Toenail

80 laps this morning. And let me tell you, it was kind of rough. Not only have I not really done laps regularly for 3 weeks, but I am not used to working out in the morning anymore. My body was kind of wondering why I wasn't still at home in bed. This is going to take some getting used to.

However, other than being ravenously hungry*, I feel really great right now with the endorphins. I love endorphins.

The Y is much better in the morning and I had my own lane for about half of my workout. I forgot my hairbrushes today and discovered that my hair looks pretty much the same when I blow dry it while running my fingers through it. Good to know.

I am convinced that the fates have been conspiring against me to prevent me from working out. From the Y not being lap swimmer friendly in the evenings during the week when I could only go in the evenings, to my boyfriend being in a nasty car accident, to the most recent toenail incident.

***Warning: the following is kind of icky. I'm just sayin'.***

About 6 years ago, I ripped off my big toenail on my left foot. Honestly, it really didn't hurt that bad when it happened, it was just unattractive. The nail has never grown back right and I've suffered through many summers of wearing sandals while trying to hide my toe. Last summer, I discovered that I could get a fake nail and I was so, so happy because I could have cute painted toenails for the summer and no one ever knew one was a fake.

Well, the first guy who did it just filled in the nail bed on top of the little nail nubbin that was there. It looked great and natural. The woman who did it this year (about a month ago, actually) put an acrylic tip on top of the nubbin and then filled in the rest. I didn't like it as much this year because the nail stood up really high from the nail bed and occasionally I stubbed it. However, it seemed liveable.

On Monday night I planned to do about a half hour of yoga and pilates, followed by a half hour of strength training. On my way to doing a teastand, my standing-too-high-off-the-nail-bed toenail caught on the yoga mat and pulled back. I collapsed and grabbed my foot. Blood was already pooling around the edges of the nail. Sure enough, the fake acrylic AND my little nubbin of a nail had pulled completely away from the nail bed and are now hanging on by a thread.

So now I'm kind of stumped as to what to do. I cut the acrylic down as much as I could, but I can't soak my toe in acetone to get it off because, um, ow. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if it heals and then go from there. I'm worried that after this I won't even have a nubbin to attach a fake nail to. My grand idea is to see if a plastic surgeon could put in some sort of permanent implant. But that's a little frivolous for my current financial situation.

***End of grossness***

As of today, I am back in the pool in the mornings, assuming I can keep waking up at Freaking Insane AM.


* I ate some pineapple before I left home, which is my normal pre-workout snack, but I may need to add something else.

Life

I hate when life dictates that not only shall there be no working out this week, but that I will also be eating out a lot and not really controlling my food. Oh sure, I could have gotten a salad at Longhorn, but when you're at a STEAKHOUSE, it seems kind of rude to order salad. Like, maybe the super steak chef would spit in my dressing-on-the-side or something. And I don't really feel like eating salads at 9 AM at IHOP.

Let me explain. This past week has been crazy. My boyfriend was in a nasty car accident on Wednesday night. He is fine, but his car is totaled. When we finally got out of the hospital at 8:30 the next morning, we headed to the nearest breakfast place for food because we were both starving. I got an omelet and pancakes. And it was good. I only ate half the omelet, so that counts for something.

Then later that day we were out and about, stopping by the tow lot to get his belongings out of his smashed up car and checking out car dealerships for his next big purchase. We were still pretty tired, so we went to Outback for dinner. I got a burger. And it was good. As a disclaimer, I substituted salad for the fries (the Wasabi salad. If you go to Outback, try it. It's really yummy). I also only ate half my hamburger bun.

Friday was fine, since I was at work and just ate my normal healthy food. But because of the chaos the swims that were supposed to happen Thursday and Friday mornings obviously didn't.

Saturday morning I ate Kashi oatmeal. Good choice, yes?

Then we went out and I bought a new car. Actually, that was the plan all along for Saturday since I'm driving to work every day now and need a more reliable car. Jason used the opportunity to check out the 2007's as well. After the purchase, which, you know, takes HOURS, we were starving and went to the Longhorn Steakhouse down the street from the dealership. I got another burger. This time I only ate half the burger and I got a baked potato with the toppings on the side instead of fries.

Saturday night we went to a Mexican place and I got fajitas, but I didn't eat all the tortillas, I didn't eat all the cheese and I didn't eat all the sour cream. I also brought home half of my grilled meat and onions.

So really, I think I did not too bad for not actually ordering the salad option at every meal. According to my scale I haven't gained anything yet and I'm hoping that starting this week off right with a swim in the morning will stave off any gain. I'm looking forward to being back in my healthy groove. Sometimes life just really gets in the way.

Lesson Learned

Last night I discovered that going to the Y when there are only 2 lanes open for lap swimming is a bad idea. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks early evening is a good time to go swimming. They have morning lap swim with all 6 lanes available and I'm sure that's when the hard core swimmers go. And hat's when I'll be going from now on.

I'm going to be b***hy swimmer girl for a moment and complain, so just move along if you'd rather not read a tirade.

First of all, midway through my workout, this dad and his kids decided to cross the lap swim lanes to get across the pool. So fine. You wait until the swimmers have passed and then you go. But no. Two of the boys went just as I was getting to the end, and then the third little boy vaulted off the lane line into the middle of the lane, right in front of me. If he had jumped a couple of seconds later, he would have landed on top of me. I know kids are rambunctious, but Dad was standing RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, just watching him go over the lane line. I popped up and the dad said, "Oh, sorry about that." I was the only one in the lane at that point. Would it have been awful to, you know, hang onto your kid for a few seconds and wait for me to go by?

Then about 10 minutes later, I was in the middle of a 200 when I realized that there were a man and a woman standing at the end of the lane, blocking me from doing a flipturn. Okaaay....

I popped my head up and the woman said, "We can swim a circuit." For those of you who don't know, circuit swimming is basically what you do during swim team practice when there are a bunch of people in one lane. You space the swimmers and swim up the right side of the lane and back down the left. Now that works just fine when you're all about the same skill level and going about the same speed, but it is a disaster when levels are mismatched. As shown last night.

The woman said, "You go first because you're stronger." At this point I was still standing in the middle of the lane about 10 feet from the end because they were still blocking the entire end. I asked, "Well, can I have some space to push off?" I think that was when they realized they were blocking the entire lane because they looked surprised and moved out of the way.

So I started swimming. The woman came after me, swimming a leisurely freestyle. Then came the man, swimming a veeeery slow breaststroke. So basically I did a 50 and caught up to the man, but as I was going to pass him, the woman came swimming by on the other side, blocking me. My only choice was to stop in the middle of the lap and wait.

At that point I realized that continuing to swim was pointless, and I got out. Only 64 laps.

Usually when I swim, everyone just waits if there are already two people in a lane because they recognize that circuit swimming doesn't really work, but I guess they both wanted to swim really badly RIGHT then. Annoying.

Let's hope swimming in the mornings is less chaotic.

Back in the Saddle...Again

Well this has just been crazy time for me and not a good time for exercising. Basically in the span of 8 days I interviewed, second interviewed, and then got a new job. Then the next day my pool closed for renovations.

Work started on Wednesday. I spent most of Saturday shopping for business casual clothes. For the past year I've been working at jobs where I could wear jeans every day if I wanted and I only needed to dress up occasionally. Add to that the 18 pounds I've lost since January and basically nothing besides my jeans fit me right anymore. I found a bunch of skirts and discovered that at least in the skirts I'm a real, genuine size 12. Yay!

I have entirely given up on ever finding slacks that don't look completely freakish on me. My bum and thighs are just too big and my waist is too small. It doesn't make me feel particularly fat, though, since I remember being thin and having that problem too. I have 2 pairs of Lane Bryant slacks in 16 that are falling off of me. I popped in there on Saturday to see if I could fit into 14 dress slacks, but LB 14's are officially too big for me. Well, not their jeans. I still wear their jeans. But their slacks are too big, which is good, but also bad since they're the only store that takes the .7 hip to waist ratio into account. I've heard Banana Republic is good, but they're pricey and I wasn't willing to pay a lot for what I hope are simply interim clothes.

The bad thing about the job is it's in the suburbs, which means no more mile walk to and from the T, and no chance to walk home from work. Now I'm driving everywhere and feeling kind of guilty as I add myself to the long line of commuters and wish I had a Prius. I was planning on using this week after the pool closed to search for a gym and to walk the 3.2 miles home from work every day for exercise. Instead, I've been driving every day and trying to find the least crowded routes to and from work. I've been bone tired when I've gotten home and haven't done any sort of exercise at all this week. I've tried to eat on the low end of my calorie range, but I admit to indulging in treats, particularly at Jason's choir potluck on Wednesday night where there was decadent chocolate cake and pavlova.

Despite the crazy week, I haven't actually gained any weight, but I haven't really lost any weight or inches either. The lack of exercise has also taken a toll on my mental well-being. I miss my endorphins.

Today I went to go check out a gym on my lunch hour. As the sales rep was showing me around I started having a sneaking suspicion that there was no way I could afford this gym. From the pretty, dark wood lockers, to the AMAZING pool with the windowed ceiling, I wasn't really shocked when she told me the monthly fee was $105. And that was a special discounted rate available for people who join this month.

I went back to work discouraged since I had just been planning on joining and maybe even going for a swim tomorrow morning. I looked online for what else was in the area and discovered the local YMCA, also just down the street from work. Ah, the trusty Y. It's not fancy, but it's got a pool and locker rooms with changing rooms, which is more than I can say for the fancy clubs I belonged to briefly in downtown DC and Boston. I'm very happy that so many women are so very comfortable just walking around with it all hanging out, but I do not happen to be one of those women and I am tired of changing in the handicapped stall of the bathroom. The Y is $52.50 a month, and I can cancel any time I want with no penalty, also unlike those fancy clubs.

Starting Monday, I'm back in the pool. Since I don't have the option of walking anywhere anymore, I'm going to have to step up the amount of yoga, pilates and weights that I do at home in the evening just to maintain the exercise level I was at. No more being lazy right when I get home.

