Weekend in New Hampshire

Jason and I spent this past weekend in New Hampshire because it was a 3-day weekend in Rhode Island.  We spent 2 nights at a lovely inn that I can't recommend enough.  Jason asked if we could live there, that's how much he liked it. 

Jacuzzi!

The 3rd night, we hiked into the Zealand Falls Hut, maintained by the Appalachian Mountain Club, stayed overnight, and hiked out the next morning.  So this weekend I got 2 nights of really luxurious sleep, which almost made up for getting almost no sleep on the 3rd night.  Suffice it to say, I do not do well with snoring, and when you're sharing a sleeping room with 17 other people, there will be snoring. 

I say we hiked in, but what I really mean is, we "hiked" in to the hut.  I think we walked the easiest trail in the White Mountains.  It was 2 1/2 miles of a slight incline through the woods, then maybe 1/4 mile straight up through granite boulders to the hut, on the kind of trail I've come to expect from the White Mountains.  Once we got to the hut, we dumped our bags and claimed our bunks, then walked out to the Falls.

You can boulder hop on the falls and sit on dry rock, with the water rushing around on either side of you.  After we sat there for a few minutes, Jason asked if I wanted to hike back down and over, on another flat trail to another set of falls.  I'm just going to put it out there and say I am the wimpiest hiker ever.  I really wish I could be that awesome, kick-a** hiker girl for Jason, but I'm just not.  I opted to stay at the top of the hill and read my book.  He wound up hiking another 4 miles on his own.  I felt bad, but not bad enough to go with him.

Here's my problem.  Whenever I hike, I get really overheated and wind up with a migraine.   Doesn't matter how much water and/or Gatorade I drink, it happens every time.  This was a very easy hike, but then I also weigh more than I did the last time we hiked, so it didn't take much.  It was also hot and muggy on Sunday.  The headache started Sunday afternoon and continued through Monday morning, finally waning a bit around 1 PM.  Then it came back last night and when I woke up this morning, it was there, stabbing me in the right eyebrow.  I popped 3 Excedrin and managed to pull it together enough to go to Masters swimming.  Right now it's still a little achey, but not bad.  My fingers are crossed that as the day continues, it will get better and not worse.

So, yeah.  That's enough to put me right off of hiking.  I'm going to do a little research and see if I can figure out why this happens, but for now, Jason will just have to be content with the non-kick-a**, non-hiker girl that I am.

The Olympics...

...are killing my workout goals.

Every night I watch the Olympics and feel motivated to be strong and tough and to work out and lose weight and get back into shape and RAWR!

Then I stay up until 12:30 and can't get up the next morning to work out.  I know sleep is important so I'm trying not to beat myself up too much.  I think what I need to do after the Olympics are over is rewatch some of the best swimming races every night at 9:30 or 10 PM, and then go to bed motivated to get up the next morning and hit the pool or the weights.  Because so far during the Olympics, the workouts are not happening.

Jason and I will be doing some hiking this weekend, so at least I'll get some sort of activity this week.  I know I still have a few mornings  left in the week, but I'm not holding my breath that I'll get to bed before 12:30 on any of the preceding nights.

Go Ahead, Stroke My Ego

Last night I watched Missy Franklin win the gold medal in the 100 backstroke.  This morning we swam a very backstroke-heavy Masters workout.  I asked the coach if she was inspired by Missy Franklin and she said that it was purely by chance.

Today was totally my day to shine.  Not only did we do backstroke (which I used to race back in the day, almost as fast as my freestyle), but we did kicking-intensive backstroke drills.  Which meant I got to go first in my lane for most of the workout and feel all cool and fast.  I think I can safely say I'm the strongest kicker in my Masters group.  Sometimes it's a bad thing, and I overkick my stroke and mess up my form, but I think I'm getting better at not doing that.

At least these giant thighs and calves are good for something. 
In the middle of practice, the coach called me over to the lane full of people who are really still learning how to do all of the strokes.  She had them all get out of the pool and watch me do a 50 of backstroke to demonstrate the stroke.  Most non-swimmers think you just rotate your arms around like a propeller.  But actually, you're supposed to enter the water pinky-first, then curve your arm underwater, kind of like a S, and push toward your legs and down to propel yourself.  It's really hard to explain, which is why she wanted to show them.

Here, let my boyfriend Ryan show you how it's done:
It's moments like today that make me want to get rid of all of this excess weight already so that I can really see what I'm capable of in the pool. I'm working on it. Strength training yesterday, swimming today, eating clean.

I'm working on it.

Waking Up and Getting Up Has Never Been Easy*

So hard to wake up in the mornings.  I'm in this vicious cycle of not being able to sleep really well (woke up at 1:30 this morning; finally went back to sleep at 2:30), and thus not being able to wake up to get to the gym when I need to.  That extra hour and a half of sleep is too sweet.

I know that I would sleep like a rock if I worked out.  I know overall during the day I would have more energy if I worked out.  But I'm having a hard time despite all of the things I logically know.  At least several days this week I've managed to fit in long walks, including walking the 3 1/2 miles home from work yesterday.

Tomorrow I WILL swim.  I can wake up at 6:45 instead of 5:45 and swim.  Hopefully that hour more of sleep before working out will be enough to get me out of bed.  Even so, how much do I wish the Y would extend their lap swimming hours?  Lap swimmers always get the shaft in lieu of paid swimming lessons, water aerobics classes and family free swim.

In other news, I've discovered that I can eat meat and protein and still have a little treat at the end of a day (say, Ghirardelli semi-sweet chocolate chips) and manage to keep my carbs well under 100 g.   I know that's not really the point, but it helps me stay on task during the rest of the day.  Nice!


*Elastica!  Anyone else remember 1995?  I used to exercycle early in the morning to the Elastica album.  ...And now I'm kind of depressed that I've been working out for at least 17 years.

Metabomolism

I woke up at 7:15 this morning and realized that I was 45 minutes late to Masters swimming.  Darn it!  Yesterday afternoon I drank something caffeinated to get me through a boring work meeting last night, and then was up until 2 AM.  Still, I told myself, I'm not going to miss Masters.  I will get up when my alarm goes off. 

My tricky brain had other ideas and decided to turn off my alarm in my sleep.

It's slow at work and I kind of wish I could just take off and go to the gym.  That would be awesome.  Alas, facetime, while not quite as valuable as billable hours, is still pretty important.

It is beautiful outside, so I will be going for a lunch walk.

I have to say a few words about metabolism.  It's amazing to me how different they are.  First, we have mine.  Jason the Scientist has moments of wondering what the heck is wrong with me and trying to suss it out in his mind.  I have a low normal body temperature (around 96-97 degrees), but when I sleep I heat up to (he guesses) over 100 degrees and burn hot all night long.   I am constantly fidgety to the point of driving him nuts when we sit next to each other for long periods of time.  One of these days it would be interesting to get my metabolism tested and find out what my real BMR is.  I have a feeling I should only be eating 800 calories per day or something.  I am a miracle of evolution.

Then we have Doctor Teeny.  Every month I have a dinner meeting with a group of doctors.  One of the doctors is this little tiny woman who eats like a lumberjack.  At every meeting we get a salad, an entree, and a dessert, and she cleans her plate every time.  Last night she asked for an extra bowl of ice cream to eat with her pie.  One time we had a meeting at a nice restaurant where we got to order off the menu instead of just getting the standard group dinner.  She ordered 2 entrees, plus an appetizer and dessert, and ate it all.  My boss even noticed that time.  I am just amazed at how she can pack it away and she's so tiny.  You can't tell me that's all about calories in/calories out.

I'm trying to be more observant of these types of things, to be more understanding of myself and others who struggle with weight.  I've talked with several other women who work out a lot more than I do, but who also struggle like I do to lose ANY weight, or to even just maintain.  It's hard to understand until you've been there.  I know some people honestly have issues with overeating, but I also know that there are a lot of people who do the best they can to take care of themselves and be healthy, but constantly struggle against weight gain. 

That's why I try to be such a cheerleader for people who are trying.  Sometimes on the path near my house I see a very large woman slowly making her way down the path.  I can tell it's a struggle for her and her joints are aching.  I just want to give her a hug and tell her she's awesome.

A Little Run

I jogged a little on Saturday morning.  Not exactly sure why.  I woke up too late for lap swimming, so I decided to go for a walk on the path near my house.  About 20 minutes in, I thought, "Maybe I should run a little."  These crazy thoughts seize me occasionally.

So I wound up doing Day 1 of Couch to 5K for the millionth time. I was breathing hard and sweating like crazy (Saturday was hot and muggy!), but I did it.

When I got home, I sat in our bedroom for awhile, praising the former owner who installed the central air. For the last couple of days my ankles have been killing me. We went to a folk music festival this weekend, so I thought it might be from balancing in the cobblestoned streets of New Bedford, Mass, but then I remembered that I ran on Saturday. Running + me = pain.

I don't want to try Couch to 5K again since I injure myself every time. I'm not a runner, but every so often I like to run.

Psychoanalysis

I was just writing an email to a friend on SparkPeople about carb ranges and calorie ranges, and I had an epiphany.  It's been so hard lately for me to set a challenge for myself and to stick to it.  I used to be the queen of sticking to it. 

I used to do things like not eat sugar except for a once-a-month splurge day.  I did this for months on end and was really successful with sticking to it.  Something about knowing that even though I couldn't have something now, I could have it on X day worked really well for me.

