is lingering. Sometimes my shoulder bugs me if I ramp up the swimming too fast, so I think I just need to let it rest for a bit. Rebecca and I are swimming tomorrow morning and I have a feeling I'll need to rely heavily on kicking drills to get my yards in. Good thing I'm a strong kicker!
We were supposed to swim yesterday morning, but I got a mini-flu on Tuesday night thanks to the flu shot I got Tuesday morning. I was absolutely fine all day until about 8 PM, when suddenly I couldn't walk straight and my eyes started burning like they did when I had the real flu in February, along with a solid fever. My temperature got up to 101 on Tuesday night and I wound up not going into work until noon yesterday. I had better not get the flu this year after that! Antibodies, do your job!
So, not where I wanted to be as of September 19, but not terrible either. September, I'll give you a "Not So Bad."
I haven't been keeping up with ALL of the prescribed workouts with my challenge group and I'm in last place, but I have done a few of the workouts and challenges and I've also been kayaking and boogie boarding the last couple of weekends.
The point is, I'm not meeting all of the goals I set this month, but all told I'm still being pretty active.
This is also taking into consideration that since last Saturday my right shoulder has been really aching. My arms and chest are no longer sore from the boogie boarding, but the shoulder pain is lingering. Sometimes my shoulder bugs me if I ramp up the swimming too fast, so I think I just need to let it rest for a bit. Rebecca and I are swimming tomorrow morning and I have a feeling I'll need to rely heavily on kicking drills to get my yards in. Good thing I'm a strong kicker!
We were supposed to swim yesterday morning, but I got a mini-flu on Tuesday night thanks to the flu shot I got Tuesday morning. I was absolutely fine all day until about 8 PM, when suddenly I couldn't walk straight and my eyes started burning like they did when I had the real flu in February, along with a solid fever. My temperature got up to 101 on Tuesday night and I wound up not going into work until noon yesterday. I had better not get the flu this year after that! Antibodies, do your job!
So, not where I wanted to be as of September 19, but not terrible either. September, I'll give you a "Not So Bad."
Monday, September 16, 2013
The Board-Related Water Sport I'm Good At!
After Rebecca and I swam 3000 yards on Saturday morning (because we're fabulous), we went to the beach so Jason, Tad and I could take a surfing lesson. A Grouponed surfing lesson, of course, because that's how we do things in our house.
I just have to say, it was a PERFECT beach day. Maybe it was a little cool for some people, but as the person who is always hot, I loved it being in the 70s. When the sun came out it was nice and toasty. Even though the water was a little chilly at first, it warmed right up once you got moving.
So our lesson consisted of: here's where your chin goes when you're on your stomach, here's where your feet go when you pop up, let's pop up twice, ok, let's hit the water! Um... I do not feel prepared...
I suppose, though, there really isn't that much to it. You just have to go for it. We had some nice waves due to a tropical storm passing by off the coast. Everyone mocks East Coast waves, but there can be some pretty great surfing conditions in southern Rhode Island, depending on the weather.
I managed to get on my board and sail into shore on my stomach twice, without it even occurring to me to try to pop up onto my feet. Baby steps. I spent the rest of the time wrestling my board and trying to get back out to where the waves were breaking.
So, I know I need to lose some weight, Mr. Surfing Instructor*, but I'm still only 5' 6" and I suspect that the board you gave me was way too big. I had the same size board as 6' 4" Tad. Yeah.
After 40 minutes of getting dunked and rolled around by the waves, while the leash on my board chafed my ankle, I decided I had gotten my Groupon's worth and I was done. Jason immediately snatched my board because he thought he needed a bigger one, which he did because he's six inches taller than me, and I went to go chat with Rebecca and watch the guys surf. They did pretty well.
Back to the subject of this post though. As you've probably guessed, the board-related water sport I'm good at is not surfing. It's also not stand up paddle boarding, which I've tried and once I got over the weak ankles-related searing pain in my calves and finally felt stable, I enjoyed, but thought it was too slow. We paddled on a river that we've kayaked on several times and I missed the speed of the kayak.**
It's boogie boarding! Seriously, I'm kind of sad beach season is basically over and I probably won't be able to boogie board again, because it's awesome. All of my summers spent wave jumping at the beach in Florida have made me pretty good at reading what a wave is going to do, and I managed to ride the crest of some fantastic big waves that carried me all the way into shore. After church yesterday, I was kind of thinking maybe we should head to the beach for the afternoon, but I decided to be all practical and get stuff done around the house. Lame.
I am SORE today, though. Actually, Saturday night my right shoulder was sore, and I thought maybe I had done too much pulling when we swam that morning. But yesterday evening I started getting really sore in my chest and arms, like I had done a bunch of push ups, and I still hurt today. When I think about how I propped myself up on the boogie board for an hour or so that makes sense. In contrast to push ups, boogie boarding is about seventeen million times more fun, and totally worth the pain.
*Who, by the way, had one leg and was teaching surfing, which means he's pretty much the most awesome person ever. We decided that if it wasn't a shark, he needs to say it was a shark.
** Between the Alpine Slide and the boogie boarding, I think this summer has been about discovering I'm a closet speed junkie.
