Goals

This week, Amy challenged us to ponder and write about our goals, both short-term and long-term.

Long-term Goals

1. Lose 30 pounds (aka, the one I've been whining about the most). I honestly don't know right now if that will ever happen. Right now I would be pretty darn pleased to lose half that and keep it off. Regardless, this is still a goal. I suppose my reward for achieving this would be getting a new wardrobe. I would probably do that after losing 15 pounds though, because most of what I now own wouldn't fit that well.
   
2. Run a 5K, for reals. Sunday night we had dinner with some friends, one of whom is a big-time runner. When he found out that not only is Jason jogging, but now I have joined in the Couch to 5K effort, he challenged us to actually do a 5K race at some point. My reward after completing this would be a new pair of nice running shoes.
   

Short-term Goals
I'm thinking of the short-term goals as a means to an end with regard to the long-term goals.
STGs related to LTG 1:

1. Work out for one hour, at least 4 times a week, with a good mix of cardio and strength training. If I keep this up for one month, I get a massage (Yay!). After that I'll make it a month and a half, two months, and so on before I get my reward.
2. Eliminate white sugar and white flour from my diet as much as possible. Part of this goal is recognizing that sometimes I can have treats and sometimes I will be places where healthy food is not available, but overall I want the majority of my days (say 6 out of 7 per week) to look like my clean eating day last week. If 6 out of 7 days do not include the "white foods" for a month, my reward will be a new book that I have been wanting (believe me, I have a long list of books I want).

STGs related to LTG 2:

1. Keep up with the Couch to 5K program, running 3 days per week. After one month of consistency, my reward will be an actual workout outfit. Right now my workout clothes consist of a ratty T-shirt and ancient workout pants. Sexy!
   
2. I suppose in order to actually do the 5K, I'll need to research local 5Ks. I don't need a reward for that, but I'll list it here so I'll remember.

I'm going to print this list and put it next to my mirror to remind myself of my goals every morning and to help me make good choices. I should also probably hang it dangling from a rope over my pillow so when I'm tempted to not get up to work out, I'll be reminded of how I really, really want those nice shiny rewards. Oh yes, and health and fitness too. Of course.

Farm Share Week 5

I didn't post about week 4 because after I picked up the farm share on Thursday evening, I rushed home and started prepping for our friends' going-away party. This included slicing up one of the zucchini from the farm share for a veggie tray (paired with parsley hummus made with the out of control parsley from the AeroGrow). Then we left the next day for DC. Week 4 consisted of beets, onions, sugar snap peas, broccoli and zucchini. Since we were leaving for 4 days I focused on getting veggies that would wait until we got home for me to prep them.

Here is the score from last Thursday:

I got sugar snap peas, beets, garlic, pattypan squash, zucchini and baby bok choy. I was only supposed to get a pound of zucchini, but since they were all mammoth sized, he said we could grab whichever one we wanted, even if it was more than 1 pound. The one I got was almost 2 pounds. Nice! The broccoli is gone from the selection, which makes me sad. Having fresh, local broccoli to roast was awesome. However, other things are coming into season and it's getting more and more interesting to choose.

Running

I ran. FYI, running with good shoes is a whole different experience. Yes, it was difficult, and yes I sweated a lot (assisted by 70% humidity), but I didn't feel like my legs were going to fall off at the end of it.

I did the first step of the Couch to 5K program, which is a 5 minute warm-up walk, then 8 sets of 60 seconds running, 90 seconds walking. It's kind of like very, very slow intervals. I warmed up by walking down the hill to the Brown stadium, then ran around the track, then walked back up the hill home. I timed myself via my iPod, which was difficult as I was jostling around so much.*

One thing I noticed that was nice is that by interval 6 or so, my breathing was calming down more rapidly and I was raring to go again by the beginning of the 60 seconds. Also, I would glance at my iPod and notice that I had, say, 5 seconds left, but I would decide to go to a certain mark in the track instead and make the interval last a bit longer. I only did this when I was running, not with the easy walking, so the moral of the story is I was pushing myself rather than cheating. Always a good distinction. I guess my internal competing with myself thing is still there even when I'm not swimming. Good to know.

Here's my pretty picture:

After taking this I did a bunch of crunches and planks and did 10 whole push-ups! In a row! I know! I was shocked too.

Here are my new GIGANTIC shoes that don't cripple me so I love them:
(The fact that they're brand new and GLOWING white really accentuates the hugeness)

*I was talking with Jason yesterday about how I really want a heart rate monitor to time myself and to keep track of calories burned and all those little numbers I love so much. I just got a bonus at work and while the bulk of it is going straight into savings, I'm going to set aside a little to buy myself something. I've wanted a heart rate monitor for, oh, about 2 years, so it's probably time.

Eating Clean

This week on the 15 Week Challenge, Amy challenged us all to eat "clean" for one day, and that day for me was Wednesday. I'm pleased to report that this didn't require any huge deviations on my part. I'm usually pretty good about eating whole foods, but I realized there are still a couple of "processed" things in my regular menu - namely Klondike Slim-A-Bears, Healthy Choice Fudge Bars and Larabars.

On Wednesday, the only one of those I ate was a Larabar. My friend Rachel introduced me to these bars a month or so ago when we went on a Costco excursion and she came skipping back to the cart with a bulk box of them, thrilled because they were so cheap compared to buying them individually. Here's the thing, though. They're not really all that processed. I ate an Apple Pie one as part of my snack on Wednesday.
Ingredients: dates, walnuts, unsweetened apples, almonds, raisins, and cinnamon. That's it. Even better is the Cherry Pie bar. Ingredients: dates, cherries and almonds. Also, it tastes exactly like cherry pie, which blows my mind.

It occurred to me about midway through the day - when I was at work with no camera - that I should really be taking pictures of my clean eating. But I didn't. However, I did take a picture of a lovely dinner I made last week, just because the colors were so pretty. Of course, vivid colors never really translate in my point and shoot, but here you go:
The dinner above is similar to what I ate Wednesday, just with asparagus rather than zucchini.

So, my menu for Wednesday:
Pre-Workout Snack:
1/3 Cashew Cookie Larabar (FYI, not enough to power me up for my hour-long workout. I got serious hunger pangs after I finished the weights and was 5 minutes into the elliptical. Then I fought off a headache for the rest of the day and finally took a migraine pill at about 7 PM. My body does NOT like exercising on low blood sugar)

Breakfast:
Smoothie with unsweetened Almond Breeze, strawberries, blueberries, plain Greek yogurt, whey protein.
3 scrambled eggs with feta cheese

Lunch:
2 pieces of baked chicken
Salad with romaine, parmesan and homemade balsamic vinaigrette

Snack:
Apple Pie Larabar
1 T. all natural peanut butter
1 oz cheddar

Dinner:
Salmon
Roasted zucchini and summer squash
Roasted broccoli

Evening Snack:
Popcorn popped on the stove in my Whirley-Pop

The popcorn may not be strictly "clean" either, although I think it should be okay, since I popped the kernels myself without any mysterious chemicals like you find in microwave popcorn. The popcorn is straight from the Whole Foods bulk bins.

I Was Running

I got some new running shoes this past weekend when we were in DC. My sister-in-law's dad owns a running store in Maryland and he fitted me for proper shoes and gave me a discount. So nice! Apparently I have some of the flattest feet he's ever seen.* The shoes I got are built to give me the stabilization that I don't have naturally. They feel great when I walk, which will hopefully translate into comfort when I run. He also showed me how to lace my shoes so that my narrow heel doesn't slide up and down and get blisters, which is a problem I've had before.

I also found out that my feet are HUGE. Here I thought I was an 8, 8 1/2. These new shoes are 9 1/2. Wide.

I am a delicate flower.**

This week for the Wednesday Workout Challenge we're supposed to run/walk for 20 minutes. Now that I have my new shoes, I can start running. I plan to start the Couch to 5K program this week. Stay tuned for a running report.

*Whereas Jason has obscenely high arches. I'm hoping our kids come out a happy medium.
**Well, I have dress shoes in 7 1/2 wide that are perfectly comfortable, so I'm going to say I average about an 8 1/2, depending on the shoe.

No Sugar

I have a friend who is becoming vegetarian not because of any ethical concerns, but because meat makes her feel awful. She tests herself periodically, and most recently eating meat made her feel lethargic and actually triggered some of her anxiety issues. We were talking last night and I mentioned to her how my body is the same way with simple carbohydrates. Whenever I wean myself off of sugar and white flour, I feel awful for the first couple of days, and then I feel amazingly good. After that, eating sugar makes me feel loopy and I always have a heavy crash afterward. Of course, if I eat enough of it my body gets used to it again and I don't notice the bad feeling because it's there at a low level pretty much constantly.

Then I mentioned how I had brownies in the oven for our craft night and we both laughed.

After that discussion, though, I realized I need to get back in that no simple carbs mode. Without really planning at all, today is day 1. I'm not doing South Beach, I'm just cutting out the simple carbs, and focusing as much as possible on protein, fruits and vegetables, which are the foods that make my body feel the best.