Last year I challenged myself to swim 4 times per week for 12 weeks to train for my open-water swim, and I was almost perfect in meeting that challenge.

I've done Phase 1 of South Beach a few times and abstained from grains, sugar and fruit for 2 weeks to get my body primed for losing weight.

But lately, I just can't make the motivation stick.  I eat generally well, I work out a couple of times a week, but I can't seem to stick to a real plan that I set for myself.

Today I think I figured out why.  How do I stay motivated when it's Just.  Not.  Working?

This last year I've gained a bunch of weight and it's so depressing.  Before that I was in a multi-year plateau.  I would try to mix it up with the food and the exercise.  I swam 4 times per week and went on lunch walks.  And I was stuck.

(Of course, now I would be thrilled to weigh what I did a couple of years ago, but at that point I was still trying to losing another 15-20 pounds.)

One time, 10 or so years ago, I went to the doctor and I weighed 235, which horrified me.  I lost 50 pounds over the next few years by exercising (mainly swimming, but also some elliptical and weights) and by cutting out sugar.  Eventually my weight loss stalled, so I started doing some research and discovered low carb.  I started losing weight again.  Then that stopped working too. 

Now I feel stuck and I can't stay focused on a plan to be healthy.  I think the moral of the story is, I need to shift my focus from losing weight to just feeling the best I can.  I've been self-reflexive enough in this whole process to know what makes me feel good and what makes me feel bad.  Sugar and grains (especially wheat, less so rice and corn) make me feel bad.  Exercising 3-5 times per week and eating protein, fat and vegetables makes me feel good.  Swimming makes me happy and strength training makes me feel strong.

These are the motivators I need to focus on.  The weight isn't enough anymore.

Right now I feel pretty good.  But I know I can feel better.  A good shot of endorphins in the morning will make me happier.

I don't know if this is enough to keep me focused, but the endless frustration of not losing weight (plus gaining weight) makes doing the things that make me feel good seem like an exercise in futility.  I have to focus on things other than the scale.  Hopefully making myself happier and healthier will be enough.

Gadgets

I am a big fan of workout gadgets.  I love having data and numbers with which to rank myself.  This is also why I like repeating sets of 100s or 50s in my workouts every time so I can have definitive proof that I'm getting faster in the form of improved times.

I had a Garmin heart rate monitor, which I really liked using until the battery went dead in the watch part.  I could replace the battery, I know, but have been lazy about it since the watch didn't really fit me that well.  It's a unisex watch, which means the watch face is huge on my wrist and I have to use the very last hole on the strap.  Maybe I should get a girly one at some point, but I haven't gotten around to it.  Also, since I swim more than anything, and the heart rate monitor isn't waterproof, it has limited utility. 

I also have a Fitbit, which I love.  I wear it every day, and totally berate myself when I forget to clip it on.  Jason has one too and at the end of every day, we compare steps.  He always beats me.  The advantages of working in a lab versus a desk job.  It also has an interactive website where you can review your stats (that automatically upload every time you walk by the little USB base), and also enter in other things you do that aren't picked up by the Fitbit (like swimming).

It's a really fun little gadget.  Not only is it tiny and convenient and accurate, but the customer service is great.  I clip mine to the center of my bra, which is one of the recommended positions for women since we don't always have pockets to slide the Fitbit into.  The only problem is, the repeated stress on the plastic hinge causes the plastic to weaken and eventually fall apart.  No worries, says Fitbit customer service.  I got my original Fitbit in November 2010, and since then have gotten 2 replacements by simply emailing customer service with a picture of my broken Fitbit, and they've shipped me a new one.  I'm not sure if they'll send me a 3rd replacement when my current one wears out, but at this point I will willingly shell out $99 for a new one. 

My latest gadget is a swimp3, which I lusted over for a few years until Jason got me one this past Christmas.  The only problem is, it's 6 months later and I still haven't used it yet.  I've charged it and loaded it with what I think might be good swimming songs.  (I have no idea what type of bpm is good for swimming, so I have a range of options.)  But my swims lately have been either Masters swims, or swims with friends from Masters, both of which involve talking and interaction and aren't so conducive to being in my own little music world.

I know Jason feels bad that I haven't used it yet and I try to assure him that I love it.  I do.  I was so amazed that he got it for me.  I just need to find the right time to use it.  It will get used!  Eventually!

Just Sayin'

Yesterday I had to spend part of my morning at the DMV and didn't plan my food well.  I wound up grabbing a breakfast sandwich on my way into work because my breakfast options are limited downtown.  The better choice would probably have been the Greek yogurt with honey, but I was starving and egg and sausage sounded good.  I should have taken them off the whole wheat English muffin they came on. In the middle of the afternoon I was hungry (and lazy) and ate a granola bar from the office kitchenette instead of the raw nuts I keep in my desk drawer.

Guess who had a headache last night? 

It's kind of uncanny.  I don't eat wheat for a bit and as soon as I eat some I get my first headache in weeks.

The workouts are still on hold.  It still hurts my face to bend over - sinus pressure be gone!  But I have been walking most days and we've had company so there have been massive cleanings in the evenings, which in hot and muggy weather means I'm sweating, at least.

Getting Better

I'm still coughing a little and I'm still a bit stuffed up and I still feel a lot of pressure on the front of my face when I bend over, but I feel worlds better than I did last week.  Last Thursday I felt like death, so I stayed home from work.  And I didn't even work, like I usually do when I stay home.  I just lay in bed upstairs in the air conditioning (last Thursday was really hot and we have AC on the 2nd floor) and watched old episodes of Medium.

Friday I went back to work, Saturday was busy, Sunday was busy, but I felt so much better on those days than I did on Thursday that a runny nose and a bit of a cough wasn't going to stop me.  I haven't worked out yet this week, but I'm getting really antsy to do something.  Fingers crossed that I'll feel up to swimming tomorrow.  I'm going to go on a walk today at lunch, I know that much.

Work has been really slow this week, which feels bizarre after the last year of go go go!  It's been almost exactly a year since we started the huge project that has been consuming my life.  My part of the project is basically over, except for a few odds and ends to tie up before closing next month.  I've been trying to get all my ducks in a row so that when it's time to finish, I'll be ready to go. 

I've been getting home early (like around 5:45 or 6) and have been able to putter around the house a bit, do laundry, cook.  It all feels so decadent after the last year.  I know the work will pick up again, so I'm just enjoying this Summer lull for the moment.

My eating has been stellar this week.  I started Monday, feeling dedicated to just eat the way that makes me feel the best, darn it. So far, so good.

I Swam (Again)

Yesterday I got back in the pool for the first time in a few weeks.  We have a new Masters coach so I signed up and went yesterday morning.  It's amazing how paying for those extra sessions is really good motivation to get out of bed early.

The new coach is tough.  Where the old coach focused a lot on drills and technique during our Tuesday morning sessions, the new coach actually wants us to swim.  A lot.  After just a few weeks out of the pool, I feel like a super slow slug, and I was having kind of a rough time yesterday.

But I know I'll get my endurance and speed back. 

Despite my poor performance yesterday, the coach sent out lane assignments and she put me in a lane with 3 of the super fast people.  Um, what?  I think she must have me confused with someone else...  Well, we'll see how long that lasts.  I hate getting lapped, but I have a feeling that's what I have to look forward to in the next few Tuesdays.

I planned to go to strength training this morning, but last night my throat started hurting and one nostril got clogged.  Darn it!  Jason came back from vacation with his family a few weeks ago with a wicked cold that had made it's way through the entire family.  I thought I had survived the incubation period, but maybe not.  Or maybe this is something completely different. 

Either way, I feel yucky, but a conference call later today means I'm in the office.  Also, it's freaking hot outside and my office has AC.  If only I could have come to work in my pajamas...

I'm hoping this cold dabbles with me and moves on and I can work out again in a couple of days.  It stinks that just as my motivation comes back, I get sidetracked.

Feeling Tired of My Excuses

I honestly can't tell you where my motivation has gone.  Maybe it's just that I've been busy at work and I don't having the energy and concentration for anything else.  Well, work has slowed down a little so really, if I'm honest, I DO have the energy and the concentration to focus on being healthy.  But I can't get motivated.  I'm not really sure why, but in addition to not working out for the 2nd week in a row, the Whole30 has gone by the wayside.

I'm trying to figure out what's going on with me mentally because I swear I USED to be able to challenge myself and actually follow through.  Remember last Summer and last Fall when I set challenges for myself and actually completed them?  Yeah, those were good times.

You know what's good for motivation, though?  Going shopping for formal wear.  I'm really, really good with finding super cute knit and rayon dresses at Ann Taylor and Kohl's and Dress Barn that are flattering and comfy and suitable for my business casual office.

However, it seems like the size inflation that is rampant in all other clothing* hasn't hit the formal wear section at Macy's yet.  I have to go to fancy events sometimes for work (including one tomorrow night) and I've worn my current cocktail dresses into the ground.  So today on my lunch hour I went looking for something new.

I found a dress, but it's pretty frumpy and I don't love it.  I did love 2 other dresses I tried on that right now are too small, but that would have fit me a couple of years ago.  I didn't buy them because I already have enough aspirational clothing in my closet (aka, those clothes I could wear a couple of years ago). 

Sad.

The moral of the story is, Stop making excuses!!!  Get up and go work out in the mornings!  No more fudging the Whole30!  Because if you fudge enough, then, guess what, it's not a Whole30 anymore.