I just have to say, it was a PERFECT beach day. Maybe it was a little cool for some people, but as the person who is always hot, I loved it being in the 70s. When the sun came out it was nice and toasty. Even though the water was a little chilly at first, it warmed right up once you got moving.
So our lesson consisted of: here's where your chin goes when you're on your stomach, here's where your feet go when you pop up, let's pop up twice, ok, let's hit the water! Um... I do not feel prepared...
I suppose, though, there really isn't that much to it. You just have to go for it. We had some nice waves due to a tropical storm passing by off the coast. Everyone mocks East Coast waves, but there can be some pretty great surfing conditions in southern Rhode Island, depending on the weather.
I managed to get on my board and sail into shore on my stomach twice, without it even occurring to me to try to pop up onto my feet. Baby steps. I spent the rest of the time wrestling my board and trying to get back out to where the waves were breaking.
So, I know I need to lose some weight, Mr. Surfing Instructor*, but I'm still only 5' 6" and I suspect that the board you gave me was way too big. I had the same size board as 6' 4" Tad. Yeah.
After 40 minutes of getting dunked and rolled around by the waves, while the leash on my board chafed my ankle, I decided I had gotten my Groupon's worth and I was done. Jason immediately snatched my board because he thought he needed a bigger one, which he did because he's six inches taller than me, and I went to go chat with Rebecca and watch the guys surf. They did pretty well.
Back to the subject of this post though. As you've probably guessed, the board-related water sport I'm good at is not surfing. It's also not stand up paddle boarding, which I've tried and once I got over the weak ankles-related searing pain in my calves and finally felt stable, I enjoyed, but thought it was too slow. We paddled on a river that we've kayaked on several times and I missed the speed of the kayak.**
It's boogie boarding! Seriously, I'm kind of sad beach season is basically over and I probably won't be able to boogie board again, because it's awesome. All of my summers spent wave jumping at the beach in Florida have made me pretty good at reading what a wave is going to do, and I managed to ride the crest of some fantastic big waves that carried me all the way into shore. After church yesterday, I was kind of thinking maybe we should head to the beach for the afternoon, but I decided to be all practical and get stuff done around the house. Lame.
I am SORE today, though. Actually, Saturday night my right shoulder was sore, and I thought maybe I had done too much pulling when we swam that morning. But yesterday evening I started getting really sore in my chest and arms, like I had done a bunch of push ups, and I still hurt today. When I think about how I propped myself up on the boogie board for an hour or so that makes sense. In contrast to push ups, boogie boarding is about seventeen million times more fun, and totally worth the pain.
*Who, by the way, had one leg and was teaching surfing, which means he's pretty much the most awesome person ever. We decided that if it wasn't a shark, he needs to say it was a shark.
** Between the Alpine Slide and the boogie boarding, I think this summer has been about discovering I'm a closet speed junkie.
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
The Camping Gods Hate Us
So this weekend we were supposed to camp Saturday and Sunday night, but we came home late Sunday. Rained out. Again. We always seem to get rained out in New Hampshire now. The giant pile of firewood in our sun room attests to the number of times we have gone to New Hampshire, bought wood at some roadside stand, and then never burned it because it rained and campfires are hard to maintain in the rain.
Anyway, we went up Saturday morning, set up our tent and sleeping bags, and spent the afternoon at Attitash Mountain, a ski resort in the winter, and fun mountain amusement park in the summer. However, we only went on the Alpine Slide twice and the Mountain Coaster once because of, you guessed it, the freaking rain.
The second it starts raining, they have to shut down the Alpine Slide because the brakes stop working completely. They kept the Coaster going a bit longer, while we stood in line getting rained on, until a guy couldn't stop on the slick track and plowed into the lady in front of him at the end of the ride. Everyone was okay, but they shut the Coaster down.
Regardless, I loved both of the rides and really want to go back and do them each 7 or 8 times in a row. I admit, I was chicken about it at first. I'm not a roller coaster person and I hate that out-of-control feeling, but Jason insisted we go and I'm so glad he did. The genius of these rides is that you're in your own little car and have a manual brake so you control how fast you go. I felt much more confident the second time on the Alpine Slide and was speeding along right behind Jason, but we kept getting hung up by the slow mom in front of him.
No offense to moms, but I observed that moms traveled slowest down the Alpine Slide and the Mountain Coaster. FYI, when we have kids, I will be the awesome mom speeding down the track.
I'm glad we set up camp before we headed to Attitash. We managed to get our dinner and a s'more cooked and eaten over our smoking fire, hissing with each light raindrop that hit it. We cleaned up the food (bears!) and tucked ourselves in the tent.
Another thing we have a knack for when we camp (in addition to being the best rain prediction tool out there) is finding the campsite right next to "The Bros." These are the backwards baseball cap-wearing guys, who stand around the fire with their beers, getting drunker and louder as the night wears on, inserting f-bombs in place of "um" when they speak. Charming, especially when campsites aren't really isolated at all. So we listened to The Bros for awhile, and then I managed to drift off to sleep, only to wake up at 1 AM when it started pouring rain and didn't stop for several hours. Good thing I can play Candy Crush without a cell phone signal.