I find it interesting that my friend can get sick from eating meat, while I feel my best when I'm eating fish and chicken and limiting carbs. It's just further proof to me that everyone is very different and no one food plan works for everyone.

By the way, I'm feeling better this week. I'm trying to focus as much as possible on how good I feel when I'm eating right and working out, and not so much on the scale. Even though I just want to yell, "Go down, d**n you!!!" when I step on it lately, I'm working on finding that zen place in my head where it's really just a number.

This morning I did 30 minutes of weights and 30 minutes of elliptical. My Y must have gotten a big donation lately because they upgraded all their machines over the weekend. It took me a good 5 minutes to figure out the display screen, which is all computerized and fancy schmancy with animated trainers. I did a hill program where it takes you to different peaks around the world and has you climb, adjusting the resistance based on the trail. Even though I had my towel over the screen, I could tell when the path inclined upward because it got really tough. According to the program, I hiked 2.11 miles and climbed 2300 feet. I realize it's not REALLY like hiking, but since I love numbers I can now keep track of mileage AND feet climbed.

In A Funk

I am really having a hard time busting out of my discouragement mindset. It's hard to convince myself to get up out of my cozy bed when there's a voice in my head saying, "What's the point? You're never going to lose weight again." I know I should throttle that voice, but the motivation to do so just isn't there.

In the meantime, I feel round and puffy and like none of my clothes fit and that my pretty clothes from last summer when my hips were a few inches smaller are never going to see the light of day this summer and that's just depressing. I'm so tired of my clothes that do fit. I had a plan to give myself a little spree when I lost 10 pounds or so to get some newer stuff that doesn't look so raggedy, but I haven't lost any weight. So my clothes are old and raggedy and I'm still 190.

I know I shouldn't focus so much on the weight and I should love myself as I am and all that. Generally, I'm fine with me and I'm comfortable in my skin, but this feeling of wanting to lose weight and not knowing what in the world to do about it, when I feel like I USED to know what to do about it and whether or not I lost weight was MY choice, is discouraging.

I had 5 whole days of exercise planned this week and so far I've done 2. Tonight we're having a going away party for some friends and then I have to get ready for our trip to DC this weekend. We're leaving at about 1 PM tomorrow so I need to have my bag packed and in the car before I leave for work in the morning. So no shredding after work, and probably no swimming tomorrow morning because I'll be too tired and, let's face it, probably still doing laundry and throwing stuff in a bag.

The problem with not working out in the early AM is that I then wind up staying up too late that night because I'm not quite tired at my normal 11 PM bedtime. Last night I got to sleep at 12:30 and just couldn't get up to get to the gym at 6. It's becoming a vicious circle.

Physically, I'm really feeling the lack of exercise. I am dragging and a little cloudy today, and it's not just because the weather is crappy - again. Maybe the weather is playing a part in all of this, but if I'm having a hard time with some gray clouds in the morning, I'm never going to able to get up in January when it's pitch black and below zero.

In Case You Were Wondering

The BMI is crap.

courtesy of The Rotund.

Cross Training

This week I'm making a big effort to cross train and not focus so much on swimming. Yesterday I walked to and from work, then shredded when I got home (76 degrees and about 60% humidity. I was soaked by the end.) This morning I did 20 minutes of weight lifting, then 25 minutes on the elliptical. If all of this doesn't start working, I might flip out a little.

I've been feeling kind of discouraged about swimming because Jason keeps telling me anecdotes from his scientist colleagues that you can't lose weight swimming. It's kind of funny since he's usually all about wanting the scientific proof and yet he and the other science-type guys are speaking strictly from anecdotes. I have heard before that people don't lose weight swimming. However, I lost the initial 35 pounds a few years ago swimming. And the last couple of years I've lost 15 pounds each year primarily through swimming. (Then I slacked off for 4-5 months and gained it all back).

A lady on SparkPeople had an idea that maybe there's something off in my body now that wasn't a problem a year ago. Maybe it's just a slowed down metabolism, or maybe it's something more. Women on both sides of my family have had thyroid issue, but I've always tested normal. I think if I don't start seeing results from the cross training in a month or so I'll get some bloodwork done.

Farm Share Week 4

The bounty is getting more diverse:
2 heads of lettuce, a couple pounds of broccoli, beets, onions and zucchini. I'm going to try to roast the zucchini with a bit of salt, pepper and olive oil, since roasting is my favorite way to do vegetables lately. Also, I'm going to make my brother-in-law's borscht recipe. He went to Russia on his mission and so not only is it tasty, but it's authentic. I don't know if I have enough beets, though, since they're kind of small, but I'll give it a whirl.

Since I had the day off work today, I got a lot of little chores done, including prepping the veggies for the coming week. Have I told you all how much I love to chop? It's soothing to me.

Side Plank Impaired

I did the Wednesday Workout last night and worked my abs hard. They were screaming at me by the end, and were sore last night, but today they're ok. I guess that means they're ready for more abuse.

I have discovered that I have serious problems doing side planks. As soon as I push up on one arm, it starts wobbling like jelly. Oddly, it's easier for me to do a side plank if I go straight into it from a regular plank, rather than starting from the floor. But either way, my arms can't last very long. Ideally, the side plank is supposed to be working your core muscles, but I can't even get to that point when my arm won't hold me up. Does anyone else have that problem?

The weather is killing me and making it really hard to just get up in the morning, period, let alone getting up early and going to the gym. This morning I woke up to hard rain and thunder and lightning and while I usually love a thunderstorm, I just groaned at the prospect of yet another gray day. Almost every single person on my Facebook page who is in New England has made some sort of comment to the effect of, "Et tu, July?"

15 Week Challenge

I've decided to give myself some sort of goal other than losing weight and I'm participating in the 15 Week Challenge at Amy's Quest to Skinny. OK, yes, the ultimate goal is weight loss, but that's not all and I think I need more to focus on right now. Amy is kindly giving us a weekly challenge AND a workout challenge on Wednesdays AND we get points for doing those challenges. I'm all about points (15,552 SparkPoints and counting).

I'm looking forward to doing today's Wednesday Workout when I get home from work (even though my abs are trembling in fear and will hate me tomorrow). This week's weekly challenge is to remake an unhealthy dish into something healthier.

For those of you who read my other blog, or the recipe blog I contribute to, you've probably seen the below recipe before. However, it's one of my favorite unhealthy recipes that I tweaked to be healthier (relatively speaking) and it tastes great.

Sweet Potato Pie

• 3 T. all-purpose flour
• 3/4 C. sugar
  
• 3 C. mashed sweet potatoes
• 2 eggs
• 1/8 C. light corn syrup
  
• 1/2 t. ground nutmeg
• 1 t. cinnamon
• 1 t. vanilla
• Pinch salt
• 1/4 C. butter
  
• 3/4 C. evaporated skim milk
• 1 (9 inch) unbaked pastry shell (I’m a slacker and used a store-bought crust)

In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour and sugar. Add potatoes, eggs, corn syrup, nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla, salt, butter and evaporated milk; beat well. Pour into pastry shell. Bake at 350 degrees F for 55-60 minutes.

Mixing It Up

After unintentionally taking a week off from working out, I pulled my lazy bones out of bed this morning and headed for the gym. I did about 15 minutes of the weight machines and 20 minutes on the elliptical. Tomorrow, I will swim. Thursday I will do weights and elliptical, and so forth.

I'm going to increase my time and number of sets on the weight machines, but today I was just getting the feel of everything and figuring out where I am with each muscle group.

Newsflash: My legs are freakishly strong.

One thing about the elliptical is after about 10 minutes I am a gross, sweaty mess. I forgot to bring a towel with me today and felt pretty nasty when that 20 minutes was done. One perk of swimming is, I know I'm sweating, but I'm sweating in the water and no one else can see and I don't feel disgusting when I'm done.

Joints and a New Plan

I think everyone is right that I need to mix up my routine, which I suppose I've known all along, but since swimming is the only thing that doesn't bore me, I've been in denial. So my new plan is to alternate activities. I'll go to the Y and do a half hour of weights and maybe 20 minutes on the elliptical, then the next day I'll have a swim. My goal is to exercise 5 days a week.

Aaaand all that was SUPPOSED to start this morning, but another gray, rainy morning just sapped all willingness to get out of bed out of me. The thing is, I know if I just GET UP and go put my contacts in, I'll be awake and fine and ready to go. It's that initial swinging my legs out of bed that is proving to be difficult.

This past weekend I think I definitely proved that I'm wearing the wrong shoes. I'm fine if I walk 2 miles to work, sit for 8-10 hours, and then walk 2 miles home. But then that 5 minutes of jogging crippled me for days. Then Saturday we had sun (Yay!) and I walked down to a path near my house and just walked for an hour and a half. I probably walked about 5 miles, and I felt great. Then Saturday night, the place where my left leg connects to my hip started aching. Yesterday afternoon I was basically limping around the apartment and it's still a bit achy today.

I've always said that the elliptical is my aerobic machine of choice because it doesn't put stress on my joints. I've ellipticaled many times in these same sneakers and had no problem. And I can walk short distances apparently. But any additional stress and my joints get all messed up. Add to that a history of bad joints on both sides of my family and I'm a little paranoid about rattling my joints too much. So I'm looking forward to hopefully getting some new shoes soon.