Tomorrow, Day 1 (again): swimming in the morning and eating right for the rest of the day.


*Because I am a realist, and I know I am NOT a Medium anymore.

Exercise Fail

I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with me, but I just cannot seem to get up to exercise.  On Monday I really had no excuse, since I woke up before my alarm went off, but then managed to talk myself out of going to strength training.

I went to bed on Monday night bound and determined to wake up on Tuesday and go swimming.  I even said as much to the friends we had over for dinner.  Well, when my alarm went off yesterday morning, I was about as far away from awake as possible.  I felt immensely tired so I just flipped off the alarm and slept for another hour and a half.

Today, though.  Today was the day.  I would get up and go to strength training!  My alarm went off and I hit snooze a couple of times (as you do), all the while thinking, yay, I'm getting up soon to go to class!  Just a few more minutes.

But apparently I fell back asleep after the last snooze.  I woke up 10 minutes after class started. 

On the upside, I've managed to get in long walks both Monday and Tuesday, but I really want to get back into the strength training.  I guess my body is more interested in sleep.  Yeah, that's nice and all, but at some point, I need to work out.

I've been waking up naturally at around 6:30 or 7.  I wish I didn't have to work normal office hours, because if I could go to the gym at 7:30, I have a feeling it would happen a lot more often than when I have to go at 6:30.  Or maybe I would just go to bed an hour later.

Maybe the moral of this story is that I need to go to bed an hour earlier.  Because I'm an old lady.

Whole30 Day 4

Starting a Whole30 on day 1 of a 30-day month is really handy when it comes to keeping track of what day I'm on.

The weekend went pretty well, except for lunch yesterday.  We had a fundraiser at church to pay for the Young Women (teenage girls) to go to a week-long camp in a couple of months.  It was Fast Sunday (we all fast the first Sunday of every month), so I hadn't eaten anything that morning.  Plus, I had picked Jason up at the Boston airport very late the night before and was exhausted.  After running around for an hour, getting everything coordinated and set up, we were all really hungry.* 

So I ate what was there.  A couple brownies, a couple bites of lasagna, some enchiladas, and something one of my Counselors made called "frog eye salad", which is apparently very big in Utah and I think was just Cool Whip, canned oranges and pineapple tidbits, and tapioca pearls.

Nothing was Whole30 approved, really.  But I got back on the ball when I made our dinner several hours later, and I intend to stick to the plan this week.  For instance, I have a work meeting tonight, where we'll be getting dinner.  I already know I won't be eating the rolls or the dessert.

Rather than proclaim "I FAILED!" and go have a donut, I prefer to be more philosophical and make a note that I should be more prepared in future situations like yesterday, but not beat myself up about it.


*As a side note, sometimes it's kind of a drag being in charge.  I'm the YW President, so the other leaders and the girls ultimately look to me for tasks when we're setting up this sort of party.  When I was younger, I was a total bossypants and was perfectly happy to tell everyone what to do.  Now, while I still like to organize things, there are times when I just don't want to be the lead person anymore.  I like to think that as I'm getting older and maturing, I'm becoming less Type A and more laid-back.  That sounds better than lazy.

Whole30 Day 1! Migraine!

So, my head hurts.  Actually, I'm sitting in my darkened office with my AC turned down really low, and it's finally feeling a little better.  It's not like I even have a withdrawal headache.  Nope, this headache is a direct result of eating too much crap the last couple of days, plain and simple.  So I may still have a withdrawal headache to go through in a few days.

I'll tell you what, though.  This is awesome motivation for not eating grains and refined sugar in mass quantities any time soon.

Basically, I had a last hurrah last night and got some Ben and Jerry's.  This was after I had a Starbuck's scone for breakfast AND some pasta salad from the cafe next door for lunch.

(Side note: the pasta salad next door is AMAZING!  Pasta shells, olive oil, minced garlic, sundried tomatoes and fresh spinach.  So.  Good.  Really, the pasta is my least favorite part.  I should just get the rest of the ingredients and make my own sans pasta.)

Remember when I mentioned that I think wheat might be a migraine trigger for me?  I think that's been confirmed.

Basically, I kind of feel like an idiot.  Why do I do these things to myself?  I think I'm going to leave work a bit early after posting this and walk home.  It's a lovely day outside and I think the fresh air will help.

Let's Do This!

Alright, I'm sick of half-a**ing this.  I'm biting the bullet and doing a Paleo Whole30, starting tomorrow.  (See, 'cause there are 30 days in June).

I just got back from a short, relaxing trip to Florida to visit family.  And to eat mango key lime pie, apparently. (Never had mango key lime pie before this trip, but it was AWESOME.)  I got in late Tuesday night, and despite being tired all day yesterday, I had a hard time falling asleep last night.  This morning I felt all hungover from carbs, since I ate a bunch of them yesterday.

I went shopping at the outlets while I was in Florida and got a bunch of cute clothes, but I also got a couple of nice work dresses that don't quite fit.  The store didn't have the next size up, but my aunt encouraged me to get the dresses anyway, assuring me they look really cute.  Well, maybe they do, but they're a little tight for my comfort. 

I know I've said this many times, but I'm tired of being this size and I'm tired of feeling so lethargic.  I want to look like the swimmer I am.  I don't want anyone to discount what I can do because of my size.  I also don't want to be held back anymore because of my size.  I've reached that point where I don't want pictures taken of me, and I feel self-conscious all the time.  I hate this.

For some reason, it's been a lot harder to stick to my more extreme diet challenges in the 4 1/2 years since I got married.  Before I got married, I used to cut out sugar and soda pretty regularly.  I used to eat no unhealthy foods except for one splurge day per month. 

Somehow, it's a lot harder to stick to when I'm cooking for more than myself, and when Jason's over there downing the Diet Cokes with lime.  I'm not in any way blaming him!  Don't think that.  I know I have the will power to get over the cravings hump, and I know how much better I feel when I do.  But it's easier to justify eating the crap when someone else isn't trying not to eat it.

What it comes down to is that I'm basically sick of feeling like I do right now.  Kind of tired.  Kind of headachey.  Kind of lame for not getting up to swim this morning. 

Tomorrow is a new month AND it's a 30-day month.  Perfect!  June will be my time to shine.

Choosing Sleep

This week I have been choosing sleep over working out.  All this really means is I need to get to bed earlier.  Which means in bed by 10, asleep by 10:30.  It doesn't help that Jason is a night owl and I kind of feel lame going to bed so early.  But I have to if I'm going to work out regularly.

I didn't go to strength training yesterday and I didn't swim this morning.  However, today is the first day in a long time that I haven't felt like I could lay my head down on my desk and fall right to sleep.  So maybe I've finally caught up with my sleep deprivation.  Tomorrow I can go to strength training and get back on a good schedule for me and my exercising.

I know I need to get enough sleep.  Just yesterday, I was listening to another report about how lack of sleep raises cortisol levels.  Cortisol is the stress hormone that in primitive times was a signal to our bodies about external stressors.  For example, famine.  Or saber-toothed tigers.

Too much cortisol prevents weight loss and will even cause you to gain weight, as your body tries to prepare for whatever stressful situation it might face, since obviously something's wrong, or you wouldn't be producing so much cortisol. 

What this tells me is I can eat well and wake up early to get to the gym, but if I'm not going to sleep early enough, I'm fighting a losing battle.  Sigh.  It's so hard to get everyone right.

Fashion Motivation

Seriously, I need to lose weight.  Just look at this coat!  It is beautiful and I need a new wool coat for work in the worst way.  The one I've used for the last several winters is literally falling apart.  In fact, I planned to get a new one before the most recent winter, but decided my coat could make it through one more year.

Because of the styling of this lovely coat, it might fit me if I bought it in an XL.  But the largest size is an L.  If I was, say, 30 pounds lighter (or several inches narrower), I'm sure an L would be fine.

Sigh.  I want to be able to wear the pretty clothes...

Motivational Poster

A couple of ladies who read my blog over on SparkPeople said they really liked my comment "It's always better to show up at the pool."  One of them suggested we put it into a cross stitch sampler.  So of course in between projects today, I Googled cross stitch sampler design sites. 

Well, I didn't find one, but I did find a motivational poster design site.  Then I found a picture of a lap pool.  I specifically looked for a picture from the viewpoint of when you're about to dive in and start swimming. 

Then I made this:

Usually I don't like those motivational posters, but this is one I can get behind.

Learning Lessons

This morning my alarm went off and I was well aware that I had only had about 6 1/2 hours of fitful sleep.  I drank some Diet Coke in the evening to get me through a late work meeting, but I think it made my sleep too light.

I argued with myself for awhile about why it would be better to sleep than to get up for Masters swimming.  Plus, I wouldn't have to deal with Weird Guy if I didn't swim.  Ultimately, I talked myself into getting up.  I reminded myself that usually I feel better as soon as I get up.  Plus, there are only a few more Masters sessions left before our coach moves away, and I want to get in as many coached sessions as I can.

So I dragged myself out of bed, and even though I wasn't feeling any more awake by the time I walked from the locker room to the pool, I was there, and that's what counts.  I figured if I was slow today, I could always go last, right?

As soon as I got in the water and started my warm up, I felt a million times better.  Plus, Weird Guy didn't show today!  I wound up swimming with the two women who my pace is closest to and we all had a great workout.  We're very good at pushing one another.