The Bros woke us up at 6 AM as they packed up camp - loudly. Bros do nothing quietly. I guess they decided they would stay drier drinking their beers with their baseball caps in their apartments back in Boston. We woke up again around 9 AM, and while the day dawned a little cloudy, it started clearing up and Jason pressed on with his hiking plans. I had planned to go for a 6-mile walk through some wetlands and a wildlife preserve, but it was REALLY muggy, and I figured with all the rain the night before I would wind up really sweaty and harassed by bugs. So I hit the outlets in North Conway and found some great Fall work clothes.
I picked Jason up at about 6 PM and showed him the weather alert on my phone that came in at 4:30 saying there would be flash floods and a major storm and thunderstorms that night. Yeah, I don't think so. Jason might have wanted to stay, but I was pretty resolute that I needed some sleep at least one night this weekend. Also, based on the forecast, his plans for us to go rafting on a lake on Monday probably weren't happening.
We drove back to camp, threw our tent and everything into the car, and went to dinner. I drove us home since he had been hiking all day and we hit pieces of the HUGE storm on our way out of New Hampshire. It was seriously scary driving for a bit there, but we made it. I haven't seen lightning like that since I left Tucson, and the Arizona monsoons, behind.
So Monday wound up being a lot more low-key than we planned, but our summer weekends are usually hyper-scheduled and it was kind of nice to have a rainy day knitting at home.
Frankly, I'm kind of scared to go camping again. We always plan these super fun New Hampshire weekends and we wind up soaked with no campfire. But I'm sure we'll keep pressing on. After all, we've got all of this awesome gear!
Anyway, we went up Saturday morning, set up our tent and sleeping bags, and spent the afternoon at Attitash Mountain, a ski resort in the winter, and fun mountain amusement park in the summer. However, we only went on the Alpine Slide twice and the Mountain Coaster once because of, you guessed it, the freaking rain.
The second it starts raining, they have to shut down the Alpine Slide because the brakes stop working completely. They kept the Coaster going a bit longer, while we stood in line getting rained on, until a guy couldn't stop on the slick track and plowed into the lady in front of him at the end of the ride. Everyone was okay, but they shut the Coaster down.
Regardless, I loved both of the rides and really want to go back and do them each 7 or 8 times in a row. I admit, I was chicken about it at first. I'm not a roller coaster person and I hate that out-of-control feeling, but Jason insisted we go and I'm so glad he did. The genius of these rides is that you're in your own little car and have a manual brake so you control how fast you go. I felt much more confident the second time on the Alpine Slide and was speeding along right behind Jason, but we kept getting hung up by the slow mom in front of him.
No offense to moms, but I observed that moms traveled slowest down the Alpine Slide and the Mountain Coaster. FYI, when we have kids, I will be the awesome mom speeding down the track.
I'm glad we set up camp before we headed to Attitash. We managed to get our dinner and a s'more cooked and eaten over our smoking fire, hissing with each light raindrop that hit it. We cleaned up the food (bears!) and tucked ourselves in the tent.
Another thing we have a knack for when we camp (in addition to being the best rain prediction tool out there) is finding the campsite right next to "The Bros." These are the backwards baseball cap-wearing guys, who stand around the fire with their beers, getting drunker and louder as the night wears on, inserting f-bombs in place of "um" when they speak. Charming, especially when campsites aren't really isolated at all. So we listened to The Bros for awhile, and then I managed to drift off to sleep, only to wake up at 1 AM when it started pouring rain and didn't stop for several hours. Good thing I can play Candy Crush without a cell phone signal.
The Bros woke us up at 6 AM as they packed up camp - loudly. Bros do nothing quietly. I guess they decided they would stay drier drinking their beers with their baseball caps in their apartments back in Boston. We woke up again around 9 AM, and while the day dawned a little cloudy, it started clearing up and Jason pressed on with his hiking plans. I had planned to go for a 6-mile walk through some wetlands and a wildlife preserve, but it was REALLY muggy, and I figured with all the rain the night before I would wind up really sweaty and harassed by bugs. So I hit the outlets in North Conway and found some great Fall work clothes.
I picked Jason up at about 6 PM and showed him the weather alert on my phone that came in at 4:30 saying there would be flash floods and a major storm and thunderstorms that night. Yeah, I don't think so. Jason might have wanted to stay, but I was pretty resolute that I needed some sleep at least one night this weekend. Also, based on the forecast, his plans for us to go rafting on a lake on Monday probably weren't happening.
We drove back to camp, threw our tent and everything into the car, and went to dinner. I drove us home since he had been hiking all day and we hit pieces of the HUGE storm on our way out of New Hampshire. It was seriously scary driving for a bit there, but we made it. I haven't seen lightning like that since I left Tucson, and the Arizona monsoons, behind.
So Monday wound up being a lot more low-key than we planned, but our summer weekends are usually hyper-scheduled and it was kind of nice to have a rainy day knitting at home.
Frankly, I'm kind of scared to go camping again. We always plan these super fun New Hampshire weekends and we wind up soaked with no campfire. But I'm sure we'll keep pressing on. After all, we've got all of this awesome gear!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Challenges Are Coming. Oh Yes, Challenges Are Coming
So it's September on Sunday, which...just...what?!
I can't believe the Summer is waning and Autumn is upon us. This end of Summer period is one of my, um, 17 favorite times of year. Actually, I figured out the other day that the only time of year in New England that I don't care for is July, because it's Hot and Muggy.