Farm Share Week 4

So, I forgot to take a picture this week. As the season progresses, the bounty increases and there's already a lot to choose from. This week I got 20 stems of kale, mesclun mix, a braising mix of heartier greens, a bunch of new onions, broccoli and garlic scapes.

Today for part of my lunch, I had a mesclun salad with feta and Craisins. Tonight I'm making my favorite crockpot rotisserie style chicken (with new onions and garlic scapes) and I'm going to try making kale chips.

Last week when I made roasted broccoli with the fresh broccoli, Jason commented on how the fresh tastes much better than frozen. Go figure.

Discouragement

This morning I got out of bed at 5:45 to feed the cat. Then I went back to bed with vague thoughts of swimming, then, oops too late for swimming, I'll shred. Then, oops, too late for anything except getting ready for work.

What I also thought while debating whether or not to just put on my swimsuit already is, what's the point? OK, yes, I do like the way I feel when I'm working out. I generally have more energy, I feel stronger and better about myself. However, ultimately, I have about 30 pounds I want to lose and this year, when I've dedicated myself to not being a scrub in the fall and winter and falling off the healthy living horse is the first year in the last couple when I haven't been able to drop 15 pounds by this point. This point meaning about 3-4 months into the healthy living thing.

I had a discussion with Rachel, my personal nutrition guru, about it on Sunday and we determined that with my BMR, I'm still not eating enough. Probably. I mean that might be the problem. At this point I feel like it's a big huge mystery and somehow this time I just don't have the keys to figure out how to make my body lose weight anymore.

My average weight for the past, oh, 3 months, is 190. This is despite swimming regularly, walking to work regularly, and occasionally throwing in some Pilates and shredding. I've been eating relatively well, and even when I have a treat, I factor it into my daily calories religiously. All of these things have worked before, but not this time.

A couple of weeks ago, I seriously almost started crying while I was swimming laps because I felt so frustrated. Now my frustration is compounded by the fact that we haven't seen the freakin' sun for the entire month of June and I'm into full-fledged discouragement. Also, my plants are dying because of the no sun. I'm a failure at everything!

Well, except work. Work is going pretty well so far. (Knock on wood)

So I'm trying to pull together the motivation to make my way to the pool tomorrow and Saturday and at least get in a couple of days of exercise. I'm still eating well (today so far I've had Greek yogurt with pineapple and a touch of honey, whole wheat bread with a bit of butter and a Greek salad (apparently I'm feeling Greek today)) Tonight I'll go home and fix some sort of healthy meal for Jason and me to eat. To give you an idea of our dinners, last night Jason commented that we sure do eat a LOT of vegetables.

I just feel beaten, somehow, and am not really sure how to get out of it.

Bum Week

At the beginning of this week I dutifully plugged all my workout information into SparkPeople. I find that if I've already logged it, I feel motivated to go and do it, rather than go back and delete it all. My plan for this week was swim Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and shred Tuesday, Thursday and maybe Saturday. Oh I also shredded Sunday morning*.

Well, Monday morning I woke up late and decided since I couldn't get in my swim, at least I could shred. So I did. Monday is also the day Jason came home after being gone for a week and a half. And thus Tuesday and Wednesday mornings found me laying in bed, convincing myself that I had 4 and then 3 whole days of the week left to get in my swims. Because, frankly, I would much rather loll about, half awake, cuddling with my husband and the cat, than pull myself away to go work out.

I can definitely feel that I haven't gotten in my allotted workouts this week. This afternoon I'm feeling more sluggish and I know tomorrow I really need to swim. And also Friday. Aaaaand Saturday.

The husband and the cat are quite hard to pass up, though.


*Although some members of my particular religion might say that breaks the Sabbath, for me, exercising is ultimately relaxing. Anywho...

Farm Share Week 3

This week I got 2 heads of lettuce, a pound of broccoli, spinach, mesclun mix and as many garlic scapes as I wanted (the scapes were free). I've used them a few times already in the place of garlic and they add a nice flavor.

Plugging Along

This morning I sat down on our hardwood floor to put my shoes on and said "Ow!" My bum is still sore. Go 30-Day Shred! This morning I swam, walked to work, and I'm planning on shredding when I get home*. Actually, I would like to walk home too, but I don't know if the rain will let up enough.**

So my swimming keeps improving and I'm trying to come up with ways to keep challenging my body in the hour I have to swim in the mornings. Instead of doing 8 50's on the minute, I now do 10, and I'm thinking about going to 10 50's on 55 seconds because I'm routinely finishing at about the 47 second mark and I think 13 seconds of rest is letting my heart rate slow down too much. Same goes with the 100's I do on 2:00. I finish at about 1:37 and am twiddling my thumbs. Well, not really. The rests are very nice. But I realize it means I'm not getting the best workout.

If I wasn't so intimidated by the local Masters team, I would join because I think I need a coach structuring my workouts. However, they're posting race times like :23 for a 50 free and that just freaks me right the heck out.

* I really like saying I'm "shredding". It sounds so violent - like I'm really beating up my body. You know, for its own good.
** Seriously, getting amazingly sick of the rain. When I lived in Tucson, rain was an occasional treat. It's been raining and gray for almost 3 weeks straight here and I've had quite enough.

Shred

I've been meaning to get Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred for a few weeks now since I've heard good things about it, but because my neighborhood Wal-Mart is the ghettoist of all ghetto Wal-Marts, they didn't have it. In fact, they didn't even have an exercise DVD section. Just a lone workout DVD stuck on an endcap that was probably mixed up in a delivery by mistake.

But this past weekend I got to go visit Target, which every woman will tell you is the best store in the world. Sadly, Wal-Mart is 2 minutes away, while the nearest Target is at least 20 minutes. When you need something fast after a long day at work, well, Wal-Mart is 2 minutes away.

Anyway, Target, of course, had the Shred.

This morning I shredded. And it was tough! I could do everything*, but my heart was really beating and I was dripping (that may have also been due to the 95% humidity this morning, but whatever). Also, do you know how long it's been since I did a jumping jack? Apparently too long.

So the workout is 20 minutes and goes:
Warm-up
3 sets of:
-3 minutes strength
-2 minutes cardio
-1 minute abs
Cool down/stretching

Let me tell you, it does not stop. You are going going going the whole time. I liked it! I like having a voice saying keep going, you can do it, two more, etc. I work well with someone rooting me on.

There are 3 levels of workouts and you're supposed to do 10 days of each of Levels 1, 2 and 3. I don't know if it's enough for me, frankly, so I'm going to supplement with my own cardio. I'll move up to Level 2 after 10 days, it will just take me a few weeks to finish 10 days.

* Well, except the push-ups. Girly style was offered as an option so that's what I did. I'm determined to be doing the real thing by day 10.

Farm Share Week 2

This week's bounty:
This week we got $10 to "spend" and a head of lettuce. I got a pound of radishes, collard greens and a half pound of spinach (which is actually a big pile of spinach). I haven't determined yet if it's actually worth the money since I'm still supplementing with other veggies that I buy. However, it's fun to go to this church in the Italian neighborhood to pick up who knows what. I'm excited to see what he'll have next week.

As an aside, I think collards are an acquired taste and I didn't grow up eating them. But I'm giving them the old college try. I found a recipe for Lemon Sesame Glazed Greens from Alton Brown that's good at taking away some of that bitter flavor.

Calories Calories

Yesterday was supposed to be my super high calorie day in the calorie cycle. 2233 calories. Um, that's a lot of food. I missed it by 650 calories. I had some friends over and just never got around to eating any sort of evening snack. Not that I could have covered that much ground in a snack, but I might have gotten a bit closer. So I bumped the high day to Friday, called yesterday a lower day (despite my 2 mile swim in the morning) and am moving forward.

Jason is sure that he has identified my problem with reaching my high calories: I eat too much healthy stuff. Last night he told me I'm never going to get to 2200 calories if I keep eating food like skinless chicken and broccoli. He offered to drive me to Wendy's right that minute so I could get a Frosty. (Tempting!) I tried to explain it's not just quantity, but quality I'm going after.

No swim this morning. The Friday work meeting got canceled so I can swim tomorrow now and I decided to give my body a rest. I did do a half hour of strength exercises this morning. I've decided that the best way to get better at push-ups is to build up my arm strength. So I did 20 modified push-ups first (on my knees, or, if you prefer, "Girl"-style, though my feminist sensibilities say, Do not like.) Then I did 2 sets of 6 real life push-ups. I need to get better at doing these more regularly so I can actually, you know, improve.

Bzzzzzz

To preface this morning's story, I have to note that I haven't been drinking soda lately. Maybe once a week. And I only have caffeinated sodas maybe once every 2 weeks or so.

This morning I woke up at 4:30 with a headache. So I took some Excedrin. On an empty stomach. I know that's not good, but I didn't really want to eat anything. While you might think the acetaminophen would give me an upset stomach, the real issue wound up being the caffeine (see the no soda note above). I'm still feeling a little loopy and my head is buzzing. Bzzzz.

