Tuesday, December 30, 2008

That Withdrawaly Feeling

I feel like poo. Part of this is because of the whole TOM thing because while I do, in fact, enjoy being a girl, sometimes the girlyness kind of sucks and gives me migraines and such.

However, I think part of the reason I'm feeling bad is honest to goodness withdrawal. Yesterday I had no sugar, no refined carbs of any kind and no caffeine. Although my caffeine intake was only about 1 can of Diet Dr. Pepper a day, my sugar intake equaled several mini peanut butter cups, a few cookies, maybe a brownie, and a slice of Panettone with ice cream. Then we have all the bread and crackers I've been eating, usually with some sort of delectable cheese on top.

Yesterday on my walk home from work I listened to a podcast talking about the insulin spikes from refined carbs and it's no wonder I'm feeling yucky. I've been flying on a carbohydrate high for the past couple of months. Now I have crashed to the earth. But I know it's a much kinder, more even-keeled way to be generally.

Today I'm just trying to make it through work and keep my head from exploding.

Monday, December 29, 2008


I was just having a "Why, oh why" moment, as in "Why, oh why do I keep gaining back the weight?" or "Why, oh why did I gain 6 pounds in a week and a half?" when I realized the answers to my own questions.

So, two reasons: 1) PMS is happening. In all honesty, I probably did not gain 6 pounds in a week and a half; 2) Like everyone else in the world - emotional eating. Mint M&M's and frozen custard and brie make me happy. Literally. And help me to ignore the glaring issues in front of me. Apparently in my head I think it's better to keep things inside rather than feel a feeling that if discovered may hurt someone else's feelings and leave me wracked with guilt. Because that's how I operate. However, as I relearned, keeping things inside only makes my stomach hurt and also makes me really, really want something tasty and maybe a little salty sweet. Chocolate-dipped pretzel, anyone?

Jason drives me crazy with his logic sometimes, but sometimes it's what I need to hear and he's very good at pointing out that making myself ill isn't helping anyone. So there was some drama. I think he would have preferred there be no drama, but I keep it in and then explode.

But at least my stomach didn't hurt anymore.


I stepped on the scale this morning. Not good. I keep sabotaging myself during the last 3 months of the year and it's really starting to tick me off. It starts with my birthday in October and I just go on a birthday/holiday celebration extravaganza. I wind up gaining back almost everything it took me the first 9 months of the year to lose.

Although I was planning on starting the good eating on the 1st with the rest of the entire country, I started today instead. I'm back to my old plan: at least 150 g of protein, less than 100 g of carbs and no refined sugar or flour. I'm also going to try the monthly splurge day thing again, which worked really well a couple of years ago. I give myself one splurge day a month during which I can eat whatever I want. I found that after just a couple of months, my tolerance for sugar-filled foods had decreased a lot and I didn't want to "splurge" so much after all. I still have some mint M&M's in a cupboard at home, but they will have to wait until January 31.

I walked to work today and will be walking home and then walking to the store a mile away. That will be 6 miles of walking today, which is good. It helps that it's a casual day at work and I'm in jeans and sneakers.

I downloaded a bunch of fitness podcasts to my iPod to listen to on my walks, which are inspirational, particularly shows like Livin' La Vida Low Carb, where the host has on both experts and average folks extolling the virtues of doing things low carb. I realize 100 g is not "low" carb, but it's lower than the 200-300 g that is my norm when I'm not paying attention.

Today is my day one. Again.

I'm starting to realize that this is never going to stop. I am always, always going to have food and weight issues. Sigh.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

It's Something

I have been feeling like absolute poo for a little while now. Work has been crazy busy, there's some family stuff I'm really stressed about, I've been eating crap and I haven't been working out. In theory I know I'll feel better if I work out, but getting up so early in the cold and the dark isn't happening. Mostly because I'm exhausted. Which I know would be alleviated by working out. Which I can't do because I can't get my tired bum out of bed. Vicious circle.

All day yesterday I completely dragged through my work day with a partial headache clouding my mental functions. Even though I wasn't dressed for it, I decided to walk the 2 miles home. I took a long route, so it might have been more like 2 1/4 miles. By the time I got home, I felt infinitely better. My headache was gone and I felt completely alert.

Since it's cold out, I can actually walk the two miles without getting gross and sweaty. So this morning I woke up about 10 minutes earlier than usual and walked to work, where I changed into a skirt and did my make-up. Tonight I'm going to walk home. The podcasts that used to get me through my 2 hour commute every day when I was still working up in Boston are now entertaining me on my walks to and from work.

So this is what I'm going to do, at least until the New Year, when I plan to rededicate myself to my healthy lifestyle like I do every New Year. If I can walk at least one way, that's 2 miles more than I would be walking otherwise and equals a little more fitness for me. My goal is to walk both ways as many days as I can.

Monday, December 01, 2008


I was all psyched to head out to the pool this morning, or at least to the elliptical, and then Jason decided to add snoring to his sleeping repertoire. Usually I can get him to turn over on his side and that will stop it, but not last night. After almost falling back asleep only to be rewoken up for an hour, I tried to go sleep on the couch, but by that time I was so awake, I couldn't get back to sleep. I read for awhile and then managed to get back to sleep about an hour before I needed to wake up to get ready for work. That is usually when I would be getting up to go to the gym, but I was exhausted and needed another hour of sleep since I had been awake for almost three hours.


I joined a fitness challenge on Elastic Waist to give me some motivation. The goal is to work out for at least 30 minutes for 30 of the next 36 days. The pool was open on Thanksgiving so I swam for 40 minutes. Then Friday I had to come into work, so I walked the two miles. I planned to walk home too, but what was supposed to be an hour or two of catch-up wound up being 4 1/2 hours and I was STARVING because it was 2:30 in the afternoon and I had missed lunch. But at least I got that half hour in. Saturday and Sunday I planned to swim first thing, but we wound up being out and about both Friday and Saturday nights. Sigh. I know exercising will give me energy, but when I'm so bone tired, I just can't get out of bed. I've been really busy at work too (thus the coming into the office on Friday) so I am beat. Again, I know exercising will help, but it's hard to convince myself of that at 6 AM.

I will get my mojo back eventually. I will not gain back all the weight I lost this year. How depressing would that be to start January 1 back at square one?