But then I remembered that July has the 4th, which is fun, and then there are also a couple of music festivals we enjoy in July and even though they are Very Hot and Very Muggy, they are still delightful.
In summary, New England is delightful. Yes, sometimes the Winter can drag on a touch too long, and sometimes June can be a stinker with its raininess (see 2009 and 2013), but overall, I love all of the seasons and am usually ready for the next one to roll around by the time it gets here. Today, I went to get lunch in a dress, cardigan and ballet flats and thought, "Oo, it's a little chilly!" In just a few more weeks, I know I'll be pairing tights with this outfit, and possibly a light jacket.
Anyway, with September comes new beginnings, right? I don't think most of us ever get out of that "New School Year" mindset even if we don't have kids in school. August has been a bit lax in the healthiness department. We did some traveling, I did a few workouts, I mostly ate well. But I'm revving up for September now and have a couple challenges on the horizon.
First, my swim SparkTeam is having a KISS (Keep It Simple September) Challenge, which is very much focused on doing simple things to be healthy. My simple thing: swim 30,000 yards in September. I'll break it down into 3 workouts of 2500 yards per week. This is the time of year when I often lose my momentum and wrap myself up in pumpkin bread and apple cider donuts, so this will be great motivation to keep going to the pool even as it gets cooler.
Second, my June and July Challenge group is doing a September Challenge, so I'm be responsible for doing 4 Cross Fit-esque workouts per week, plus a few weekly challenges. I've already decided that I'm going to beg off the timed mile run this time around. I'll walk a mile and call it good, but running just isn't in my cards, and I'm not willing to get shin splints for the millionth time.
With 3 cardio and 4 strength workouts per week, September should be a great (and sore) month!
I can't believe the Summer is waning and Autumn is upon us. This end of Summer period is one of my, um, 17 favorite times of year. Actually, I figured out the other day that the only time of year in New England that I don't care for is July, because it's Hot and Muggy.
But then I remembered that July has the 4th, which is fun, and then there are also a couple of music festivals we enjoy in July and even though they are Very Hot and Very Muggy, they are still delightful.
In summary, New England is delightful. Yes, sometimes the Winter can drag on a touch too long, and sometimes June can be a stinker with its raininess (see 2009 and 2013), but overall, I love all of the seasons and am usually ready for the next one to roll around by the time it gets here. Today, I went to get lunch in a dress, cardigan and ballet flats and thought, "Oo, it's a little chilly!" In just a few more weeks, I know I'll be pairing tights with this outfit, and possibly a light jacket.
Anyway, with September comes new beginnings, right? I don't think most of us ever get out of that "New School Year" mindset even if we don't have kids in school. August has been a bit lax in the healthiness department. We did some traveling, I did a few workouts, I mostly ate well. But I'm revving up for September now and have a couple challenges on the horizon.
First, my swim SparkTeam is having a KISS (Keep It Simple September) Challenge, which is very much focused on doing simple things to be healthy. My simple thing: swim 30,000 yards in September. I'll break it down into 3 workouts of 2500 yards per week. This is the time of year when I often lose my momentum and wrap myself up in pumpkin bread and apple cider donuts, so this will be great motivation to keep going to the pool even as it gets cooler.
Second, my June and July Challenge group is doing a September Challenge, so I'm be responsible for doing 4 Cross Fit-esque workouts per week, plus a few weekly challenges. I've already decided that I'm going to beg off the timed mile run this time around. I'll walk a mile and call it good, but running just isn't in my cards, and I'm not willing to get shin splints for the millionth time.
With 3 cardio and 4 strength workouts per week, September should be a great (and sore) month!
Friday, August 23, 2013
SparkPeople Meet Up
Jason calls them my imaginary friends, but they're actually real people and I got the chance to meet a few of them last week!
I've talked a lot about SparkPeople over the past few years as I've semi-diligently tracked the food I eat and the exercises I do. Another feature of SparkPeople that I have enjoyed is the SparkTeam which is a group of people who join together for basically any reason. Right now I'm in a knitting SparkTeam, a Rhode Island SparkTeam, a low carb SparkTeam and two swimming SparkTeams. Really, the only one I'm active on is "Swimming for Cardio". I joined SparkPeople probably 6 years ago - maybe more - and then found Swimming for Cardio in 2008.
The Swimming for Cardio team is made up of a fantastic group of women and a few men, who check in with each other every day. I've had times where I wasn't so diligent about keeping up with everyone, but I try to check in at least a couple of times a week now. I actually don't know a lot of swimmers locally, and Swimming for Cardio was initially just a way for me to geek out on swimming talk with people who understood, and could offer advice on technique and suggest workouts and challenges.
Turns out, though, that somehow in this particular team, not only do we all like to swim, but we have lots of other stuff in common. Or, at least, we seem to have similar worldviews. On our daily check-ins, not only do we talk about our latest swimming distances and goals, but we also talk about what's going on in our lives. We all have way too many degrees than are good for us. We support one another and sometimes talk about really personal things. A few of the members have met previously. A couple of years ago we lost one of our members to cancer, and we mourned her loss, though only a couple of the members had ever met her in real life. A couple of the members work at the same company now. All through this SparkTeam.