On the upside, I was in the pool by 6:05, swam until 7:17 and did 3550 yards. That's 2 miles. Also, I did an 800 in 13:50, which is my best time in awhile. Also, I did 10 50's on the minute, but finished every single one at around :46. Then I did 6 100's on 2:00 and finished them all at about 1:37. The point is, I had looong rests because I was moving so fast this morning.

Is caffeine allowed in sports because wow, what a boost when your body isn't used to it?

Today's Swim

2400 yards this morning. I swam a 1500 in 26:20. Also, the only person in the pool lapping me was this very fast guy who I have named Splashy McSplasherson due to the GIANT splashes he makes whenever he flipturns.

Also, in wow-it's-a-small-world news, today I discovered that a man who I always see swimming used to work at the Department of Health and knows my boss. He recognized me from a public hearing I attended last week. I thought he looked familiar, but at the pool he was out of context, and, you know, in a Speedo.

I discovered today that I may not be able to swim on Saturday. Jason is going out of town and I have to drive him to the airport right in the middle of the 2 hours set aside in the early morning for lap swimming. Then I just called to schedule a massage (which I have been wanting to do since probably February) and the only appointment they had left was 15 minutes after the other Saturday lap swim ends. I think I can squeeze in a short swim, though. Hopefully. Note to the Y: always have 1 lane open for lap swimming.

By the way, according to Jillian Michaels on her radio show, she gets a massage every week. Ni-ice. I might start shooting for once a quarter. My office is very ergonomically unsound and my right shoulder is ALWAYS sore and stiff.

Monday, Monday

I am an introvert. Saturday I co-hosted a baby shower. Saturday night we went to a black-tie affair and sat at a table where we didn't know anyone (thank goodness the other people at the table were pretty awesome and we wound up talking all night). Sunday morning we went up to Cambridge and then stayed for a church picnic. Thus, this weekend was really fun, but completely exhausting, and this morning I could not wake up.

We have a department meeting in Boston on Friday, which means I'll be catching the 7:12 AM train. So Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, I'm coming for you! Get ready for some swimming!

Saturday, I swam 2 miles in 75 minutes. I definitely think I'm getting faster.

Farm Share Week 1

*Sorry for the cross-posting at my other blog, but I know not everyone reads both*

I signed us up for half a farm share from a local farm. Yesterday afternoon I went and picked up our first week's bounty. The farmer* has a neat set-up. Instead of giving us a box of stuff, we get a certain amount to "spend" in his makeshift veggie store. So yesterday I got a plant and $10 to spend.

Behold:He had all sorts of herb plants and one kind of green pepper and 3 kinds of tomatoes. Since we currently have 10 or so different herbs growing in our house, I opted for a tomato plant, which I will be guerrila gardening at the side of our parking lot. I grew one tomato plant outside last year too since I couldn't find anyone to take it and I didn't want to kill it. It did pretty well and the landlady didn't seem to mind.

I also got a pound of radishes, 2 bags of collard greens and a bag of kale. Collard greens were on last night's menu. This recipe, actually. I had never cooked them before so already I'm branching out.

I'm realizing I will need to supplement a bit from the store. Like, I planned to bake a chicken today and I needed onions for that. So I'll still buy some staples unless Hippie Farmer Man starts bringing the staples to his shop.

* Read, hippie.

What To Do?

I'm officially tired of this. In the past week and a half I've been 187, 193, 191, 190, and today 193 again. Why am I so all over the place and why is the weight not going down? I'm eating well (well, except for the Auntie Anne's night. Although, I did lose a pound the next day so make of that what you will). I'm drinking water. I'm working out.

I decided to review my SparkPeople records. Here's the nice thing about anally logging all my calories and fitness: I have records! Records of what I was doing when I was losing weight.

I've just been looking at my workout and food logs for last May, June and July. My workouts were very similar, although I was doing a LOT more Pilates. Need to get back into that. I was also doing HIIT elliptical, which may have something to do with it. But mostly I was swimming like I am now and overall, the calories I burned over the course of a week were about the same as they are now. What is the big difference between then and now? Last year I was eating a LOT more food.

I'm always talking about how you need to fuel your body when you're working out, but I have to admit I've been slacking on that myself. I honestly just haven't been as hungry. Last year I was calorie cycling and I felt like I was eating ALL. THE. TIME. On my high calorie days (2200 calories), I would often make myself a big chocolate protein shake in the evening just to meet my calories. And in June I got down to 178 - the lowest I had been in many, many years and a heck of a lot closer to my goal than I am now.

Ostensibly, I have given myself a 1450-2000 calorie range, but I can't tell you the last time I ate near 2000 calories. Even on the days when I've had treats like cake or ice cream, my daily calories have still been hovering between 1300 and 1600. I know I've written about needing to eat more before and have had it confirmed by my resident experts (Hi, Rachel!) so I just need to do it already. I'll shoot for around 1800 calories a day and see where that gets me.

Um, so, right now I need to eat some more food! I've only had 500 calories today so far and it's 1 PM.

Shenanigans!

Today I'm up 3 pounds. Anyone else think my scale is full of crap?

The Latest

Last night we went to the movies and I couldn't get home for some dinner and ate at the mall. Dinner was Auntie Anne's pretzel sticks and an apple that I was going to eat earlier in the day, but saved. I know, dinner of champions. I also drank 2 cups of milk when we got home because I was hungry, but it was also close to bedtime.

Scale says I lost a pound this morning.

To the scale I say, what-EVER.

110 lengths this morning.

More Weight

I know I should just stop, but I have a morbid curiosity. Today I'm back down 2 pounds.

In other news, I actually did some strength training this morning in lieu of swimming. I had to drive to work today (and will again tomorrow), so no walking, but I'm glad I got up and did some weights, crunches and push ups. Granted I could only do 6 piddly push-ups at a time, but it's a start.

SRSLY?

As of this morning, I'm up 6 pounds in one week. I now weigh 1 pound more than I did at the beginning of January. Something is going on, and I don't know what it is...

Regardless, I am pressing on. Today I swam 2400 yards and am walking to and from work. I am also rededicating myself to the monthly splurge day idea. Hopefully I can do it for real this month. Jason will be gone for about 10 days this month so I won't have anyone telling me about all the ice cream on sale and will just avoid that aisle at the store altogether. Also, I signed us up for a Farm Share and am really excited to pick up our first box of vegetables this week. I'm looking forward to learning about new veggies and cooking with them.

Hopefully the weight will go down someday. I was moaning about this to Jason last night. Last Spring and Summer I lost weight, the Spring and Summer before I lost weight. This year is a wash so far.

Even if the weight isn't going down, at least I feel more fit. I swam for 50 minutes this morning and did 96 lengths. The sets I did totally kicked my butt, so I felt good about the workout overall. And on beautiful days like today, I love, love, LOVE being able to walk to work!

WHAT?!

Talk about a rude awakening. I stepped on the scale this morning on a lark and it told me I am up 4 pounds! I totally call shenanigans on my scale! There is NO way. I've been eating well within my calorie range, and have kept my sodium low for the last several days. Someone want to explain this to me?

The only thing I can think of is the joint pain I've been experiencing all week after my jog has caused me to retain some stress water. Or the cortisol is out of control. Or something.

Regardless, I swam 2700 yards yesterday and 2250 today. I must be getting faster because yesterday I swam 110 lengths in 60 minutes and today I swam 100 in 50 minutes. If nothing else, I need less recovery time in between sets. Tomorrow I plan on a long 75-90 minutes swim.

On Second Thought...

I think the jogging may have to wait until I can get the right shoes. I have wide, flat feet (a la Fred Flintstone. Very pretty. Very feminine.), along with weak ankles. This morning I could barely walk, my ankles hurt so bad.

I had planned to swim this morning, and even woke up bright and early on my own. However, when I crawled out of bed and put weight on my right leg, I nearly fell down. So instead I popped a couple Alleve and went back to bed. Alleve is my new best friend (it was also my new best friend when I had a cracked rib).

The good news is, my sister-in-law's dad is a running shoe guru. He had some advice for getting the right shoes and may be able to hook us up with some nice shoes for less than retail price. Nice!

I am shocked with how much of an impact a few minutes of jogging has had on my body. I walk 4 miles in a day easily, but 6 1/2 minutes of jogging have done me in. Of course, SIL's dad pointed out that when you run, your legs absorb 5-7 times your body weight with each step.

Jogging Aftermath and Weight

Hi there. I am very, very sore. Apparently jogging works all these muscles that swimming completely ignores because, as I mentioned, I am very sore.

You would think the soreness would be a deterrent, right? No, this is how crazy I am. The fact that I am sore means that I'm working something new and exciting, and, the fact of the matter is, I don't want jogging to beat me. I have given up my crazy competitive nature with regard to board games and I'm the consummate peacemaker during conflict and Jason complains that I don't argue enough because I can see multiple sides to many issues and because I just don't like aggressive discussions in general. However, this whole exercise thing brings out my competitive side.

For instance, I have been working on swimming 60 minutes in the mornings before work instead of 45 because I wasn't feeling pushed enough by the end of 45.