Today I was able to remind myself that it's ALWAYS better to show up at the pool.

In the Trash With You!

Stupidest reason ever to cut a lunch walk short: my tights gradually sliding over my bum and down my legs.

That's it, these are going in the trash as soon as I get home.  This is the 3rd time I've worn them, and the 3rd time I've almost had a wardrobe malfunction.

I planned to walk for an hour, but halfway in, I realized that the tights would soon be around my knees and I should probably head back to the office.  There is no casual way to yank up tights in public.  If I could remember where I bought this particular pair, I would never buy them again.

Recent Treats

I've been on a quest for yummy treats with a Paleo angle and have found a couple I thought I would share.

Spiced Carrot Cake: This is so good!  I don't know if Jason liked it as much, but I thought it was just sweet enough without being too cloying.  I'm not even a big carrot cake fan, but I liked this recipe a lot.  I tried making the coconut cream too, but it didn't work for some reason.  It didn't come together nicely like in the recipe.

Also, I learned the hard way that a really good way to clog the kitchen sink is to pour the failed coconut cream down the drain.  Coconut oil clogs pipes.  And good.  Oops.

Anyway, I made a little glaze out of powdered sugar and water.  Not paleo with the powdered sugar, but it was a light glaze.  Maybe I could experiment next time with maple syrup-sweetened whipped cream...

Apple Crisp:  We got a bunch of apples in our winter farm share, but they were obviously from last fall's harvest because they were a little mealy.  Good for baking, though!  This was great AND it even had a nice crunchy crust.  I used maple syrup instead of the agave nectar, but I think honey might have been even better for getting a crunchy crust.

And in a not-so-sweet vein, last night I made a crock pot turkey breast for dinner.  This is the third time I've made it, and it's fabulous!  I don't remove the skin and after it's done cooking, I bake it in the oven at 350 for 20-30 minutes, or until the skin browns.  So.  Good.

New Week, New Momentum

Well, last week wound up being kind of a wash.  I just couldn't seem to get up and at 'em at all.  Instead, I slept in every day.  Well, I say "slept in".  Really, I just slept for an extra half hour, then got to work a little early.  So I swam on Tuesday, I walked another day, and that was about it for the week.

Yesterday, though, I finally started feeling some motivation to get moving again.  It was a gorgeous day!  I had church and then came home at 1, made a late lunch for me and Jason, and then went to another meeting for my church responsibilities.  I got home at about 6:00 and decided to go for a walk.  Jason was out, so I took off on my own down the pretty Boulevard path, listening to funny podcasts. 

I texted Jason to let him know I was heading out and he came to find me on his way home, pulling over to the side of the road, asking in a creepy voice, "Want some candy, little girl?"  I didn't really want to stop walking, since it was so nice, but he seemed bummed when I said he could go on home without me, so I got in the car.  Then he and I went for another walk around our neighborhood.  There are so many gorgeous flowers in bloom still, and the air is so fragrant with their scent.

We also wanted to scope out the other houses in the neighborhood that are for sale to size up the competition.

By the way, we close on our house tomorrow!

I've been feeling pretty blase about it up until now, but it's starting to feel real.

I think yesterday's walk helped spark something inside of me to get me back into gear after last week's slothfulness.  I didn't get to sleep until close to midnight last night, but I was still raring to go this morning for my strength training class.  Now I'm sore, but happy.  Tomorrow is Masters swimming!

The Doctor's Visit

I went to my new doctor yesterday, mainly just so I could get my drug hook-up (see previous migraine post).  I also got a physical, prescription for a lab work up, and a vaccination.  Woo hoo.

My doctor was really nice.  I'm to the age where the newer doctors are my peers and I could see going out to lunch with this one sometime.  But of course, the weight topic came up.  She was very nice about it, but I know that my current weight (and BMI, if you're into that sort of thing) sets off all sorts of alarms in the medical professional's mind.

I told her briefly about losing a bunch of weight several years ago and how most of it has crept back on.  I told her about my experience last year seeing the dietician who essentially called me a liar (or delusional).  I told her about my current workout regimen and how I haven't lost any weight, but I have lost 9 inches in the last month and a half.

She had a couple of thoughts, including me joining a research study at a local hospital involving tracking.  Which made me laugh as I told her that I've tracked my food off and on for YEARS.  In the end, we discussed it, and determined that for now, I would continue what I'm doing, since at least in terms of body composition, I am seeing some results.  If I'm concerned about it in a couple of months, she and I can discuss options.

She was very nice, but this is just one of those awkward conversations that I've had before and will probably have again.  No one seems to understand how I could be doing all the right things and still be obese.  Well, it's very, very possible.  Trust me.

The Lost Week - or, At Least A Couple of Days

I feel useless this week.  It started Tuesday when I was nauseous at Masters swimming.  I had a little tiny headache too, but I was mainly feeling completely ill, especially after every flipturn.  By Tuesday afternoon, I definitely had a migraine.  This is the first time that nausea has preceded a migraine.  Usually they show up together, nicely complementing one another.

I took one migraine pill and it dulled the pain for a little bit, but it came roaring back a bit later.  And I was out of migraine pills.  I'm in between doctors and didn't have anyone to call for a prescription.

I couldn't go home because we had a big meeting on Tuesday.  Which didn't go well.  Which didn't help my headache.  But I popped some Excedrin and soldiered through.  I finally left the office around 6:15, and went home to put an icepack on my head and take some more Excedrin.

Yesterday morning was supposed to be strength training, but I woke up and the headache seemed to have abated, but within 10 minutes of waking up, it was back.  I managed to keep it at a distance through most of yesterday with lots of Excedrin.  LOTS of Excedrin.

This morning I had swimming on my calendar, but when I woke up and realized my head didn't hurt anymore, but I was still exhausted, I decided to sleep.  Right this second, I can feel a slight achiness tapping on the back of my right eyebrow (that's where the pain parks itself when it shows up), but I'm drinking lots of water and hoping I can keep it at bay.  I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon where I'll be getting a shiny new prescription for my magic headache pills.

I've identified certain migraine triggers, but sometimes they show up without any root cause - other than my normal everyday stressors.  It always shocks me how debilitating they are.

This is SuperFun.

Today's WG moment:

At a pause in the set, Coach says to WG, "Straight and narrow!  Straight and narrow!  Stay between the lane line and the black marker down the center.  THAT's your space!"  In a nice way, but emphatically, because she sees him swimming down the middle-ish of the lane.

WG says, kind of to himself, and I don't think the coach heard, "I'm fiiiiine."  As in, there's NOTHING I need to change.

This is after the coach told him to change something.

I don't think he understands the concept behind Masters swimming.  With a coach.  To help you swim better.

I wound up leaving early because I'm feeling kind of yucky today.  As I was leaving, Coach asked me if the lane dynamics were the reason.  I said no (since that wasn't it), but now I'm wondering if I should have said, "Yes, please. Take him aside and talk to him."

2.25 Again

Well, I'm glad that I'm taking measurements as well as weighing myself, because if I went solely by the scale I would be really, really depressed by now. I still haven't lost any weight. I'm still hovering around those same 2-3 pounds in a range that I don't want to be in AT ALL. However, I'm down another 2.25 inches in the past 2 weeks, including 3/4 of an inch off of my hips. Now THAT's cause to celebrate.

More of the Mean Girls

We weren't really mean yesterday, more catty after the fact. But seriously, you know there's a problem when even the coach comments on it.

So yesterday the Weird Guy (WG) was in my lane again and he was still weird. He continued to swim down the middle of the lane, and continued to not really seem to understand the workouts and to do his own thing part of the time.

The most obnoxious thing, though, was his sprinting through everything so that he was right on top of whoever happened to be in front of him. Yesterday, the swimmers in my lane were me, B, WG and another guy. Other guy went first, B went 2nd, I went 3rd and WG went 4th. Yes, we arranged the order without consulting him and just started the set.

Well, at the end of the first length, I did a flipturn and when I turned around, WG was RIGHT ON TOP OF ME. Ack!

I seriously thought he was going to punch me in the face. Accidentally, of course. It's common courtesy to give the person in front of you a little space, unless you're sure you can pass them. He was swimming as hard as he could, and couldn't pass me outright, but he was bound and determined to swim as close to my feet as possible.

The third time this happened, I stopped and basically asked him to back off. He said he would, but he didn't, so I just let him pass me after the next length, and I swam last.

Then he started doing the same thing to B.

During the next set, I had to stop at one point and wait for him to get ahead because I kept catching up to his feet. While I was stopped, our coach noticed me and asked, "Why don't you just pass him?" I laughed and told her I tried that, but then he would sprint and get right on top of me. She looked out to where he was swimming and observed, "Oh yeah...Now he's doing it to B too..."

See! It's not just us!

She said, "Well, there's always one in every group. I suggest you wait 10-15 seconds after he goes before you start."

I mean, there's only so much she can do when she's coaching adults, right?

In the locker room afterward, B and I were rehashing the workout and she told me that he kept hitting her feet the entire time she was swimming in front of him. The funny thing is, he sprints through the entire workout, which doesn't seem healthy to me. At the end of each set, we would stop and the other 3 of us would be breathing normally pretty quickly, but WG was panting all the time. I don't know if he has something to prove to himself, but for whatever reason he is bound and determined to keep up and to win, even if it means swimming way outside of his comfort zone.

It's so strange. I've never run into this behavior before.