Visual Aids

I'm starting to think that I am a spatial and visual thinker. I can usually size up an area and figure out what will fit there or see how to make something fit. Like when I was helping my scientist boyfriend and his scientist brother move a futon and while they scratched their heads looking from the futon to the car and back to the futon, I figured out how to angle it so it would fit perfectly in the back of the car.

Fat Blogger just used an image that really clicked with me because it is such a striking image. He has lost 10 pounds, which equals 40 sticks of butter. Using those terms I've lost 64 sticks of butter. That's a lot of butter. I almost wish I could buy it and pile it on my kitchen counter as a reminder of what I have accomplished.

I know slow and steady wins the race and all that, but sometimes I wish I could drop the remaining 25 pounds in the next couple of weeks and be done with it already. I'll still eat healthy and exercise, but I just want the weight gone. I want a less hefty body to move around every day. I want to wear the cute clothes that I'm barely fitting into now. Today is just a frustrated day with this whole process.

Disturbing Stats

I just read that the average American consumer eats 3 burgers and 4 orders of fries each week. A typical American child gets 1/4 of his/her vegetables in the form of French fries or potato chips.

Yikes.

Back away from the drive thru, America.


100 laps last night. This is the last week my pool is open, which is sad and also a hassle. Also, since I'm not really sure what's on the horizon for me as far as home and work locations, I'm reticent to join a gym that doesn't have a good cancellation policy. I know, good luck finding that, Kelly. Next week I will be checking out gyms.

Jason told me last night that he would really like to see me at 110 laps. He pointed out that if I added 2 laps a day, I would be up to 160 in a month.

Um, k. My response to him was, "You know what I would like to see from you?"

Pause. "Any sort of activity at all?"

"Exactly."

Yeah, buddy, you start working out AT ALL and then we'll talk about strategies and work out plans. I'm trying to encourage him to be more healthy, but that comment about getting up to 110 laps just made me laugh.

Pizza

I ate some pizza last night and my body is not happy. I helped a friend move and she bought us pizza afterwards to say thanks. I had planned on leaving before then, but I wanted to stay and hang out for a little bit longer since she left town this morning. And I was hungry. Yesterday was one of those days when I could not stay full, no matter what, so my growling stomach was not helping.

Last night my stomach was hurting and it's still not feeling great. Plus, I'm so lethargic. Of course, I stayed up late, but with the amount of sleep I had I shouldn't be this run down. Lots of carbs, sodium and fat. Yum!

I need to remember how the crappy food makes me feel, especially now that I'm used to the healthier stuff.

Weigh-In

Just as I expected, the holy grail of 185 or under is not to be mine this week. 185.6 this morning, despite keeping my sodium under 1,000 mg yesterday. However, another 2.125" is gone. Another .6 inches and my waist will be in the 20's. When I was last in good shape my waist was 27" and my hips were 40", so once I get to those measurements again I will know that no matter what the mirror tells me on my fat days, I look pretty darn good.

I feel like I've been kind of lazy this week because I've only been swimming twice. However, I did an hour of yoga and weights last night and I know I'm going swimming for sure on Saturday. And I'm helping a friend move tonight. According to SparkPeople you can burn 112 calories in 10 minutes by lugging boxes around. I'm debating whether or not to actually count it in my exercise tally for the day since I have a feeling a few super-efficient guys are going to show up and minimize my personal physical involvement in the whole thing. We'll see how it goes.

But back to the lazy. For some reason I have been extra super tired this week and I'm not really sure why. I've been getting the same amount of sleep as usual, but instead of waking up at my normal time I keep hitting snooze over and over until I'm stumbling into work at 9:30, still feeling like I could have slept for a couple more hours. I feel a little more with it today and managed to get into work early to make up some hours, but I still feel tired.

Simpletons

I was pretty appalled to learn that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were going to be counselors at a fat camp in the next season of The Simple Life. There are just so many things wrong with that. One of the first thing that comes to my mind is poking fun at the poor overweight kids who are there. Paris and Nicole and the camera crews that follow them around don't seem to be the most sensitive folks.

My fears were confirmed with the ad for the show I just saw on E. The head of the camp said that every counselor had to participate in giving the kids a colonic. So the scene is of Paris looking on, horrified, as Nicole, looking horrified herself, faces the rear end of a very large teenage boy and then you see his face as he groans and there's some sort of cartoon sound effect to go along with it.

Ha ha ha, let's laugh at the fat kid getting the colonic. Grrrr!

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

While I managed to stay within my calorie range yesterday, I'm not exactly proud of what I ate. It was yummy, though. There was a lot of cheese. It was a very cheese-filled day. Mozzarella cheese and Irish cheese and cheesecake.

But, you know, one day in a stretch of being very, very good isn't so bad. Plus, I weighed myself this morning and my weight is still the same so the cheese hasn't caught up with me yet. I'm starting to think that I'm moving so much with my swimming and my weights and my sometimes yoga and pilates, that a bad day here and there isn't going to kill me. And it wasn't SO bad. Like I said, I stayed within my range.

In other news, I swam 80 laps on Saturday instead of the 100 that I was planning to swim. About 50 laps in this gaggle of teenagers descended on the pool. There must have been 30 of them. They all got into the diving pool and cheered each person on who went off the board by chanting his or her name incessantly. And this one girl let out a BLOOD-CURDLING scream every single time someone dove in. Or came near her. Or breathed.

This is another reason indoor pools suck. The echoing and reverberation was intense. So I swam a little more in my set, did a cool down 200 and huffily left. The lifeguard gave me a desperately sad look as I walked out, silently pleading with me to take her with me.

This is another tick in the "pro" list for joining a gym after the pool closes on the 24th. No teenagers.

And yes, I realize I'm a crotchety old lady.

Uno Mas

Down 2 pounds and 1" this week. In case you're keeping score, that's 16.2 pounds and 21.75" since January 31.

So I don't want to jinx anything, but 1 more pound and we're back in Fantasyland for me. At the end of summer 2005 I reached my lowest weight since, oh I don't know, junior year of college (1998-ish). I weighed myself at a friend's house and was 185. Then I started giving into my Chicken McNugget cravings and sinking back into a bit of depression and working out once a month or so.

I know the odds are that I will lose a few more inches and no pounds next week since that seems to be my pattern. One week I lose a bunch of inches and minimal pounds, the next week my pounds are down and there isn't much action on the inches front. But how awesome would it be to step on the scale next week and see "185"? Pretty awesome, in my world.

I've been pretty easy-going about the pounds coming off since I know I'm gaining muscle and this is a slow process and all that sensible stuff, but I would really like for just that one pound to disappear this week. That doesn't seem like too much to ask, right? Here's hoping.

Tired

Tonight I only did 90 laps. Why, you ask? Because my muscles are tired. I decided on what routine to do before I got to the pool, but somewhere around lap 38 I realized there was no way I was going to get to 100. It's not that my limbs are actually sore, but rather that they're just tired. Very, very tired. Every single stroke was an effort tonight.

My body is going to have a nice two day break since I won't be able to swim tomorrow or Friday night (I am doing a bit of pilates tomorrow morning though). I fully expect a solid 100 laps on Saturday afternoon. Hear that, body?

Tonight's routine:
150 swim
200 kick - free up, fly back
8 50's on 1:00

100 swim, R :20
200 swim, R :30
300 swim, R :40
300 swim, R :30
200 swim, R :20
100 swim (in 1:50 tonight. Again, tired.)

150 kick
150 swim

And then I dragged myself out of the pool and collapsed in a puddle of red TYR suit in the locker room.

Sometimes You CAN Fight Genetics

In my family, we joke a lot about spilling something on ourselves whenever we eat. Someone always does.

I would like to note that I ate an entire container of tomato soup* for lunch while wearing a white shirt and I did not spill any soup on me!

I'm just going to ignore the fact that this occurence may be due, in part, to the loss of my rockin' chest through this whole weight loss endeavor.

Sigh.


*Au Bon Pain Tomato Basil Bisque. Sooo good AND reduced sodium.

I Miss Swimming Outside

In my quest for a new pool to start going to after my current pool shuts down for renovations, I found Swimmers Guide, a site with information on pools around the world. Pretty neat. Unfortunately, it confirmed what I already basically knew. There are very few pools in my area. Even fewer that will let the public use them without jumping through crazy hoops. And even fewer for someone who actually works during the day.

There are times when I truly miss living in the Southwest, where pools were abundant and so was my tan. When I moved to Chicago after graduating from college I was so distressed to discover that up north they only have indoor pools. In dank, chlorine-smelling rooms. I've kind of gotten used to the indoor pools, but that doesn't mean I like them.

At my college, swimming was a big deal, so even the student rec center had an amazing pool. It was huge - I think about 12 lanes. The best part was the filter system, which I know sounds weird, but it really was cool. All around the perimeter of the pool was a 8 inch wide grate. The pool water came up to the deck and sloshed over the edge and through the grate, where it was filtered. Now here's the cool part: it kind of sounded like ocean waves. So I would swim my laps in the warm Arizona sun, and then drip dry on a deck chair (there were about a hundred of those) with my eyes closed, imagining that I was actually at the beach.

100 laps again tonight:
150 swim
150 kick - free up, fly back

2 200's - R :30 in between, R :45 after #2
3 150's - #1 kick R: 20; #2 swim R: 20; #3 kick R: 45
5 100's on the 2:00, R :45
8 50's on the 1:00, R :45
10 25's - odds easy, evens sprint. R :10 in between each

200 swim

Plus I did some pilates and weights this morning. I'm feeling tough.

100!

100 laps tonight!

I felt great while I was doing it, but my body is feeling all fatigued now and I think I need to get to bed a litle on the early side. I modified a workout suggested by one of the people in my Swimming for Cardio team on SparkPeople. It's not a very active team for message posting, but there are some good workout ideas. I think all of those ladies could totally kick my butt in the pool.