Also, I set a goal to conquer the hill in between work and my apartment. It's a big, steep hill. The last time I walked up it, not only was I not huffing and puffing so much, but I also proceeded to go a different direction after the big hill, which meant I walked up a bunch of little hills too. Because I beat the big hill and thought to myself, "I'm going to do those little hills too. Because I can."

So that's how my brain works and now I find myself thinking I should start at the beginning with the couch to 5K program and work jogging into my mornings. Because I'm crazy.

In other news, the scale went down on Saturday morning. If you count the weight I gained back, I lost 3 pounds. If you just go from my recent low weight, I lost 1.2 pounds. Either way, it's moving in the right direction.

Jog

Today I went for a jog with Jason. It reminded me that I hate jogging. Oh right.

I was lame and woke up too late to swim, so I thought I would head out with Jason. He was shocked that with all my swimming, I couldn't keep up with him on a jog. I tried to explain how they're different sports, you have to get used to any kind of sport, etc.

I've never understood all these people who can run like mad, but are in awe of my swimming ability. Because, seriously, I can NOT run.

My bones rattle with every step as my feet pound into the ground. And I can feel my flab bouncing. And my boobs. I guess I need a tighter sports bra. The point is, it's not pleasant.

Also, I tweaked my ankle somehow. I have weak ankles, which periodic yoga has helped make stronger, but I guess my right ankle turned a bit on one of those jogging steps. It's not a big deal, just a bit sore when I walk.

These sorts of things do not happen in the pool! Score one point for swimming.

Tomorrow, it's back in the pool for me.

Swimmy-Poo*

Made it back to the pool today. Because I am a rock star.

Actually, I kind of impressed myself because I did 90 lengths in 45 minutes. Which meant I was basically going the whole time I was in the pool. I used to do 80 lengths in 45 minutes as a rule. Maybe I'm getting faster.

I also walked to work and I'll be walking home. It's actually kind of hot outside so I'm sure I'll be nice and sweaty by the time I get home, but I will also be flushed with my awesome sense of accomplishment.

Apparently swimming puts me in a really good mood. Must remember.


* How many variations on the word "swim" can I use in these titles?

Food Issues

The last couple of mornings I have had the worst time getting out of bed. I wake up on my own at about 5:30, then Tiny the cat nudges me out of bed to feed him at about 5:45, and I know I should get up and go for an hour swim, but I just can't. So I sleep until 7 or so and get up in time to get ready and still be able to walk to work. Which, you know, walking to work is good and all, but I need to swim since I don't think walking 3 1/2 to 4 miles per day is going to get rid of these 30 pounds when I spend the rest of the day on my bum in front of a computer.

Or maybe it will. Since I haven't been that successful thus far, maybe walking is the magical key.

I think ice cream is the reason I'm so lethargic. See, Breyer's was 2 for 1 this week. AND we had a coupon. 2 things of ice cream for LESS THAN 1. Score!

Only, not really when dessert for the past two evenings has been chocolate ice cream. We got the low fat version and I've been good about doling out portions in little bowls (or, last night, tiny plastic Paw Sox baseball caps). But I know how my body reacts to simple carbs and I feel like that's where the dragging is coming from.

What happened to my monthly splurge day, you ask? Yeah, that kind of went by the wayside. But I need to bring it back. I thought about it this morning and decided that I would much rather have a lovely pint of creamy, full-fat Ben and Jerry's or Haagen Daaz once a month, than the crumbly low fat pseudo ice cream every night.

I have also realized that it is seventy-five thousand times harder to be super-diligent when I have a husband in the house. When it was just me, I cooked for me and I bought groceries for me and I stuck to my plan. No questions. I still cook for us, but with Jason around I find that I tend to slip more easily. Like we're at a party and he eats a cookie. Well, darn it, I want a cookie too! Or he tells me about the sale on ice cream that we also have a coupon for, when, honestly, I wouldn't have cut out the ice cream coupon and I wouldn't have even looked at the ice cream sales in the store circular.

He's been doing really well with his jogging, and he's been eating what I cook and really thinking about his own health and that's wonderful. But I think he just doesn't have the same issues with sugary carbs that I do. I have a bad habit of eating and eating and eating when confronted with large quantities of treats. To the point where he's actually commented on the fact that I get out of control. I have to set limits for myself and I have to keep the junk out of the house. When I shopped only for me, it was very easy to follow those rules. Now it's harder and I'm trying to figure out how to make this work.

Weight

Recently I told a friend of mine that I want to lose 30 more pounds. She looked at me like I was insane. I told her, well, I want to get down to 160, and let her do the math. She said, "Oh" because I'm sure she had no idea that I weigh 190. I tend to look about 20 pounds lighter than I am due to large leg muscles and my pear shape.

160 is still well within the "Overweight" BMI for my height. I have no desire to get down to "Normal" because I know it just wouldn't be sustainable for me. Lately I'm wondering if it's even possible for me to get to 160.

Yesterday I was feeling pretty good about myself. I feel like my stomach is flatter. I feel like my pajama pants are so baggy that it's only willpower and my huge bum that are holding them on. So I weighed myself this morning and I'm back up to that weight I was at a few weeks ago. I mean, it's only a pound and a half more than my last weigh-in, but still.

Usually when I combine swimming with a lower carb diet, I lose weight. Not dramatic weight, but steady weight. It just doesn't seem to be happening this time and I'm feeling a bit frustrated.

Strength

Long silences usually indicate a relapse into bad eating ways. Not true this time.

OK, so I did eat some junk when we went out of town last weekend. I also hiked, so it evens out.

I have been doing pretty well with the eating. This week has been nutso at work so far. However, we got a product out to a client this afternoon, they're happy, and now we get to work on all that other stuff on our to-do lists rather than just the one, huge, must-be-done-immediately project. I've come into work early and left on the late side, so I haven't been to the pool this week. However, I have been walking to and from work. Today it's windy and cloudy and threatening rain, but I'm leaving in a few minutes to walk home anyway.

Also, yesterday morning I woke up early enough to do some strength training. I know, I'm as shocked as you are. Despite not feeling like I was doing all that much, today my arms, chest and stomach are SORE. I think that's more indicative of my weak muscles than of my actually doing anything fierce with my strength training.

I did 10 push ups! OK, 2 sets of 5. But still. I absolutely and completely stink at push ups. You would think the swimming and the defined triceps would give me some upper body strength, but I guess it's the wrong kind of upper body strength.

First, I did 2 planks for 30 seconds each. Those in addition to the 50 slow crunches and 60 bicylce crunches is why my abs are sore. But then I decided to try push ups. I didn't get very low and they were totally pitiful, but I did them. Proud of myself.

Podcast Recommendation

I walk to and from work at least once a week and on those 2 mile treks I like to listen to fitness and health podcasts. FYI, there are a lot of BORING podcasts out there. I just want to ask some people why they think they're being interesting enough to warrant an hour and a half podcast because they're sooooo not.

I have found a few that I like: Dr. Fitness and the Fat Guy, Livin' La Vida Low Carb, Fitness Rocks. These are entertaining enough to hold my attention and usually have some good information as well. I don't always agree with what they have to say, but it's interesting to hear what's out there in the fitness and health world.

As you've probably guessed, I'm a big fan of The Biggest Loser this season. I've actually never watched a complete season through to the end before this season. Usually I catch an episode here or there and then other things get in the way. But I am hooked this time around, and totally rooting for Tara. I know that there are some serious flaws in the methods used, but I do like the time that is spent talking with some of the players about their emotional issues and why they eat. I also like how they all seem to gain such new strength and energy and revitalization from their time on the ranch and how some of them are trying to be an inspiration to others (i.e., Kristin and her motivational speaking, Filipe and his Tongan exercise class).

I recently discovered Jillian Michaels's podcast. She has a Sunday morning radio show on LA Station KFI. You can get the podcast on itunes. I've only listened to a couple of episodes, but so far I really like what she has to say, mostly because I think she's "real". She can be kind of brusque, of course, and she doesn't take crap from people, but I get the sense that she honestly cares and wants to help the people who call or write in with questions. I've heard her deal with someone who was obviously emotionally fragile in a very delicate way.

She also talks about her own foibles. At the beginning of one episode she talked about how she had a crap weekend food-wise and found herself in binge mode. She had to catch herself and step back to try to figure out why she was eating that way, deal with whatever issue was there, and move forward. She talks about how she kind of hates going to the gym. I appreciate her honesty and her acknowledgment that it's kind of a pain in the butt sometimes to look the way she looks.

Saturday Weigh-In: The FINALLY! Edition

The scale moved.

I lost 1 1/2 pounds last week. And another 3/4 inch or so. Jason would probably be a total downer at this point and tell me how weight fluctuates and the 1 1/2 pounds may mean nothing. (he also likes to tell me how there's probably an error rate of 1/4 inch or so on the measuring, but I ignore him or tell him to be quiet and let me be happy about my progress, illusory or not)

Yesterday I kind of threw my food plan book away. I don't know why exactly. Maybe it's the lack of sleep for the past 4 or 5 days, but I just didn't feel like passing up on the few treats I was offered. Also, there was a mango lassi involved at some point. Yum!