So a few months ago, a couple of the ladies started talking about meeting up in northern California, since 4 of them live in California. One of the members just graduated from law school and took the Bar at the end of July (you better believe we have talked about that a lot over the last few months!), so the plan was for her to fly out to California for a post-Bar trip. I casually mentioned to Jason one night how it would be fun to join them, but of course not really practical. He said, "Well, we've been wanting to go visit Brandon (his brother) and Sarah. Maybe we could plan a trip around your imaginary friends' meet up."
Really?!
So we did. We just got back from a whirlwind trip to the Bay Area, with a 3-day jaunt down to Santa Cruz for me to meet up with the swimming ladies. It was so great to meet them finally. I've been talking with some of them for 5 years, after all.
On Sunday after church, we drove down to Cupertino to visit Jason's grandparents and extended family. Then I took our rental car and drove to Santa Cruz, where one of the ladies had rented us a lovely house right around the corner from the beach. On Monday we went whale watching, to lunch and to the aquarium in Monterey.
On Tuesday, some of us went swimming at a local swim center (because, of course we went swimming together!), then to brunch, and then we met the rest of the group for manicures and pedicures at a local spa.
Afterward, a couple of the ladies went for a hike, one took a nap, and a couple of us walked down the street to sit on the beach for awhile.
(I heart Santa Cruz)
On Wednesday, we had brunch and they headed to Shaver Lake for the rest of their group vacation at one woman's family cabin, and I headed back to Oakland for the rest of my trip with the in-laws (in a future post).
My one regret is that we completely forgot to have someone take pictures of our group at the swim center in our suits, caps and goggles. Next time!
We had a great time together, and from what I've heard, the rest of the trip was lovely as well. It was so wonderful to meet these women, and to fall easily into a natural repoire with them since we already knew each other so well. This is one of those moments when I'm so grateful for the internet and the crazy random connections we can make with it. Hopefully I'll be able to meet up with them again!
I've talked a lot about SparkPeople over the past few years as I've semi-diligently tracked the food I eat and the exercises I do. Another feature of SparkPeople that I have enjoyed is the SparkTeam which is a group of people who join together for basically any reason. Right now I'm in a knitting SparkTeam, a Rhode Island SparkTeam, a low carb SparkTeam and two swimming SparkTeams. Really, the only one I'm active on is "Swimming for Cardio". I joined SparkPeople probably 6 years ago - maybe more - and then found Swimming for Cardio in 2008.
The Swimming for Cardio team is made up of a fantastic group of women and a few men, who check in with each other every day. I've had times where I wasn't so diligent about keeping up with everyone, but I try to check in at least a couple of times a week now. I actually don't know a lot of swimmers locally, and Swimming for Cardio was initially just a way for me to geek out on swimming talk with people who understood, and could offer advice on technique and suggest workouts and challenges.
Turns out, though, that somehow in this particular team, not only do we all like to swim, but we have lots of other stuff in common. Or, at least, we seem to have similar worldviews. On our daily check-ins, not only do we talk about our latest swimming distances and goals, but we also talk about what's going on in our lives. We all have way too many degrees than are good for us. We support one another and sometimes talk about really personal things. A few of the members have met previously. A couple of years ago we lost one of our members to cancer, and we mourned her loss, though only a couple of the members had ever met her in real life. A couple of the members work at the same company now. All through this SparkTeam.
So a few months ago, a couple of the ladies started talking about meeting up in northern California, since 4 of them live in California. One of the members just graduated from law school and took the Bar at the end of July (you better believe we have talked about that a lot over the last few months!), so the plan was for her to fly out to California for a post-Bar trip. I casually mentioned to Jason one night how it would be fun to join them, but of course not really practical. He said, "Well, we've been wanting to go visit Brandon (his brother) and Sarah. Maybe we could plan a trip around your imaginary friends' meet up."
Really?!
So we did. We just got back from a whirlwind trip to the Bay Area, with a 3-day jaunt down to Santa Cruz for me to meet up with the swimming ladies. It was so great to meet them finally. I've been talking with some of them for 5 years, after all.
On Sunday after church, we drove down to Cupertino to visit Jason's grandparents and extended family. Then I took our rental car and drove to Santa Cruz, where one of the ladies had rented us a lovely house right around the corner from the beach. On Monday we went whale watching, to lunch and to the aquarium in Monterey.
On Tuesday, some of us went swimming at a local swim center (because, of course we went swimming together!), then to brunch, and then we met the rest of the group for manicures and pedicures at a local spa.
Afterward, a couple of the ladies went for a hike, one took a nap, and a couple of us walked down the street to sit on the beach for awhile.
On Wednesday, we had brunch and they headed to Shaver Lake for the rest of their group vacation at one woman's family cabin, and I headed back to Oakland for the rest of my trip with the in-laws (in a future post).
My one regret is that we completely forgot to have someone take pictures of our group at the swim center in our suits, caps and goggles. Next time!
We had a great time together, and from what I've heard, the rest of the trip was lovely as well. It was so wonderful to meet these women, and to fall easily into a natural repoire with them since we already knew each other so well. This is one of those moments when I'm so grateful for the internet and the crazy random connections we can make with it. Hopefully I'll be able to meet up with them again!
Saturday, August 03, 2013
Bacon: Weight Loss Magic!