My routine tonight:

150 swim - free
250 kick - free up, fly back

3 sets of
200, rest :30
150, rest :20
100, rest :10
50, rest :30
Set one: Build (I did the 50 in :43, which made me happy. I wasn't really swimming all out and it's been a long time since I've timed a 50 so I thought that wasn't too shabby)
Sets two and three: 200 and 150 medium, 100 sprint, 50 slow

10 25's, rest :10 - odds easy, evens sprint

200 swim

I haven't done sprints in ages and it was fun to swim all out for 25 yards.

Unreality

Just in case you thought that pictures of celebrities had anything whatsoever to do with reality.


Courtesy of Big Fat Deal.

Ego Boosting

Despite the fact that my scale is persistently adding a couple of pounds to last week's weight (hmph!), I had a good morning ego-wise. Usually I can just wear jeans to work so I haven't tried on my dress slacks in a bit. However, if I'm at my other job where I work about 8-10 hours a week, I have to be business casual Monday-Thursday. Because I've been working in such casual environments for over a year now I only have 2 pairs of slacks: the regular slacks, and the too tight Ann Taylor Loft slacks that used to fit, but haven't for awhile.

This morning I tried on the regular slacks and they are falling off of me. The only thing keeping them on is my HUGE rear end that continues to be huge and always will be huge and was even pretty huge when I was a size 7 way back when. Whatever. I'm bootylicious. I can handle that.

So I tried on the Ann Taylor slacks and they look super cute again. Hooray!

In other news, 90 laps last night. I did a routine, just to see if I could, and paid for it with a sore throat and more of a cough last night. I guess my body isn't quite up to snuff yet. Did I mention I'm a bad patient? Despite feeling every stroke in my tired arms, I did manage to do my last 100 of the set(laps 76-80) in 1:37, so I'm happy about that.

Emotional Eating

I don't usually think of myself as much of an emotional eater. Sometimes I recgonize that I soothe myself with something tasty, but mostly, I eat from boredom and wanting something to do with myself. I can be very antsy and not want to sit still and snacking gives me something to do. Since I like food and food has always been a BIG part of my family's lives, it's what my mind turns to first when I'm bored. This is one of the reasons I crochet or play on my computer while I watch TV. Despite being fidgety, I'm not one of those skinny fidgety people because I consume calories as a result of my fidgetiness.

I got some bad news recently that has taken a bit of a toll on my hopefulness and confidence career-wise. Last night I went to the grocery store and on the way there I found myself thinking about all of the things I wanted to buy. Not the fruit and veggies and healthy foods that were on my list, but the yummy glowing rotisserie chicken leg quarters and a large container of deep dark chocolate ice cream.

Because I am fairly self-aware with regard to eating and eating disorders and unhealthy patterns and such, I recognized that immediately for what it was and frankly, it kind of stunned me. Right then, in that moment, food was what was going to make me feel better. Or at least that's what my head was telling me.

Once I got to the grocery store, I admit to lingering around the chicken, but I didn't even go into the ice cream aisle. It didn't help that I was actually hungry and knew I wouldn't be eating dinner for a couple of more hours. As soon as I got home I had a healthy snack and told myself that was ALL I was getting. No Thin Mint cookies sitting ever-so-temptingly on my shelf.*

So I'm proud of myself for staying on the straight and narrow, calorie-wise, but I was a little surprised at how readily my mind turned to food for solace. I don't know why I was so surprised since when I was neck-deep in depression I also happened to weigh 235 pounds. And my family is jam-packed with crummy relationships with food. Maybe I had hoped that somehow that particular quirk had passed me by.

I'm also proud of myself for meeting up with Jason and others, going to a Mexican restaurant and getting a salad, dressing on the side. I discovered that salsa is a pretty good salad dressing, actually.


*Speaking of which, I think this is the longest Girl Scout cookies have ever lasted in my home. I bought 3 boxes a month or so ago, and I just finished my box of Samoas** and am about a third of the way through the Thin Mints. I've been good at doling them out in portions on some random day when I let myself have a treat. Plus, truth be told, Jason ate about a third of the Samoas.

**Excuse me. Caramel Delites.

Water, Baby!

I'm back in the pool as of last night, which I'm very happy about. I planned to do 60 laps since I was still snotty and coughing (and feeling oh so pretty!). Once I started going, though, I realized I was okay. It felt SO amazing to be back in the pool. Only one week out of the water and starting my first lap was like coming home. No wonder my mom calls me "Water Baby."

My goal was to do a short warm up, 5 easy 200's and a short cool down. However, I was only coughing a tiny bit in between sets and wasn't having a problem while I was actually swimming, so I just kept going. 80 laps in all.

150 swim
250 kick

200
300 (because it just felt good)
400 (because I wanted to see if I could do it. I could and my time wasn't too awful.)
200

250 kick
250 swim

So far today I've walked about 4 miles and I really need to go to the grocery store and do some laundry so I'm calling it good in the exercise department. I'm seriously running out of food. I've been eating McDonald's yogurt parfaits for breakfast the last two mornings, which aren't the worst things in the world, but I miss my Stonyfield Farms yogurt. It just tastes better. However, 320 calories and $2.10 for 2 yogurt parfaits is not too shabby, although the blueberries taste like soggy mothballs and I always pick them out. Not that I know what soggy mothballs taste like. But if I had to take a guess I would say the blueberries in the McDonaldd's yogurt parfaits are a fair estimation.

I joined a May challenge at SparkPeople and in order to get my points I have to do strength training twice a week. I am discovering that just like cardio and eating right, taking the time to do weights is something that I have to make a habit of scheduling into my day. I haven't been very diligent with that, so hopefully this challenge will motivate me. I mean, those are 2 easy points that I would just feel silly not getting. My plan is to get up early two mornings and do it before work. I am not a morning person and know there will be some wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Woo Hoo

Apparently being sick agrees with me. I'm down 3 pounds this week!

Just As I Really Get Going

90 laps on Saturday:

200 swim
200 kick - free up, fly back

100 free, rest :30
200 free, rest :35
300 free, rest :40
400 free, rest :45
300 free, rest :35
200 free, rest :25
100 free (in 1:40)

150 kick - free up, fly back
100 swim

After a great week last week exercise-wise, I have a cold this week. I did get out yesterday while the weather was beautiful and walked a few miles down by the river. Today, though, I feel worse and am just sitting around in my PJ's, working from home. I'm glad I have that luxury.

I'm hoping that tomorrow maybe I can either walk a couple of miles again or even go to the pool for a short swim. I hate being sick, but everyone else around me has been sick so why should I be any different? Today is supposed to be my super high-calorie day with the calorie cycling, but I'm just going to hit the bottom of my range (around 1400) and call it good.

So today I'm feeling kind of annoyed to not be able to swim and a little stir-crazy. Sometimes it's nice to have a lazy day at home, but only when it's voluntary.

Magical Elixir

Seriously, could someone bottle endorphins? Or hook me up to an endorphin IV? Or give me a little vial and an endorphin junkie syringe? Because after my swim tonight I was BUZZing. I felt strong and powerful and like I wasn't going to take any crap from no one, not nohow.

I've since calmed down.

I found this great swim workout site. Since all of the workouts are a little above my abilities, I modified one tonight to get 2250 yards, or 90 laps.

200 swim
200 kick - 50 back;150 free up, fly back

1 200
3 150's - 150 kick free up, fly back; 150 swim; 150 kick free up, fly back
5 100's on the 2:00
rest 1:00
7 50's on the 1:00
rest 2:00
8 25's - fly for 1, 4 and 7 (and I just have to say by that 7th 25 it was a miracle that I could get my arms out of the water. I was probably flopping around just a bit. Or maybe a lot.)

150 swim


Tonight my arm is a little sore from all of this swimming. I've iced it, but I'm taking tomorrow off from the swimming and just letting it rest. Then it's back to the pool on Saturday afternoon.

My roommate and I had a little debate tonight about the term "lap." In my world, lap is one length of the pool. In her world lap equals a complete back and forth and length equals one length of the pool. Which I guess when I think about it makes sense since a lap around a track is a complete circle so a lap around the pool should be the complete circle too, right? But I swear my coaches called the 25 yard stretch a "lap."

Oh, the exciting things we talk about in my house.

Wednesday Swim

90 laps last night.

I have been really making an effort to mix up my workouts lately. Last night I did the following (inspired by Heather at Funnymoods, who is way more hardcore than me seeing as how she's training for a triathlon, but is a good resource for workout ideas):

200 free
200 kick - 150 free up, fly back; 50 backstroke

100 free, rest :30
200 free, rest :35
300 free, rest :40
400 free, rest :45
300 free, rest :40
200 free, rest :30
100 free

200 kick - 150 free up, fly back; 50 backstroke

The thing that I think I'm most proud of is, well, that I did it, but also that I managed to do the last 100 in the set at 1:40. So even though I was pretty pooped, I kept my speed up to a decent* level.

I'm trying to decide if I'm going to walk home from work today or hit the pool again. On the one hand, I know it's good to mix it up and keep it interesting for my body, plus my legs are pretty sore today and may be useless in the pool. On the other hand, I feel like I should take advantage of the pool while I can. I found out Tuesday that the last day it's open is May 24th now, rather than the 6th, so I'll have a couple more weeks before I have to join a gym.

* Sometimes it kind of depresses me that my idea of a decent speed now has absolutely no relation to what a decent speed was when I competed. However, I have to remind myself that I'm heavier, I'm older, and I haven't competed in a long time. I really look forward to shedding 32 more pounds and totally zooming through the water. At one end of the pool they have posted the records set by various members of the high school swim team that swims there and it's really good inspiration.

Cheesecake!

Monday I did strength training because the pool was closed. Soreness. Then yesterday I wound up walking about 4 miles over the course of the day. Then last night I went swimming, but I was kind of dragging and I only swam 70 laps. When I told my roommate that, she laughed at my "only" 70 laps. Well, it's disappointing to me because last week I did 2 days of 100 laps. I'm going again tonight so hopefully I'll do better.