So yeah, a couple cookies, mango lassi, and an ice cream sandwich. I was still within my calorie range for the day.

I've had faux sleep apnea for the last few nights, wherein I'm so stuffed up that I have periods of not being able to breathe and I keep waking up. I missed out on my swim this morning because miraculously at 4 AM (I know the time because I was awake), my sinuses cleared and I could breathe through my nose again. I fell right to sleep and figured I needed some real sleep more than a swim.

Saturday I swam for 132 lengths, 3300 yards. I discovered that chlorine fumes are an awesome sinus cleanser. I wasn't gross about it - no blowing snot into the pool, which, by the way, I have seen people do and it's foul. After pulling on my swim cap and stretching and showering, by the time I actually got in the pool, my head was clear. So if you have a cold and don't feel like working out, go for a swim. Preferably an indoor pool where you have the maximum amount of contained chlorine fumes.

New Swimming Personal Record

Today I swam 2000 yards straight, which...I don't think I've ever done, actually. I always swam short distances on swim team so never had to do any real distance training. When I got to the pool this morning, it was super crowded. There was already one lane circle swimming, and the others all had two people already.

I've decided to not be such a pill about circle swimming. Yes, it's a pain because no one goes the same pace. The other woman in my lane today kept passing the man, and I kept passing both of them, though I was swimming slower than usual. But instead of being so rigid about my routine for the day, which is usually pretty hard to maintain when you're circle swimming, I just swim straight until there are only two of us left in the lane and then I pick up with my routine.

Only there were 3 people in my lane the whole time, so I just kept swimming and wound up doing 80 lengths straight. I still had some time left, so I did a 200 kick to finish. I'm just kind of impressed with myself because a few weeks ago I never would have been able to do 2000 yards straight.

How Do You Get Excited About Strength Training?

So I'm all over the cardio. I love to swim and love to challenge myself and feel myself getting faster and stronger in the pool.

Where I fall down is with the strength training. I have several pilates DVDs and I do them occasionally. Now that I've done them all a couple of times, I'm not really that excited by them. I don't really care for weight machines, even though I've done them a lot. I'm just having a really hard time feeling excited at all about strength training. I know it's important and I should do it. But, frankly, my time is limited and if I'm going to spend time exercising, I'd rather be in the pool, swimming laps.

Anyone have any ideas about ways to liven up the strength training aspect of your workout?

No Swim Today

After watching The Biggest Loser last night*, I was all fired up to swim this morning. However, I had an early work meeting. My options were to catch the 7:48 bus or the 8:08 bus to make the 8:30 meeting. Considering the 8:08 bus has been consistently running 10 minutes late, I figured the only way to definitely be here by 8:30 was to catch the 7:48. Which means I need to leave by 7:45. And it takes me about 50 minutes to get ready in the morning. So I would have to end my workout at 6:40 to get home and in the shower by 6:55. And so forth.

All said, it would have meant getting up much earlier than I wanted to. Since it's just Wednesday, I still have 3 days to swim this week so I'm not concerned.

I'm amazed at how hungry I'm not when I don't swim in the morning. On my swimming days I need to be eating at my high calorie range just to curb my hunger, whereas today, I knew it was lunchtime, and I ate, but I was kind of meh about the whole thing.

* Team Tara!

Need More

I swam today without using fins because the fins have caused their own set of problems. Namely, blisters on 6 out of 10 toes. I found a set of fins that some people have said are good for wide feet, so I may be investing in a set of my own. My shoulder feels better today, though, after having a few days off.

I felt distinctly dissatisfied after my swim today. I think part of that was due to my carb-tastic dinner last night. We had sushi, which I haven't had in ages and I LOVE and I figure if you're going to have a carb-heavy meal, sushi is probably one of the more healthy ways to go. So I was feeling kind of sluggish at the start of my swim.

But then I got on a roll and swam an 800 in 14:15, which is slow, but better than my last time from a couple of weeks ago. Then I realized I only had 6 lengths left in the workout. After swimming 90 minutes on Saturday, swimming 45 minutes on weekdays suddenly doesn't seem like that much. However, the only way I can swim longer is if I wake up earlier and get to the pool earlier and that doesn't sound like fun at all.

I suppose if I keep feeling dissatisfied, I can TRY to wake up 15 minutes earlier and get in a full hour. It's so HAAARD, though.

Saturday Weigh-In: SRSLY?!

Guess what? I weigh exactly the same as I did last week. And the week before. To the tenth of a pound, says my digital scale. Is it too much to just want the numbers to change a little? Preferably in a downward direction?

I did lose an inch and a half, including a quarter inch on my waist, hips, and chest. At least I'm toning up uniformly. Also a quarter inch on my right upper arm, which is random, but I'll take it. That means I've lost about 5 1/4 inches in 3 weeks.

So yes, I know, gaining muscle, losing fat, blah blah blah. I would still like the scale to go down a bit. I thought for sure this week I would have lost at least a pound. At least I can feel a difference in my body so I know it's really changing. For one, my jeans are baggier. For two, I feel incredibly energetic and excited to hit the pool and to find other ways to squeeze in some exercise. My boss even offered me a ride home after work on Friday, which was kind of a brain-melting day and I was exhausted, but I said, no thanks, I'm going to walk. Go me.

Saturday morning's swim was another kick-centric workout. My shoulder is still not great. I think I'm going to go to the doctor and try to figure out what's going on. My mom has severe arthritis, my maternal grandfather did too, and my paternal grandmother had bad knees, so it's not inconceivable that I would have some joint issues. I did 7 sets of 300 kick, 100 pull, 100 swim, plus a warm-up and cool down. I love the kicking, except the fins are starting to give me blisters. I wonder if they make fins for people with wide feet...

So I swam 4300 yards, which I think is a new high for me. That's 172 lengths. I was shooting for 176, which would be about 2 1/2 miles, but I ran out of time again and they starting breaking up the lanes for some swim classes that were coming in. Also, I did the last 100 in my long set in 1:25, which I'm very pleased about.

I Heart Fins

So I've never done kicking drills wearing fins before. I've snorkled and scuba dived (dove?) and I know fins are great and make you go fast, but I've never used them in the pool. Lap fins are a lot smaller than snorkling fins, but it's the same principle.

The Y has fins available with the kickboards and pull buoys and I decided to try them out since I knew I was going to have a kicking-heavy workout today to spare my shoulder. I was kind of dreading my workout since kicking makes me bored. However, with the fins it's superfun and I go superfast. I alternated free, fly and back kicking, breaking up the sets with a 100 swim. Not only did I sail through the water, but I could feel my leg muscles working hard as they pushed against more surface resistance.

Usually after a swim, the skin over my triceps is bright red because those muscles have worked hard. Today, the skin over my outer upper thighs was bright red. Tone the upper thighs? Yes, please!

Also, I did my last 100 in 1:29!

Although there was a girl swimming in the lane next to me who was doing 100's in about 1:02. I have work to do! I actually like it when there are fast people swimming with me because it makes me work harder.

2000 yards today
400 swim warmup
4 x 250 kick, 100 swim. Alternate free, fly and back kick.
200 fly kick cooldown

Tomorrow I plan to swim for 90 minutes. I'm going to go heavy on the kicking again and see if I can get my shoulder back into good condition. It's not sore today since I only used it for 800 out of my 2000 yards.

Darn Shoulder

I'm having problems with my right shoulder again. Yesterday during my workout, it started aching toward the end. I iced it while I was getting ready for work, and last night laying on the heating pad seemed to make it feel better. Still, I woke up this morning with a very stiff shoulder and the beginnings of a migraine. I nipped the migraine in the bud, but my shoulder still hurts. My extremely non-ergonomic workstation isn't helping.

Breathing on just my right side seemed to aggravate the shoulder more, so I've been working on breathing on my left. Only, now that it's hurting again I have to wonder if it's just swimming itself that aggravates it, rather than my particular breathing style.

I've had problems off and on with this shoulder for a few years now and it's driving me crazy. I didn't USED to have shoulder pain when I swam. I assume it's because of old age. Maybe it's a problem with initial overuse. I get enthusiastic about swimming and I go a little crazy with it. Last week I swam Wednesday through Saturday without a day off. I would have thought waiting 3 days to swim again would keep the shoulder from freaking out on me, but I guess not.

Tomorrow I'm going to swim, but I'm going to focus on kicking. This is when I REALLY wish I had a swimp3. Kicking by itself is really, really extremely boring. I'll try to mix it up and alternate free, fly and back kicking, but still. However, my legs and bum can always use some work, so I'll try to wear them out tomorrow.

In other news, I am so proud of Jason. He went for a run yesterday! I found a Couch to 5K program for him and he's actually doing it.

Up the Calories

I'm trying to figure out a good way to increase my calories, without increasing the carbs too much. Now that I can eat some fruit and whole wheat bread again, I am having some of both with breakfast. I'm also trying to keep my calories high enough that I'm not ravenous all the time and that I'm giving myself enough fuel to swim.