Good Start

This morning I made it to strength training, starting my week off right. I am still kind of amazed at how weak my legs are. We do this series of moves where we're on all fours and we stick one leg out straight and do this long series of lifts and circles and curls. I can never finish them. Though, I suppose each of my legs must weigh at least 50 pounds, so I guess it's not too shameful that I can't hold one up and do lots of moves with it for 5 minutes straight. My short-term goal is to be able to finish those particular exercises.

On the other hand, my abs still rock. I can do all the ab exercises no problem. I'm a little sore the next day, but overall, my core is pretty strong. Yay, swimming!

Today is a little quiet at work because the client I do the most work for is in Boston, and they have a holiday today. I'm playing catch up with a bunch of my other work. I'm also going to take the luxury of going for a lunch walk in a little bit.

This week, I'm rededicating myself to being healthy. I keep letting myself have little Easter candy treats and I don't know why, because I just feel awful after I eat them. On Saturday we went down to Newport with a group of friends for a seal-watching tour and excursion around the various beaches and parks. I got up early and went for a swim. Good start.

After the tour we went to Flo's Clam Shack for lunch and ate a LOT of deep fried seafood. It tasted good at first, but then I started feeling a little ill, and I passed off about a third of my fried clams to Jason. We went for a walk on the beach afterward and I started feeling better, and felt even better later as we explored some more beaches out past the mansions. Then we got some soft serve ice cream for dessert.

Then I got a migraine.

Seriously, I never learn. Too much crappy food = migraine. Thankfully on Saturday, it only took one prescription pill to get rid of the headache, but that should be a lesson to me.

It should be, but that particular lesson never seems to stick.

Even though it was chilly on Saturday, it was a good reminder that beach season is coming up and I want my body composition to be different than it is right now. I'm rededicating myself to eating Paleo/Primal (no sugar, no grains, limited dairy) and getting in 2 swims and 2 strength training classes per week. In fact, I'm going make it a 30-day challenge, since usually that works pretty well. We'll see where I am in 30 days.

Encroachment

As work gets (or continues to be) crazy, my workouts are sliding again. I suppose I shouldn't beat myself up too much, since today is really the only day that I've missed because of work.

I'm really good at getting down on myself when I mess up any little thing. Anyone else have that disease?

I swam Tuesday, did the Chisel! class on Wednesday, then didn't do anything yesterday because Chisel! beat me up. Actually, I'm pretty sure that if I had dragged my sore muscles to the pool yesterday morning, it would have helped, but I couldn't convince myself of that at 6 AM.

Today I was either going to do the Friday strength training class or swim, but in the end I decided I needed to get to work early. I'll be in meetings all day and at the same time I'm supposed to get some regulatory stuff out of the office by 4 PM. I love when I need to be two places at once.

Tomorrow, I'll get in a swim at least. But my plans for working out 5 times this week have instead resulted in working out 3 times. Not so bad, but not where I wanted to be either.

Mean Girl(s)?

This morning I was reminded how I used to call one woman in my lane "Mean Girl". We're actually very chummy now and I barely remember how she seemed kind of resentful when I got moved into her lane. But today we had a run-in with a new guy.

So, new guy. He came into our lane from the one below ours because they had too many people. So it was him and 3 women. He breached several items of swimming etiquette that gradually annoyed the 3 of us more and more until finally B (the former mean girl) couldn't stand it any longer. Here's what happened:

1) He took off first almost every. single. time. That's not how it works. Usually we decide as a lane what order we go in based on how everyone is feeling and who is usually faster. Since he came from a slower lane, I assumed he would go last. Instead he took off first almost every time and we would wind up waiting until he had completed almost a whole length before we started so that we wouldn't be swimming on top of him by the end of the set.

2) He swam down the middle of the lane. There were 4 of us in the lane, which means we were circle swimming, and there's plenty of room to swim on either side of the lane. New guy swam sort of to the side, but really more down the middle. He's a big guy - probably 6' 2" or so, and not skinny. We were dodging him every time we passed him. Then at one of his starts, he sped out right down the middle and almost completely took out K, who was just finishing her last set.

3) He clobbered me over the head with one of his giant arms. We did a 50 of backstroke and as soon as I finished I scooted over to the middle of the lane, leaving plenty of room on the right for the next person to finish. Apparently he wasn't paying attention and came barreling into me (because, as I discussed in 2, he was in the center of the lane), whacking me on the head with his arm. He apologized, but geez. You have to be a little bit self aware when you're swimming with a bunch of people.

4) He took off first (see 1) AND he messed up the workout. We were supposed to do a 50 backstroke, followed by a 100 (50 back, 50 free), followed by a 150 (50 back, 100 free), etc. He did the 50 as 25 back, 25 free. Then he did a 50 and stopped. So we just kept on going and finished the 100. When I breathed before my flipturn and he realized I would be the second person to pass him, I heard him say, "Hey, wait a minute...", but that's all I heard because I kept going. Then I don't know what he did, but he messed up the 150 somehow. So at the next rest, B called our coach over and asked her to explain to him how to read the workout. Especially since he was insisting on going first and all. Rather than just say, "oh, ok, I see," he made his worst mistake:

5) He claimed that he didn't mess up, but he passed us somehow and was actually a 50 ahead of us. Um, no. That's when I got involved and B and I were both saying to him "No. You are NOT a 50 ahead of us." It was so ridiculous. At no point did he lap us. But rather than accept that maybe he didn't get the workout right, he kept insisting, "No, I passed you." Grrr.

So then B was REALLY irritated and she stopped waiting for him to finish a length before she left the wall, and she wound up on his toes the ENTIRE rest of the workout. And me and the other lady were right behind her. He wound up gasping for air at the end of it because, hey, it turns out he's not faster than us after all.

So maybe I was a little bit of a Mean Girl today too. But my head was still aching from getting whacked.

2.25

Two weeks since my last weigh-in, and the weight is still in the same range, but I've lost another 2.25 inches. That means after a month of really keeping track of weight and measurements again, my weight is still basically the same, but I'm down 6.75 inches. I call that a positive.

Actually, this has been my trend in the past. I see changes in my measurements (and in how my clothes fit me and how my body feels as I go throughout the day) long before I see any movement on the scale. It's staying patient and waiting for that number to go down that is hard. I know that it's not all about the scale, and that the number doesn't mean a lot, but right now it's about 30 pounds higher than the last time I saw a picture of myself that I actually liked. A picture where I looked like just one of the gang, and not the fat girl.

Yes, I know, a lot (if not all) of this is in my head. But I'm trying to stay positive and realize that I'm really busy at work and right now what I can do is an hour workout in the morning. Then I can try to make healthy food choices throughout the day. That's all I can do, and I'm doing fairly well.

I swam 3000 yards in an hour this morning, which is a really good pace for me, considering it's not just a straight swim, but a workout with intervals and built in rests. I may still be heavy, but I'm getting faster!

A Paleo Easter

In case you didn't know, it's Holy Week. For people who are affiliated in any way with church music, that means it's a very busy week. I was trying to cobble together some people for Easter dinner, until I realized I wasn't really in the mood to throw a party.

First of all, Jason and I are both singing at the Easter Vigil Saturday night and both Easter morning services. Most other church choristers are also singing every night this week (Jason sang last night at Tenebrae), but for me, 3 services in 12 hours is about all I can handle. Last year after the 2nd Easter service, I felt exhilarated by the beautiful music and the sense of community worship, but also really, really exhausted.

Plus, work has been crazy busy lately and I am selfish with my down time. Since Sunday afternoon will be the calm before the storm of work and meetings that my Outlook calendar tells me is coming next week, I sort of let the idea of Big Easter Plans fade away.

However, that doesn't mean I can't whip up a ham for me and Jason. Inspired by Jenna at The Paleo Project and Melissa at CupcakesOMG, I'm planning my own Paleo Easter. Which is also known as "regular dinner time at Jason and Kelly's", but with the added flair of a Paleo carrot cake and possibly some deviled eggs.

I'm going to make:
Honey and Citrus Glazed Ham
Some type of roasted vegetable
Spiced Carrot Cake (with regular whipped cream)

Like I said, deviled eggs may also make an appearance. As may baked sweet potatoes (with cinnamon and butter).

All of the above sound doable without making me crazy on a Sunday afternoon. Happy Easter to us!

Working Out

I was tired this morning, so I didn't go to strength training. No biggie, I thought, I'll make sure to take a lunch walk. Not as good, but it will do. Only then it started pouring rain at lunch. Well, I still have a little walk up the big hill to meet Jason after work to look forward to, so at least I'll get my heart pumping for a few minutes.

Lame.

Yesterday, though, I did well. First off, though, my alarm didn't go off. Sometimes it goes off at weird times, but this is the first time it just didn't go off, period. I woke up on my own at 6:22, jumped out of bed and managed to make it to the pool by 6:40. I must admit, it's nice to live only a couple miles away.

We proceeded to do a million 100s at top speed. We did 100s of free, 100s of drills and 100s of stroke (I did backstroke) all as fast as we could. I was exhausted by the time it was done, though my fastest 100 was 1:24, which is a new best time for me (at least since my swim team days).

I keep thinking, if I could just get rid of some of this excess fat, imagine how fast I would be! I suppose skipping strength training class is not the best way to go about that.

Tomorrow I swim. Friday is strength training. Saturday I will swim again because I want to get in 4 workouts this week.