I ate some cheesecake last night. Shhh. Don't tell. Yesterday was my high cal day and I totally saved up. Jason had a gift card to the Cheesecake Factory so I got the Santa Fe Salad with no tortilla strips and the dressing on the side (which I barely used) and then splurged with half a piece of Godiva chocolate cheesecake.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Heaven.

If you frequent the CCF, then I'm going to tell you right now that you do NOT want to know how many calories are in a piece of their cheesecake. If you are a masochist, however, you can find calorie counts at Calorie King.

The thing that surprised me is that desserts like the Apple Dumpling and the Blackout Cake are actually much worse calorie-wise than the majority of their cheesecakes. I would think, you know, CHEESE cake. Wouldn't that be just about the worst thing you could eat? Apparently not.

A Little Glitch in the Plan

I just found out today that the pool I swim at is closing for renovations on May 6! To be honest, it really, really needs the renovations, but that's a good 2 months before any of the public outdoor pools open for the summer.

So I think I may be joining a gym. To me, the money is worth it at this point because I don't want to get off track. I'm in my swimming zone/weight loss zone. Plus, knowing I've already paid for the month will be a good motivator to get me to the pool. And as another plus, the gym will be open much more flexible hours than the community pool, which is open for lap swimming only a couple of hours a day. That means I can fit the gym around my schedule instead of the other way around, which is what I've been doing for the past few months.

I am really going to miss the convenience, though. The community pool is only a block from my house and I just trot on over there. Depending on which club I decide to go with I'll either be taking a couple of trains to get there or driving 20 minutes. While typing that I'm pretty sure I just decided to do the one where I drive for 20 minutes. Plus, the suburban clubs are sometimes a teensy bit cheaper than the clubs in the city.

For the last plus, it will also give me the flexibility to hop on the elliptical if I just don't feel like getting in the pool one day and I want to mix it up a little.

There seem to be a lot of pluses to this plan. Hopefully the monthly rate won't be too obscene.

It's A Good Pain

I have one word for you: Lunges.

My bum hurts.

In other news, I'm down 3.2 pounds from my official weigh-in last Thursday! Looks like my additional muscle has finally decided to start proving itself and getting rid of some of that pesky fat.

Tuesday: 1787 calories; 100 laps

I kicked my butt last night in the pool, in the name of losing 15 pounds by Memorial Day. I've been getting a little complacent with my workouts so I am working on mixing up my routine. Usually I do my warm up, long set, kicking, cool down. Last night I got in some backstroke, although the pool has been packed lately and swimming backstroke while sharing a lane isn't the most fun thing in the world. I wanted to do some butterfly, but again, sharing a lane. My arms pretty much span the lane so there's really no way to do butterfly unless I have my own. This was my routine last night:

Warm up:
250 swim - free
300 kick - free up, fly back
Swim:
4 50's - backstroke
250 kick - free up, fly back
400 - free
5 50's kick - 3 backstroke, 2 free up, fly back
6 100's - free, moderately fast, 20 seconds rest
Cool down:
250 swim - free

I did a little butterfly on Saturday and was fine, but last night when I did backstroke I discovered something. It hurts. My left arm is fine now when I do free, but last night it popped and hurt during my follow through on the backstroke stroke. I've never had a problem with back before, so this is new. I had planned to do 6 50's back last night, but after 4 my arm just couldn't do anymore. I iced it when I got home. Maybe I just need to work back up to it since it's been awhile. Hopefully the problem will go away like it did for free.

Mixing it up and doing fast sets made me feel strong and exhilerated after my workout, instead of exhausted.

I put a chart above my stats showing my current calorie cyclying...um...cycle. As you can see, yesterday I ate 1787 calories, which, if you don't know, is an OBSCENE amount of food, especially when you're eating healthy and your food doesn't have a lot of calories. I found myself looking around the kitchen last night thinking, "Okaaaay...what can I eat now?"

My official weigh in isn't until Friday morning, but as of this morning I'm down another pound at 193.4. Woot! Apparently eating piles of food is working. Who knew?

Just Plugging Away

I'm just doing it. The eating well, the exercising. It's happening. Every day it is kind of a struggle. I feel all proud of myself and disciplined, but know that it's a slippery slope full of chicken McNuggets and ice cream back to eating whatever I want again.

I have some accountability now - aside from this blog. I joined a SparkPeople challenge to lose 15 pounds by Memorial Day. We all have a buddy to check our food and exercise logs and email us motivation. I think it's funny that my buddy is named "Kerry." I'm an only child and to compensate I invented a whole slew of imaginary brothers and sisters when I was very small, including an identical twin sister named Kerry. SparkPeople Kerry doesn't look a thing like me, and she would probably think I was completely nuts and not want to be my challenge buddy anymore if I told her that little tidbit, but I like knowing it.

While I've been losing inches like crazy, the weight hasn't been exactly falling off. 8 pounds in 2 months. But 12.3 inches. I always have to throw in that "but" to explain to myself why my small jeans fit me now. So this whole 15 pounds in the next 6 weeks or so is pretty daunting. I have a few thoughts up my sleeve:

1) The firm belief that my increased muscle will finally kick in and start burning more calories like lean muscle is supposed to do.

2) My little 5 pound weights are coming out from under my bed. I've been great with the cardio, but have totally slacked on the strength training. I can work my arms while I'm watching TV and if my hours with Denise Austin (courtesy of the Lifetime channel and my Tivo) taught me nothing, it's always best to multitask. Work your triceps while in a squat. Do bicep curls while you lunge around the room. My theory: more lean muscle = MORE calories burned.

3) My weekends off have now become just Sundays off and I'm still going to be very mindful of what I'm eating on Sundays.

If I don't make 15 pounds, I'm not going to flip out, but it's nice to have a goal. And to have buddy accountability.

If I do lose the 15, that would take me down to 180. Whoa. Um, I can't really remember when I was that weight. Junior year of college? Maybe? Ooo, now I really want it!

Control Freak

I am really getting boring with this whole weight loss thing. Last night I bored my roommate and my boyfriend to death talking about my new favorite website and how cool all the tools are and how I love keeping track of all of this stuff.

I don't know what it is. I think eating healthy and exercising and monitoring it all very closely with a very specific plan in mind gives me a much needed sense of control. Over the past couple of years I have become much less crazed about having a plan for everything. A year and a half ago I moved to DC with a clear plan in mind about how I was going to network and search and pound the pavement and do what it took to find a job in health care law and/or policy.

However, meeting my boyfriend a few days before I left Boston threw a whole wrench in the works. I spent the next several months doing a long-distance relationship and trying to figure out if I was moving back to Boston or staying in DC. My nicely laid plans for the future that I smugly thought I had figured out back when I decided to move to DC were suddenly all out the window.

Add to that the stresses of a long-distance relationship and feeling like I didn't know what exactly our status was with regard to the future and then not being able to find ANY sort of work in DC for the first several weeks I was there. I felt out of control.

I stopped keeping track of anything. I started popping over to the nearby McDonald's for McNuggets and Wendy's for a Frosty on a regular basis. One I started doing contract work, exhaustion set in as I crammed in the mandatory minimum 60 hours of work in 4-5 days so that I could spend every other weekend with Jason. Somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered that the only way I get through extreme physicial stress is by regular workouts. So I joined a gym and went almost every day, which helped. I didn't lose any weight, but I maintained, which I think is pretty miraculous in a job where you sit for 12-15 hours a day.

Eventually I decided to move back to Boston and I finally realized it was okay to not have a plan. That was a major lesson I learned in DC. I have always had a plan and for the first time in my life I realized I had NO idea what was going to happen in any aspect of my life. And I was shocked to discover that I could live with that.

I moved back to Boston with the promise of another contract job and a hope that networking with the attorneys I knew here would find me something at least kind of related to what I wanted to do with my life. I hoped that my relationship would eventually get to the point where we would get married.

Now I'm sort of in a holding pattern. I think there are things on the horizon, both career and relationship-wise, but I can't really be sure. I have no control over the job thing because the market is saturated with attorneys and I am completely dependent on whether someone likes my resume enough to actually talk to me. I have little control over the relationship because, while I could leave, I don't really want to, and there is another person involved, who also has his own choices to make and freedom to do what he wants. You can't really have absolute control when someone else's emotions and desires come into play in an equal amount to yours.

Sometimes I feel like I took a giant step backward, heightened by the fact that I'm living in the same apartment I lived in right before I left Boston. Sometimes I am thrilled to be here and to have great roommates and a boyfriend who loves me. I like Boston in a way I never did before, appreciating its character and charm.

At the beginning of this year I set a goal to get healthy again, having gained back 20 of the 15 pounds I lost in 2005 (yes, that's 5 more than I lost). Keeping meticulous track of food and calories burned, and commiserating with others who are also working on weight loss, helps me to stay in control of my body when I am in control of absolutely nothing else in my life.

I think the fact that I am satiated by the diet control and am not experiencing panic attacks where my throat feels like it is closing and I can hardly breathe because I have NO IDEA where my life is headed, is a major improvement over a year and a half ago. I don't feel like the world is going to end anymore because I lack a sense of omniscience. Instead, I can be okay with not knowing.

However, apparently I'm becoming a bore.

Weighing In

Up 1.2 pounds. Boo. However, last week was kind of a no holds barred vacation in Florida so I suppose I should be happy I'm not up more considering how much fried food I ate.

However, down another inch. So, you know, building muscle is a good thing.

I just upped my calories on SparkPeople because I had really underestimated how many calories I burned per week. It seems illogical to think that increasing calories is going to add to weight loss, but if I'm not eating enough my body thinks I'm starving and holds onto the weight. Fervently. The summer I lost 15 pounds I was eating a lot of food, now that I think about it, but I was swimming and walking a lot too.

Be Nice and Share

Tonight I discovered that I'm not as selfish as I thought. I can, in fact, share a lane at the pool without wanting to hurt the person I'm sharing with.

My one criterion is that the person actually know what he or she is doing with regard to swimming. Also, it's nice if we swim at a similar pace. Someone who consistently barrels by me makes me feel kind of like a slug and usually creates a lot of wake.

Monday: 80 laps
Tuesday: 90 laps

Wednesday

80 laps tonight, 32 in 13:15. She's back!