I have a meeting after work tonight so I'm going to run home and probably eat a leftover pork chop and the easiest side would be a slice of bread with some peanut butter. I do need the calories, but I don't need the additional carbs. If there's anyone else out there watching the carb intake, how do you get in enough calories, without getting your carbs too high? Oh, and without feeling like you're eating an entire pig or chicken in the course of a day.

My goal is to keep my net carbs under 100 g per day, but I haven't been able to do that for the last few days because I made some yummy whole wheat bread this past weekend and it's, you know, basically all carbs.

What Do You Do?

Yesterday I was poking around some of the Providence SparkPeople blogs just to see what other local people are doing. I came across one girl's blog that really worries me. She's calorie counting and keeping track of her fitness, but at completely unhealthy levels. She's basically eating about 700 calories per day, and then making sure to work out and burn at least 200, sometimes 400 calories through exercise. She's written this all down in her blog because she's proud of it. Proud of her "strength". (Does that sound like the mantras of the pro-ana sites or what?)

I suppose there's nothing to do, really. If I said anything to her via an email, I'm sure she would just tell me to mind my own business or ignore me completely. It just makes me sad to see this 21 year-old girl heading down this dangerous path.

Sigh.

Saturday Weigh-In

This is the part of starting exercising that is kind of frustrating. I weighed and measured myself on Saturday only to find I haven't lost an ounce. I weigh exactly what I did last Saturday morning. So while I'm glad I wasn't weighing myself every day this week and feeling frustrated every day, it's still a little disheartening to feel like I've done all this good work, but to not have the scale move.

However, then I measured. All told, I've lost a little more than 2 inches all over my body this week. That means I've lost 3 and 3/4 inches in the past two weeks. Nice, right? This week alone, I lost a half inch off my waist and a quarter inch off my hips. So even though I didn't lose any weight, I lost fat this week, and in my mind, that's better. There are so many reasons it's better. For one, muscle burns calories faster than fat. So no wonder I've been so hungry.

I have always thought the fact that there was no measurement aspect to The Biggest Loser was one of its failings. On those weeks when someone has a lower number in the pounds lost, or even gains, I think there should be some way to say, "But wait! Let's see what the measuring tape has to say." Because chances are, that person didn't screw up that week, he or she just added some muscle. Maybe they should measure weight and body fat percentage. That seems a bit more fair.

Saturday morning I swam for 75 minutes and did 130 lengths. That's the most I've done at once since...well, I can't remember really. It's been a long time. I wanted to do 140 and get a full 2 miles, but lap swimming ended. I only needed 5 more minutes!

Saturday I caught a true second wind and it felt great! I warmed up, did 8 50's on 1:00 and then did the following set:

100 R :25
200 R :30
300 R :35
400 R :40
300 R :35
200 R :30
100

For one, I did that last 100 in 1:35. Those were lengths 104-108 so I'm pretty happy that I shaved 3 seconds off of Thursday's time. For two, I got a total burst of energy right in the middle of that 400. During the first 300, I kind of thought I was going to die. I've been working on breathing on both sides so as not to strain my right shoulder too much and injure myself like I have done before when I've started swimming again too quickly. However, when I start getting tired, breathing on my left gets more difficult and I feel like I'm a short inhale away from drowning. It's not quite that bad, but I definitely feel like I'm floundering.

After I caught my second wind, not only did I feel like I could keep swimming forever, but breathing on my left suddenly got a lot easier. Then after my workout, I had a total endorphin buzz. Instead of feeling exhausted after pushing myself, I felt great. Let's hear it for endorphins.

STARVING and Smoothies

One thing about swimming is, it really gets my metabolism revving and I need FOOD.

After my 80 lengths this morning, I came home and made a berry protein smoothie (recipe below), which I drank while getting ready. Then I walked to work and ate some Greek yogurt with honey. My stomach started growling again at 11, so now I'm having some milk and peanut butter (Jason thinks I'm weird for snacking on spoonfuls of peanut butter).

The thing is, I'm eating healthy and I've already burned something like 700 calories today so I say, bring on the food!

Berry Protein Smoothies for 2*
I haven't used the blender since last fall, when it officially got too cold for smoothies. I went to the grocery store Monday and they had strawberries on sale, so I picked some up and started making smoothies again this week. I always have to work out the kinks of the first few, but I think I got it right today.

12-14 medium strawberries
1/2 C. wild blueberries (hooray for giant bags of frozen wild blueberries at Costco)
1 1/2 scoops protein powder (tweak for your choice of protein powder since the flavors differ. For instance, if I use more than 1/4 scoop of the Whole Foods 365 whey protein, it makes the whole smoothie taste horrible. I don't buy that anymore)
1 C. Almond Breeze, original, unsweetened (you can also use milk, of course, but I like the way Almond Breeze tastes and it's low calorie and low carb)
6-10 ice cubes

The protein powder I use has sweetener in it, so with that and the berries, it's sweet enough. If you want more sweetness, I would suggest a half tablespoon or so of agave nectar.

* If I ever make a smoothie just for me, Jason gets all forlorn and looks like a sad puppy dog, so I leave him one in the fridge when I go to work.

Weekly Weigh-Ins and Confession

As a step toward staying sane, I've decided not to step on the scale every single day, which is what I usually do. I started weighing and measuring myself a couple of weeks ago and have determined that I'm only going to weigh in weekly - on Saturday mornings.

I will admit, though, to whipping out the measuring tape periodically to measure my hips and my waist to see if there are any improvements there. As of this morning, it looks like I may have firmed up a little since Saturday. Woot!

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to confess to having some ice cream last night. And some popcorn that was not my good, healthy Whirley Pop popcorn. Here's what happened. I brought all my food for breakfast, lunch and snacks to work yesterday. Then yesterday morning Jason said some friends had invited us to a hockey game. Fun! Only I didn't have dinner with me. I spaced out my snacks in the afternoon, but was still hungry when I got there and stadium food isn't known for being especially healthy.

Jason and I shared a big tub of popcorn. Then our friends got Carvel ice cream, which I eyed lustily. By the 3rd period I was still hungry and realized we probably wouldn't get home until around 10. I managed to rationalize that since I didn't get ice cream on my splurge day, maybe I could get some now. So I got some ice cream. Chocolate. Good quality. Totally worth it.

Then I swam 2000 yards this morning so I've got that going for me. I'm getting faster. I did a set of:
100 R :20
200 R :25
300 R :30
300 R :30
200 R :25
100

and I did the last 100 in 1:38, which I'm happy with because a) it was faster than I've done a 100 since I started swimming again, and b) it was the last 100 of the set and I was tired, but still managed to push myself.

Survey Fun

My friend Rachel has created a survey related to how your work environment affects eating habits for one of her final projects for school that you should go take right now.

Rachel is working on a Masters in Public Health at Brown and is my personal food guru. I always go to her when I have questions about diet and nutrition. Her life goals include bettering the world through nutrition education, which I think is a worthy goal. Also, she's just a really smart and fun person and I'm kind of jealous at how together she is, even though she's something like 8 years younger than me.

So go, take the survey. Pretty please.

Exercise Groove

I am buzzing with energy this morning. I hope I can keep it up for the rest of the day. This morning I swam 80 lengths, and then walked the 2 miles to work.

I've walked to and from work the last few days, but my shins are starting to hurt. I have flat feet and weak ankles, a combination that means even when I'm wearing supportive running shoes, my shins start to hurt when I walk a lot (ie, 7-8 miles in the last 2 days). This morning I put on my hiking boots to walk to work, which seems like complete overkill, but it did help to stabilize my ankles and my shins didn't hurt quite as much. I probably won't walk home from work, though, and give my shins a break.

This morning when I was doing sets of 50's on the 1:00, I was actually keeping up with the fast guy* in the next lane, which made me feel a bit smug. Never mind that he can keep up that pace steadily for his continuous hour swim. I like that 3 weeks into swimming again, I can keep up with the fast guy for at least a little bit.


* Who I have named Splashy McSplasherson because he insists on SLAPPING his calves on the surface of the water every time he does a flipturn, splashing people as far as 2 lanes away. It is completely and totally unnecessary to do your flipturns like that, and I would think that essentially doing a bellyflop with your legs would create additional resistance and slow you down. Also, it's really annoying.

First Splurge Day: Easter

The last day of South Beach Phase 1 was on Saturday. I had already decided that since it was Easter on Sunday, not only would it be my first day off of Phase 1, but it would also be my monthly splurge day. We went to the house of some friends on Saturday for an Easter egg hunt party and I ended South Beach a bit early so I could eat a shortbread cookie with a Reese's peanut butter egg on top that another friend made because, yum! Then I ate candy and carbs Saturday night and Sunday.

However, I didn't eat as much as I thought I would. My body just didn't want as much. What I did eat, I savored.

The whole splurge day concept works well for me. Restrict myself completely and totally, and I feel sad and deprived. Letting myself have a little bad stuff here, and a little bad stuff there, always turns into a junk food free for all. However, when I know that maybe I can't have the junk today, but I'll get it eventually, I'm able to be patient. Friday night I was stuffing plastic eggs full of jelly beans, M&M's, Hershey's kisses and chocolate mini eggs for Saturday's Easter egg hunt. Jason was nibbling on some M&M's and jelly beans and commented that having all the candy around must be driving me crazy. I shrugged and said, not really. I'll be able to have some Sunday and I'm fine with that.