I've been a little lax on my blog, mostly because I haven't had much to share. I've been swimming a bit, and going for lots of long walks, now that the weather has cooled down from the 90s to the 80s. I've been sticking to the low-carb pretty well, with a deviation here or there (Bertucci's last Saturday, Texas Roadhouse rolls on Wednesday).
So here's the thing. In the past few weeks I've lost 11 pounds.
What?
I lost 4 pounds just this past week alone. Also a few inches, though I didn't write down the precise measurements today, just did a little casual measuring with the tape to see if the lost pounds showed up in inches. They did.
I told Jason and he asked, "What did you do different this week?"
"Nothing. Well, I ate a lot of bacon, actually."
Apparently bacon is my weight loss secret. See, last Sunday night I made us eggs and bacon for dinner and I have a bad habit of cooking part of a package of bacon and then never cooking the rest and throwing it away weeks later after it's turned green and disgusting. So I made the whole package and then took some to go with my breakfast (2 eggs) for the next couple of days. Then I liked it so much that when I stopped at Whole Foods to get breakfast a couple of times on my way into work because I didn't have time to make something, I got a little frittata and some bacon off of the pay-by-the-ounce hot bar. Because, you know what? Bacon is really light!
Bacon.
I've also noticed since my stomach thing a couple of weeks ago, I just haven't been as hungry. And I've been really listening to my body, a la Intuitive Eating, and stopping eating when I'm full, rather than overfull, no matter how delicious something is. Which means I've actually been eating a little more frequently in the afternoons and I have needed a snack every day this week because I get hungry in between lunch and dinner.
Bacon and low-carb Intuitive Eating and suddenly I'm losing weight for the first time in a couple of years.
So here's the thing. In the past few weeks I've lost 11 pounds.
What?
I lost 4 pounds just this past week alone. Also a few inches, though I didn't write down the precise measurements today, just did a little casual measuring with the tape to see if the lost pounds showed up in inches. They did.
I told Jason and he asked, "What did you do different this week?"
"Nothing. Well, I ate a lot of bacon, actually."
Apparently bacon is my weight loss secret. See, last Sunday night I made us eggs and bacon for dinner and I have a bad habit of cooking part of a package of bacon and then never cooking the rest and throwing it away weeks later after it's turned green and disgusting. So I made the whole package and then took some to go with my breakfast (2 eggs) for the next couple of days. Then I liked it so much that when I stopped at Whole Foods to get breakfast a couple of times on my way into work because I didn't have time to make something, I got a little frittata and some bacon off of the pay-by-the-ounce hot bar. Because, you know what? Bacon is really light!
Bacon.
I've also noticed since my stomach thing a couple of weeks ago, I just haven't been as hungry. And I've been really listening to my body, a la Intuitive Eating, and stopping eating when I'm full, rather than overfull, no matter how delicious something is. Which means I've actually been eating a little more frequently in the afternoons and I have needed a snack every day this week because I get hungry in between lunch and dinner.
Bacon and low-carb Intuitive Eating and suddenly I'm losing weight for the first time in a couple of years.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
July Challenge: Crash and Burn!
Okay, that title is a little melodramatic. Last week really was pretty much a bust, though, challenge-wise. On the one hand by the end of the week, my tummy was feeling a little flatter and I went for a nice long walk in the woods yesterday. However, the reason my tummy was flatter is because I didn't eat much all week long. Yeah, that's not sustainable.
Last Monday I woke up feeling absolutely exhausted and a bit nauseated. Actually, a lot nauseated. I didn't ever throw up while I was sick, but I sure felt on the verge a lot of the time. So I ate some saltines here, drank a little ginger ale there, but basically the first time I felt like eating at all was at lunchtime on Wednesday. I ate a couple ounces of chicken breast and it felt like a major victory.
Last week was the second and last week of Restaurant Week and I was determined to go, since we missed last Restaurant Week thanks to both Jason and I being knocked out with the flu. I wound up with lots of Restaurant Week leftovers.
By Thursday, I was feeling almost totally normal, and by Friday I felt great. We went to New Hampshire over the weekend for Seek the Peak, a hike up Mt Washington to raise money for the weather observatory that got delayed to Sunday due to the weather. So on Saturday we walked to some waterfalls, played mini golf and attended the now pre-hike turkey dinner. Jason and his brother climbed Mt. Washington yesterday, and I found a nice 3 1/2 mile walk in the woods with only minor elevation gain. (I can walk and walk, but I hate going up).
Even though I felt better, I still wasn't finishing my meals, and I tried to keep my food on the blander side. The bad news is, the hike down yesterday took WAY longer than they thought it would, so we couldn't stop for a real dinner, but made do with roadside ice cream and, a couple hours later, a fast food stop. I was driving, since I doubt Jason could have pushed in the clutch with his sore legs, so I was limited as to choices. Today my stomach is a little wonky again, and I know it's thanks to Wendy's.
I suppose getting a little nauseated when I eat bad-for-me food isn't the worst thing in the world. Keeps me on the straight and narrow.
In the meantime, though, my July Challenge is a bust. This is the beginning of the last week and I'm now down at the bottom of the pack thanks to no workout points and only a couple of healthy eating points for last week. Oh well. On to August!