Determination

Work has exploded again, like it did in October, November and December, but this time I'm determined not to let it derail me. So even though I could come into work at 7:30 or 8 tomorrow, I'm going to go to Masters swimming from 6:30-7:30. And then I'm going to go to strength training on Wednesday from 6:30-7:30. And so on.

I just think it's really important to keep going. I know I'll feel better if I keep up my healthy eating and my regular workouts.

4.5!

That's how many inches I've lost in the past couple of weeks! The scale is staying put for now, but I have lost a total of 4.5 inches. I'm thrilled with that!

NSV

"NSV" in weight loss lingo means "non-scale victory". I don't have one yet, but I have a couple of ideas of NSVs I want to shoot for.

First, I just bought a cocktail dress (Yay for Nordstrom free shipping both ways!). I often have to go to cocktail and semi-formal affairs for work and I've just about worn my 2 other cocktail dresses into the ground. The new dress is this lovely deep purple color, with chiffon layers and it ALMOST looks amazing on me. The shape is perfect for my body, which is saying something, since I often have a hard time finding things that look right on both my hips and my waist. Usually it's one or the other.

While you might think that fitting perfectly into this dress is actually weight-related, I would argue that the number on the scale won't really matter, so long as my proportions are correct. I'm doing strength training to get toned and to improve my overall shape, and that's what looking amazing in this dress depends on. My next work event is at the end of April, and my hope is that I'll be wearing the purple dress!

My next NSV goal is about feeling good about myself when I go visit my grandma in Florida in May. I know we'll be making at least one trip to the beach, and I want to feel confident in the knowledge that I have done everything I can to be fit and healthy. I want to be comfortable hanging out in my swimsuit.

By the way, we're buying our house! I mean, the one we're living in right now. I am oddly calm about it, while Jason is kind of a nervous wreck. I'm not sure if my calmness is denial about the implications of it all, but I'm pretty sure I've thought it through and I feel A-OK. Maybe I've just decided to let Jason do all the worrying. For once.

House Update

Saturday I went to lunch with a friend and then we drove around and looked at the outsides of a bunch of houses in southern Mass. One of them made us both go "oooo, pretty!" But when I looked at my notes on the house, I was reminded that it had pink carpet in several rooms.

Really? Who decided pink carpet was a good idea?

The house is kind of at the top end of our price range, and we would definitely have to put some work into it if we moved in. However, included in the price, stretching waaaay back into the woods, is 9.4 acres. My friend asked me what Jason and I would do with 9.4 acres. I thought about it for a second and determined that we would sell half of it. Then we would STILL have 4.6 acres.

Yesterday I drove around another town in Massachusetts and found a darling neighborhod, with families outside enjoying the sun, and this happy little yellow house for sale plopped right in the middle of it all. I'm kind of a sucker for yellow houses.

It's a lot of fun to look around, but in the end, I think we may stay put. The landlady has given us a price, and it's not unreasonable, though I think we're going to try to negotiate in the furniture of hers that we've been borrowing.

Last night, we were talking about little things we could do to fix the place up a bit more to our liking. Put tile in and get a new sink for the half bath. Possibly paint the dining room. Finally finish organizing the stuff we've been putting off organizing because it was a temporary home anyway. Jason was speculating on what exactly it would take to replace the kitchen cabinets.

So I think we're nesting a bit. Or talking about nesting. We'll see how negotiations go.

Sugar Buzz

Yesterday, I was reminded what a real sugar buzz feels like, even though it was just natural sugar. I swam 2800 yards yesterday morning, then ate eggs and a banana at my desk for breakfast. Then we went to a meeting at another attorney's office, and when we got there, they offered us freshly-squeezed orange juice. Apparently they have this whole kitchen set up with a juicer and all. So I said ok, because how often do you get fresh orange juice? Well, maybe you get it a lot, but I don't.

I drank half of my glass. About 20 minutes later, my brain started buzzing. That's the best way I can describe it. It really feels like there's something going on in my head, and I feel antsy and hyper. It's a surefire indicator to me that my blood sugar is spiking. I guess the juice on top of the banana was too much.

A little while later, I crashed, and I never really recovered for the rest of the day. I was dragging around, getting my work done, but just barely.

That was a good lesson to me that I'm doing the right thing, limiting carbs. I'm feeling out the best way for me to eat and it's starting to work. I already know that my body doesn't like grains, especially wheat. I seem to tolerate corn and rice better than wheat, but I don't eat those that often either.

I don't seem to have a problem with dairy and feel perfectly fine incorporating whole milk and Greek yogurt into my diet.

I'm eating a piece of fruit every day.

Potatoes and sweet potatoes are a-ok, in moderation.

The foundation of my diet is meat and vegetables, particularly green vegetables.

The scale continues to go down bit by bit. Also, weight training + swimming = I can already see my triceps even though they're mostly hidden by excess fat.

What's Up With You?

The latest news is that I think we're trying to buy the house we're living in right now. I'm not so sure that it's going to work out, so I'm stressed about that because we would have to be out by May 1 if it doesn't happen. We've talked about possibly buying the house before, but it's always been very speculative. However, I emailed the landlady last week to see if she wanted to extend our lease for another year and she said definitely no, she wants to sell.

So we're tentatively entering into negotiations with her and already it seems like she thinks she'll get more for the house than we are willing to pay. Especially considering if she sells to us, she won't have to pay realtor fees, she won't have to fix up the place before she lists it (and there are several things that need to be spruced up), and she will have a guaranteed buyer, versus having the house sit empty (and without a renter making payments) for however long it takes to sell.

Also, just to throw this in, the fact that she bought at the top of the market in 2007 and wants to recoup some of her investment? Not our fault. I'm not going to overpay.

But I'm a little concerned that by the time she realizes all of this, it will be too late and we will have moved out months before.

So we started looking at rentals yesterday and there really isn't much out there. After living in a house for a year and a half, we are loathe to move back into an apartment.

Last night we puttered around Zillow, looking at listings. There's one in Massachusetts, just over the border, that we really like. But this whole buying a house thing is kind of terrifying, especially when we still don't know what the next couple of years are going to bring. When it comes to reselling, I think the place we're in now would resell more quickly because it's basically in the city. And it's a good location for a rental if we couldn't sell right away.

Also, oh my gosh, I sooooo don't want to move right now. When I think about packing up all of our stuff - AGAIN - I just feel exhausted.

I guess it all depends on where these discussions with our landlady go.

On the upside, stress makes me fast. I swam 2800 yards this morning in an hour, and was swimming my sets of 100s at about 1:37, which is really good for me, considering I'm still getting back into the swimming groove.

Weigh-In

I joined Shape Up Rhode Island this year because a woman from my church set up a team and invited a bunch of us to join. What the heck, right? Well, it's amazing what a little competition will do! I log in every day and record my steps, my exercise minutes, and the fruits and veggies I've eaten. I'm also doing a weekly weigh-in.

After you log everything in, you can go to your team page and little bar graphs will tell you how you're doing compared to the rest of your teammates. This has inspired me to (1) remember to wear my Fitbit every day, and (2) get in some sort of exercise every day that I can. Competition! Love it!

This past weekend, Jason's brother was in town, visiting us before heading up to Boston for a conference. We ate. A lot.

Brandon is all about authentic experiences, so he found a divey Venezuelan place for lunch on Saturday, which was amazing, as divey places often are. Then we drove out to Newport and despite the gale-force winds, we wandered around a bit in the state parks on Ocean Ave past all of the mansions. I've never been that far out on the island and it was gorgeous!

We had a good time, but as I said, we ate a lot. Still, I'm down 2.2 pounds for the week. Woo hoo! Given my recent history of either plateauing or gaining, without any losses, I'm pretty happy about that.

Today I slept in a little (carbs make me sluggish and I definitely ate carbs yesterday), but tomorrow I will swim and Wednesday is strength training. Today's food has been stellar and I got out of the office for a 35 minute walk earlier.

Feeling Like Myself Again

The half cold I've been nursing for the past couple of weeks seems to have moved on. I wound up taking the entire week off of early-morning workouts and slept in every day and I think that did the trick. I did go for a walk at lunch every single day, though, and I'm going to walk the 3 1/2 miles home from work today. I am really antsy today at work and feel like time is c r a w l i n g by, so I think that's my cue that I'm well and ready to work out again.

My eating has been good this week and I've kept my carbs around and below 100 g, with the major carbs coming from potatoes and sweet potatoes from our farm share. Remember my moaning about my weight being up to a horrifying number? Well, the number is still horrifying, but it's 3 pounds less horrifying than it was on Tuesday. 3 pounds in as many days.

Oh, hai, lo-carb. I remember how u werk.

Counting the seconds until I can blow this popsicle stand. Did I mention I'm antsy today?

Siiiiiiigghhhhh

If you can't tell by the subject, I'm exasperated

(And xkcd has given me a great way to think about big long exasperated sighs)

So here's the thing. I've gained weight. Again. I weighed myself a few weeks ago and was horrified by the number I saw there. This morning I weighed myself thinking surely with how I've been working out a bit more and trying to be more intuitive about my eating (ie, only eating when I'm hungry, not always cleaning my plate, etc.), I will be down at least from where I was a few weeks ago.

9 pound gain.

NINE POUNDS.

NINE POUNDS higher than that number that horrified me a few weeks ago.

What is WRONG with me?