I have to give credit to my law school roommate, Jenn, for the splurge day idea. She ate mainly chicken breasts and broccoli every other day, and worked out regularly. But one day a month she got to eat whatever. For her, she always had to have a Wild Cherry Pepsi on her splurge day. For me, it's usually ice cream, though I didn't get any on Easter. There's always next month.

I woke up a bit late today so I did some pilates this morning and walked to work in lieu of a swim. I'll also walk home. And maybe to the mall to see what they have over there. We're getting a surprise tax refund and I'm going to let myself buy some new clothes because all my current clothes make me depressed. The rest of the money is going straight into savings.

More Calories

Remember that whole calorie deficit issue? Well, it's 4 PM and I've only eaten 500 calories, so I think this day may win as the most calorie deficit ever.

It's not my fault, though. I went to the Boston office for a meeting this morning and brought a small snack for the train ride up and the train ride back. Then I was supposed to meet Jason for lunch, but today our clients decided to come crawling out of the woodwork and my boss is out of town. So it's 4 PM and I just ate a couple of pieces of turkey and cheese and finally got a chance to enter it all into my log at SparkPeople.

Jason will be picking me up later to head up to Boston again*. I guess I'll be wandering over to CVS in a bit to see what I can scrounge up there as a makeshift dinner. Nuts and milk? Dinner of champions!

* I know. If we had any sort of sense, I would have taken my work up there and worked in the Boston office all day, but apparently we don't.

Calorie Deficit

I'm going to try to keep track of my calorie deficits to see what's going on with my weight loss. I'm holding steady at having lost 2 whole pounds since starting South Beach. The last couple of times I did Phase 1, I lost about 6 pounds in the first week. I have a feeling the stagnation may be because I'm working out as well and possibly not eating enough.

According to the calculators, my Basal Metabolic Rate is 1641 calories. Basically that's how many calories I need to eat each day in order to stay alive and maintain my weight.

Figure in 45 minutes of swimming, at about 50 yards per minute, which burns 571 calories (not, unfortunately, the 740 calories SparkPeople says it does. That would be nice.)

So my calorie expenditure for today is 2212. To maintain my weight, I should eat 2212 calories.

Right now, with the food I've figured for the day, I'm going to eat 1497 calories.

Deficit = 715 calories.

I have a feeling that's too big of a deficit.

Metabomalism

My body is acting weird lately. I don't know if it's the working out, the South Beach, the meals and snacks spread out over my day? I will be absolutely STARVING, but then it takes just a little food to make me full. Then a couple hours later I'm STARVING again.

For instance, after stretching out my breakfast to the point that I didn't take my last bite until almost 10 AM, by noon my stomach was growling like crazy. So I ate some of my beans that I brought, but I didn't finish them because a whole cup of pinto beans with some cheese was just way too much for little ole me, apparently. I didn't even get to the 2nd part of my lunch - leftover eggplant lasagna.

Now, 2 hours later, I'm starving again. And my eggplant lasagna is heating up in the microwave.

I'll bet by 4:30 I'll be starving again and ready for my snack of celery and peanut butter. For the past few days I've been getting hungry every 2 hours or so, but I fill up very quickly.

Is this a sign that my metabolism is speeding up, or that it's out of whack?

Workouts:
Half hour of pilates last night.
40 laps, 2000 yards, in the pool this morning.

Mmmm...Deviled Eggs...

I think I have found my South Beach Achilles heel - deviled eggs. I made some with light mayo, dijon mustard, salt, pepper and a touch of curry powder. While I was making dinner last night, I kept popping little bits of deviled goodness into my mouth. I didn't eat them all, but I think they could definitely be on my list of non-ice cream-related binge items.

Speaking of deviled eggs, though, does anyone know a foolproof way to boil them or chill them or heat them up or whatever so that the shell comes off more easily? I wound up taking off a third of the whites with some of the shells.

Day 8

Swim-A-Thon: 55 laps.

I'm very happy with that, but I know I pushed myself beyond my current fitness level. Since 2 people donated money per lap it pushed me to keep going as hard and fast as I could until that hour was up. And as if to prove how bad a** I am, my swim cap tore as I was taking it off. I'm just that good.

The problem was, instead of feeling energized for the rest of the day, I felt pretty tired and wound up fighting a little headache all evening. Also, after losing 2 1/2 pounds this week, I gained 1 1/2 of them back since yesterday morning, before the swim. I know sometimes you gain weight after particularly hard workouts because of water retention, so that's probably what this weight is.

I'm pretty philosophical about it and know that 1) I will eventually get myself to the point where swimming 55 laps is a good workout, but not so exhausting as it is right now, and 2) I'll lose that weight again once my body balances itself out. Today is a rest day with the working out so my muscles will have ample time to recover before I get back in the pool tomorrow morning.

It's nice to know that even though it was strenuous, I could swim 55 laps yesterday, after only less than a week back in the pool.

Day 6 - Sabotage!

This morning I went to a breakfast meeting for work. They were supposed to have quiche, which would have been great for South Beach. I could just eat the filling and leave the crust. Unfortunately, there was a mix-up and the quiche never got there. Instead we had muffins! So exciting!

It was a small group and the host of the meeting was like a mother insisting, "Eat! Eat!" So I had about a sixth of a lemon poppyseed muffin to not be rude.

Sigh.

It always seems like there's SOMEthing to keep me from doing Phase 1 completely right. I'm not going to let it derail me, though. One little bread product isn't the end of the world and I'm just going to keep going.

I did pilates for my arms and shoulders last night and I'm really feeling it in my triceps. Hopefully I won't be too sore tomorrow morning for my swim. I'm inordinately excited about this swim-a-thon, even though I know it's just like a regular Saturday morning workout for me. Several friends have donated to the cause, which makes me feel like I have a real purpose with this swim. It's like the read-a-thons I used to do in elementary school, only with more action and less sitting on my bum reading.

Husband

Jason would never admit it, but I think he's been a little down lately. His work isn't everything he hoped it would be and I think he might be feeling kind of stuck. It's tough to get him to talk about things like this, but based on what he has told me, I think he's just not feeling so great right now.

More than ever I want to encourage him to exercise. He's been down about his expanding waistline as well, so it would be good for that, but I honestly think that getting into a good routine, with some regular endorphins, would give him more energy and drive to do what he wants to do with his work.

So I'm trying to encourage him. This week he's encouraged me with my swimming and he's also eaten the same healthy dinners as me. However, he has yet to go running (which he's been talking about doing for months now) and he's still eating some not so great things - like the Dunkin Donuts hot chocolate he came home with Tuesday night, and the giant bag of M&Ms he and his sister polished off while I was out of town last week. My fingers are crossed that as I continue getting healthier, that I can motivate him too.

Day 5

Day 5 of South Beach and it's amazing how easy this is. I mean, it's more labor-intensive since I'm cooking a lot more and then lugging a whole variety of tiny containers to work with my breakfast, lunch and snacks in it, but I have found it really easy to slip back into eating this way. I feel good, I'm down a couple of pounds, it's going well.

I did not swim this morning as planned. Last night after work I did one of my pilates DVDs and today I am sore. So I decided to give my muscles a break so I can actually swim for that whole hour on Saturday.

That round of pilates was really depressing. As of just 6 months ago I could do all of the segments and feel good and strong. Yesterday I cheated on some moves and just felt generally weak. But that's why I'm doing the pilates, right? To get stronger.

The cat was THRILLED that I was back on the floor with him. He loves to run under my arms and legs and plop down on my yoga mat while I'm doing moves. It's not very helpful, but it's kind of adorable as he purrs and rolls around and is just generally ecstatic that I'm down on his level.

I am determined that this year of weight loss and exercise will be different. This fall I will not give myself a million excuses to indulge myself, which will undo all the good I'm doing right now and will continue in the summer. That has been my pattern the last couple of years and I'm tired of it. I can have a treat on special days, but none of this weeks- and months-long birthday-Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas extravaganza. It's just not worth it to find myself on January 1 right back where I started LAST January 1.

Feeling Good

It's the bless-ed 4th day of South Beach. I'm through the withdrawals and I feel great. Yesterday was the worst. I had a moderate headache all day and felt like I was in a fog. Which makes for a not very productive workday. Today, though, I feel excellent, and am not practically falling asleep despite reading some very, very dry contracts. Also, I'm not craving anything.

This morning I swam 70 laps. OK, is it laps or lengths? I suppose technically up and back equals one lap if you're really looking at the definition of the word. So I did 70 lengths today. I'm going to do 70 tomorrow, rest Friday, and then the swim-a-thon on Saturday. Usually I can do 90-100 lengths in an hour, depending on whether it's all swimming, or swimming with some kicking and pulling. When I'm in my stride, I can do more than 100, but if I get to 100, I'll be happy.

My pace is SLOW. However, at one point during a set, I felt a little pop of endorphins. It was brief and soon after I was tired again, but it was there, giving me hope that I can get back in my prior swimming form pretty quickly.