Actually, I think my good time is due more to my new swimsuit than to some vastly improved swimming technique. I had a new sassy red TYR suit that reminded me how awesome it is to be streamlined. My one complaint about the suit is that there is no give AT ALL in the straps. I kind of feel like it's trying to fold me in half the way the straps pull down on my shoulders. I haven't had a real competition suit in awhile so I'm going to hope that's how they all start out and that the fabric will eventually start to ease up a little as the chemicals react on it.

But, boy, did I feel fast tonight.

If you swim laps, I urge you to stay away from the Club Swim brand. I bought the black one with the red piping. Cute, right? Yeah, it was cute, but the elastic around the bum wasn't that great from day one and the suit was constantly riding up. I admit to having a long torso, but this was kind of ridiculous.

Additionally, the chlorine ate through the elastic in a very short amount of time. I think I just got the suit a month or so ago and I had to throw it out on Monday night. Thank goodness for lining, because otherwise I would have been showing the entire pool all my bits and pieces when I got out of the water on Monday night. The suit had felt kind of loose while I swam, but it wasn't until I got out that I realized the elastic had fallen apart all over the entire suit. So much for Club Swim.

In other news, my arm didn't hurt at all tonight and only popped a tiny bit at the beginning of my workout. I iced it afterwards anyway. Better safe than sorry.

Food: +1410 calories
Exercise: -992 calories

I'm trying to do this calorie cycling thing where I eat at the top range of my calories for a few days and then do one day at the low range and repeat. It's supposed to get your metabolism used to running on the high range so when you eat in the low range you actually lose weight. My range is 1360-1710.

I really honestly tried today to get up near 1700 calories, but 1410 was the best I could do. A) I wasn't very hungry today in general, and B) I don't know if you know, but 1700 calories is a lot of food, especially since I don't want to just eat a lot of crap solely to get my calories up. That seems like the wrong way to do it somehow.

Swimming!

I was able to go swimming tonight. Hooray! After a week of taking anti-inflammatories regularly (ie, when I remembered), I swam without really hurting my arm. There was some popping going on, and after I was done, my arm felt stiff. However, I'm icing it now, and I think I should be A-OK.

I'm so relieved. This looks like a relatively minor problem after all. I had these scary visions last week of never really being able to swim again. Because I can be a little fatalistic like that.

My times were way off, but I was trying to take it easy.

Calories today:
Food: +1388
Exercise: -1055

Get It Done

It feels different this time, this whole losing weight thing. The last time I got healthy, I had a very specific goal: get through the Bar exam. I swam so that I wouldn't feel completely overwhelmed by the stress. And it showed. The closer the Bar got, the faster I got. I liked keeping track of what I was eating and feeling good about the food I put into my body because it gave me a sense of control at a time when I really had no control over my future. All I could do was study, study study. Would it be enough? It never felt like it would be enough.

After the Bar, all bets were off. I went to California for 2 weeks to visit friends, determined to get back in gear once I got back. But it was too easy to not do anything about staying healthy. I started a long-distance relationship and spent time shuttling between DC and Boston. I was depressed because I couldn't find work. The weight kept coming off for another few weeks because my metabolism was still flying, so I thought I would be ok.

Then it started coming back on. I gained it all back and then some, which is what usually happens.

I didn't really think it would take me 1 year and 5 months to get back on the ball. Now that I am, I feel really good about myself and confident that this time, finally, I will get back to a normal weight. The weight where my a** isn't so huge that the only place I can buy pants without them tugging into those oh-so-attractive whiskers at my upper thigh is Lane Bryant.

This time my goal isn't to make it to an event with a distinct date. My goal is to lose 37 pounds (35.8 now) and live more healthy in general. I've set my next birthday in October as a date to shoot for, but, you know, if the weight was gone before then, I wouldn't complain.

Already I feel better about myself in general. The weight is coming off slowly (which I realize is healthy), but just knowing I'm doing this right, and feeling so energized gives me a more positive outlook. I can do this.

Thursday

Weighed and measured tonight: down 1.2 pounds and 1.2 inches.

No exercise for today except for cleaning. The apartment really needed to be cleaned and my roommate and I did it. Now I just need to work on my bedroom...

1315 calories today.

Pressing Forward

After talking with a few people yesterday, it's really starting to sound like the problem with my arm is tendonitis. I'm taking an anti-inflammatory and I'm going to ice it when I get home from work tonight. I just find this really annoying and I feel OLD. I turn 30 and my body starts falling apart.

On the positive side, I did walk home yesterday and I'm going to walk home again today. According to SparkPeople my walking has me burning 489 calories a day. It's no 880 calories like I was getting from my swimming, but it will do while I'm resting my arm. The scale this morning told me I'm still going down, so if I can just exercise and control the calories, I'll be fine. I'm staying within my SparkPeople calories and working out way more than they're telling me to. I only need to burn 1400 calories per week to meet my goal and, including today's walk home, I already have 1858 calories burned in the first three days of the week.

I feel very lucky that the walking is even an option. When I lived in DC, I could never have just decided to walk home from work if for some reason I couldn't get to the gym, but here in Boston it works. And yesterday early evening was beautiful! I hated Daylight Savings Time on Sunday morning, but walking home in the fading sunlight is much better than darkness.

Anyway, I'm not going to list out everything I eat anymore, I'll just note my exercise and the calories I consume.

Tuesday:
Exercise: Walked about 4 miles, -489 calories
Food Calories: +1500 (I was under my calorie count for the day and then I had a glass of juice and that shot me right up. It's amazing how many calories are in a teeny glass of juice)

I Have No Idea What's Wrong With My Arm

My arm is still hurting today. I think I pushed it too hard last night by doing the 90 laps. I was going to go swimming tonight, but now I'm thinking I should just walk home from work for exercise.

I've been doing research online this morning, and I can't figure out what's wrong. There are two distinct arm injuries common to swimmers, and I don't seem to have either of them. Swimmers Shoulder is caused by overuse and poor technique. Also by breathing on one side exclusively. The pain is in the shoulder and radiates to the clavicle. While I do breathe exclusively on my right side (I need to work on that), the pain isn't in my shoulder. I've also been told I have good technique so I don't think my technique is straining my arm.

The other possibility is Swimmers Elbow (like tennis elbow), which is caused by overuse. However, from what I can tell on the sites, the pain of that is mostly in the lower arm and affects the ability to grip things. That isn't my problem either.

The pain I'm having is in the exterior muscle of the upper arm, down near my elbow. It only hurts when I swim, although it's sore today because of my workout last night.

I've never had this issue before and I've been swimming for years. When I started back several weeks ago, I progressed slowly through 40, then 50, 60, 70, 80 and now 90 laps per workout session. I used to swim 120 laps at times and was hoping to get back up to that. This is just really frustrating.

Pushing Through the Pain

I'm hardcore, yo.

I went swimming tonight and 2 laps in my arm started hurting again like last Wednesday. It was a tiny bit sore on Thursday, but didn't hurt at all on Friday, Saturday, Sunday or today. There is something about a freestyle stroke that the muscle just isn't liking.

But I still did 90 laps. The further along I got, either it started hurting less, or the endorphins dulled the pain. I'm inclined to think it was all endorphins because when I got out and went into the locker room and wound down a little, suddenly it hurt to lift things with that arm. I'm not trying to hurt myself worse, but I'm in a swimming groove, and I can't lose it. After my shower I put some Tiger Balm* on the muscle, and that seems to be helping. Of course, now I smell like a medicine cabinet. Good thing my neighbor at work is on vacation this week.

So 90 laps, 32 in 14:10 (boo! I'm blaming my sore arm)


* The tiger growls on the website. Just a warning.

The Plan

I have a new plan that I really think I can live with. It's called "Weekends Off." Actually the last plan I was on at ediets let me take one day off a week, so it's a similar idea, just with another day. Basically I eat well all week long and then don't kill myself about it over the weekend. I mean, I'm not going to actively seek out the bad stuff and I'm going to be reasonable about it. For instance, at the bridal shower on Saturday I had a sliver of cheesecake and a small brownie, instead of the full size cheesecake slab that was my former inclination.

Sunday was not as great. The actual food I ate was healthy, mostly some rotisserie chicken I pulled the skin off of and tabbouleh with whole wheat flatbread, but I had a few little treats, prompted partly by commiserating with one of my roommates who was sad. However, I only had maybe 6 of the dark chocolate Cadbury mini eggs I bought, savoring them in a way that I haven't really done with treats in the past. I've been really good at the whole plunking down on the sofa with a bag of something fatty or sweet and nibbling away without really noticing. Parceling out 6 little eggs and putting the rest of the bag away makes me treasure those 6 eggs.

I weighed myself this morning and I'm fine. So I think this may work. Today I'm eating healthy and tonight I'll be swimming my bum off.

I'm going to make a salad for dinner tonight based on what's left of my vegetable stash in the fridge, plus a couple of Costco purchases, that I think sounds divine: Spinach, broccoli sprouts, celery, salmon and tabbouleh. I would like to add some beans - black or garbanzo - but I don't have any in my cupboards and will make do with what I have.

B: Peanut butter Kashi Go Lean bar, 290 cal. I was running errands and just grabbed it on my way out the door. Very handy.
L: Wendy's Mandarin Chicken Salad. Here is why SparkPeople is my new favorite site. Not only do they have the salad listed, but they have the salad and the extra almonds, crispy rice noodles and dressing each listed separately. Brilliant! That little packet of almonds is really 190 calories? Yikes! So with my rationing of almonds and dressing, my salad was 390 cal. After doing the detox diet, I find that I need very little salad dressing anymore. The veggies, fruit and chicken taste good enough by themselves.
S: 1 1/2 slices of my roommate's oatmeal bread, about 105 cal.; medium pear, 98 cal; 15 baby carrots, 57 cal.
D: Spinach/salmon/tabbouleh salad, about 259 cal.

As of right now, my calories are on the low side. For my goal of having lost 37 more pounds by my birthday in October, I should be eating 1370-1720 calories a day and I'm at 1198. Maybe I'll have some popcorn for a snack later.