I was thinking about it on my way to work and the last time I weighed what I do right now was in 2003. I am just at a loss. I told Jason and he commiserated with me and said he was sorry because he knows I've been working so hard.

The moral of the story that I'm getting from all of this is that the only possible way for me to lose weight is to be absolutely perfect. No, actually, it seems that the only way for me to not GAIN weight is to be absolutely perfect. We're not even talking about losing anymore. I need to stop this weight gain train right this second. I don't know if this is a result of getting older or what, but I'm just all around horrified.

Not to mention really, really uncomfortable in my skin.

Also, I've been nursing a low-lying cold for a couple of weeks now that won't make its way through my system, but just hangs around, making me feel kind of yucky, and making me have kind of a cough and sore throat. I didn't go to Masters last week or this week because of the cough, though last week I did get to one strength training class and one swimming session. Then my throat hurt even more for the rest of the day. It also makes me really, really tired. Seriously, cold, just do your thing and move on, or go away!

Muscles

I've always thought, "My legs are strong! I am a fast kicker! My legs are STRONG!"

You know what strength training has taught me? My legs are WEAK. We do all these isometric exercises where you have to, say, lay on your back, thrust your hips in the air and balance the bulk of your weight on one leg, while doing many varieties of leg lifts with the other leg, and I just cannot do it. I have to keep stopping and readjusting because apparently I now weigh too much for one leg to support me. Lame.

A couple of years ago I could do these things, but I think neglecting any meaningful strength training since then has made me the weakling I am today. My goal is to complete all the leg exercises in my strength training class without stopping. Which is good motivation to keep going.

On the bright side, it turns out my abs are wicked strong. I can do all the ab exercises, no problem. Yay, swimming!

Inconsistency

I realize that I have been inconsistent. I blame vacations, though we don't have another one of those planned, well, at all, in the coming months. I'm sure something will come up - a long weekend somewhere nearby - but for now, we're here in Rhode Island and I can have a routine again.

Judging by the very slightly looser jeans on the plane ride home, apparently eating gourmet pizza and burgers and blackened fish sandwiches (with chips) and fudgey brownies don't really have a negative impact when I'm also snorkeling for a couple hours and treading water in the ocean for the rest of the day. Again, I kick myself for entering a profession that is so very sedentary.

This week is off to a good start. Despite having late meetings at work on Monday and Tuesday nights, I went to Masters swimming on Tuesday morning and made the 6:30 AM strength training class this morning. Tomorrow, I will swim, and Friday I thought I had a meeting in Boston, but I'm going to do it via conference call, which means I can do Friday's class too.

I've been getting to bed early, much to Jason's chagrin. Late meetings plus early bedtimes means I haven't talked to him much over the last couple of days. I know I need to remedy that. On the other hand, getting a full 7-8 hours of sleep is AMAZING.

I have yet to go grocery shopping since we got home (see above re: late meetings) so my eating hasn't been the best, but it hasn't been atrocious either. I am firmly committed to restarting my 8-week challenge next week, this time with no excuses/vacations. As motivation, I like to read the Primal Blueprint Real Life Stories on Mark's Daily Apple. I sent this one to Jason a couple of weeks ago because it blew me away. I really want to be one of those people who sticks to the paleo/primal lifestyle and have my own amazing transformation.

Goals

So I've set up this challenge for myself, which is a means to an end, but I've been thinking more about what I want that end to be. Not that this ever ends, per se, because ideally the steps I take toward healthy living will go on and on.

But there are a few goals in my head:

1) Lose weight. I am uncomfortable with my body right now. I'm uncomfortable in my clothes. I hate it. I put a goal down on SparkPeople to lose 37 pounds (to land on a round number) by my birthday on October 10. This is assuming I'm not pregnant by then. (Jason and I haven't really made it a secret that we're trying.) I'll reassess if a baby comes into the picture.

2) Wear a size 10. I would like to be solidly into normal women's clothes again. I've been teetering on the edge of plus size for awhile, and there are a few styles that I just can't wear in regular clothes. So I don't wear them. But I would like to be able to shop and not think about it. I don't need to be a size 0 or 2 or even a 6. 10 would be lovely.

3) Be able to hike without feeling like I'm going to die. I understand that hiking is hard and that climbing mountains is no small feat. I don't need to run up the mountain (like our crazy friend, the trail runner), but I would like to be able to complete a mountain hike in the book time rather than stop so much, and feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest every 10 feet. I still have mixed feelings about hiking. However, Jason LOVES it and it would be awesome to hike a mountain with him next summer and not feel like the fattest, most out-of-shape girl on the mountain.

I'm not actually sure if all of the goals are feasible and will work out in the end. The weight and size I'm shooting for are numbers that I haven't seen in a long, long time. I think the hiking goal is doable. I'm mixing up my workouts right now, getting in both strength training and cardio, and I hope that I can change my body composition, increase my metabolism, and finally start losing weight again.

2 Days In and It's All Good

I suppose I technically should have started this whole challenge thing on Sunday, since that's the beginning of the week in most people's minds.

Even though it's the sabbath for Christians, which is the 7th day, when God rested. Right? So really, starting yesterday was right on.

Anyway, last week was not too bad, other than the anadama bread I made over the weekend. And the junk I ate at a hockey game on Friday night. But check out these strides I'm making:

1) I got chicken tenders, fries and a Diet Pepsi at the game. I am not a Diet Pepsi fan, but it was the only diet option, so I figured I would get it. This is after not drinking ANY Diet Coke all week. (Proud of me? I am.) Well, Diet Pepsi is revolting. I've always thought so, but it's even worse when my taste buds aren't used to diet soda in general. So I took 2 sips, then passed it over to Jason. I ate the 3 teeny tiny chicken tenders, but didn't finish my fries. Jason polished those off as well.

2) Speaking of diet soda, I had some Diet Coke with lime on Saturday, which I declared my Diet Coke Day of the Week. Meh. It was better than the Diet Pepsi, but not my favorite. How can my attitude toward Diet Coke have shifted so drastically in just one week? Over the holidays I was planning our excursions around opportunities to stop somewhere and get a Diet Coke.

3) We ran out of cornmeal and I substituted almond meal in the anadama bread. Yum! I think it actually helped the bread bake up much lighter than usual. I'm going to dedicate some time in the coming months to some baking experimentation. My ultimate goal is to come up with something grain-free (or at least gluten-free) that I can make in my bread machine.

This week is off to a good start. I'm keeping the carbs low. We went out for a Restaurant Week meal last night (when else can you go to Ruth's Chris and not pay $45 for a steak?), so I did have dessert (an adorable chocolate mousse in a chocolate cup with berries and cream). Even so, my carbs for the day were still well under 100 grams.

After arguing with myself for about 10 minutes yesterday morning, I managed to pull myself out of bed and get to the strength training class. I think I need to bring my own yoga mat. The Y's mats are pretty foul and I actually abstained from most of the face-down stretching at the end of the hour because I caught a definite odor coming off of the mat I was using.

Then I went to Masters swimming this morning. I am slow. No, let me emphasize, I am SLOOOOOW. When I first got there, I asked the coach which lane I should be in, telling her I hadn't been in the pool since the last time she saw me sometime in November. I got knocked down a lane AND I was totally getting beat by the people in that lane. But one of my swimming buddies said she knows I'll be back up to speed in no time. I appreciate the encouragement.

Also, it was really sweet because everyone was happy to see me. I got a lot of excited greetings this morning and everyone asked where I had been. It's nice to be missed.

Now, I am sore. But it's a good pain.

Someday This Will Begin, I Swear

The best laid plans. Am I right?

Sunday night was...not so fun. I don't know if I had a brief flu bug, or food poisoning, but my body did not want anything in it, thank you very much, including water. By yesterday morning, I was able to drink some ginger ale and eat some Saltines, which Jason went out and got for me, lovely man. Then I had some soup for dinner. Yay soup.

This morning I felt much better, but still not super. My stomach has been a little wonky all day, but better than it was.

So I missed the strength training class yesterday morning and I missed Masters swimming this morning. I'm hoping to get to the strength training class tomorrow morning. But I think I'm going to call this week a wash and start my CHALLENGE! over next week.

That doesn't mean I'm giving myself license to fall apart, though. My eating has been fantastic today. It helps that I don't really want to eat that much. What I have eaten has been low-carb.

CHALLENGE

I am apparently useless without an official challenge. I'm sure there are some New Years challenges I could still jump into, but I'm going to set a challenge for myself. So here we go with:

Kelly's 8-Week Challenge!

(Sound official enough?)

Timeline: January 15, 2012 to March 10, 2012

Diet: Low-carb/Paleo
- No grains. I've realized I have some sort of wheat sensitivity, but have let other grains (mainly corn) creep in more often than I like. Got to cut it out!
- Little bit of dairy. I like cheese and milk, but it's not going to be the staple of my low-carb snacks like it has been in the past.
- Main diet will be protein and non-starchy vegetables, a little bit of fruit, healthy fats.
- One Diet Coke per week. I know I should cut them out altogether, and hopefully by the end of the 8 weeks that won't seem so insurmountable, but right now I am a big-time Diet Coke addict once again. So I'm allowing one per week in the beginning and I'll see how my cravings go.