Last Monday I woke up feeling absolutely exhausted and a bit nauseated. Actually, a lot nauseated. I didn't ever throw up while I was sick, but I sure felt on the verge a lot of the time. So I ate some saltines here, drank a little ginger ale there, but basically the first time I felt like eating at all was at lunchtime on Wednesday. I ate a couple ounces of chicken breast and it felt like a major victory.
Last week was the second and last week of Restaurant Week and I was determined to go, since we missed last Restaurant Week thanks to both Jason and I being knocked out with the flu. I wound up with lots of Restaurant Week leftovers.
By Thursday, I was feeling almost totally normal, and by Friday I felt great. We went to New Hampshire over the weekend for Seek the Peak, a hike up Mt Washington to raise money for the weather observatory that got delayed to Sunday due to the weather. So on Saturday we walked to some waterfalls, played mini golf and attended the now pre-hike turkey dinner. Jason and his brother climbed Mt. Washington yesterday, and I found a nice 3 1/2 mile walk in the woods with only minor elevation gain. (I can walk and walk, but I hate going up).
Even though I felt better, I still wasn't finishing my meals, and I tried to keep my food on the blander side. The bad news is, the hike down yesterday took WAY longer than they thought it would, so we couldn't stop for a real dinner, but made do with roadside ice cream and, a couple hours later, a fast food stop. I was driving, since I doubt Jason could have pushed in the clutch with his sore legs, so I was limited as to choices. Today my stomach is a little wonky again, and I know it's thanks to Wendy's.
I suppose getting a little nauseated when I eat bad-for-me food isn't the worst thing in the world. Keeps me on the straight and narrow.
In the meantime, though, my July Challenge is a bust. This is the beginning of the last week and I'm now down at the bottom of the pack thanks to no workout points and only a couple of healthy eating points for last week. Oh well. On to August!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Sensitive Subjects
I gave myself June before I decided I definitely needed help. In June I participated in the June Challenge, as you all know. I stuck to the food plan (low-carb) 5 or 6 out of 7 days per week and spent those 4 weeks doing a nice mix of cardio and strength training. I felt good, physically, and thought, surely I will see improvement either via the scale or measuring tape.
When all was said and done, no improvement. My clothes fit the same. My body composition isn't changing and I'm not losing weight.
Jason sometimes complains about how many vegetables we eat. A lot of my friends make comments to me about what an inspiration I am with my diligent workouts. But the truth is, I haven't seen the scale or the measuring tape go anywhere but up for a couple of years now. I eat low-carb because I honestly feel better eating this way, not because I'm trying to lose weight quick. I work out because it helps my mental well-being. Sometimes, though, I wish I would see some physical results for all my hard work and it can be really (really, really) discouraging when I don't.
Jason started saying to me several months ago that maybe I should go see an endocrinologist or similar because no matter how sedentary my job is, something's just not right. After my June experiment, I started looking into getting help.
I know I'll never be skinny. I know I'll never be "Normal" on the BMI because of how I'm built. I don't want to be skinny or normal, I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again.
So this week, I went to see a doctor. I did some research and found someone who is sympathetic to low-carb, and whose entire ethos, according to his website, is something I can get on board with. He sat with me for a half hour and we talked about my background, my parents and their backgrounds and health, the things I've done in the past, what brought me to him. I liked him a lot and we had a good repoire.
I'm not so sure about what I think he might be recommending. I'm getting blood work done and meeting with his weight-loss specialist next week, and I already have several (skepticism-laden) questions for her. But, as Jason pointed out, nothing I've done so far has been working, so I might as well give this a whirl, right?
When all was said and done, no improvement. My clothes fit the same. My body composition isn't changing and I'm not losing weight.
Jason sometimes complains about how many vegetables we eat. A lot of my friends make comments to me about what an inspiration I am with my diligent workouts. But the truth is, I haven't seen the scale or the measuring tape go anywhere but up for a couple of years now. I eat low-carb because I honestly feel better eating this way, not because I'm trying to lose weight quick. I work out because it helps my mental well-being. Sometimes, though, I wish I would see some physical results for all my hard work and it can be really (really, really) discouraging when I don't.
Jason started saying to me several months ago that maybe I should go see an endocrinologist or similar because no matter how sedentary my job is, something's just not right. After my June experiment, I started looking into getting help.
I know I'll never be skinny. I know I'll never be "Normal" on the BMI because of how I'm built. I don't want to be skinny or normal, I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again.
So this week, I went to see a doctor. I did some research and found someone who is sympathetic to low-carb, and whose entire ethos, according to his website, is something I can get on board with. He sat with me for a half hour and we talked about my background, my parents and their backgrounds and health, the things I've done in the past, what brought me to him. I liked him a lot and we had a good repoire.
I'm not so sure about what I think he might be recommending. I'm getting blood work done and meeting with his weight-loss specialist next week, and I already have several (skepticism-laden) questions for her. But, as Jason pointed out, nothing I've done so far has been working, so I might as well give this a whirl, right?
Monday, July 08, 2013
July Challenges
I'm still not sure how I made out in the June Challenge because the organizer went to Spain for a month) and didn't send us the final tallies before she left. I'm pretty positive my friend Deborah smoked us all and got first. I'm just curious as to whether I got second place, or wound up third. I'm pretty pleased with my progress over the month, though, of course, I didn't lose weight.