SparkPeople also says I only need to burn 1400 calories a week via exercise, but last week I burned 3384. If I keep it up, hopefully I'll make my goal before my birthday.

Friday

I got Chinese food last night and got hot and sour soup and an entree of steamed chicken with ginger and scallions. That's right, I ordered from the steamed menu, even though the beef with broccoli sounded so, so good. But I have no control over the sauces and I'm trying to stay on this losing trend. After walking the 3.2 miles home last night in cold, COLD weather, I was going to get a salad at the little place on the corner near my house, but it's closed due to a fire. That's a shame for them - and for me. I really wanted that salad...

I had planned on the salad so I had nothing thawed for dinner and was pooped anyway from battling the elements so I turned to the Chinese menu. The steamed stuff was okay. I added some salt to it, actually. I could make something better at home, and have control over what exactly goes into it, which is probably the smartest thing to do.

I discovered the coolest website today thanks to Nicole: Sparkpeople. It's a free site where you can keep track of your exercising and your diet for each day and they have a pretty extensive database to help you figure out calories burned and calories in your food and everything else. I spent, um, a lot of time on it this afternoon. It's just so fun and they have some interesting articles.

When I'm in this exercising/eating right/losing weight mode, I become extremely interested in all things weight loss related and pour over other people's before and after shots. I think it's all fascinating right now.


B: Salt Bagel 320 cal.; lite cream cheese about 80 cal.
L: Hot and sour soup. I really have no idea on the calorie count. At Calorie King they only list specific brands. P.F. Changs is 650 calories for a bowl, while Panda Express is 110 calories for 12 oz, which is about how much I have. I'm flying blind with that one.
S: Banana about 90 cal.
D: Cheesecake Factory with friends! After scoping out the menu beforehand, I decided to get the Santa Fe Salad, consisting of Lime-Marinated Chicken, Fresh Corn, Black Beans, Cheese, Tortilla Strips, Tomato and Mixed Lettuces, without the tortilla strips and plus avocado. Dressing on the side. I'm starting to feel like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally with all my substitutions and on the sides. It was awesome. Seriously, with all that yummy stuff on the salad, I hardly put any dressing on at all. I used Sparkpeople (see above) to get a basic idea on the calorie count of all the salad ingredients and I think it wound up being about 511 cal. Actually, I think I credited too many calories for the chicken, so maybe 60 calories less than that. Not too shabby for dinner out.

*Squeal*

OK, so last night was weighing and measuring night. This past week I lost 2 pounds AND 2.5 inches! This brings my 5 week total to minus 5.2 pounds, BUT minus 5.8 inches! In 5 weeks! Crazy. My body really likes the swimming.

I was a little elated when I figured that out. This morning just for kicks I tried on my 2 pairs of too tight jeans and not only could I get them both buttoned and zippered, but there was a minimal amount of muffin top. They're still a little too bum-clinging to wear, but it's only a matter of time. I'm just really excited! My boyfriend told me that he was really proud of me and proud of all the hard work I've been doing, which was very sweet.

The one sad part: the loss of my ample chest. Sigh. I figured that would probably happen, but I was hoping they wouldn't decrease THAT much. I think of those 5.8 inches, probably 3 of them were in my bust. Oh well. I am still bootylicious, and always will be.

Real Food = A Little Scary

Today is the first day off of the Detox Diet, which means A) I can eat grains and dairy, and B) I need to start keeping actual track of my food again. I made a little spreadsheet for the detox so that I could make sure I got something from all of the categories each day because there are many categories and I can't keep that all in my head. However, I didn't write down everything that went into my mouth because my main goal of the last week and a half was to stay on the diet and yet somehow not keel over from the hunger pangs. Quite a feat.

My inaugural grain this morning was a Kashi blueberry waffle. Yum! Although I plan to give myself the treat of a bagel sometime in the next week or so, I'm determined to keep losing weight and keep eating well. Seeing the pounds go down feels WAY too good to give up. I've said it so many times before: I know how to do this, it's just sticking to it in the face of eating out with the boyfriend and little treats at friends' houses and on and on and on. As much as I may want to rage against the genetics that gave me my crappy metabolism, I need to just suck it up and realize I do have to be strict with my diet and I do have to exercise as much as I possibly can.

But really, I feel so powerful both physically and mentally when I'm eating healthy and exercising. It's a good feeling.

So I'm going to be honest. As of a month and a half ago, I had packed on a few more pounds than I let on. My official weigh-in is tonight, but last night I stepped on the scale just to see, and the real story is that from my top weight back in January, I have now lost 11.2 pounds. I just didn't want to admit to myself (or anyone else for that matter), how much I had actually put back on due to sheer laziness and not caring what went in my mouth. But 11.2 is actually a pretty good number, so I'm going to own up to my foibles and my triumphs.


B: Kashi blueberry waffle 85 cal.; Stonyfield Farms FF raspberry yogurt 130 cal.
S: Pear 96 cal.
L: Yummy chicken and veg medley I made last night. Um, maybe about 180 cal. for the chicken. The vegetables don't really have a lot of calories. I'll say 150-200 cal. to be safe, but based on the calorie look ups I just did for the individual veggies, I doubt it's that much.
S: Banana 100 cal.; Large Orange 86 cal.

I'm So Mad At My Left Arm Right Now

90 laps last night; 32 in 13:20.

60 laps tonight.

60.

Grrrr.

About 2 1/2 laps into my workout, my left upper arm started hurting. It was sort of this stabby pain right in the middle of my tricep. I kept going, thinking it was a muscle cramp and I could work it out. I stopped after 4 laps, the stabby pain having gone to sort of this all around awful feeling in the upper arm, with the muscle feeling a little bit like it was tying itself into knots. So I tried kicking for 10 laps and then went back to swimming. 3 laps later I was at the wrong end of the pool from my kickboard and water bottle, clutching my arm and grimacing.

Over the course of the next forty-five minutes or so I managed to get 3 more laps in, bringing my grand total of swimming tonight to 10. The other 50 laps were kicking, so at least my legs got a heck of a workout.

My left arm has always been a little wonky at the beginning of my workouts. When I pull the stroke through, something clicks and it kind of twinges a little, but it stops after the first 5 or 6 laps. Today the clicking was there, but the pain was so much worse than the previous twinges and it wouldn't go away.

It didn't hurt last night after my workout, it didn't hurt today. I don't know what's going on, but I hope my body shapes up fast. I'm totally in my swimming groove and I don't want to lose it all. I'm going to walk the 3.2 miles home from work tomorrow and try again with the swimming either Friday or Saturday. Hopefully this is just a temporary setback.

UPDATE: My roommate who knows a little bit about physiology checked out my arm and diagnosed a big muscle knot. She said since the pain was localized, it was muscle-related, whereas if the pain radiated, it would be something more serious. She found the knot and worked on it a little bit, but I think I'll just hold off on swimming for a few days because it's still a little sore and I would rather baby the muscle for a little bit, than just make it worse and not be able to swim for a week or something. Sigh.

Maybe I'm Detoxed, Maybe I'm Just Hungry

I am sort of dubious as to the detox value of this diet. I don't feel particularly detoxed. Maybe the physical rollercoaster I was on last week was my body detoxifying, but it may have also just been hunger. One day I would be up and energetic and the next day I would feel vaguely like passing out all day. Then Friday I got a migraine that sent me home from work early. I broke the rules of the diet and took some Excedrin because I had plans and I wasn't going to just sit there feeling like I was going to throw up and not do anything about it. My stomach was so queasy that I just lay on the couch with an ice pack on my head, sipping some juice, willing the Excedrin to kick in.

If that was a side effect of the diet, I'm not a fan.

Also, there are testimonials galore concerning the weight loss on the actual day of the fast, but I didn't lose any weight. In fact, I've gained back a couple of pounds that came off last week. I guess my body is now adjusted to the fruits, veggies and protein and is back into packing it on mode, which seems to be its natural state. I have a feeling once I start eating carbs again, I'm going to gain back any weight I lost last week.

So, Fast Track Detox Diet by Ann Louise Gittleman: Meh.

I will give her credit for reminding me about being hyper aware of nutrition labels. Also, the limited diet has made me super creative because if I had to eat the exact same thing every day I would get really bored. For instance, last night I made a dish that I think I'll call "...and the Kitchen Sink Too." I basically pulled out all the containers of veggies that I prepped last week and threw it all in a pan with some chicken. Onions, garlic, canned plum tomatoes (organic, of course, from Trader Joe's), celery, yellow squash, zucchini, baby bella mushrooms, bean sprouts and daikon. I planned to put in broccoli too, but I forgot. It turned out really well and I have some for my lunch today.

80 laps yesterday; 32 in 13:25. Tt first I thought it was 14:25 because it's really hard to read that little clock and I figured that the 13:15 last week was just a crazy one off, but I kept checking the clock as I did my next set of kicking and sure enough, it was 13:25. Woo hoo! Especially considering last night was one of those nights when I felt like I was swimming through pea soup. I think the water in the pool was a little too warm and a little too high for the lane lines to absorb all the wake. I was definitely absorbing some wake from the guy in the next lane.

Oh, and just a little consumer warning for anyone else who swims laps. My favorite place to buy equipment and suits is Swim Outlet because their prices are super cheap. I mean, comparatively. In a world where your standard TYR suit is $69, cheap is relative. Anyway, they sell a line of products called Club Swim, which I've never heard of, but they have suits that looks just like TYR and Speedo for only $20 or so. I figured I would give it a shot. Well, the suit looks great and is lined and is actually big enough for my bum (which is amazing for a competition suit).

However, last night I realized why the suit was only $20. When I was rinsing it out, I noticed that there are already several spots where the chlorine has eaten through the elastic, which, if you don't know, renders those spots completely see through. I'm getting more comfortable with prancing around on the deck of the community pool on my way in and out of the water, but I'm not THAT comfortable. I've only had the suit for a little more than a month or so. I would complain to the company, but, really, it's a $20 suit.