Exercise: 4 workouts per week in the beginning.
- At least 2 strength training classes per week
- At least 2 cardio workouts per week

There is a bit of a caveat to the 8 weeks, which is that Jason and I are going on a trip at the end of the month that we've been planning for several months and which will probably involve some food splurging. Though the last time we went, we were crazy active the entire time and honestly did not eat too unhealthily, conch fritters aside. Anyway, my plan for that week is to eat as well as I can, but not be obsessive about it. If I go too far off the rails, I'll add another week to the challenge.

I'm going to start my detox on Saturday, the 14th, since it's a long weekend and I don't really want to go through carb/caffeine withdrawal at work.

Jason should enjoy that.

Also, I'm supposed to drive some teenage girls to a dance Saturday night and by then I suspect I'll really be jonesing for a Diet Coke. I predict that will be super fun.

Foiled!

The fact that my alarm keeps not going off is not helping my workout efforts. It happened last Saturday as well.

Either that, or I am an even deeper sleeper than I originally thought and am fully capable of picking up my phone when the alarm goes off and hitting the "Dismiss" button without waking up in the slightest. It's possible.

Anyway, no cardio this morning. Drat. However, Friday morning strength training class tomorrow!

Eating is going well today:

Breakfast: Eggs
Lunch: Leftover chicken soup
Snack: Larabar
Dinner: Crock pot meatballs (I'll post the recipe and the source tomorrow if they turn out well)

I'm trying to be more diligent about cooking again. I got busy and lazy (a great combination!) and stopped cooking as much. I'm making a concerted effort to plan our meals, which includes remembering to get something out to thaw at least 1 day before I actually want to prepare it. Amazing!

Day the Second

Confession 1: I ate some chocolate dipped peanuts last night, which is definitely NOT low-carb. It's not even low-fat. It's just better for me all around if I don't have that stuff in the house. Jason has a whole pile of candies on the coffee table in the family room from Christmas, including the M&Ms I gave him out of my stocking because I didn't want the temptation (I did, however, hold onto the Ghiradelli squares to savor one at a time at some future dates. I'm not that generous).

I'm not really beating myself up about it. Overall, yesterday was a good day, and compared to the weeks leading up to it, it was downright stellar.

Confession 2: I didn't make it to the strength training class this morning. I was tired and it was 10 degrees outside when I woke up. Again, not freaking out. I figure I'm still adjusting to the time change from Utah and I felt tired enough that I knew it would be best to just stay in bed. So I did.

Tomorrow, however, I need to get back into it for reals. Tomorrow I'll do some cardio. Probably elliptical, since the idea of getting in a pool right now isn't super appealing. I need to work back up to this, but my plan is that in a couple of weeks, when I get on the elliptical, it will only be to do HIIT workouts.

Food for today:
Breakfast: Eggs
Lunch: Burrito belly from the Mexican place down the street
Afternoon snack: dry roasted almonds or Larabar (haven't decided yet)
Dinner: Homemade chicken soup experiment (I threw a bunch of stuff into the crock pot and I'm hoping it tastes good. Chicken breasts, Aidell's chicken and apple sausage, onions, garlic, diced tomatoes, tarragon, Kosher salt, chicken broth. In related news, I need to get to the store and buy vegetables, pronto.)

Day 1 (for the Millonth Time)

Here I am back at Day 1 of living healthy. We got into town last night and I ate some crab rangoon as my last hurrah of eating crap for awhile.

And they were gooooood!

Today has been so-so. I had some nice eggs for breakfast, then some dry roasted almonds for a morning snack. Apparently stuffing my face for days on end means that my normal breakfast won't keep me full until lunch. I'll get back to normal eventually.

For lunch I had planned on a salad, but my normal salad place is closed for the holidays until tomorrow. Plus, I ran some lunch errands and it is COLD outside. So I got some soup from Au Bon Pain. I know they have salads, but as I already mentioned, COLD. I recorded it dutifully on SparkPeople and it actually wasn't too bad.

Tonight for dinner I'm planning on making us salmon and roasted brussels sprouts. I started throwing together a chicken avocado soup this morning in the crock pot (since it's supposed to be 9!!! degrees tonight), but I waited too long to use the avocados and they were moldy. I didn't really have a good substitute, so the soup got nixed.

I have put everything into SparkPeople and I'm at 73 net carbs for the day. Not too shabby, considering today's menu wasn't aggressively low carb.

Tomorrow morning I'm hitting my first strength training class of the new year. My fingers are crossed that it won't be too packed to move.

Resolutions

Jason and I are jumping on the resolution bandwagon (like everyone else in the country). We need to get back to healthy living

Frankly, this is a perfect time to do it. We are both so saturated with junk food right now (especially sweet stuff) that it will be a relief to get back to some nice chicken and broccoli. I swear, I haven't been hungry in a week! We have been with Jason's family in Utah, where the snacks flow like water, especially the sugar-laden kind.

My sister-in-law and I are planning a bunch of appetizers for New Years Eve tonight, and we're going heavy on the savory. There is a bunch of candy in my stocking, and peanut brittle, toffee and cookies on the dining room table, and I am not enticed by them AT ALL. Jason and I talked a couple nights ago about how bloated we feel. Blurgh, carb bloat!

January 3 is when my New Years resolutions will begin. I'll be back at work and back to my regular routine. Also, Jason and I have a trip planned for the end of January during which I will be mostly wearing a swimsuit. I don't expect miracles and I know I won't be losing 10 pounds by then, but I can at least lose the bloat and feel a little better about myself by then.

Healthy Eating:

- We're cutting the carbs. Again. I feel the best when my diet is carb-light.

- Protein

- Vegetables (with maybe a small sweet potato once a week. I know I need to limit the starchy vegetables)

- Some fruit

- Some dairy. Ideally I would like to shoot for eating Paleo, but I REALLY like dairy. We'll see how it goes. If I'm still in my endless plateau in a month, I'll try cutting out dairy and see if that helps.

Exercise:

- 2 strength training classes per week. I went to the gym with my mother-in-law this week and got my a** handed to me by her trainer. It's amazing how weak I've become after only 2 months away from the gym. I know I need to make strength training an integral part of my fitness plan in order to see any results.

- 2 swims per week. I'll be doing Masters again, and then will have one additional coached workout to do.

- 1 optional cardio day (eventually). I'll start out the first couple of weeks with the 4 workouts above, then gradually work in a 5th. I don't want to strain anything by starting out too quickly (which has happened before and is a surefire way to totally bum me out). I'll walk on the path near my house, swim, or maybe do some HIIT on the elliptical.

Jason plans to get back to running, though I don't know if he's really thought through the specifics. At least I know he'll be eating well at home.

So that's the plan for the New Year. Work is a smidge less insane now than it has been for the past couple of months, so I think my plan is doable.

Happy New Year!

Sick of Being Sick

Jason and I are in Vermont. It's 3:49 am and I have been awake since 1:15 am. There are a couple of reasons.

One is some family drama that has been swirling around in my head and preventing me from getting a solid night's sleep for almost 2 weeks now. No fun when work is also busy and I need to be able to focus. Last week when Jason and I were out running errands one night I actually took off from a stop straight into the intersection when the green arrow came on, but my light was still red. Thank goodness the drivers who were turning left and would have been completely justified in running into me were paying attention.

I'm sure that wasn't related to sleep deprivation AT ALL.

Needless to say, after we ran our errand, Jason drove home. I think he could tell it really shook me up because he's gone pretty easy on the teasing about it.

The other reason I'm up is because despite taking my prescription meds, today's migraine wouldn't go away. I'm out of the prescription drugs, so I popped a couple excedrin. The headache is waning a little, but now I'm buzzing from the caffeine.

Basically I'm a hot mess.

The migraine thing had been a huge issue lately. I think it's due to my overall stress level, but also to my lack of attention to my diet. Even though I've come to the conclusion that wheat seems to be a migraine trigger for me, I've kept on merrily eating wheat in some form pretty much every day. And I've been getting migraines every couple of days.

Also, my jeans continue to get tighter.

This needs to stop.

Right now, at 4:03 in the morning, I'm not feeling strong-willed enough to make powerful, enthusiastic declarations, but I do know that I need to make some changes and that I'm just really tired of feeling semi-ill most of the time.

The Road to Hell

I swear, I really do have the best intentions.

Last week was Week 1 of the new challenge and I did it! 3 swims and 1 strength training class. And if the pain I felt on Sunday tells me anything, this strength training class is going to shape my body up.

This week I swam Monday, but had a meeting at 7:30 AM (so wrong!) on Tuesday morning, so Masters was out. I knew I wouldn't get home Tuesday night until 10:30 or so, and thus no swim on Wednesday. But I could totally still meet my goal. Swim Thursday and Saturday, and take the Friday morning strength class. No problem.

Only, then on Tuesday my throat started getting scratchy. By Wednesday my left nostril had completely closed up and I felt terrible. I even ditched the Young Womens activity on Wednesday both because I felt so awful and because I didn't want to get anyone else sick.

Really, body? Didn't we just have a cold?

I think my problem was that I had a cold a couple of weeks ago, but I couldn't take any time off because work was too busy. Then we had company. So I soldiered on and finally collapsed in a voiceless, headachey heap a couple Sundays ago.

Of course, Monday, I was right back at work. I don't think I let myself heal. So I'm trying to take care of myself this time around. I brought a bunch of work home on Wednesday night and stayed home yesterday. I'm at work today, but it's not nearly as crazed as it was a couple of weeks ago so I'm taking things pretty easy. I'm using antibacterial gel all the time.

But the challenge is a no go this week. I hate to do this, but next week will have to be Week 2.