For the month of July (well, the 1st through the 28th), the same group is doing a very mellow version of the challenge (see above re: organizer in Spain), and reporting back to the group once a week. We get a point for each day we eat on plan, a point for 3 days of working out, a point for each additional workout day, and 5 points at the end of the month for fulfilling a challenge goal we set for ourselves.
Last week wasn't great because of the holiday and because we went to a 2-day music festival and there's nothing but crap food there. Seriously, by the end of day 2, I was craving vegetables. Maybe I should have counted 2 days of wandering around between stages and craft vendors in 90+ muggy degrees with heat advisories in effect as "working out", but I didn't. Still, I like to think I'm more virtuous because of how much I sweat this weekend.
Since I'm also doing a 10,000 steps per day challenge, my goal for the July Challenge is to walk 10,000 steps per day for 24 out of 28 of the challenge days. I think I need to give myself 1 day a week not to hit 10,000, in case of unforeseen circumstances. Or foreseen circumstances even. For instance, Jason's dad is leaving town today so we went out for breakfast. Work has been a little nutty today, so no time for a lunch walk. And I have a meeting tonight that will probably go to 9 PM. So I'll be happy to reach 5,000 steps today.
I've said it before, but what I wouldn't give for a Walkstation...
So that's what's up for July. Trying to get my brain back into Challenge mode after a few days off.
For the month of July (well, the 1st through the 28th), the same group is doing a very mellow version of the challenge (see above re: organizer in Spain), and reporting back to the group once a week. We get a point for each day we eat on plan, a point for 3 days of working out, a point for each additional workout day, and 5 points at the end of the month for fulfilling a challenge goal we set for ourselves.
Last week wasn't great because of the holiday and because we went to a 2-day music festival and there's nothing but crap food there. Seriously, by the end of day 2, I was craving vegetables. Maybe I should have counted 2 days of wandering around between stages and craft vendors in 90+ muggy degrees with heat advisories in effect as "working out", but I didn't. Still, I like to think I'm more virtuous because of how much I sweat this weekend.
Since I'm also doing a 10,000 steps per day challenge, my goal for the July Challenge is to walk 10,000 steps per day for 24 out of 28 of the challenge days. I think I need to give myself 1 day a week not to hit 10,000, in case of unforeseen circumstances. Or foreseen circumstances even. For instance, Jason's dad is leaving town today so we went out for breakfast. Work has been a little nutty today, so no time for a lunch walk. And I have a meeting tonight that will probably go to 9 PM. So I'll be happy to reach 5,000 steps today.
I've said it before, but what I wouldn't give for a Walkstation...
So that's what's up for July. Trying to get my brain back into Challenge mode after a few days off.
Monday, July 01, 2013
Carb Hangover
Sometimes I think I'm just being a prima donna and making up this little wheat/carb sensitivity thing to, I don't know, make myself feel special? Be high maintenance?
Well, this hangover I have this morning is definitely not all in my head.
I was on course to have 6 out of 7 days on plan for the last week of the June Challenge. However, we wound up staying for this fundraiser at church yesterday for the Young Men's (ages 12-17) summer camp. I thought it would be a buffet so I could load my plate up with salad and then have some turkey or something when I got home. But they actually served us a first course of salad, then rolls and spaghetti, then cookies (and the boys were adorable!).
So I basically carb-loaded yesterday in preparation for my hard day at work sitting on my bum.
Plus, last night I discovered we still had some Dancing Deer Molasses Clove Cookies that a friend brought to a concert we went to Friday night and then gave to us, and which I virtuously did not eat on Friday, but figured last night that I had already consumed a great big carb bomb so might as well eat a couple of cookies too, right?
Anyway, this morning I was supposed to go swimming, but I felt terrible and just wanted to sleep. So I texted Rebecca and said I wouldn't make it, then slept hard for another hour and a half. I'm still feeling pretty groggy.
The moral of the story is, even if I'm not losing weight by eating low-carb (because I'm not. Sigh.), I feel so much better overall that it's worth it to stick to the plan as much as possible.
Well, this hangover I have this morning is definitely not all in my head.
I was on course to have 6 out of 7 days on plan for the last week of the June Challenge. However, we wound up staying for this fundraiser at church yesterday for the Young Men's (ages 12-17) summer camp. I thought it would be a buffet so I could load my plate up with salad and then have some turkey or something when I got home. But they actually served us a first course of salad, then rolls and spaghetti, then cookies (and the boys were adorable!).
So I basically carb-loaded yesterday in preparation for my hard day at work sitting on my bum.
Plus, last night I discovered we still had some Dancing Deer Molasses Clove Cookies that a friend brought to a concert we went to Friday night and then gave to us, and which I virtuously did not eat on Friday, but figured last night that I had already consumed a great big carb bomb so might as well eat a couple of cookies too, right?
Anyway, this morning I was supposed to go swimming, but I felt terrible and just wanted to sleep. So I texted Rebecca and said I wouldn't make it, then slept hard for another hour and a half. I'm still feeling pretty groggy.
The moral of the story is, even if I'm not losing weight by eating low-carb (because I'm not. Sigh.), I feel so much better overall that it's worth it to stick to the plan as much as possible.
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