Let's Hear It for Friday

I've decided I like this home body fat test, mostly because it tells me that based on my measurements my body fat is actually much less than the BMI people would have me believe. That's what I've been trying to tell everyone!

As of last night I'm down another couple of pounds and .8 inches. Yay. Actually last night I was very enthusiastic about it, but I'm having another spacey day today on the Detox Diet and can't seem to muster up another exclamation point.

I will tell you some good things I've noticed:

1) I didn't look half bad in some of the suits I tried on yesterday, although I'm still teetering precariously on that ledge between misses and women's sizes. I wound up with a skirt with a W after it and a jacket from misses.

2) My used to be loose, but have been tight for quite some time jeans are finally getting loose-ish again.

3) I think I can feel myself getting smaller, bit by bit.

4) The tops of my hands, where the fingers join the palms, have gone from being dimpled to flat and ligamenty. I realize this isn't a scientific observation, but it's a way I gauge my progress.

As God Is My Witness, I May Never Eat Carbs or Dairy Again

I don't know how detoxed I'm getting, but tonight I did some preliminary weighing and measuring (Thursday is my official night), and I've lost 2.4 pounds since Monday and also definitely lost an inch or two since last Thursday. I'll find out the official numbers tomorrow.

Also, I rocked it in the pool. Since starting back with the swimming my best time has been 32 in 14:20. Tonight I did 32 in 13:15. What? That's just crazy. I mean, I'm happy, but it's crazy.

Good News/Bad News

I have an interview. Yay!

I now HAVE to buy a new suit. Boo!

It's impossible for me to find a suit that fits. Here's hoping and praying that this suit searching expedition goes better than all the others. My suit is old and shoddy and the jacket is slightly lighter than the skirt thanks to having been left in my car (Whoops!). As you can see, I HAVE to get a new suit.


70 laps last night. I think I did 32 in 14:20, but I'm not sure because I couldn't really see the clock and my contacts go a little wonky when I have the goggles on for a long time.

I'm not keeping track of food really because of the detox plan. Just know that so far today I have had a LOT of vegetables, several fruits and a couple of chicken breasts.

So, So Hungry...

Last night I sort of had two dinners. First I had some salmon with steamed broccoli. Then a couple of hours later I had some chicken and 2 clementines. I was so hungry. Stomach growling and hurting hungry. I am a big fan of fruits and vegetables, but substantively, there's just not a lot there. The salad I just ate for lunch probably had a grand total of 52 calories before I put the chicken on top.

And I didn't go swimming last night because by the time I got home from work I was completely famished. I am bound and determined to go tonight though.

So today I've tried to modify my food a little. I brought more protein to work to eat throughout the day and I brought some more fruit. Plus, C, the co-worker I'm doing this with, thinks she found a smoothie place where we can adjust the smoothies to the point of fitting into the diet. I hope it works out because I'm really looking forward to a smoothie break in another hour or two.

Detoxification

A friend at work and I are doing a Detox Diet together. I think calling it a "diet" is misleading, since the goal really isn't to lose a lot of weight, despite the tabloid-esque statements on the book's cover.

My friend was looking to do a detox and bought this book a few weeks ago. After she read it, she loaned it to me and I thought I might like to try it, so we decided to do it together, for camaraderie and motivation. The program has a 7-day prequel, a 1-day "fast", and a 3-day sequel.

I put "fast" in quotes because the plan has you make a cranberry drink and you alternate 8-12 oz of the cranberry drink with 8 oz of water every hour. In my church we're supposed to fast the first Sunday of every month, for either 2 meals or 24 hours, depending on the individual. And they're not kidding with the word "fast". No water, no food, nothing. After growing up doing that once a month (when I remember), I think I'll be okay with this cranberry drink fast.

The author's blather kind of gets on my nerves. When I looked at her picture, my immediate thought was, "She looks perky." Her picture fits the tone of the book. But if you get past the perkiness and some of her crazy extremeness, I think there are some good things underneath it. Plus, the plan is only for 11 days, and my friend and I already determinined if we feel bad, we'll stop. I managed to condense the entire plan into a 3 page outline that I used for shopping.

During the 7-day prequel and the 3-day sequel you basically eat fruits, vegetables and protein. No bread or dairy products. There are certain amounts of categories of food that you're supposed to get a minimum of. My favorite category is "liver-loving." Just say it out loud. You're also supposed to drink at least half of your body weight in ounces of water. I've had 80 oz today. Here's what I've eaten so far:

B: 2 eggs cooked in olive oil
L: Spinach salad with celery, mung bean sprouts, cucumbers and a little dressing I invented with olive oil, lemon juice, garlic and oregano. The oregano isn't on the list, but it's just a little shake and she seems okay with herbs. Apple.
S: Pear, carrots and celery, 1 1/2 C. chicken broth and I may tackle the orange on my desk.

Looking at the list of things I've already eaten as my Snack, I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm hungry. I'm kind of worried about swimming tonight and getting a headache. I just don't feel like eating any more vegetables right now. My body is used to carbohydrate fillers.

Another thing I have to get used to not having: my daily Diet Coke with Lime or Diet Dr. Pepper. I was planning on going cold turkey this weekend, but my roommate bought a 2 liter of Diet Dr. Pepper and asked me to help her finish it. So Saturday I had a big glass, Sunday I had a little glass and today I've had none at all. I think I would like a piece of my roommate's oatmeal bread more than a Diet Coke right now, so at least the caffeine craving isn't killing me.


70 laps on Friday, 32 in 14:30
80 laps on Saturday. I didn't do the long set because I was really feeling Thursday and Friday nights' swims. When I was on swim team, we had Wednesday mornings off so they could clean the pool, but I also see the utility of having practice for 2 days, then off for a day, then practice for 2 days. It gives your body the chance to recuperate a little, which right now in the early stages, I need.

How Many Calories Can I Eat?

Today I found a Nutrition Guide where you enter in your height, you weight and your goal weight and it tells you how many calories you need to maintain or lose based on whether or not you're exercising. So I entered in 5'6", 200 and 155. I don't know if I agree with this.

You need 2023.2 calories per day to reach your goal weight slowly and maintain that weight without exercise.

If you reduce your current caloric intake to 1727.4 calories per day you will lose one pound per week without exercise.

If you exercise for 30 minutes each day, you will be able to reach your goal weight with 2248.4 calories per day.

If you exercise for 60 minutes each day, you will be able to reach your goal weight with 2529.9 calories per day.

The calorie counts seem kind of high. Or maybe it's just that my metabolism is so slow, I need a lot less calories to see weight loss.

Let's Hear It for Accountability

I did walk to Harvard Square last night, so that was somewhere between 3.7 and 4 miles. Plus, my frozen world decided to melt a bunch, and then freeze over again just as I was starting my walk home. And my sneakers really don't have a lot of traction. So it was kind of like Extreme Walking as I climbed the ice hills and skated along the sidewalks. My legs were actually kind of sore when I went to bed last night.

Tonight I'm going swimming, which I'm trying to psyche myself up for. This week I'm having a hard time believing in this process, despite seeing some movement on the scale and in my inches a couple of weeks ago. I find myself thinking about buying the over the counter version of Orlistat, despite the yucky side effects*. Since I've been bobbing around my same weight by about 10 pounds or so for a couple of years, I've been feeling like if I could just get down to a decent weight, I could maintain it, give or take 10 pounds. Easier said than done.

So in the interest of full disclosure, and to have a record for myself so I can look at it and say, "Yep, you only have yourself to blame" I'm going to record my food.

B: 8 oz of Strawberry Stonyfield Farms FF yogurt and 1/6 C. Grape Nuts
L: Campbell's chunky chicken noodle soup and 10 Club crackers. (probably about 400 calories total)
S: Half a can of pineapple chunks in pineapple juice, 135 calories Half a Zone bar pre-workout at 110 calories.
D: Last three ounces of steak from dinner out a couple of nights ago, sweet potato, steamed broccoli.
S: 8 SF wafer cookies and 1 C. skim milk.

I think one of the bonuses of my food tastes, is I actually like the healthy stuff. The other day I opened the fridge, famished, and honestly thought, "Ooo, cottage cheese! Yummy!" Not that I don't like the unhealthy foods, but if I'm in the right mindset I will always go with the healthy choice. In fact after I indulge in unhealthy foods, I crave fruits and vegetables, feeling a need to cleanse my system somehow.

80 laps tonight, 32 in 14:20 (not a stellar time, obviously, but 20 seconds faster than last Tuesday so I'm excited about that).

On the weighing and measuring front, I've lost 2 more inches, which brings the grand total to 2 1/2 inches, but I haven't lost any weight. When does the weight losing actually start?

*I don't really want to write about them, so I'll just say, look them up. Gross.

Eating For All the Wrong Reasons

Last Tuesday night I did my 70 laps and was all psyched to go Wednesday and Thursday too when that big nasty Nor'easter blew into town. The pool closed on Wednesday and then Thursday we found out our building was having some major plumbling problems completely unrelated to the storm and I wound up going down to Providence for the next few days.

Tonight I have plans scheduled for 15 minutes after the pool opens, so I'm going to walk home. Actually, I'm going to walk to Harvard Square so I think tonight's walk will be a little closer to 4 miles than my previous walks. Tomorrow I'll hit the pool.

I'm coming to realize that having a boyfriend and a social life is not conducive to my no sugar plan, so at this point I'm allowing myself some treats. Yes, you can call me a failure. I kind of think I am. But my boyfriend gave me a big heart-shaped box of chocolates for V Day so I'm just supposed to say, No thanks? OK, maybe I am. He ate half of the chocolates though, so that's good.

Anyway, I hope that as long as I keep moving, a little treat now and then won't catch up with me too much. I am not buying any sugary products for myself. I kind of think of myself as a social sugar eater. It's my vice. I don't drink, I don't smoke, a Hershey Kiss with the truffle center isn't going to be the end of me (Speaking of which, have you tried those? I'm a dark chocolate girl usually, but those Truffle Kisses are divine).

Does anyone else think I'm trying too hard to rationalize? I know the way to really do this right is to not even indulge socially, but right now, when I'm feeling kind of down about a lot of things, a little chocolate now and then makes me happy.

You don't have to write me some long comment telling me how eating for emotional reasons is wrong, wrong, wrong. I know. It's just where I'm at right now.

Report for Monday

70 laps last night and I'm going again tonight. My afternoon snack before heading to the pool: an apple and a Zone bar. I really felt like my speed was up last night, although I can't be completely sure since I couldn't really see the tiny little clock hanging on the wall on the other side of the pool. I wonder if the swim team would leave the giant stopwatch out by the pool if I asked nicely.

I'm almost thinking it might be worth it to walk home from work on Monday nights rather than brave the pool. Monday is the good intentions night, when everyone decides that they will start out this week right and get to the pool or the gym or what have you. I speak from experience since I have been part of the good intentions group myself and actually like front loading my week with exercise in case something comes up by the end of the week. The gym was always packed on Mondays too.

The good intentions falter some by Tuesday, and by Thursday I usually get a lane to myself for the entire 45 minutes or so that I'm there. On Mondays I never get one of the lanes that I like and find myself getting annoyed with the 3 girls who came to swim, but actually spend most of their time standing at one end of the pool chatting and taking up one and a half prime lanes.

Progress is Being Made

I swam 70 laps both last night and tonight. I think what I choose to have for an afternoon snack really affects my workout. Yesterday I had some carrots, which didn't fill me up so I had some chicken boullion (not broth) and then ate a small piece of bread right before I went over to the pool. It was a hard workout. I didn't feel coordinated and after 16 laps straight my head would be pounding.

However, today I had some pineapple for my snack and then half a Kashi Go Lean bar (which has soy protein in it) right before I went to the pool. I totally rocked it tonight and swam 32 laps in a row for the first time since the New Year. It's amazing how much food impacts my workout capacity.

Tonight I weighed and measured myself. In this past week, I have only lost 1.2 pounds, however, I've lost .5 inches and 1.5% in body fat! I'm excited about the body fat number since it means the swimming is really starting to tone me up. The .5 inches is cumulative so I actually lost in some places (most notably a whole half an inch off my hips) and gained in a couple of places (which I'm attributing to some muscle starting to bulk up under the fat I haven't lost yet. Yes, I have theories galore). I'm happy that things are actually improving.

What's That About?

A friend of mine was telling me about this new book she just bought about a de-tox diet she's going to do. Basically you only eat lots of fruits and veggies for 7 days, fast for a day, and then do a couple more days of fruits and veggies. No gluten, sugar, caffeine, etc.

I would worry that I would never be full during my detox. A lot of times I bring a ziploc bag of carrots to work and munch on them in the afternoon. While they definitely satiate that whole bored eating thing without being too high in calories, they never touch my hunger. In fact sometimes I feel more hungry after I eat the carrots. Are carrots one of those things where you expend more energy eating them than they actually contain?

Oh Yeah...

Just to keep things accurate, I swam 70 laps last Wednesday. I also did the grand measuring and weighing, which I'm going to do every week to see if there is any progress of any sort.

I swear my jeans are a tad less tight, but that may be wishful thinking on my part. Or wearing the same jeans too many days in a row. Whatever.

So I'm trying to keep everything in perspective, all in moderation and such, and I unexpectedly splurged both Sunday and Monday nights. Well, see, usually I have one splurge day, but I figured having dessert with dinner 2 nights in a row could sort of be compressed into being thought of as one day. Ah, the sweet, sweet tones of rationalization. However, I would just like to point out that Jason, my boyfriend, is constantly eating candy leftovers from the 75% off post-Halloween candy extravaganza and offering me some each time because he forgets I'm not eating the sugar. In fact, one time he literally tried to force part of a Kit-Kat between my tightly closed lips (in a playful, non-abusive boyfriend type manner). And there is currently a bowl of Hershey's Kisses and Hugs in our living room (courtesy of my teeny-tiny roommate). I have abstained from all of that.

So Sunday night I had 3 chocolate chip peanut butter cookies that Jason's sister-in-law made. And last night we went out to dinner with Jason's parents and because of some dinner issues got dessert for free. Appropriately I got the Big Fat Chocolate Cake. Oh, it was divine! Dark and rich, just like I like my chocolate (not to mention my men. Hee!).

Other than those little tidbits, I've been eating pretty well.

I can't go swimming tonight because I have to stay late at work. Well, not late really, just later than the pool is open for lap swimming. However, I plan to walk at least part of the way home from work. We'll see how far I get given that it's obscenely cold and windy in Boston. Charles/MGH? Kendall? Or all the way home?

Swimmy Swim Swim

70 laps last night.

I reached that point where I could have kept going forever. The hard part is actually getting to that point. It means pushing through the sore muscles and the body saying, "No, no, that's quite enough." I was shooting for 60 laps last night, but in the middle of my last set of 12, I felt the endorphins kick in and I knew I could keep going indefinitely. So I wound up doing a last set of 20 because I figured 70 was good enough since it is only my second week back. I had enough energy left in the last lap to ramp it up and sail past the people in the lanes on either side of me and touch the wall hard.

Am I gushing too much about swimming? Sorry, but it's kind of my favorite thing right now.

Positive Physicality

60 laps last night.

In church on Sunday we had a discussion at the beginning of class about what makes us happy. One woman said that her body makes her happy. It works and it's athletic and she can accomplish many things with her body. The phrase the teacher wrote on the board to describe this was "Positive Physicality."

That is my new favorite phrase and I think I need to work on making it a part of who I am. A lot of times I look at myself and I see the rolls and the cellulite. I, like most other women, dress the best I can to hide what I see as my physical flaws.

I have sort of a love/hate relationship with my body. I like my curves and like the attention that I get because of them. However, I would prefer curvy, but on a smaller scale. I am happy that my body works and allows me to swim and walk home from work. But I'm so apt to look at women around me and wish that my legs were that small or my bum could fit into pants like that.

However, when I swim I feel strong, especially afterwards when the endorphins are coursing through my veins. I look at my large legs and I see them toning up as the muscles remember these actions they've been doing since I was six years old. My powerful legs allowed me to compete in butterfly and be the fastest female freestyler in my league at one point. Swimming is the one thing I do really well and I am grateful that I have a body that is still capable of moving through the water. After I swim I am the embodiment of positive physicality.

So my calves don't fit in boots and my lower body will always be a size larger than my upper body. It's okay. I swim.

Maltitol = Evil

Has anyone else experienced the substance that is Maltitol? The majority of sugar free candies out there are sweetened with it. The first few times I tried those candies, I had maybe a little stomach rumble, but nothing major. I must have developed a full-blown allergy to maltitol, though, because after eating two SF Russell Stovers peanut caramel clusters a couple of days ago, my stomach expanded to about 3 times its normal size and made me feel like I wanted to die a little.

It makes me kind of sad since I liked having a choice in the candy aisle even on my no-sugar plan, but alas it is not to be.

Let's hear it for Splenda, though, whose magical sweetness lets me have Jello, pudding and ice cream that doesn't taste too much like artificially-sweetened poo on a regular basis. Mixed fruit Jello, chocolate fudge pudding, and Breyer's Carb Smart (NOT the Sugar Free) in chocolate keep me happy.

Exercising

50 laps again tonight, but it felt more like 100 since I was really feeling those 50 from last night too. My legs are sore and I was feeling a little light-headed. Have to get used to the breathing pattern again. With a day off tomorrow hopefully I'll be primed for 50 or 60 on Saturday.

Swim

Swam 50 laps last night. I was shooting for 40, but I was with a friend and while she was finishing up a set, I did a few more laps and wound up with 44 so when I told her that she told me to just go ahead and do 50. Okey-doke.

My new goggles didn't fog up, which tells me that my old goggles were probably a lot older than I thought. Seeing clearly underwater makes the laps easier. I don't know why, it just does.

I'm going again tonight and then tomorrow it's supposed to be -10 with the wind chill so I don't think I'll be walking around outside with anything approximating wet hair. My next swim attempt will be Saturday afternoon.

Report

Day 15 of no sugar.

Walked home from work today: 3.2 miles.

Testing, Testing

Um, hi there. Remember me?

One of my New Years resolutions is to step up this plan again after letting myself go hog wild over the holidays. As of January 2nd (January 1 was still a holiday after all) no more sugar. Sugar in this case means refined sugar or high fructose corn syrup. Once I had a couple of days of craving all things sweet, I'm now feeling good about it and also just generally doing pretty well at eating healthy. I've lost a few pounds already.

I know many dieting experts and amateurs will tell you that cutting anything out is bad and just equals forbidden and will make you want to binge. Not so, says I. What makes me binge is when I give myself license to eat sugar. Oh, I'll just have a little candy bar. Just a little miniature one. And then I'll have 4 more because they're so wee. Then I'll have a donut because I've been out shopping all day long and there's a Dunkin Donuts right there and maybe I'll have a Vanilla Coolatta too. Or I'll try the cake and the pie and the cookies at the dinner party. Just a little bit of everything, which, when I really think about it, is in reality a big pile of sugary goo. For me, this sugar restriction works. I get one splurge day a month so when I think how it's a bummer that I can't have something on, say, January 8th, I'll just add it to my list for splurge day, which usually winds up being around the end of the month sometime.

As for exercising, my schedule has been pretty wacky over the last few weeks, but I have managed to at least get out and walk more. For instance, I've now walked home from work a few times (including last night), which clocks in at about 3.2 miles. It feels great, I just really need to get my iPod fixed so I have something to listen to besides traffic and me breathing.

So basically, I'm back on the ball and I feel really good about it. Sometimes I get to a lethargic point where I just don't care anymore, but with the New Year has come my new more positive attitude. I know I can do this, I've done it before. I just have to stick to it and hopefully this time lose more weight than last time and NOT gain it back. I don't need to be perfect. I think my main goal right now is to not have to shop at the Lane Bryant for pants. Once I reach that point, I'll set another goal.